- Apr 30, 2013
- 33,204
- 20,563
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- United Ch. of Christ
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Democrat
I tried opening up emotionally last week (I have high functioning Asperger's, BTW) and I just experienced intense fear and grief. Mostly related to climate change and climate grief, and the possibility of having to decide to move in the future to set up a new life (I live in Florida and the summers keep getting longer and more intense). This lead to a series of mystical experiences (I felt Christ's death, I experienced a sense of a wounding also... it was a human death, without any sense of piety, and it was full of gut-wrenching sadness and horror). And I had promptings after this that lead to do Bible study and research online, culminating in meditating on the story of Thomas in the Gospel of John. And when I realized what it meant through Thomas's eyes, it completely rocked my world. Because it was so different from how I had been taught in church, in a moralistic way. Let's just say sometimes peace and joy comes wrapped in shock and awe. This was how the early apostles must have experienced Jesus' resurrection.
After this, I perceived something ripping at me with icy claws. Then it tried attacking my mind. But I was so shook up, I became dissociated and fearful. I continued to feel that my house wasn't safe. But my partner didn't believe me... until I ended up going to the hospital for some ativan and said "this is so strange, it feels almost like a church in here". Then I realized, there was something bad in my house, and I tried to reach out to the local Catholic diocese but never got an answer back. But I did get in touch with a small Independent Catholic congregation that meets at our UCC church, and the priest and the deacon from that congregation came and blessed my home, and the evil presence went away.
Parts of the experience I had lead me to do some strange things, too. I remember getting mad at God at one point because I never wanted these experiences in the first place, and I prayed to get help dealing with them and find healing. I did some things like walk around barefoot outdoors, touch plants, look at trees, or sit and pray barefoot in churches. And we had some other strange things happen, too, around us, coincidences that seemed unlikely, or it seemed like we would receive messages from Jesus on what to do, or answers to prayers.
I have talked to my own pastor, who was bewildered by my story and perhaps afraid for my sanity at first, as well as the Independent Catholic priest that sometimes holds mass at our church, but the best help I got was from a United Methodist pastor- she told me about spiritual warfare. It was a relief to have somebody actually hear my story and believe it. But I am still trying to hold all this stuff lightly, alot of it is very bewildering and alot to take in.
After this, I perceived something ripping at me with icy claws. Then it tried attacking my mind. But I was so shook up, I became dissociated and fearful. I continued to feel that my house wasn't safe. But my partner didn't believe me... until I ended up going to the hospital for some ativan and said "this is so strange, it feels almost like a church in here". Then I realized, there was something bad in my house, and I tried to reach out to the local Catholic diocese but never got an answer back. But I did get in touch with a small Independent Catholic congregation that meets at our UCC church, and the priest and the deacon from that congregation came and blessed my home, and the evil presence went away.
Parts of the experience I had lead me to do some strange things, too. I remember getting mad at God at one point because I never wanted these experiences in the first place, and I prayed to get help dealing with them and find healing. I did some things like walk around barefoot outdoors, touch plants, look at trees, or sit and pray barefoot in churches. And we had some other strange things happen, too, around us, coincidences that seemed unlikely, or it seemed like we would receive messages from Jesus on what to do, or answers to prayers.
I have talked to my own pastor, who was bewildered by my story and perhaps afraid for my sanity at first, as well as the Independent Catholic priest that sometimes holds mass at our church, but the best help I got was from a United Methodist pastor- she told me about spiritual warfare. It was a relief to have somebody actually hear my story and believe it. But I am still trying to hold all this stuff lightly, alot of it is very bewildering and alot to take in.
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