My 16 year old son wants to eat pork

[Lebesgue]

And wants me to buy it for him.
He knows that I as a Messianic and my wife as an SDA believe it is wrong to eat pork.

It's rebellion on his part. It breaks my heart. His mother and I did not raise him to do this.

He admitted to me he sneaks buying bacon cheesburgers with his lunch money sometimes.

I refuse to buy pork for him. He doesn't like it but he is 16 and he will abide by my rules.

He also does not like going to synagogue with me on Shabbat when my wife is working(she is a nurse and has to work every other Shabbat). My wife has told him he HAS to go to synagogue with me when she works. He just wants to stay home and watch TV programmes that are inappropriate for Shabbat. When my wife is off duty, he doesn't mind going to SDA church with her because his best friend goes there. He doesn't want to go anywhere to worship though and bring up how I was raised in a "secular" home and my brother and I both turned out good.

Will this get better? I do not want him to turn away from G-d. He is a good boy and does not do drugs or alcohol or things with girls he shouldn't be doing before marriage, but I am concerned about his lack of interest in G-d and his wanting to break the food laws.

Shalom,


Lebesgue

 

[visionary]

You child may be in rebellion but he still does not want to see weakness in your faith.

 

[A_Pioneer]

Just listen to anyone of the people who like you have a teenage child. Wanting to fit in with their peers is common as crabgrass. In non-Jewish communities it even harder.
But as stated by Vis, be of good courage and stay true to your God. Hopefully he will become convicted to come where you are. But that is the realm of God to change people. We are left to encourage and to lead with kindness, the rest is up to God and your son.

Shalom

 

[Hadassah]

He's definitely testing the waters.

Were it me, he'd not be getting any lunch money and his lunches would be prepared for him...

And we'd be having some serious heart to hearts..

 

[fritz300]

It would be worthy to repent for yourself and all your past generations from the foundations of the earth of any generational rebellion in your family line and break off any curses that could be working... it's not to uncommon that rebellion between parents and children is entirely spiritual and has come through the generations.

Other then doing that, stay true to YHVH and make sure your relationship with your son is strong... Rules without relationship always leads to rebellion...


Regards,
Zak

 

[Ivy]

He is a good boy and does not do drugs or alcohol or things with girls he shouldn't be doing before marriage, but I am concerned about his lack of interest in G-d

The fact that he is a good boy and doesn't do all these bad things is a lot to be thankful for. Give God thanks for these things.

Then start by giving him large doses of affirmation for all the good things he is. A saying I read once said, "Where you cultivate a rose, a thistle cannot grow." Encourage all those things that are good about him, and they will grow and crowd out the undesirable things by and by.

When he sees that you, as a representative of his heavenly Father, affirm him, he will sooner or later become interested in his Father God again.

 

[johnd]

I am without child... unless you count the fact that I suffer from perpetual Peter Pan syndrome... {hands on hips while standing at attention in mid air}

Anyway I am a keen observer. And I note that what you are going through is common. Human beings want boundaries in life. This is partially why God gave us the Law first. It will be hard to stick with, but you must provide him with the boundaries.

It will help him in ways neither of you can imagine. Not the least of which is when he is standing on his own two feet and doesn't have Mum or Dadums to fall back on anymore he will be able to stand on his own... showing his children and grandchildren how it's done.

Sadly, it's usually not until very late in life (usually after the parents are gone) that we all appreciate all that our beloved parents endured to pass on to us the lessons of life.

Defiance is human, to stand by the truth Divine.

 

[Kris10leigh]

Just offering support! My boys are 6 and 7, so I haven't "been there done that" yet.

But hey, my 7 year thinks he's a teenager.

 

[Lebesgue]

All good advice on here.

Shalom,

Lebesgue

 

[Lulav]

Just remember, this is just a test.

maybe at the synogogue you could have them find something he could help out with?

Then take him to a pig farm and show him some videos on what pigs eat, what crawls around inside them, and then see what happens.



Perhaps tell him you will buy and let him eat pork if he also eats some other unclean things the L-RD says not to eat.

Skunks
rats
slugs
pelicans
bats

or anything you know that will turn his stomach a bit.

 

[Lebesgue]

Just remember, this is just a test.

maybe at the synogogue you could have them find something he could help out with?

Then take him to a pig farm and show him some videos on what pigs eat, what crawls around inside them, and then see what happens.



Perhaps tell him you will buy and let him eat pork if he also eats some other unclean things the L-RD says not to eat.

Skunks
rats
slugs
pelicans
bats

or anything you know that will turn his stomach a bit.

Good one, Lulav! That just might work too! My wife and I have already told him what pigs eat but if I told him eating pork is the same thing as eating skunk(eeeewwww!), rats, slugs, pelicans, and bats he just might get the concept.

Shalom,

Lebesgue

 

[johnd]

Just remember, this is just a test.

maybe at the synogogue you could have them find something he could help out with?

Then take him to a pig farm and show him some videos on what pigs eat, what crawls around inside them, and then see what happens.



Perhaps tell him you will buy and let him eat pork if he also eats some other unclean things the L-RD says not to eat.

Skunks
rats
slugs
pelicans
bats

or anything you know that will turn his stomach a bit.

LL

 

[Tishri1]

It would be worthy to repent for yourself and all your past generations from the foundations of the earth of any generational rebellion in your family line and break off any curses that could be working... it's not to uncommon that rebellion between parents and children is entirely spiritual and has come through the generations.

Other then doing that, stay true to YHVH and make sure your relationship with your son is strong... Rules without relationship always leads to rebellion...


Regards,
Zak

Amen Zak!!!!

 

[Tishri1]

The fact that he is a good boy and doesn't do all these bad things is a lot to be thankful for. Give God thanks for these things.

Then start by giving him large doses of affirmation for all the good things he is. A saying I read once said, "Where you cultivate a rose, a thistle cannot grow." Encourage all those things that are good about him, and they will grow and crowd out the undesirable things by and by.

When he sees that you, as a representative of his heavenly Father, affirm him, he will sooner or later become interested in his Father God again.

Amen Ivy!!!!

 

[Tishri1]

I have a 20 year old that was raised for 10 years to be MJ but even that was to late for him to feel a lifelong attachment, My DH too still feels better as a Christian than MJ, not me I adore being MJ, its what they call a God thing
My DD has made friends and feels the same I do too and my younger son the same as the rest of the men in my family....so I let they alone and dont push my joy onto them anymore....I go to church with them so we all worship together and you will find all my family celebrating the festivals(matzah sandwiches coming up soon) but I dont at all push or complain anymore .....now when my son was 16, I was soooooo worried about him... he was a good kid but no spiritual life at all , but now he goes to church 3 x a week and does servant projects and church college group activities, he really is a walking testimony to the promise that all my family will come to faith if I just stay focused myself on my Lord

He doesnt eat pork though eeeeeuuuuuwwww......I would much prefer unclean meat to unclean activities and it sounds like your son is a very good boy, mine is too

 

[zaksmummy]

Have you thought about asking him to ask his friend to come to the synagogue with you? Then he'll have a friend there as well

Catrin xx

 

[Torah]

Shalom Lebesgue, and my condolences on having a 16 year old.

I raised 5! two boys and three girls, my oldest is now 29 and my youngest is 21 and they all love the L-rd and live a Torah life style.

And wants me to buy it for him. This is just not going to happen[.]

He knows that I as a Messianic and my wife as an SDA believe it is wrong to eat pork.
He’s becoming a man and wants to make this decision himself.

It's rebellion on his part. It breaks my heart. His mother and I did not raise him to do this.
It’s a funny thing about raising children. I see it as a series of umbilical cords being cut. When a child is born the first thing that is done is to cut its life support from its Mother. But the child is still dependent on its parents to get food, feed them, clean them, take them places, ect.... Then we [parents] start cutting those umbilical cords, we teach them to feed themselves, to walk, to wash, ect....
But they still depend on us [parents] to buy the food, supply the roof over there head, supply the car, and supply the cash$$$ ect.... Now at this stage of a child’s life it gets tricky, we don’t want to cut any of the umbilical cords for fear they are going to make wrong decisions and ultimately cutting the final umbilical cord and they move on with there life. [just as we did]
Making the wrong decision is sometime part of this process. But allowing the child to make his or her own decision is important.

When my now 25 year old son was almost 18 and had a part time job and wanted to go to a wedding in California [were in FL] of a girl he had meet only one time and was E-mailing. I said son it is your decision! But I strongly suggest that you keep the $200.00 for the plain ticket in the bank and stay home. [and I prayed that he would make the right decision]
He bought the ticket and a week before the wedding the groom backed out of the wedding and my son lost the $200.00. {no refund) This taught my son that he should listen to his Father. Where if I just told him no! he would have come away with exasperation with me.

Proverbs 22: 6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

I always like this verse, because it talks to the child and the father.
Ephesians 6: 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. KJV, provoke not your children to wrath

He admitted to me he sneaks buying bacon cheesburgers with his lunch money sometimes.
His decision!. What I am impressed with here, is the fact that the line of communication is open. As long as the two of you can talk, argue, communicate with each other, this is good.

I refuse to buy pork for him. He doesn't like it but he is 16 and he will abide by my rules.
Agreed! Explain it to him [man to man] why “YOU” cant buy pork and bring it into your home. [because of G-ds word] he may not like it now, but he will remember that dad had integrity. [remember the song “the cat in the cradle”? part of the song went; “I’m going to be like you dad, I want to be just like youuuuuuu]

He also does not like going to synagogue with me on Shabbat when my wife is working(she is a nurse and has to work every other Shabbat). My wife has told him he HAS to go to synagogue with me when she works. Maybe the two of you can spend some time together on Shabbat, reading, talking, if this MJ thing is something new he may just be uncomfortable with it not knowing anyone and just being new.

He just wants to stay home and watch TV programmes that are inappropriate for Shabbat. Get rid of the TV, this solves many family problems.[we went more that 5 years without]

When my wife is off duty, he doesn't mind going to SDA church with her because his best friend goes there. He doesn't want to go anywhere to worship though and bring up how I was raised in a "secular" home and my brother and I both turned out good. Being raised in a secular home and coming out good is like surviving a plain crash and coming out without a scratch. Who wants to take that chance?

Will this get better? I do not want him to turn away from G-d. He is a good boy and does not do drugs or alcohol or things with girls he shouldn't be doing before marriage, but I am concerned about his lack of interest in G-d and his wanting to break the food laws.
The best thing I suggest you and your wife to do is “PRAY”, let prayer consume you for your son. Pray for him to have a deeper desire for the L-rd, for him to have G-dley influence in his life, and for G-d him to be protected form the evil was of the enemy.


John 17: 6"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. 7Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. 8For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. 9I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.

may your walk with the L-rd match what you say.

Shalom

 

[Lebesgue]

Have you thought about asking him to ask his friend to come to the synagogue with you? Then he'll have a friend there as well

Catrin xx

His best friend's mother is a HARDCORE Traditional SDA and would not allow that.

I don't know how much you know about SDAs but many of them believe they are the ONLY ones that have the truth. The more liberal ones like my wife don't share that extreme view, though.

I suppose I could try that and see what happens anyway.

 

[Lebesgue]

Shalom Lebesgue, and my condolences on having a 16 year old.

I raised 5! two boys and three girls, my oldest is now 29 and my youngest is 21 and they all love the L-rd and live a Torah life style.

And wants me to buy it for him. This is just not going to happen[.]

He knows that I as a Messianic and my wife as an SDA believe it is wrong to eat pork.
He’s becoming a man and wants to make this decision himself.

It's rebellion on his part. It breaks my heart. His mother and I did not raise him to do this.
It’s a funny thing about raising children. I see it as a series of umbilical cords being cut. When a child is born the first thing that is done is to cut its life support from its Mother. But the child is still dependent on its parents to get food, feed them, clean them, take them places, ect.... Then we [parents] start cutting those umbilical cords, we teach them to feed themselves, to walk, to wash, ect....
But they still depend on us [parents] to buy the food, supply the roof over there head, supply the car, and supply the cash$$$ ect.... Now at this stage of a child’s life it gets tricky, we don’t want to cut any of the umbilical cords for fear they are going to make wrong decisions and ultimately cutting the final umbilical cord and they move on with there life. [just as we did]
Making the wrong decision is sometime part of this process. But allowing the child to make his or her own decision is important.

When my now 25 year old son was almost 18 and had a part time job and wanted to go to a wedding in California [were in FL] of a girl he had meet only one time and was E-mailing. I said son it is your decision! But I strongly suggest that you keep the $200.00 for the plain ticket in the bank and stay home. [and I prayed that he would make the right decision]
He bought the ticket and a week before the wedding the groom backed out of the wedding and my son lost the $200.00. {no refund) This taught my son that he should listen to his Father. Where if I just told him no! he would have come away with exasperation with me.

Proverbs 22: 6Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

I always like this verse, because it talks to the child and the father.
Ephesians 6: 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. KJV, provoke not your children to wrath

He admitted to me he sneaks buying bacon cheesburgers with his lunch money sometimes.
His decision!. What I am impressed with here, is the fact that the line of communication is open. As long as the two of you can talk, argue, communicate with each other, this is good.

I refuse to buy pork for him. He doesn't like it but he is 16 and he will abide by my rules.
Agreed! Explain it to him [man to man] why “YOU” cant buy pork and bring it into your home. [because of G-ds word] he may not like it now, but he will remember that dad had integrity. [remember the song “the cat in the cradle”? part of the song went; “I’m going to be like you dad, I want to be just like youuuuuuu]

He also does not like going to synagogue with me on Shabbat when my wife is working(she is a nurse and has to work every other Shabbat). My wife has told him he HAS to go to synagogue with me when she works. Maybe the two of you can spend some time together on Shabbat, reading, talking, if this MJ thing is something new he may just be uncomfortable with it not knowing anyone and just being new.

He just wants to stay home and watch TV programmes that are inappropriate for Shabbat. Get rid of the TV, this solves many family problems.[we went more that 5 years without]

When my wife is off duty, he doesn't mind going to SDA church with her because his best friend goes there. He doesn't want to go anywhere to worship though and bring up how I was raised in a "secular" home and my brother and I both turned out good. Being raised in a secular home and coming out good is like surviving a plain crash and coming out without a scratch. Who wants to take that chance?

Will this get better? I do not want him to turn away from G-d. He is a good boy and does not do drugs or alcohol or things with girls he shouldn't be doing before marriage, but I am concerned about his lack of interest in G-d and his wanting to break the food laws.
The best thing I suggest you and your wife to do is “PRAY”, let prayer consume you for your son. Pray for him to have a deeper desire for the L-rd, for him to have G-dley influence in his life, and for G-d him to be protected form the evil was of the enemy.


John 17: 6"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. 7Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. 8For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. 9I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.

may your walk with the L-rd match what you say.

Shalom

Todah!


Shalom,

Lebesgue

 

[visionary]

Are there any boys his age at the synagogue? If so, can you invite the family over for an evening of get together. Maybe, the two boys will find something in common, in which will help your son to think that MJ isn't so bad and neither is the pork issue worth rebelling over.