My dad has problems again

[Susie~Q]

I'm already petrified that my dad won't even qualify for Medicaid because of a certain couple of asset transfers. I think, however, that enough months from those transfers have passed for the "ineligibility window" to expire, because I've seen the mathematical formula for that window before, and I think I'm good, but still I'm scared.

I wrote that because, without the drama from my brother, I have enough on my plate. And he wants me to "fight with him" on this and I have my own battles. I would be happy, however, if he got that kind of treatment with success, but that is only at a possible rehab, not now. Can you imagine this guy being medical POA? Sheesh. I don't think that the hospital social worker will let that happen, though.

With all due respect, I hope you're right. I try to look through people and see if I think there is honesty underneath their eyes. I can feel that they are trying to tell me the truth and I'm not one to trust people because, as I said, fallen world. If they weren't really trying to help him, he would not have been in the hospital THIS long.

Your brother can not get POA, only one person can have it and that is you.

 

[Lady Bug]

Guys, please pray your azz off. I might have finally found a law firm that accepts my situation and that doesn't have an annoying automated machine from the get-go. They charge for official services but I think the initial consultation is free. I hope they give me a consultation within this week or else I'll be unable to function the entire weekend. I feel like I've been "detained" by an hour-and-15 minute video that I'm supposed to watch before I even can get the consultation, but if I can do that, a major hurdle might be overcome.

 

[Lady Bug]

I know it sounds cliche that I "don't have time," but I don't have time to talk to a priest right now about this. Even then, I'm seeing that there is ever-so-slightly increasing pressure from their end to not keep my dad on any feeding tube any longer, and of course I hate more than anything that my dad can't see nice foods (or at all) through his mouth. I want him to eat what I'm eating, of course. However, my dad, albeit sometimes in-and-out of mental clarity, is too lucid and too bright and too cognizant of a person (for his age IMHO) to withhold nutrition/hydration after his nose-tube is removed and let him die an absolutely agonizing death. No thanks. I don't know what the Church says but this seems like de-facto euthanasia, if not euthanasia itself. I think even "liberal" Pope Francis might have said the same. I know so many people don't like the Catholic Church, but there are times when invoking the Catholic Church feels so darned good and this is one of those times. I can't in good conscience imagine doing this to my dad, I would never be able to live with myself for the rest of my life.

 

[Michie]

Question:​

What is the Church’s teaching’s on the prolonging of life when the body is at it’s natural end?

Answer:​

In short, the Church teaches that extraordinary measures need not be taken to keep someone alive, e.g., the use of a ventilator when a person’s breathing system is shutting down.

At the same, the Church teaches that ordinary medical care should never be forsaken, i.e., food and fluids—even when taken intravenously—unless receiving food or fluids yield more harm than good because a person’s body is shutting down.

In all cases, a person in the latter stages of life should be given good palliative care, including oxygen received nasally and also pain-management pharmaceuticals, both of which will aid the patient’s comfort in their last days as they prepare for death.

Unfortunately, many hospitals today practice a form of euthanasia by withholding food and fluids because doctors have judged a patient has reached a diminished “quality of life.” The person might well die in only weeks or months otherwise because of their physical condition, yet they end up dying from starvation and dehydration sooner. Such bioethical practices are not ethical, because they establish the precedent for ending the life others deemed to have a diminished quality of life, including because they are perceived as a burden on society, e.g., those with Down Syndrome.

For more on this issue, please see our previous response on extraordinary care. In addition, for more information, including obtaining an advance directive to ensure Catholic principles are followed in end-of-life care for you and your loved, we encourage you to contact Human Life International and the National Catholic Bioethics Center.

Church Teaching on End-of-Life Care

In short, the Church teaches that extraordinary measures need not be taken to keep someone alive, e.g., the use of a ventilator when a person’s breathing system...

www.catholic.com

 

[Michie]

Just checking in and bumping up. I hope the above info helped.

 

[Lady Bug]

Just checking in and bumping up. I hope the above info helped.

I think it did. I don't think my dad is shutting down. He just doesn't have the greatest physical faculties in the world in terms of walking and standing but I seriously believe it's farfetched to say he's dying. He's not dying at this time. He's just really debilitated and of course, is not swallowing well. There is a quote in which one of the doctors said that EXACT freaking thing about "quality of life" and I feel that it's slowly and subtly being pressed on me:

Unfortunately, many hospitals today practice a form of euthanasia by withholding food and fluids because doctors have judged a patient has reached a diminished “quality of life.”

Oh my gosh this is what is happening right now with slow and subtle propaganda emerging.

 

[Michie]

I think it did. I don't think my dad is shutting down. He just doesn't have the greatest physical faculties in the world in terms of walking and standing but I seriously believe it's farfetched to say he's dying. He's not dying at this time. He's just really debilitated and of course, is not swallowing well. There is a quote in which one of the doctors said that EXACT freaking thing about "quality of life" and I feel that it's slowly and subtly being pressed on me:


Oh my gosh this is what is happening right now with slow and subtle propaganda emerging.

You have to tell them it is against your religion to take such measures.

 

[Lady Bug]

You have to tell them it is against your religion to take such measures.

I do shudder to know that there are medical staff that have no feeling toward these situations.

 

[Michie]

I do shudder to know that there are medical staff that have no feeling toward these situations.

It’s a new world in the medical field anymore. Euthanasia, etc. are quickly becoming the norm. It used to be do no harm. It’s a fuzzy line now.

 

[Michie]

I do shudder to know that there are medical staff that have no feeling toward these situations.

I’m not sure they have no feeling but are simply not allowed to express them.

 

[Lady Bug]

I’m not sure they have no feeling but are simply not allowed to express them.

I'm sure there are people in both categories.

 

[RileyG]

Miracle Saints:

St. Philomena
St. Jude
St. Rita of Cascia
St. Gregory of Neocaesarea

May they ALL, together with the Blessed Virgin, and & St. Joseph, intercede for you and your father!

Amen!

 

[Susie~Q]

It seems like the medical profession has changed, and it is just not America, but the entire world. It used to be that the nurses, doctors, etc, cared, but now,they seem to want as little work as possible and more pay. It is sad, but now, assisted suicide seems to be "normal" and no ones thinks a thing about it unless of course, they are a Christian.

 

[Lady Bug]

It seems like the medical profession has changed, and it is just not America, but the entire world. It used to be that the nurses, doctors, etc, cared, but now,they seem to want as little work as possible and more pay. It is sad, but now, assisted suicide seems to be "normal" and no ones thinks a thing about it unless of course, they are a Christian.

There is a former hospital in my town in which one of the sections was named Mercy Center. It's too bad that Mercy is the one thing that is absent - today that is. I don't know what it was like back then, in this former hospital.

 

[Michie]

Bumping up.

 

[Lady Bug]

Bumping up.

I'm too busy to update right now but one way or another I do. I'm still struggling with my pushy brother. I'm trying to work on the Medicaid stuff but he's unusually pushy on me for it and that's not making sense given that he wants my dad to come home. Unfortunately, between March 21 and May 12, he has fallen at least 5 times. I tell myself that I hope I'm not lying when I say, between 5 and 10 times as an estimated guess. Some falls were soft slips, a couple were hard falls. Two on his head, one on hip. Before the stent in March, he fell really hard in the kitchen and bruised his front shoulder area really bad. I had seen him falling but could not prevent it because I just wasn't quite close enough. And yet the pressure is going to come back on me to bring him home. Not from the staff but from brother, housecleaner and possibly even dad. I wish dad could have the right to see his home again, but I feel that because he WAS home and that he couldn't be monitored all the time, that's why he's in this position now. And I hope I'm not forced to have anyone move in.

 

[Lady Bug]

Ps he's also very pushy for this very risky electric shock throat procedure that can only be conducted on an outpatient basis. Abbreviations are PES and NMES stimulation.

 

[mourningdove~]

And I hope I'm not forced to have anyone move in.

What options are still open for your Dad?

Is it still a possibility that he might be well enough one day to return home, or has the medical team already taken that option off the table?

 

[Lady Bug]

What options are still open for your Dad?

Is it still a possibility that he might be well enough one day to return home, or has the medical team already taken that option off the table?

I don't know. In the end it's up to me I guess. I'm having some problems going on in my head that is a combination of practical and maybe self-absorbed and I'm not proud of the latter.

Practical: I can't monitor him the way he should be and that's the reason he's fallen so much and is ultimately in the condition he's in right now. I don't want someone moving in and I feel like I'd be judged as self-absorbed if I feel that I can't live with anyone else.

Self-absorbed: I'm doing slightly better mentally and spiritually but this feeling did not start until two weeks in. I was crying and unable to cope for the first two weeks. I'm terrified of having to deal with his personality if he's home again. There is no biching. His personality alone is an unlivable situation even if he were a marathon runner.

 

[Michie]

LB-
I put you, your dad in family in the prayer book at Church today and lit a few candles.