My daughter came out and told me she wants to be a boy ...

[Jetma1572]

My Oldest daughter has struggled with an eating disorder for the last year and was recently diagnosed with autism this past summer . she regularly sees mental health in our town for the past year , she is 15 years old. About a week ago at one of her appointments she came out and told me she wants to be a boy and be called Elliott before this I wouldn't of even guessed she would want to be a boy she never dressed or desired to and she wasn't a dress kind of girl but she was just her normal self to me . I don't want to sound awful and say she is doing this for attention but i was told that this famous person came out in the news and calls herself Elliott too I'm not sure if it is connected somehow . I love my daughter no matter what I told her this I told her that I believe God made us in his image for a reason and purpose ultimately I told her its her choice but I don't like it or agree with it , I also told her she's always my little girl to my husband and I and we are not ready to call her what she desires to be called and part of that is because I feel like if I do even if I don't agree with it that ill be conforming to the pattern of the world view and as a Christian I just cant do that . to me its like id be deny God and going with it being ok in the worlds eyes and what I have a extremely hard time with is in the eyes of mental health and in the school systems and basically everywhere else its really accepted and a lot of people are making me feel really bad for not just accepting this is the way it is . I'm having such a hard time accepting this I love my daughter with all my heart and will continue to but in my home and I just can't be ready to accept she's a boy yet I'm not sure how to handle this my husband is feeling so lost too I have 2 other kids that are also confused about all this my 10 yr old and my 7 yr old my oldest keeps telling them to call her Elliott and she wont answer them if they don't she also wont answer us either its got to the point where she gets extremely upset if we accidently say she or call her by her birth name. she threatens to run away. a lot of people are telling us to love her though this and we are definitely going too just I don't know what else to do to make it feel like we all are not walking on egg shells and I'm not sure what direction to go. Am I doing the right thing to not follow the world and the views of the world or do I just accept calling her what she wants to be called and make her happy I feel like then Id be dishonoring God and not putting him first .

 

[Job3315]

My Oldest daughter has struggled with an eating disorder for the last year and was recently diagnosed with autism this past summer . she regularly sees mental health in our town for the past year , she is 15 years old. About a week ago at one of her appointments she came out and told me she wants to be a boy and be called Elliott before this I wouldn't of even guessed she would want to be a boy she never dressed or desired to and she wasn't a dress kind of girl but she was just her normal self to me . I don't want to sound awful and say she is doing this for attention but i was told that this famous person came out in the news and calls herself Elliott too I'm not sure if it is connected somehow . I love my daughter no matter what I told her this I told her that I believe God made us in his image for a reason and purpose ultimately I told her its her choice but I don't like it or agree with it , I also told her she's always my little girl to my husband and I and we are not ready to call her what she desires to be called and part of that is because I feel like if I do even if I don't agree with it that ill be conforming to the pattern of the world view and as a Christian I just cant do that . to me its like id be deny God and going with it being ok in the worlds eyes and what I have a extremely hard time with is in the eyes of mental health and in the school systems and basically everywhere else its really accepted and a lot of people are making me feel really bad for not just accepting this is the way it is . I'm having such a hard time accepting this I love my daughter with all my heart and will continue to but in my home and I just can't be ready to accept she's a boy yet I'm not sure how to handle this my husband is feeling so lost too I have 2 other kids that are also confused about all this my 10 yr old and my 7 yr old my oldest keeps telling them to call her Elliott and she wont answer them if they don't she also wont answer us either its got to the point where she gets extremely upset if we accidently say she or call her by her birth name. she threatens to run away. a lot of people are telling us to love her though this and we are definitely going too just I don't know what else to do to make it feel like we all are not walking on egg shells and I'm not sure what direction to go. Am I doing the right thing to not follow the world and the views of the world or do I just accept calling her what she wants to be called and make her happy I feel like then Id be dishonoring God and not putting him first .

Danny Silk says that people need boundaries. He said that even God had boundaries when He removed Adam and Eve from the Garden. Since your daughter wants to be treated with respect, you should also expect for her to respect your household and your rules. She doesn't get to dictate how you approach her. It’s like if your daughter comes to your house with dog poop on her shoes. You don’t want her to walk into your home in that condition. She must clean her shoes before entering or leave her shoes outside. You love her, but she must respect your home and your decision. She wants to be called Elliot by people outside your family? it’s her life, but it’s not allowed on your grounds.

Unfortunately, this age is difficult, but it’s very important to set rules and boundaries because if you don't she’ll manipulate you. We can come to God to get clean, but He doesn’t approve of sin. Jesus ate with sinners, but He didn’t sin. The Bible even says this would happen, when family members would be at war because of Him. So, stand firm. I believe this is what God would do as well. I have a niece who came out as gay a few months ago. She knows she can’t bring her partner to any of our gatherings. We love her, help her and pray for her, but she knows she must leave her “dirty shoes” outside.

I’ll be praying for you and your family

 

[Sketcher]

Have you talked about why with her?

A friend of mine's sister actually decided she wanted to be a man after she had gotten married. One of the major events of their family background was coming out of a cult that preached nasty things about women. I wonder if that's an underlying cause for her.

The main thing to look out for is signs of suicide. There is a very high rate of suicide among people with this kind of confusion.

 

[Job3315]

My Oldest daughter has struggled with an eating disorder for the last year and was recently diagnosed with autism this past summer . she regularly sees mental health in our town for the past year , she is 15 years old. About a week ago at one of her appointments she came out and told me she wants to be a boy and be called Elliott before this I wouldn't of even guessed she would want to be a boy she never dressed or desired to and she wasn't a dress kind of girl but she was just her normal self to me . I don't want to sound awful and say she is doing this for attention but i was told that this famous person came out in the news and calls herself Elliott too I'm not sure if it is connected somehow . I love my daughter no matter what I told her this I told her that I believe God made us in his image for a reason and purpose ultimately I told her its her choice but I don't like it or agree with it , I also told her she's always my little girl to my husband and I and we are not ready to call her what she desires to be called and part of that is because I feel like if I do even if I don't agree with it that ill be conforming to the pattern of the world view and as a Christian I just cant do that . to me its like id be deny God and going with it being ok in the worlds eyes and what I have a extremely hard time with is in the eyes of mental health and in the school systems and basically everywhere else its really accepted and a lot of people are making me feel really bad for not just accepting this is the way it is . I'm having such a hard time accepting this I love my daughter with all my heart and will continue to but in my home and I just can't be ready to accept she's a boy yet I'm not sure how to handle this my husband is feeling so lost too I have 2 other kids that are also confused about all this my 10 yr old and my 7 yr old my oldest keeps telling them to call her Elliott and she wont answer them if they don't she also wont answer us either its got to the point where she gets extremely upset if we accidently say she or call her by her birth name. she threatens to run away. a lot of people are telling us to love her though this and we are definitely going too just I don't know what else to do to make it feel like we all are not walking on egg shells and I'm not sure what direction to go. Am I doing the right thing to not follow the world and the views of the world or do I just accept calling her what she wants to be called and make her happy I feel like then Id be dishonoring God and not putting him first .

Ps, something that I keep in mind is that I can't control others, but I can control myself and my property.

 

[coffee4u]

I believe mental and or spiritual troubles underpin things like this. This wish to be a boy is the same as her eating disorder, it's the attempt by her mind to control something about herself when she feels out of control. Somehow her mind believes things will be 'fixed' if only she can do this. First you need to look at what caused the eating disorder and I do believe they will stem from the same thing. Simply treating an eating disorder or this wish to be a boy does not treat what caused it in the first place. It's like being allergic to a food and treating the resulting rash instead of discovering what food caused the rash in the first place. is there anything that you can think of that triggered the eating disorder? I think you will find that is the same thing that has triggered this issue.

Also you may have posted this to the wrong section-unless you want a debate over it?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

I would tell her she can do anything she wants... when she turns 18.

 

[coffee4u]

I would tell her she can do anything she wants... when she turns 18.

That will be a huge help for her issues.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

That will be a huge help for her issues.

I would pay for boys clothing, but not for sex change surgery or medications. "He" can do that later when "he'' gets a job.

 

[mmksparbud]

If she is saying she wants to be a boy, no need to do anything yet. When they say "they are a boy." Then it's time to talk!! A lot of kids want to be the other sex for a while. There is only a problem when they say they are actually the opposite sex. Wanting to be and are---are 2 different things.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

If she is saying she wants to be a boy, no need to do anything yet. When they say "they are a boy." Then it's time to talk!! A lot of kids want to be the other sex for a while. There is only a problem when they say they are actually the opposite sex. Wanting to be and are---are 2 different things.

When my granddaughter was three she said she "was a boy". This lasted for about a month before she returned to being a girl. I have to admit that we were a little anxious about this.

 

[mmksparbud]

When my granddaughter was three she said she "was a boy". This lasted for about a month before she returned to being a girl. I have to admit that we were a little anxious about this.

They usually don't backtrack when they say they "are" as opposed to "want to be." But I'm glad she did. I was frustrated as a child and wished I could be a boy, they seemed to have more fun. I never actually expressed it or acted out, just a childish wish as they got more freedom to do what they wanted and I wanted to be able to be stronger than they---I grew up with 3 older brothers though! I wished I could be strong enough to beat them all up!! Didn't last long, I got my period at 10!!

 

[Kenny'sID]

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the way you feel about this. How you feel is perfectly normal they are the ones who's thoughts are not normal.

I liked the idea one poster had, and I might tell her you love her, but you disagree with what she wants to do and when she turns 18 she can make whsstever changes she likes as long as she is out from under your roof. I do understand where that could lead, and remember, that is just something I might do, and it may or may not be best for you.

I feel for you, this is a terrible blow, and possibly a life changing thing you are going through. Before I made any serious decisions, I'd definitely give it some time, but stick to my guns on not liking it....wouldn't it be great if she grew out of it?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

They usually don't backtrack when they say they "are" as opposed to "want to be." But I'm glad she did. I was frustrated as a child and wished I could be a boy, they seemed to have more fun. I never actually expressed it or acted out, just a childish wish as they got more freedom to do what they wanted and I wanted to be able to be stronger than they---I grew up with 3 older brothers though! I wished I could be strong enough to beat them all up!! Didn't last long, I got my period at 10!!

I grew up in a neighborhood filled with summertime 'tom boys' that could roughhouse with the best of us. Of course that changed when school started in the fall.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I was frustrated as a child and wished I could be a boy, they seemed to have more fun. I

Seems to me girls could have the best of both worlds, have the fun the boys have, while remaning a girl. We used to call them Tom Boys. It just seems to me the down sides of making such a change would cause enough stress to far outweigh any advantages of being a boy.

 

[bèlla]

I’m sorry you and your family are hurting. This is a difficult situation. I recommend counseling for everyone and spiritual support for you and your husband. A personal connection with mature believers would be helpful. Begin submitting prayer requests regarding the situation with reputable Christian ministries. Do it every month until you see a breakthrough.

Most importantly, don’t surrender your authority. Stand in prayer for your family and set boundaries for your daughter. The behavior is confusing for everyone and minimizing its impact on your children is important.

As for her condition, pray against the spirit of addiction and compulsion (eating disorder), control and rejection (power), and perversion (gender issues).

May God bless and keep you all.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[coffee4u]

I would pay for boys clothing, but not for sex change surgery or medications. "He" can do that later when "he'' gets a job.

She needs to get to the bottom of why her daughter developed eating and gender disorders so she can get appropriate help.

 

[Jetma1572]

Danny Silk says that people need boundaries. He said that even God had boundaries when He removed Adam and Eve from the Garden. Since your daughter wants to be treated with respect, you should also expect for her to respect your household and your rules. She doesn't get to dictate how you approach her. It’s like if your daughter comes to your house with dog poop on her shoes. You don’t want her to walk into your home in that condition. She must clean her shoes before entering or leave her shoes outside. You love her, but she must respect your home and your decision. She wants to be called Elliot by people outside your family? it’s her life, but it’s not allowed on your grounds.

Unfortunately, this age is difficult, but it’s very important to set rules and boundaries because if you don't she’ll manipulate you. We can come to God to get clean, but He doesn’t approve of sin. Jesus ate with sinners, but He didn’t sin. The Bible even says this would happen, when family members would be at war because of Him. So, stand firm. I believe this is what God would do as well. I have a niece who came out as gay a few months ago. She knows she can’t bring her partner to any of our gatherings. We love her, help her and pray for her, but she knows she must leave her “dirty shoes” outside.

I’ll am praying for you and your family

Thank you so much for your reply and I agree in our own household I think it should be what my husband and I have for rules and outside of that its her choice on what to be called I love how you said about Jesus ate with sinners but didn't sin this is so true when I read this it really hit my heart about not feeling bad about disagreeing with her choice I may not like it but I don't have to encourage it <3 thank you again

 

[Lost4words]

Social media has got a lot to answer for these days.

God bless you and you family. May God guide and protect you all OP.

 

[Jetma1572]

I believe mental and or spiritual troubles underpin things like this. This wish to be a boy is the same as her eating disorder, it's the attempt by her mind to control something about herself when she feels out of control. Somehow her mind believes things will be 'fixed' if only she can do this. First you need to look at what caused the eating disorder and I do believe they will stem from the same thing. Simply treating an eating disorder or this wish to be a boy does not treat what caused it in the first place. It's like being allergic to a food and treating the resulting rash instead of discovering what food caused the rash in the first place. is there anything that you can think of that triggered the eating disorder? I think you will find that is the same thing that has triggered this issue.

Also you may have posted this to the wrong section-unless you want a debate over it?

I never thought of it like this and I agree that both are linking somehow too from what my understanding about what she told me about the eating disorder was because she thought she was ugly and overweight when she looked in the mirror she was in the hospital for this for several months last year and struggled quite a bit. I also agree with you with her mind wanting to fix and have control , she might be doing this because of the lack of control of how she personally feels about herself I'm definitely going to loo deeper into this and try to see why and also to be there for her in the sense of showing her Love and a lot of it . thanks so much for your reply and yes I think I might of added this to the wrong thread I'm new to this and wasn't sure if it was here I could write it or another thread I tried to in the mental health section but for some reason it wouldn't allow me to add a post

 

[Jetma1572]

If she is saying she wants to be a boy, no need to do anything yet. When they say "they are a boy." Then it's time to talk!! A lot of kids want to be the other sex for a while. There is only a problem when they say they are actually the opposite sex. Wanting to be and are---are 2 different things.

This is what she thinks she is, she says that God made her a girl but really wants her a boy . but I have told her that this isn't true God wouldn't of made her a women if he wanted her a man I have told her that we are all made in the image of Him and that we have a will and purpose but she insists that God is telling her she is a boy and even wants us using pronouns of him/he . I totally get wanting to dress up like a boy and doing boyish things growing up I loved sports and 4 wheeling and all the stuff boys usually do but I didn't ever desire to actually think I was a boy I just liked boyish things . this isn't the case for her.