moving into the mature thread

[sampa]

Not sure where I fit, but I think I'm moving into the mature thread. Will be 40years old in 6 months, yet I feel stuck in this time warp that I'm going on 30.

I'm glad I've recently found singles fellowship locally with folks close to my age, its refreshing. At first they thought I was far younger and in time they've come to see I'm not so far off. Anyone else feeling or have felt a bit wierd about where you really fit in the life stages? Its even wierder when I've never been married or in a serious relationship but desire to be in one.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Sampa, welcome to mature singles.

We are the best sub board at CF!

 

[sampa]

Thanks dayhiker

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

LOL for me, the better question would be "Do you ever feel like you fit in?" Cuz I never do. Oh sure I get "accepted" here and there, but I never feel like I totally fit in. It's that whole "This world isn't my home" theme that runs thru my life. In school, you know how there are clicks? Well I socialized in many of them but wasn't a full fledged member of any of them. It's the same now. I'm in a small group....yeah they allowed me in, but I am nowhere near as "in" as some other members that joined later. Grant it I don't "fit" as well being a single widow and all (they are mostly marrieds). And when I go to singles functions, they are usually all younger so again...not a perfect fit, not an outcast either. I've felt this my whole life. So much so that at my funeral I want them to play "Don't let me be misunderstood" by the Animals and I'm not joking. The other song is Tracks of my Tears by Smokey Robinson. Both fit me SO well. WOW I just found where I "fit" LOL

 

[sampa]

Michelle, some interesting thoughts, I may never feel like I fit in. Cliques are not my thing and I seem to run the other way. My dilemna comes in sometimes when I initially meet others that think I'm in my late 20's, while I'm actually only a few years difference. Those in their 40's think I'd not understand their circumstances, while young adult look at me like why am I not involved more in their group. Then again, it could be like your question "do you ever feel like you fit in?", proabably not, highschool was just the same. Not heard of those songs, but its good you've got some that you can identify with

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

eh...I'm resigned now.....don't care, no hair, if I fit in or don't. Gave that up for lent...just kidding, but I DID give up caring about fitting in, or if people like me. I am a GREAT friend. I know it, and my close friends know it. BUT if they don't want to keep in touch with me, what can I do? It's the ebb and flow of life and after the roller coaster ride I had last week and today....I don't have the energy.

Note: Last week oldest son went out of state unexpectedly. He is home now, but it was stressful when it happened and today, of course, we had to put our puppy (his dog) to sleep forever. Very sad.

So sorry in advance if my posts are coming across in any negative way, I never mean them to.

 

[sampa]

yes, Michelle, priorities. Lifes circumstances can push whats important to the forefront. I hope you and your son can work things out, I'm not sure of the circumstance. No worries, we have our days. I'm struggling through my day, took off work b/c wasn't feeling well. I'm sorry for your puppy also. I've not been able to own a pet since I moved out of my parents house in 1991.

 

[Niels]

I'm also finding it harder to fit in. It doesn't help that church groups tend to set the cutoff age somewhere where between 30 and 40. Wherever I go, it seems that I'm the youngest member of the older group. Not that I can't get along with a room full of divorcees who are old enough to be my parents, but it can be a lonely experience. At work, however, people often mistake me for being in my twenties. I've even been invited to the college Christian fellowship on a couple occasions. The thing is, I was in a college Christian group 15 years ago. Time flies. Relating to age-peers can also be a challenge, given the fact that most of them are married and have kids. Not that we don't get along well enough at work etc., but our home lives are so different that our social circles rarely intersect.

As far as being stuck in a time warp goes, the years that I've lived alone seem to blend together at times. I many ways, I still feel like I'm in my early twenties. The thought that I'll be 40 in less than 4 years is amusing, but it beats the alternative. Around 27 or so, I basically stopped keeping track. For all I know, I'll feel the same at 56 or even 86. We'll see. In the meantime, life goes on.

 

[sampa]

Miles, I can relate and I'm glad I'm not alone. It makes me wonder if we really are in a life stage or where you would even catagorize age and what others associate with it. Single never married near 40 and looking/thinking in 20s, its like I flew to space and came back and everyone has aged. I'm mean literally, I just looked at these freshmen twins, one of them I actually lifted off the ground. And now I looked at their pictures, 3x heavier and older looking - but still living a younger lifestyle in cool bands and stuff as they were when I knew them. At the same time, most of the people I hung in highschool with haven't aged very much, they are active and live far away from their hometown. 40 years old I think I'm going to feel it. 35 years old I definitely felt some reality set in. But if others don't realize it, all the better for me

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I don't think it's ALL bad to think younger than we are. I mean I'm 53 and I certainly don't think like alot of 50 somethings I know but that doesn't matter to me.
My FIL years ago said something amusing that seems to fit here, at least for a laugh if nothing else. He said 'when you get to be my age (50's, 60's) your mind says, go ahead you can do this, and then your body says Don't you dare!" LOL.
So I think we always will feel either not our age, or if we get sick maybe older than our age, but really never feel "our age". Does that make sense?
And I do think everyone needs someone on this planet they can relate to that they can at least converse with on a regular basis. Just someone to say "I know how you feel"

 

[power2theweak]

I always say...I'm 30 in my own mind. Not sure why I still feel 30, but I do! It might have something to do with the fact that I moved across the country when I was 30--far away from my "life" and home.

Sometimes when people ask my age, I find myself starting to say 30. LOL!

I'm also finding it harder to fit in. It doesn't help that church groups tend to set the cutoff age somewhere where between 30 and 40. Wherever I go, it seems that I'm the youngest member of the older group. Not that I can't get along with a room full of divorcees who are old enough to be my parents, but it can be a lonely experience. At work, however, people often mistake me for being in my twenties. I've even been invited to the college Christian fellowship on a couple occasions. The thing is, I was in a college Christian group 15 years ago. Time flies. Relating to age-peers can also be a challenge, given the fact that most of them are married and have kids. Not that we don't get along well enough at work etc., but our home lives are so different that our social circles rarely intersect.

As far as being stuck in a time warp goes, the years that I've lived alone seem to blend together at times. I many ways, I still feel like I'm in my early twenties. The thought that I'll be 40 in less than 4 years is amusing, but it beats the alternative. Around 27 or so, I basically stopped keeping track. For all I know, I'll feel the same at 56 or even 86. We'll see. In the meantime, life goes on.

 

[sampa]

.... He said 'when you get to be my age (50's, 60's) your mind says, go ahead you can do this, and then your body says Don't you dare!" LOL.
....

I think there's some truth to that, not always the later part. But I have noticed a freedom in people after 50. They aren't as self conscious and shy. So whatever and move on. I'm a bit impressed by this.

 

[dayhiker]

sampa ... that is a very good observation. Its taken most of my life to not be self conscious. I know who I am. I can sit in a sermon that says men of God are x and know weather that is the way God created me or not. When I was younger I used to think all the points made in men's meeting were true and I'd try to be who they said I should be. But I can't be all things, I can only be who God created me to be!

So I know myself really well, I can somewhat verbalize who I am now and I don't want to be what someone else says I should be. I'm also comfortable with who I am. The last part of me that I became comfortable with in this way was who God created me as in my sexuality. That was so hard to do, because the church so loves to tell us who we are sexually as if one glove fits everyone!

So we say over and over, I'd like to be young again, but not loose any of the knowledge I have. Primarily that is the knowledge if who I am and how I've learned to love myself as God loves me.

 

[sampa]

dayhiker, thanks. I'm glad you've gotten beyond what others thought you should be. I still struggle with approval, but I've been a bit of a rebel since my younger years and sometimes set the trend without others even knowing it. heehe. There's a lot of awkwardness that comes with youth and much more freedom as we grow in the Lord.

I guess this will be something for me to look forward to at 50. Right now I have to figure what I'll like about 40's.

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, each period of our life brings new challenges that we have to learn to accept and to live with. But lately I've been learning better how to accept not only myself but others as well. For the most part I'm still looking forward to what comes next in my life and relationship with God and my brothers in sister in the Lord as well those who don't know Jesus yet.

So you were a rebel! WOW ... I was anything but a rebel when I was young. But now I enjoy being a loving rebel. I think I feel something like Jesus felt when he rebelled against the laws of men. When I was young Christians used to say its was wrong to go to dances ... well I love to dance. Just feel the music and move with the music just like a 2 year old that moves to the music naturally does.

 

[sampa]

Dance like David. Oh but with clothes of coarse

 

[dayhiker]

But I always like to dance a little in my little french made costume when I'm cleaning!

LOL

 

[mjmcmillan]

But I always like to dance a little in my little french made costume when I'm cleaning!

LOL

There are mental images which, once seen, cannot be unseen.

 

[dayhiker]

lol ... Now I'm a handsome guy ... My mom told me when I was 9!

Actually, I think we should learn to accept every one in our mental image of them clothed or not clothed. In general its the way God created them and its good for all our mental health.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

dayhiker, thanks. I'm glad you've gotten beyond what others thought you should be. I still struggle with approval, but I've been a bit of a rebel since my younger years and sometimes set the trend without others even knowing it. heehe. There's a lot of awkwardness that comes with youth and much more freedom as we grow in the Lord.

I guess this will be something for me to look forward to at 50. Right now I have to figure what I'll like about 40's.

The forties is where freedom begins. When I was younger and married, and would talk to my mom about our issues in our marriage, she would say "I wish you were my age, (in her forties) cuz then you could tell him such and such" and of course I would say "OH I could never say THAT". Then when I got to my forties, I found out I COULD say THAT LOL.

On a side note, I have never looked at my life in decades, or like some people do, like "oh no I'm going to be FORTY!" like it's a disease or something. Of course, I never thought I would live past 25 (for no reason, just what I thought for some weird reason) so any day past that was a shock and a blessing. So my advice would be to forget about the number and enjoy each day God gives you (which I'm sure you already do)