My dad has problems again

[Lady Bug]

Well, at least you’re not like me. I’m usually in denial when it comes to the end of life.

Well, I have some experience in how my mom looked about two weeks out, and my dad's eyes are reminiscent of that. It broke my heart to see it. I don't know how to explain how I know. You just know something is different about them, like something has left their eyes. The eyes look peaceful, but they are different.

I’m sorry to hear that. Breathing does change during sleeping when things are slowing down. Continued prayers for all of you.

I don't notice breathing changes yet, just an overall look on his face, even with his eyes closed.

 

[Susie~Q]

Hugs. I am so sorry. I do know what you mean about it all feeling different, it is an entirely different feeling, you can feel it in the pit of your tummy. Also, their spirit is leaving and usually the eyes show it first as the eyes are the windows to our souls. It is an awful feeling, I went through it with my mother and daddy. The entire world looks different. As to the breathing, well, with mom, that was most noticeable on the last day and nigh of er life, it was labored and her breaths become irregular, with periods of rapid breathing followed by pauses (called Cheyne-Stokes breathing). Congestion: A "death rattle" sound may be heard due to the buildup of mucus in the throat. Also, if he has a catheter, you can tell if his bodily functions are shutting down by looking at the metered bag, there will hardly be anything in it, at least that is how it was in mom's case.

Now, more than ever, you need to pray and also speak to your daddy about the Lord and salvation, he may not respond, but I know that they can hear us almost to the end, so keep witnessing to him, the end is probably close, so, do all you can.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, you need someone with you.

 

[Lady Bug]

Hugs. I am so sorry. I do know what you mean about it all feeling different, it is an entirely different feeling, you can feel it in the pit of your tummy. Also, their spirit is leaving and usually the eyes show it first as the eyes are the windows to our souls. It is an awful feeling, I went through it with my mother and daddy. The entire world looks different. As to the breathing, well, with mom, that was most noticeable on the last day and nigh of er life, it was labored and her breaths become irregular, with periods of rapid breathing followed by pauses (called Cheyne-Stokes breathing). Congestion: A "death rattle" sound may be heard due to the buildup of mucus in the throat. Also, if he has a catheter, you can tell if his bodily functions are shutting down by looking at the metered bag, there will hardly be anything in it, at least that is how it was in mom's case.

Now, more than ever, you need to pray and also speak to your daddy about the Lord and salvation, he may not respond, but I know that they can hear us almost to the end, so keep witnessing to him, the end is probably close, so, do all you can.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, you need someone with you.

I know, I need someone with me and even though my brother is lonely, he's turning to the "wrong" people (that tj relative for example). I got my first water bill in the mail since my dad was put into comfort care and am panicking if he passes away before the bill is due, because I don't want to start dipping into savings very much. This is a nightmare. I cried so loud last night that even with the windows shut, I hope the neighbors didn't hear me.

 

[Susie~Q]

Today took a nosedive. He barely ate yogurt and had only a few ML of water (because he was coughing it) and has been sleeping all day. I could tell yesterday, his eyes had a certain look and I was kind of worried about it, but now it all makes sense, those are the eyes of a person who is starting to die and it feels impossible to accept That look kind of starts two weeks before, I think, that look in their eyes that is slightly more vacant than normal, and you try to chalk it up to fatigue or the sedative, but my heart knows better than that

I could even tell when he was sleeping today that it was a different kind of sleeping. This whole thing is terrible but it's made worse by my money issues (I don't feel like going on that tangent right now but that part IS terrifying).

I know my brother has a point that my relatives have a right to know about this and certain ones will know but I'm worried that my brother is relying on one relative who I absolutely want to avoid like the plague, the one that wanted to come to the house back in December. He makes me shudder. I wish that my religious freedom were achieved in an infinitely better way than this, but if my brother keeps trying to get closer to these relatives, I don't see how it's going to go well for me at all.

It's a busy night with groceries, it's 9 pm and I never ate dinner.

Hugs. I know how you are feeling and can relate to what you are seeing, it is a horrible experience, no one should be alone during this time, I wish I was with you. I think that your dad is getting ready to pass on and that his body is slowly but surely shutting down, and it is not pleasant to watch, you feel so helpless. As to the relatives not letting you have religious freedom, well, they can't stop you, only if you let them and give in. Stand firm, ask the Holy Spirit for help, He will help. Don't let those relatives take over, it is your life and you are in control of it, NOT them.

You are in my prayers and so is your dad.

 

[Lady Bug]

Hugs. I know how you are feeling and can relate to what you are seeing, it is a horrible experience, no one should be alone during this time, I wish I was with you. I think that your dad is getting ready to pass on and that his body is slowly but surely shutting down, and it is not pleasant to watch, you feel so helpless. As to the relatives not letting you have religious freedom, well, they can't stop you, only if you let them and give in. Stand firm, ask the Holy Spirit for help, He will help. Don't let those relatives take over, it is your life and you are in control of it, NOT them.

You are in my prayers and so is your dad.

I was crying in front of the palliative doc/social worker the other day (fortunately, they do not seem to be bad people, but I don't know). They were receptive to what I was saying. I was saying how I feel bad for sometimes being unkind to my dad when he was at home and how I thought that the only way for me to have peace with his occasional toxic personality is for him to pass away, and that I feel that some sort of "thing" is telling me "Haha, you got what you wished for! How does it feel NOW?" and they really felt bad for me that I was going through that kind of misery.

He didn't look in pain yesterday, rather serene, but I knew those eyes. I wish I had put it on my video - I know it sounds nuts but sometimes you don't always want to forget certain things, as unpleasant as they are.

 

[Lady Bug]

I am also struggling with the fact that all my prayers for my dad's recovery were for nothing. If God didn't answer those prayers, I highly doubt he'll answer my prayers for my dad not to go to hell either.

There is not a single person at the hospital who doesn't believe that my dad is going to a better place because they all view him to be a sweet, funny, intelligent man who loves his family, so it's making me really struggle with my faith right now. If my dad doesn't go to hell, doesn't that make the Christian faith meaningless? If so, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't believe that hell doesn't exist, but I can't think straight right now. And I'm also too late for staying on the computer this long. I usually have to start "prayer time" soon and I'm nowhere near that.

 

[RileyG]

I am also struggling with the fact that all my prayers for my dad's recovery were for nothing. If God didn't answer those prayers, I highly doubt he'll answer my prayers for my dad not to go to hell either.

There is not a single person at the hospital who doesn't believe that my dad is going to a better place because they all view him to be a sweet, funny, intelligent man who loves his family, so it's making me really struggle with my faith right now. If my dad doesn't go to hell, doesn't that make the Christian faith meaningless? If so, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't believe that hell doesn't exist, but I can't think straight right now. And I'm also too late for staying on the computer this long. I usually have to start "prayer time" soon and I'm nowhere near that.

Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for him. Trust in Gods and his mercy. It’s all in his hands.

 

[Lady Bug]

Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for him. Trust in Gods and his mercy. It’s all in his hands.

I have been praying the Chaplet for almost two weeks but I'm struggling to really get into it. I only like the Closing Prayer. I have tried to like this Chaplet but I never gravitate to it. I may do it anyway. I find more satisfaction in the Rosary, but that takes too long in one sitting unless I do only a decade or two. Will a decade or two be enough for God?

 

[Michie]

I am also struggling with the fact that all my prayers for my dad's recovery were for nothing. If God didn't answer those prayers, I highly doubt he'll answer my prayers for my dad not to go to hell either.

There is not a single person at the hospital who doesn't believe that my dad is going to a better place because they all view him to be a sweet, funny, intelligent man who loves his family, so it's making me really struggle with my faith right now. If my dad doesn't go to hell, doesn't that make the Christian faith meaningless? If so, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't believe that hell doesn't exist, but I can't think straight right now. And I'm also too late for staying on the computer this long. I usually have to start "prayer time" soon and I'm nowhere near that.

I think that topic is better to discuss with your priest. Your father is elderly. I know a lot of it is the grief talking but you have to look at the situation rationally as well. What people think and what your faith teaches are two separate things. What they think does not make Christianity meaningless.

 

[Michie]

(13) “When they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as a just Judge but as a merciful Savior.” (Diary of Saint Faustina, 1541)

14 Promises - Missionaries of the Holy Family

Jesus Christ made 14 promises to those who pray his Divine Mercy Chaplet. Saint Faustina received the private revelations in 1935 in Poland for a sinful world.

msf-america.org

 

[Lady Bug]

I think that topic is better to discuss with your priest. Your father is elderly. I know a lot of it is the grief talking but you have to look at the situation rationally as well. What people think and what your faith teaches are two separate things. What they think does not make Christianity meaningless.

How I feel right now does not erase the fact of how harshly he spoke against Jesus being God and me going to Church and believing in Christianity. I keep hoping that this is not used against him. Perhaps my grief would be more stable were it not for that stuff.

 

[Lady Bug]

(13) “When they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as a just Judge but as a merciful Savior.” (Diary of Saint Faustina, 1541)

14 Promises - Missionaries of the Holy Family

Jesus Christ made 14 promises to those who pray his Divine Mercy Chaplet. Saint Faustina received the private revelations in 1935 in Poland for a sinful world.

msf-america.org

I remember that quote. I never said it in the same room with him before, though - does it even count, then?

 

[Michie]

I remember that quote. I never said it in the same room with him before, though - does it even count, then?

It counts. Prayer is never wasted. And as much as he is sleeping you could say it as you sit by his bedside.

 

[Lady Bug]

It counts. Prayer is never wasted. And as much as he is sleeping you could say it as you sit by his bedside.

I should have done that, but I forgot. I was afraid to wake him though. The thing is, if he's suffering in any way, I would rather have him be sleeping so that he's not always aware of his suffering.

 

[Michie]

I should have done that, but I forgot. I was afraid to wake him though. The thing is, if he's suffering in any way, I would rather have him be sleeping so that he's not always aware of his suffering.

You can say it softly or recite it interiorly.

 

[RileyG]

I have been praying the Chaplet for almost two weeks but I'm struggling to really get into it. I only like the Closing Prayer. I have tried to like this Chaplet but I never gravitate to it. I may do it anyway. I find more satisfaction in the Rosary, but that takes too long in one sitting unless I do only a decade or two. Will a decade or two be enough for God?

Yes. A decade or two is fine. Any sincere prayer to God is fine.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I am also struggling with the fact that all my prayers for my dad's recovery were for nothing. If God didn't answer those prayers, I highly doubt he'll answer my prayers for my dad not to go to hell either.

There is not a single person at the hospital who doesn't believe that my dad is going to a better place because they all view him to be a sweet, funny, intelligent man who loves his family, so it's making me really struggle with my faith right now. If my dad doesn't go to hell, doesn't that make the Christian faith meaningless? If so, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't believe that hell doesn't exist, but I can't think straight right now. And I'm also too late for staying on the computer this long. I usually have to start "prayer time" soon and I'm nowhere near that.

No prayer is in vain. We don't always get what we want though. So continue to pray and God will hear. Jesus prayed that the cup of his crucifixion would pass by, and it didn't, but the resurrection was a far better thing. God's will be done. Keep praying.

 

[Michie]

Praying for a peaceful day for all of you. May God make His presence known to you and bring you all His comfort and peace.

 

[RileyG]

No prayer is in vain. We don't always get what we want though. So continue to pray and God will hear. Jesus prayed that the cup of his crucifixion would pass by, and it didn't, but the resurrection was a far better thing. God's will be done. Keep praying.

Amen. God’s will be done!

 

[Lady Bug]

I can't decide who is right, me or my brother.

My brother is emotional about his desire for my dad to see his house one last time again and hence bring him home for hospice. I have also been emotional about that same desire but also feel that I probably can't undertake the enormity of the task, but my brother insists that it won't be that long anyway. It would help me avoid Medicaid, at least, and hence going to a charged consultation/courthouse for guardianship that probably won't even last a few days, or even one day - that's how it's looking. I'm worried about upsetting my brother (he's the most pushy person I've seen, even though there may be worse people in that department), but I also want to look at all the facts (during the next "care conference" as they call it) and see what it entails for me. I can't decide whether or not to be upset at my brother, because while he and I both are emotional over wanting dad to be home (with his loved one) for the final time, I don't think/know if I can handle the kind of level of care that it would require of me.