My faith, or lack thereof.

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Hi.

I dunno if any of you have read my post in the New Members Intro, or read any of my profile, so I'll quote some of my intro post to give you a bit of background info.

I have two old accounts on here...but I've been struggling with my faith lately (note the Other-Religion icon), so I suppose I made this new account to reflect that.

I believe everything a typical Christian believes, but I'm a bit shaky with how to have a relationship with Jesus. I'm just sick of a lot of things, I guess, like the way some Christians act and how they preach all these things at me, then act like they don't care to follow the rules themselves.

I guess... I thought that if I stayed on my old account and acted like I was unsure about things, that people wouuld just preach things at me and expect me to go back to being my old self.

The truth is, I struggle. I struggle a lot more than most of my friends would ever imagine. I'm tired of feeling like I need to put on a facade to keep other people happy and liking me. Some of the people I love the most are those who are completely lost, spiritually; they're Wiccans, Agnostics, Atheists, sometimes Satanists. I find many Christians to be judgemental and condemning, therefor distancing myself from them...

Since making that post, I've become a bit more determined with my beliefs. So far, all I can say for sure is that I believe in God, and I believe that God is someone who loves me enough to die for me. As far as having a relationship with Jesus, I'm still extremely shaky. I still feel as if I've been trying and trying to persue Him, giving my best this last year or so, and not feeling much peace or hope or really much of anything in return. And I really just don't know how to go about doing it. I know everything that a Christian believes: it's crystal clear, all black and white, but when it comes to a relationship, I don't know how to do it...

My faith has always been a very personal thing, something between me and God. It's not something I shout out to everyone else, and not something I talk about all the time. I'm quite bothered when asked to pray out loud with other people, or when asked to join someone else in prayer as they lead; I always end up tuning them out and saying my own prayer, or if asked to lead, just reciting something that I've heard my whole life. I find praying out loud to be showy and not about God, but about us, or the person praying.

At church, I've been rejected pretty much my entire life. I don't fit in with the kids who have attended private Christian schools their entire life; they always knew much much more than I did while discussing things in Sunday School. They all knew each other from school and had their little groups of friends, and they loved to whisper about me (the shy girl who dressed kind of weird) or even insult me openly. I don't even care much for sermons...I can always get something out of it, but I usually end up leaving with an odd feeling inside me, kinda like 'that was a waste of time', or 'I could have gotten more out of personal devotions'.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. I might post more tomorrow..maybe answer questions if you guys have any. For now, just to know that people are praying for me would be great.

 

[TexasGirl06]

For now, just to know that people are praying for me would be great.

Heavenly Father...
Lord of all.
Our Great God.

Father....
It breaks my hear that we (Your children) have not represented You well. I am so quilty of it myself, Lord.
Forgive us, Lord....
We have not loved well.
We have been judgemental.
We have not been patient.
We have looked more like the world, than like You.
We disobey You.
We choose to make other things a bigger priority...than You.

Lord... I lift FaithlessSorrow to You this night.
Show her Lord.
Show her how to have a relationship with You.
Direct her to a Bible Based Study of Your Word.
I do pray this in the name of Jesus Christ.

Encourage her, Lord...
that a relationship with You is one that is built upon over our entire lifetime.
Show her that the babysteps are actually really, really big steps.

Bless her, Father...
as she desires to know how to have a relationship with You.

Thank you,
that You provide for us to intercede for others...
before Your Mighty Throne.

We love you, Lord.
Thank You for loving us...
while we were still sinners.

In the Name of Jesus Christ I pray.
Amen.

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Thanks...I feel a bit more...at ease about all this.

I actually talked to my boyfriend about it for quite a while earlier and he said he struggled with doubts and questions and times, and he isn't sure how to have a relationship with God, though he knows that trying is the best thing. I really hate this feeling of uncertainty about so many things.

Anywho..I really am going to bed this time.

 

[Criada]

I am praying for you!
I've been where you are, and it is a very lonely thing!
All I can say is that God is still there, He does hear you, and He will answer!

I found that perseverance in prayer - however futile it felt, was the answer. And faith that comes through this kind of trial will be strong!

James 1:
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 5:11
As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

God will honour you.
Your honesty is wonderful - most Christians go through this, but many just keep pretending!
Hope this helps - PM me if you want to.

God bless you. You will see great things in your life - just hold on to Him!!

 

[E-beth]

I am praying for you too.

You know, Jesus loved hanging out with the people that didn't fit in. He also loved the people who society--even the religious rulers--shunned.

I am so sorry that some believers have shown you bad behavior. I hope that the Lord deals with them about it. I also encourage you to eventually visit some other churches. I felt similar feelings to you before I found a church whose pastor actually preaches about revelant and inspiring things. I am a fan of contemporary services, with PowerPoint and a band and all that. Once I found the right match for me, church became fun and I felt like someone starving who finally got something to eat.

I am praying for you to have peace, and to know the real and dynamic love that a relationship with our savior can bring.

 

[ContentInHim]

Don't take your eyes off Jesus - he's the one who is the author and finisher of our faith, not other Christians!

Praying that the faith of a mustard seed grows into the faith of a giant oak tree!

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Thanks guys, you really helped.

 

[Tishri1]

I went thru ups and downs alot when I was younger but now I feel more grounded...hang in there... there is definately some thing to say for getting older.....maybe the only thing but its nice to have.....I am praying for you remembering all the times I felt lost from Jesus' love, those were real dark times, but he was there, close by even when I couldnt see him there....

 

[D'Ann]

Praying for you with all of my heart. I know that you may not "feel" a change, but sometimes change can be subtle... it takes time. My hope and prayer for you will be for Jesus to embrace you in His loving arms and gently guide you in ways that will help you recognize how much He truly does love you.

The way to have a relationship with Jesus is similar to having a relationship with someone you love, because in actuality, you probably do love Jesus and you do know that He truly does love you dearly. Just open up to him with all of your heart and talk to him as if he is your best friend... because, He is your best friend.

I use to write in a diary. I would write:

Dear Jesus,

Today in high school was a nightmare. I feel so alone and I don't know where to turn. Lord Jesus you are the only one that I can talk to and be myself around because you are the only one who truly cares to even know me or take the time to comfort me. Jesus, it is so hard in high school. Help me to not give up. Help me to be strong. Help me to do your will and make something of my life.

I use to write to Jesus all of time all of my fears, doubts, hopes and needs. He truly was my best friend.

I did have friends in school and I did have people in my life that I was close to that helped me feel good about myself and faith in God and contributed to my life and spiritual life, but it was talking to Jesus via my diary that truly contributed in helping me figure a lot stuff out in my own head.

I spent hours reading Psalms and Proverbs... and the New Testament. Sometimes, we really need to reach out no matter how we feel. Feelings can be deceiving and they truly change like the wind... they shift constantly, so then we need to go by what we know in our head... and we need to express our thoughts and feelings whether in writing or in praying... or in a way that better meets your own personality and that is how a relationship begins.

God Bless,

Debbie

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Hey guys.

Again, thanks to everyone who has replied, you've all helped so much more than I think you realize.

Yesterday I went and met my new psychiatrist (my old one left the practice). I'd met him a long time ago and remembered that he was a Christian, so when mom asked if I'd met any psychiatrists in the past who I'd like to go to, I immediately thought of him.

The appointment went great! We just talked about Christianity and what I believed for about 45 minutes. He's quite an awesome guy, and I wish I had thanked him more than I had; but, at the very least, I left with a big smile and a very warm feeling inside. It made me realize that I really did believe in Jesus.

Honestly, I've always had trouble with my feelings interfering with my faith, it's kinda something I struggle with.

I've been talking to my two best friends (christians) about this a lot lately and they've been helping a lot. We're actually thinking about starting a Bible study, which I'm looking forward to. I've also been reading my Bible and spending a lot of time outside (being outside makes me feel closer to God, nomatter how I'm struggling).

I think I'm going to PM a mod about having my faith icon changed... >.>

 

[Buttermilk]

s and s

 

[InnocentOdion]

I've been talking to my two best friends (christians) about this a lot lately and they've been helping a lot. We're actually thinking about starting a Bible study, which I'm looking forward to.

I'm doing a Bible study at the moment, and I can safely say, do it! You'll never regret it. It is so fun and you learn so much, it's a great way to have those questions answered, and to ask those questions which bug you.

I've also been reading my Bible and spending a lot of time outside (being outside makes me feel closer to God, nomatter how I'm struggling).

Beautiful! I feel the same way, however, I don't and read my Bible at the same time enough. Too many hooligans in my area.

I think I'm going to PM a mod about having my faith icon changed... >.>

Wow, to Christian? If so, welcome to the family!

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Wow, to Christian? If so, welcome to the family!

Yes. I've already requested the change, just waiting for the mods to get around to it. I don't mind the wait, don't get me wrong, I have plenty of things to do offline while I'm waiting till I can post in the Christian section.

Thanks for your encouraging words..they helped. I'm kinda having a rough evening..family stuff...

 

[Tishri1]

Praying for your family stuff too keep this thread handy so we can pray for you and once you get a Christian Icon again start one over there so we can help you with prayer and encouragement....How awesome you have a great counselor and friends and remember you also have us too

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Ok, Tishri. Thank you so much! And yes, I'm blessed to have so many amazing people who care about me.

 

[InnocentOdion]

Thanks for your encouraging words..they helped. I'm kinda having a rough evening..family stuff...

Awww, sorry to hear that, I'll pray for your family's healing, and for your strength and happiness.

 

[Criada]

Yes. I've already requested the change, just waiting for the mods to get around to it. I don't mind the wait, don't get me wrong, I have plenty of things to do offline while I'm waiting till I can post in the Christian section.

Thanks for your encouraging words..they helped. I'm kinda having a rough evening..family stuff...

Praying for you!

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

edited

 

[BeautifullyImperfect]

Awww, sorry to hear that, I'll pray for your family's healing, and for your strength and happiness.

Praying for you!

Thanks guys, you're so sweet!!!

*proudly displays new faith icon*

 

[D'Ann]

Hey guys.

Again, thanks to everyone who has replied, you've all helped so much more than I think you realize.

Yesterday I went and met my new psychiatrist (my old one left the practice). I'd met him a long time ago and remembered that he was a Christian, so when mom asked if I'd met any psychiatrists in the past who I'd like to go to, I immediately thought of him.

The appointment went great! We just talked about Christianity and what I believed for about 45 minutes. He's quite an awesome guy, and I wish I had thanked him more than I had; but, at the very least, I left with a big smile and a very warm feeling inside. It made me realize that I really did believe in Jesus.

Honestly, I've always had trouble with my feelings interfering with my faith, it's kinda something I struggle with.

I've been talking to my two best friends (christians) about this a lot lately and they've been helping a lot. We're actually thinking about starting a Bible study, which I'm looking forward to. I've also been reading my Bible and spending a lot of time outside (being outside makes me feel closer to God, nomatter how I'm struggling).

I think I'm going to PM a mod about having my faith icon changed... >.>

This is wonderful news. Thank you. I always feel closer to God when I'm outside too. We camp up north in the forest. There is a great peace and serenity and sweetness when I'm up there. It's like seeing God all around me.

God Bless You.

Deb