My son has asked "what happens when we die?"

[ReginaPhlange]

Hope you don't mind me posting this here.

My son is 11. What would you say?

I'm Christian, but he is not. Myself and Dad have decided not to force or influence our son to our beliefs. So we have both told him what we believe and let him make up his own mind.

However, when I was talking to him, telling him about Heaven is fine. But how do you explain what would happen to someone who isn't Christian? I don't (and won't) tell him that they would go to hell. That will scare him. And I certainly don't want to be using the concept of hell to scare or put fear in him to believe in Christ and profess faith!

So, if a child approached you (as a Christian) and wanted to know what happens when we die, but they aren't Christian.....what would you say?

 

[Tinker Grey]

If you're staying neutral, I'd just say "Christians believe X, Muslims believe Y, Hindus believe Z, most atheists believe that nothing happens. I believe X; your dad believes ?? (you didn't say 'dad' believes)"

 

[ReginaPhlange]

Thanks Tinker Grey for your response, and I agree with you. I've told him that there are many different beliefs and there is no one answer which everyone agrees on.

Thing is, he wants to know my view. He keeps saying "I know, but what do you think happens?" That's where I struggle the most! I'm not sure the best way to phrase it. I don't want to lie to him, I want to be honest, but not to scare.

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond

 

[Qyöt27]

Considering my belief on the subject is that God isn't an exclusivist, I'd say that the ultimate decision is in His hands to dispense with mercy and grace as is befitting, and that being Christian is the way I feel is the best choice to achieve that (although trying to balance that against what Christianity really exists for - that is, it's not simply 'you get to go to Heaven', and that shouldn't be one's focus - would be problematic). I'm not a universalist, though, so I can't see not at least mentioning the possibility of Hell as an outcome, but it then also depends on what one's beliefs are concerning Hell too.

 

[Whisper84]

That's the big double bind of the doctrine of hell isn't it? I don't think you can honestly believe in hell and not be at least a little terrified deep down. At least I couldn't.

I lean toward universalism personally, and I totally get not wanting to push your beliefs on your children.

When my kids want to talk about what happens after you die, my honest answer is "I don't know." I believe there's a God, and I believe that he loves us. I think that we'll get to meet him after we die & that's going to be awesome. When they push the issue, I've simply told them, "Here's what I believe, but I haven't actually died yet so I can't be sure. Neither can anybody else who's still alive. And that's okay."

For me it's more an issue of undoing what other people try to pound into my kids than anything- I don't think most children just naturally dream up the concept of hell & worry about it. Living where we do, it's hard to get completely away from the kinds of people who think they KNOW without a shadow of a doubt what is going to happen to them after they die, and think it's their God given duty to harass everyone they come in contact with (even children) with their absolute certainty that eternal torment exists and they've found the only foolproof system to avoid it.

It's the same thing I grew up with, and I know how much it screwed me up- so I try to think of what I wish my parents would have said to me. When I woke up at night worrying about death and hell, I wish they would have comforted me and told me that the revival preacher who had screamed at us earlier in the evening was out of line, and that they thought his ideas about God were pretty messed up. When people demanded I jump through religious hoops in order to please God, I wish my parents had said they disagreed (they did), instead of being so hyper-respectful of every pompous idiot who said he was speaking for God. [/end rant]

I guess all I'm asking is, whatever it is you believe, please don't use it to scare your kids! And please be aware that there are people out there who are in the business of scaring other people's children in the name of evangelism.

 

[rayodeluz]

I just tell people that as a Christian I believe we are guaranteed salvation, and that it's God's decision on what happens to those who believe otherwise. I point to the story of the rich, young man. At the end, Jesus is asked "Who will be saved?" His reply is that with God all things are possible.

 

[apocalypto]

So, if a child approached you (as a Christian) and wanted to know what happens when we die, but they aren't Christian.....what would you say?

You can either tell him:

A) Whatever you believe will happen to you when you die will happen to you when you die! (Which is a falsehood)

B) Tell him the truth

 

[Kylor]

Shouldn't be as hard as when he asks "where do babies come from?" lol

Well son, sometimes a boy cookie monster and a girl cookie monster start really liking each other and....

Sent from my iPhone using CF

 

[hedrick]

I think you owe him the truth. You don't have to force it on him. But one of things about humans is that we pass knowledge and culture to our kids. Otherwise each generation would have to start from scratch. We'd always be at the caveman level. I think 11 is old enough that he should understand that people believe different things, and you aren't going to be upset if he doesn't believe what you do, but I still think he should know what you think.

Liberal Christians tend to be skeptical of overly detailed portraits of judgement. But I would think most Christians would accept two things:

* Jesus' resurrection commits us to some concept of eternal life.

* God will not let evil survive forever. He has to end up rejecting evil. How much rejecting evil requires rejecting evil people we can leave for discussion.

 

[daydreamergurl15]

What's wrong with telling him the truth? Jesus was the first to tell us of a place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, so why should we be ashamed to teach it?

 

[Hawisher]

Hope you don't mind me posting this here.

My son is 11. What would you say?

I'm Christian, but he is not. Myself and Dad have decided not to force or influence our son to our beliefs. So we have both told him what we believe and let him make up his own mind.

However, when I was talking to him, telling him about Heaven is fine. But how do you explain what would happen to someone who isn't Christian? I don't (and won't) tell him that they would go to hell. That will scare him. And I certainly don't want to be using the concept of hell to scare or put fear in him to believe in Christ and profess faith!

So, if a child approached you (as a Christian) and wanted to know what happens when we die, but they aren't Christian.....what would you say?

You tell him what you believe to be the truth. How can you do anything else?

 

[Stones]

What's wrong with telling him the truth? Jesus was the first to tell us of a place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, so why should we be ashamed to teach it?

You can't just go around scaring children into believing in God!!! What you believe is true doesn't make it true. The fact is, no one knows what happens when we die.
We tell our children to believe in Santa and don't think twice about lying. They get a little older and we then want to feed them with stories about how God will torture them forever in hellfire if they don't believe in Jesus and do as they are told.

How cruel, how barbaric, how ignorant, how outrageous...This is child abuse people, you do not go spinning terrifying yarns to children and then tell them it is real, just to make them believe in God. How dare people use scare tactics to get their children to believe. People who teach children that they will be tortured in hellfire forever if they don't believe in Jesus should have their children removed from them for child abuse. They would be better off in an atheist family...

Regina, just tell your child that no one really knows. Different religions believe different things. If you tell him what you believe and you find that hard to do, then I would suggest you asses what it is you really believe.
Please don't go terrorising your son with mythical stories of eternal torture and hellfire for no other reason than not believing in God or Jesus. Not only is it ridicules, it is enough to turn our smart children away from such an evil God, not towards him.

 

[Hawisher]

To refuse to tell your child your beliefs on the grounds that that would be indoctrinating him into a belief that may be wrong is a tacit admission that you're not as confident in your beliefs as you might be. If you truly believe in the message of the Bible, how can you do otherwise than say what you believe to be the truth?

 

[daydreamergurl15]

You can't just go around scaring children into believing in God!!! What you believe is true doesn't make it true. The fact is, no one knows what happens when we die.

If you choose to go through your life with this type of philosophy that is your business but if I believed what you said, I wouldn't be a Christian. Because I believe that Christ died on the cross for my sins so that I may have eternal life, forces me to realize that His death was done so that we can be reconciled to God. Christ have said that He is the way, the life and the truth consequently in Matthew 25 He gives us a glimpse on Judgment day where those on this left went to eternal punishment and those on this right, eternal life If that doesn't speaks volumes of what will happen after death, I don't know what does. I am not choosing to believe this because of my own merits but because of the truth that is in God's word. I'm not choosing to believe another person who doesn't know what happens when they die, I'm choosing to believe in the One who created all things, came down from heaven, lived as man, died as man and raised as Lord and Savior. I am putting my belief in that and in what He says.

As for the thought of "scaring" kids, I'm not quite sure the point. You explain it on their level.

We tell our children to believe in Santa and don't think twice about lying. They get a little older and we then want to feed them with stories about how God will torture them forever in hellfire if they don't believe in Jesus and do as they are told.

I don't have kids and if I did, I most certainly would not tell them that Santa is real. As for scaring kids, I'm not sure how you were raised but I was told about Heaven and Hell and that didn't scare me from being obedient and the fact that I sin, as do we all, already show us that teaching people about heaven or hell is not a scare tactic. It will always be about the heart of a person.

How cruel, how barbaric, how ignorant, how outrageous...This is child abuse people, you do not go spinning terrifying yarns to children and then tell them it is real, just to make them believe in God. How dare people use scare tactics to get their children to believe. People who teach children that they will be tortured in hellfire forever if they don't believe in Jesus should have their children removed from them for child abuse. They would be better off in an atheist family...

I don't know whether you're serious or being sarcastic but either way, if Jesus had to come and die for our sins so that we can have eternal life, then there must be a reason why He alone explained to us the dangers of living a life that is against he will of God.

Regina, just tell your child that no one really knows. Different religions believe different things. If you tell him what you believe and you find that hard to do, then I would suggest you asses what it is you really believe.
Please don't go terrorising your son with mythical stories of eternal torture and hellfire for no other reason than not believing in God or Jesus. Not only is it ridicules, it is enough to turn our smart children away from such an evil God, not towards him.

I can't wait to see this child when he is 18 years old. If you're a Christian and you're a parent and you're separating the two there is something completely wrong in that. Here is my suggestion to the original poster, teach your child the truth in Christ and you can't go wrong. Because if you are ashamed of teaching your child about God now, don't be surprised if he rejects Him later in life.

 

[Stones]

If you choose to go through your life with this type of philosophy that is your business but if I believed what you said, I wouldn't be a Christian. Because I believe that Christ died on the cross for my sins so that I may have eternal life, forces me to realize that His death was done so that we can be reconciled to God. Christ have said that He is the way, the life and the truth consequently in Matthew 25 He gives us a glimpse on Judgment day where those on this left went to eternal punishment and those on this right, eternal life If that doesn't speaks volumes of what will happen after death, I don't know what does. I am not choosing to believe this because of my own merits but because of the truth that is in God's word. I'm not choosing to believe another person who doesn't know what happens when they die, I'm choosing to believe in the One who created all things, came down from heaven, lived as man, died as man and raised as Lord and Savior. I am putting my belief in that and in what He says.

As for the thought of "scaring" kids, I'm not quite sure the point. You explain it on their level.


I don't have kids and if I did, I most certainly would not tell them that Santa is real. As for scaring kids, I'm not sure how you were raised but I was told about Heaven and Hell and that didn't scare me from being obedient and the fact that I sin, as do we all, already show us that teaching people about heaven or hell is not a scare tactic. It will always be about the heart of a person.


I don't know whether you're serious or being sarcastic but either way, if Jesus had to come and die for our sins so that we can have eternal life, then there must be a reason why He alone explained to us the dangers of living a life that is against he will of God.


I can't wait to see this child when he is 18 years old. If you're a Christian and you're a parent and you're separating the two there is something completely wrong in that. Here is my suggestion to the original poster, teach your child the truth in Christ and you can't go wrong. Because if you are ashamed of teaching your child about God now, don't be surprised if he rejects Him later in life.

As a father of 4 children, who are all adults now, I've had a little more experience with children than most. We raised our oldest at a time when we were fundamental Christians and pumped her with indoctrinated Christian beliefs, including hellfire and torment for ever. Today she is atheist. Today I regret my actions but I suppose we all learn by our mistakes. My second oldest was raised a little the same and she is also now atheist. By the time the 3rd oldest was born we had become liberal Christians instead of fanatical and therefore raised that child with Santa and Easter bunny and anything else that Children enjoy while growing up. We also taught him to study to find out what it is he believed instead of feeding him our "Beliefs". Today, he is a Christian. My youngest was raised in a very liberal Christian home and taught to believe whatever she likes and today she is also a Christian. So, this idea that you can pump children with religion and then they will grow up and follow it is totally wrong. If you teach a child lies and folly they will grow up to reject the whole deal. Teach a child to learn about different religions and choose what to believe for themselves and they do far better in my experience.

It is wrong to teach a child that a "belief" is the "truth". That is not education, it is indoctrination. I taught my youngest that these are our beliefs but they are only beliefs and beliefs are a result of not being sure or having evidence or it wouldn't be a belief, it would be knowledge so therefore they would "Know" instead of just "believing"... Those children grow up far more educated and sensible, being able to evaluate logically for themselves instead of being indoctrinated and brainwashed. Children that are indoctrinated and brainwashed will grow up to reject your religion and you...

 

[daydreamergurl15]

As a father of 4 children, who are all adults now, I've had a little more experience with children than most. We raised our oldest at a time when we were fundamental Christians and pumped her with indoctrinated Christian beliefs, including hellfire and torment for ever. Today she is atheist. Today I regret my actions but I suppose we all learn by our mistakes. My second oldest was raised a little the same and she is also now atheist. By the time the 3rd oldest was born we had become liberal Christians instead of fanatical and therefore raised that child with Santa and Easter bunny and anything else that Children enjoy while growing up. We also taught him to study to find out what it is he believed instead of feeding him our "Beliefs". Today, he is a Christian. My youngest was raised in a very liberal Christian home and taught to believe whatever she likes and today she is also a Christian. So, this idea that you can pump children with religion and then they will grow up and follow it is totally wrong. If you teach a child lies and folly they will grow up to reject the whole deal. Teach a child to learn about different religions and choose what to believe for themselves and they do far better in my experience.

It is wrong to teach a child that a "belief" is the "truth". That is not education, it is indoctrination. I taught my youngest that these are our beliefs but they are only beliefs and beliefs are a result of not being sure or having evidence or it wouldn't be a belief, it would be knowledge so therefore they would "Know" instead of just "believing"... Those children grow up far more educated and sensible, being able to evaluate logically for themselves instead of being indoctrinated and brainwashed. Children that are indoctrinated and brainwashed will grow up to reject your religion and you...

There are tons of people who can say that they raised their kids in Christ and their kids are Christians. I'm not going you stop trenching a child the truth because you had a bad experience. And anyway, it is up to that child to seek and follow and God, you as a parents can only guide them. But I will NOT stop teaching the truth simply because you hold this philosophy.

I teach the truth in God. You can have that conversation with Hm yourself if you don't believe. But I'm going to continue to trust in God and teach His word.

 

[Stones]

There are tons of people who can say that they raised their kids in Christ and their kids are Christians. I'm not going you stop trenching a child the truth because you had a bad experience. And anyway, it is up to that child to seek and follow and God, you as a parents can only guide them. But I will NOT stop teaching the truth simply because you hold this philosophy.

I teach the truth in God. You can have that conversation with Hm yourself if you don't believe. But I'm going to continue to trust in God and teach His word.

You don't teach the truth of god, you teach what you "Believe". It shows extreme ignorance to mistake "Truth" for "faith". It show's a lack of education when you mistake words like this and mix them up. You don't know it is the truth, you only believe it is thru faith.
I'm twice your age and you don't even have children, so give it another 20 years and then you can have a better understanding from real life experience.
As for me having a bad experience??? I have not had a bad experience at all??? I have no idea where you got that from??? It helps not to make things up to try and support a position that you can't support, due to lack of experience.

 

[Hawisher]

You don't teach the truth of god, you teach what you "Believe". It shows extreme ignorance to mistake "Truth" for "faith". It show's a lack of education when you mistake words like this and mix them up. You don't know it is the truth, you only believe it is thru faith.
I'm twice your age and you don't even have children, so give it another 20 years and then you can have a better understanding from real life experience.
As for me having a bad experience??? I have not had a bad experience at all??? I have no idea where you got that from??? It helps not to make things up to try and support a position that you can't support, due to lack of experience.

Appeal to age is pretty much meaningless. What's more, if you're not willing to act on the tenets of the faith you espouse, what good is your faith? The gospels tell us to evangelize.

 

[Stones]

Appeal to age is pretty much meaningless. What's more, if you're not willing to act on the tenets of the faith you espouse, what good is your faith? The gospels tell us to evangelize.

So, how do you go when your 10yr old brother thinks he know's more than you???

Age has everything to do with it. Age brings experience. In your philosophy, I should let a 5yr old argue with a 15yr old??? What would a 5yr old know compared to a 15yr old? Actually, what would a 25 yr old know compared to a 50yr old? Your argument is totally flawed, lol. Its a fake claim to defend an indefensible position.

Only someone of young age would make such a ridicules claim...

I find it ironic that children are trying to make an arguing in this thread about how to raise children, while thinking they know more than a fully grown adult with 4 adult children, I don't know wether to just laugh or scartch my head in confusion of the ignorance of our children today.

 

[Hawisher]

So, how do you go when your 10yr old brother thinks he know's more than you???

Age has everything to do with it. Age brings experience. In your philosophy, I should let a 5yr old argue with a 15yr old??? What would a 5yr old know compared to a 15yr old? Actually, what would a 25 yr old know compared to a 50yr old? Your argument is totally flawed, lol. Its a fake claim to defend an indefensible position.

Only someone of young age would make such a ridicules claim...

I find it ironic that children are trying to make an arguing in this thread about how to raise children, while thinking they know more than a fully grown adult with 4 adult children, I don't know wether to just laugh or scartch my head in confusion of the ignorance of our children today.

I find it unsurprising that an old man is arguing in favor of ceding authority to the elderly, solely on the basis of their being elderly. Plato's Republic, written by a philosopher, argued in favor of granting authority to the philosophers. Truly, there is nothing new under the sun.

Would you argue that your greater experience makes you immune to criticism or challenge? That is, if I disagreed with you on a question of scriptural interpretation, would you then argue that I am incorrect by default because you are older and have more experience?

If so, you are blind. If not, why then would you argue that my opinions on how to most closely follow the spirit of Scriptures are inaccurate solely on the basis of our respective ages?

If you are correct, you surely have a philosophical or scriptural argument in your favor. If you do not, it is unsurprising that you are resorting to assigning yourself authority based on your age.