My Dark Night

[kezekiel]

Brothers and sisters:

I am 37 years old, married, with a daughter and two semi-adopted older girls who live with us. I am a deacon at my church, a close friend of my pastor, and respected man among the congregation. Their perception of me - everyone's perception - is that I am a successful, strong, intelligent, thoughtful Christian role-model.

I am only now realizing, in the midst of a severe work and financial crisis, that I have been plagued all my adult life by great fears and self-doubts. I fear financial ruin so much that I have never been comfortable with a checkbook or financial planning. My credit is ruined, though I have never defaulted on a debt. The debt problems I have were entirely avoidable if I had been able to summon enough rational thought to deal with them. Often, the avoidance impulse is entirely irresistable. And I say that with tremendous regret and shame. In so many other ways, I am a strong and patient man.

I have become convinced, after years of prayer (lately, of the prostrating, tear-filled kind) that I am incapable of dealing with this on my own. I have begged the Lord to take this weakness away from me, as it hampers my walk and hurts my family. I am beginning to think that God may be directing me towards professional help, and that I may have an anxiety disorder that requires treatment.

Are there others here who can relate to what I'm talking about? God bless you all. You don't know how much it means to me to be able to get this off of my chest. I trust you all to offer me what you will.

With love and thanks,

Kevin

 

[StogusMaximus]

I pray you will find strength in the Lord.

 

[ZiSunka]

You know, I used to feel this way ALL the time.

I put off getting baptized for 12 years after I got saved, but after I was baptized, these feelings started to go away. I know there is no magic about being baptized, but there is something about it. I sort of think of it as sealing the deal between God and me, an acknowledgement that we have chosen each other and are now betrothed. Since then, there has been a massive change in my experience with life.

Have you been baptized since becoming a believer?

 

[kezekiel]

Originally posted by lambslove
Have you been baptized since becoming a believer?

Yes, I have. Thanks.

K.

 

[amie]

Kevin,
I want you to know that I am praying for you...It is very possible that you may have anxiety problems..Have you seen your physician yet? I will continue to pray for you my friend, and if you ever need to talk, I am just a click away...praying for you always...Much love to you,
your friend,
Amie

 

[kezekiel]

I am on the edge of calling my doctor. I'm concerned about opening that door, medication, therapy... I dunno.

 

[amie]

Hang in there my friend! You WILL get through this!
praying...
Amie

 

[VOW]

Originally posted by kezekiel
I am on the edge of calling my doctor. I'm concerned about opening that door, medication, therapy... I dunno.

Go ahead, call your doctor.

Society still has such a nasty prejudice against anything that smacks of "mental illness." People start thinking of rubber rooms, straight jackets, and screams into the night. <sigh>

A LOT of emotional problems, such as anxiety and depression have a basis in something very physical. Extreme external factors, such as a death in the family or unemployment can cause measurable imbalances in the brain chemistry. However, you don't have to go through the sinking of the Titanic to justify calling your doctor. If you are suffering a social phobia, panic attacks, depression, or anxiety that has lasted longer than two weeks, or is affecting your eating and sleeping habits and causes you to not be able to function at home or at work, get help.

An anti-depressant isn't a "Happy" pill that makes you goofy or high. In fact, you may be disappointed to learn it often takes two weeks or so for the medication to become effective. Stick with it.

Look at it this way. If you busted your leg, you'd go get medical help! A bruised psyche is just as critical!


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[kezekiel]

Originally posted by VOW
Go ahead, call your doctor.

I put in an appointment request just now. Thanks for your support and prayers. I will keep you all posted.

Kevin

 

[amie]

Oh Kevin...so happy to hear that! Keep us posted! We are praying for you..
your friend,
Amie