My questions

[Goodbook]

I wouldn't think holiday traditions would be such a big issue in marriage, esp if you starting a new family, you probably want to start new ones. I don't remember mum and dad trying to follow their parents traditions all the time.

 

[Wolf_Says]

So I know you have a ton of questions, but I will also throw in my 2 cents. I will break these up just to make it easier to read.

i thought since this is singles asking marrieds and Im not allowed to comment on others just do all my questions in one thread.

Some questions.

Is there an age where you are supposed to be married or thinking of marriage? Is there an upper age limit?

This really has nothing to do with biological age and more-so with mental maturity. The average age for marriage has continued to change with the centuries and also within different countries. Here in the US I think it is around upper 20s to lower 30s? However me and my wife got married in our young 20s. If you feel you are mature enough for marriage, you can start thinking about it. Just also make sure you find the right person.

Do age gaps matter or is it entirely based on how spiritually mature you are?

Yes they matter, but it still depends. Are we talking of like a few year age gap or decades age gap?

How healthy physically do you have to be, like do both of you need to see a doctor before marriage?

No, I have never heard of anything like this before. Getting married has nothing to do with your physical condition.

Whose parents consent do you have to have or is that only for young couples.

You NEED consent if you are younger than the age of consent in your given state/country. However it is still proper (imo) for the man to ask the woman's father for permission. This of course depends on how religious both parties are, and if we are talking mid 30s and above, there is no reason to ask.

The firstborn child...do they have priveliges over the latter born?

Depends on the country and culture. Typically in the US not really, they get the joy of being responsible for all the younger siblings and being yelled at for their mistakes. Other than that, not really. They simply experience alot of stuff first.

How do you go about finding a place to live, together, or is it the husbands main responisbilty?

This should be a joint effort, you both are going to live there together! And you start by finding a job, acquiring the job, then finding a place to rent/buy in or around the area you will be working, then you rent/buy said property.

What is the wifes main responisbilty?

Depends on your culture and religion. Being Catholic, my wife's responsibilities are to take care of the house and home, while I work to make our family financially stable.

How do your bank accounts work is it a joint account?

All depends on how you both feel about that. Some couples keep seperate accounts, others have joint accounts.
[QUOUTE=]What church do you go to, the wife or the husbands or do you try and find a new church?[/QUOTE]
What-ever church you feel comfortable with. Me and my wife currently go to a Church of my denomination.


Hopefully this helps a bit.

 

[Goodbook]

Do marrieds that are catholic have different beliefs than marrieds christians that are not catholic? Just wondering as catholics seem big on marriage, other christians not so.

It might be the teaching in the catholic church encourages their members to marry, as had a single catholic friend once and she was kinda obssessed with it. Like she was so unhappy being single that she was considering if she wasnt going to marry, to become a nun.

 

[Goodbook]

Am not sure about the maturity thing but if more men were available that had steady jobs that could provide for a family, perhaps more women would want to marry.

In my country since the economy has basically brain drained everyone, not many men with secure jobs are left and so the women have decided not worth getting married and go out to work themselves. But i do think if the wife is the breadwinner and the husband doesnt even have a job its hard if they want a family...because mothers need to nurture their children and they cant really do it when working full time somewhere else! They will need to give up their chikdren into day care or grandparents. Its hard if Both are working full time. But probably harder for the woman working and their husband depending on the wife for income...do you think?

Husbands do you depend on your wives for income and look after your children while shes off working. Is this really christian to do this? Cos doesnt the bible say if a man doesnt work he doesnt eat and if he doesnt provide for the family he is worse than an infidel?

 

[Wolf_Says]

Do marrieds that are catholic have different beliefs than marrieds christians that are not catholic? Just wondering as catholics seem big on marriage, other christians not so.

It might be the teaching in the catholic church encourages their members to marry, as had a single catholic friend once and she was kinda obssessed with it. Like she was so unhappy being single that she was considering if she wasnt going to marry, to become a nun.

Well I can't answer for people who are married and not Catholic, but I can answer for people who are, especially more traditional Catholic.

So marriage is seen as a sacrament, and is a holy bond between 2 people made by God, that can never be broken. This means no divorce, separation, re-marrying ext. Basically, "till death do you part"

The two become one flesh and are ment to support and complement and love one another and help each-other grow in faith and towards God. If that couple has children, they are to raise their kids in the Church, teaching them all about Jesus and God and to give them a healthy, sturdy foundation and understanding of the faith.

Sex outside of marriage is considered adultery, which is a mortal sin. That includes before you are married, if you are single and just hooking up, or you are married and you have sex with another who is not your spouse. A mortal sin is something that completely removes you from a state of grace.

When two people decide they want to get married, they must first go through a 6 month program with the priest and he will determine if he believes that the two of you are right for each-other, mature enough to get married, and if he will marry you. So by the end of the 6 months you have a pretty decent understanding of your future spouse.

Hope that helps.

 

[Wolf_Says]

Husbands do you depend on your wives for income and look after your children while shes off working. Is this really christian to do this? Cos doesnt the bible say if a man doesnt work he doesnt eat and if he doesnt provide for the family he is worse than an infidel?

No, I work and am the sole breadwinner for my family. My wife stays at home and cares for the house.

Now if they are put into that type of situation, and it isn't really by choice, I don't see anything wrong with it. I do however find it weird when a guy says he WANTS his wife to be the sole or primary breadwinner of the family. But then again, I grew up in a traditional household and hold traditional Catholic beliefs, so the whole stay-at-home dad thing just doesn't click with me.

 

[Goodbook]

ok just wondering.
Well I know a couple where the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is at home...they aren't catholic, but then I have my doubts as to whether the husband is christian cos never see him in church on the rare occasion his wife goes, she always comes by herself. Usually when a couple is married and are christians they will come to church and worship together. So I just find it bit odd.

They have two children, but then she has a lot of help from the grandparents. So, not really sure how thats working out, I do get the feeling she may start resenting her husband if she gets exhausted working and missing her children. But the concern is that he isn't providing, and perhaps not setting the right example for his son - to let women carry the load. I don't know, am trying not to judge. It obviously works for them for now but not sure how long. She needed loads of prayer about work, about family, about everything, more so than anyone else and I would think well isn't your husband praying with you too?? Cant you ask him as well, if he's a christian?

 

[Dave-W]

Living in this area (near Washington DC) we need 2 full time incomes to be able to afford the housing and living expenses.

 

[Goodbook]

I guess its not really by choice, but she is earning more than he does and was very focussed on career before she got married. She was very determined to have it all - career, marriage and children. All at once and frustrated when things didn't go her way.
Also alarming is she basically claimed she converted her husband - he wasnt a christian, but she gave him an ultimatum to become one so she could go out with him.

 

[Goodbook]

Living in this area (near Washington DC) we need 2 full time incomes to be able to afford the housing and living expenses.

How do you have time to care for your children if you both working full time is my next question.

 

[Goodbook]

Someone has to be at home right? Or do you work from home?

 

[Dave-W]

How do you have time to care for your children if you both working full time

Well, when we moved here from the upper great lakes area, one had just graduated high school, the twins were in high school and the boy was in middle school. My wife worked while they were busy with classwork.

Before we moved, I was the sole breadwinner.

 

[Goodbook]

I think when children are old enough to go to school then its ok to work during those hours. But children don't go to school full time..you'd need after school care if you were working full time.

My parents, dad did evening shift work and mum works during the day so there was always someone home.

I have a friend who remembers both parents working, although her dad was a farmer, her mum worked as a school teacher and she was basically left to raise herself and her brother. No grandparents because her mother ran away from her family and her dad ran away from his.

 

[Goodbook]

She got the message growing up that work was more important than she and her brothers needs. Her parents weren't christians though.

But then mine weren't either.

 

[Goodbook]

I see a lot of children basically try raising themselves since their 'parents' don't bother to.

When i meet with christian parents its totally different as they genuinely care for their children and are there for them. Like they sit together for a meal, say grace, ask about each other, pray and read them the bible and just so many other little things that show them they are loved. I never really had that.

 

[Goodbook]

with non christian parents it's like sometimes you in the middle of a tug of war.

 

[Goodbook]

Question...

husbands when did you start actively looking for a wife?
Wives when did you start looking for a husband?

Did you ask around, ask parents, or were you set up, or something else. How did you find each other?
How many people did you kind of 'date' before you found the 'right' one. How did you KNOW you found the right one?!
Did you refuse any marriage proposals or how long did it take for this to happen?

 

[Wolf_Says]

Question...

husbands when did you start actively looking for a wife?
Wives when did you start looking for a husband?

Did you ask around, ask parents, or were you set up, or something else. How did you find each other?
How many people did you kind of 'date' before you found the 'right' one. How did you KNOW you found the right one?!
Did you refuse any marriage proposals or how long did it take for this to happen?

Well clearly I cannot answer for my wife roflmao, but I can answer for myself real quick.

I never really started looking...it kind of happened by chance. I was almost out of highschool and never even had a girl tell me she liked me, so I posted a few questions on a website not ment for dating and got an email from my not wife.

Started off as long distance dating, then the attraction grew. It took me a few years though to pop the question, lol.

I knew I found the right one when she was playing with my youngest brother (big age gap...17 years) who is autistic. She was so good with him that I knew I found the future mother of my children.

That and we are perfectly weird together, enjoy alot of the same things, and she got me into heavy metal music lol, which she always reminds me!

 

[All4Christ]

I would advise caution when judging those families who need to have both parents working. It certainly is ideal to have one of the parents stay at home, but it isn't always possible, even with Christians. That also doesn't mean the parents are not caring about their kids or necessarily leaving them to raise themselves.

 

[Goodbook]

Well clearly I cannot answer for my wife roflmao, but I can answer for myself real quick.

I never really started looking...it kind of happened by chance. I was almost out of highschool and never even had a girl tell me she liked me, so I posted a few questions on a website not ment for dating and got an email from my not wife.

Started off as long distance dating, then the attraction grew. It took me a few years though to pop the question, lol.

I knew I found the right one when she was playing with my youngest brother (big age gap...17 years) who is autistic. She was so good with him that I knew I found the future mother of my children.

That and we are perfectly weird together, enjoy alot of the same things, and she got me into heavy metal music lol, which she always reminds me!

Thats interesting so it really was how good she was at caring for children that made you think she would be a good mother? Hmm

My parents basically were introduced but I dont know the specifics. Its like a taboo subject. Im not meant to ask possibly its embarassing.