[Moved from Singles]A questions specificly for the women in this forum

[Shattered-Reflections]

Nevermind

 

[SnowyMacie]

There's what is contextual and what is God's law, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, lying, murder et cetera, et cetera and so forth are not contextual, they're direct breaches of God's law So once again it all goes down to is there a right and is there a wrong. God is clearer than day on certain issues, inappropriate contentography is most certainly one of them, does this mean we mess up we burn? No, but we're not to get comfortable in our sins, we don't accept that because we're prone to sin we can keep on sinning but rather lean on the Holy Spirit.

Context matters no matter what, and just because something doesn't a translation or whatever doesn't survive deeper scrutiny doesn't make wrong. For example, the word that's often translated as fornication, which we interpret as "premarital sex", the actual translation is "promiscuous sex", but that's not really defined, but that doesn't make premarital sex necessarily okay because we defined that as promiscuous because some there is some interpretation up to us. Let me give you a Biblical example of this, whenever Jesus is asked "What's the most important commandment?" the man is asking him how Jesus interprets the law. He does that because like today, there was different ways of doing it to answer question likes "What do you do when your neighbor's donkey falls in their well on the Sabbath?", and different Rabbis would answer that question different ways depending how they interpreted God's law.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

There's just no way to have an honest, open conversation on the subject when apparently experienced 16 year old girls are showing up in a conversation meant for those of legal age, almost as if strategically planned.

Oops...

I'm guessing this comment was directed towards me because I appear to be the only one fitting that description in this thread. There was no strategic planning involved. The topic simply caught my eye late last night as I was sleepily skimming through the list of newest posts. I thought I might be able to contribute to it. I hadn't noticed the disclaimer at the top about how you're supposed to be over 18 until I read your post and then scrolled up. I don't know if I'd describe myself as "experienced" since I've never seen inappropriate content beyond what was on my laptop when I had a hostage ware virus, but I have been privy to a few discussions about inappropriate content addictions. In addition to the sermon about it at my church when the minister at xxxChurch guest ministered, I was briefly on a teen Christian forum and several guys sought advice for inappropriate content addictions. There were in-depth discussions about it that were insightful. I had very little that I could meaningfully add, but I passed on the link to the xxxChurch that I mentioned in my previous post here, and one of the guys said it was helpful to him. I thought it might be a worthwhile suggestion for this poster, but perhaps it isn't. I don't know. All I really know is that it's anonymous and it doesn't involve the high costs that are typical of professional help. My thoughts on the destructive nature of addiction were really formulated more by my boyfriend's decade-long experiences with his society-type mom's secret addiction to painkillers, and the heavy burden it's been on him and the family. That's where my comments about how I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who had an addiction unless he was committed to actively working towards overcoming it are derived.

Anyhoo. I wasn't intending to make anyone uncomfortable and I'm sorry if I did. I'll leave the thread now.

 

[Nanopants]

Well, whatever the case, the thread has been moved out of the 18+ only section, so I guess it's up to you.

I may have been confused earlier or something when I saw a post made by a formerly older male mod with a female symbol and 16 set as the age. It is strange how that happens.

 

[Clone93]

Context matters no matter what, and just because something doesn't a translation or whatever doesn't survive deeper scrutiny doesn't make wrong. For example, the word that's often translated as fornication, which we interpret as "premarital sex", the actual translation is "promiscuous sex", but that's not really defined, but that doesn't make premarital sex necessarily okay because we defined that as promiscuous because some there is some interpretation up to us. Let me give you a Biblical example of this, whenever Jesus is asked "What's the most important commandment?" the man is asking him how Jesus interprets the law. He does that because like today, there was different ways of doing it to answer question likes "What do you do when your neighbor's donkey falls in their well on the Sabbath?", and different Rabbis would answer that question different ways depending how they interpreted God's law.

I'm sorry, I'd rather not go into an argument about this because I won't budge an inch so it wouldn't be fair, but I think you're plain wrong to imply that the way a society functions should have any influence at all on how we follow the word of God. Theology origami makes scripture useless and uninterpretable, so I'm going to go with what the Bible says and not how society or even my sinful nature functions.

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

 

[Joykins]

I know I don't have much of an issue with marrying a man who occasionally views inappropriate content. That's pretty normal.

On the other hand, much of inappropriate content is ethically questionable, keeping in mind how it is made. I would not marry a man who had a serious obsession or addiction to inappropriate content. That man has issues he needs to work out before he is ready to get married. That's probably true of any addiction, too.

 

[Inkachu]

Blind post: I would not get involved with someone who currently, or recently, had an issue with inappropriate content. inappropriate content is destructive in every way and has long-lasting affects on a person's mental and psychological functions, as well as their expectations in relationships.

If someone had a past history of inappropriate content use, and had since overcome it, recovered, and healed, then it wouldn't be a deterrent for me.

OP, please don't assume that you will always have this problem. You CAN overcome it. You may need outside intervention in the form of counseling and finding someone to help keep you accountable, but there is NO shame in that.

 

[Cute Tink]

rather than icing with the consistency of stale pudding wrapped in a tenderized Brillo pad.

I just have to say, this is the least appetizing description of a Twinkie I have seen up to this point.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I'm sorry, I'd rather not go into an argument about this because I won't budge an inch so it wouldn't be fair, but I think you're plain wrong to imply that the way a society functions should have any influence at all on how we follow the word of God. Theology origami makes scripture useless and uninterpretable, so I'm going to go with what the Bible says and not how society or even my sinful nature functions.

Fair enough. I think it's good to know what you are willing and not willing to discuss with other people.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Newman, thank you for being open and honest

I would not be shocked nor disgusted to find out someone I'm dating had/has an issue with inappropriate content. I know it's prolific in this day and age; sadly I expect it. I've had male christian friends who have struggled with it and were humbly open about it. I've put a lot of time and thought into this subject over the decade. My heart goes out to them, not disdain.

My personal stance is if I'm dating someone and they struggle with inappropriate content I would ask that they no longer view any explicit materials if we are to go further in the relationship. MB and sexual urges are acceptable but I would require the images be cut out of his life.

The problem with inappropriate content is if it's there before marriage it will likely be there in the marriage. I know this from married men I have spoken with. inappropriate content effects the way people view sex, themselves, and others. Cutting out inappropriate content allows for better influences to take its place. Moreover it is stifling spiritually, for his own sake I want to refocus himself on "what is true, admirable, and lovely". I have no delusionals how immense the struggle against inappropriate content is -- but I know there is healing and freedom from sin and addictions can be broken. It's not an easy road. It's a road that only grace can pull you through and drawing close to God.

I know there are others here will disagree with me. That's okay, you don't have to agree with me. This is just my personal view and where I'm at in my life.

Newman, there may be women who will turn you away because of your sins or weaknesses... but I want you to know God will never leave you because of your struggles. You are His child whom He loves. A relationship with a woman can fall apart for many reasons including your own inadequacies -- But He will stick with you by your side because of His love.

You're a good woman, Shattered. You try to empathize and reassure, yet do not totally dismiss inappropriate content as completely harmless. Indeed, it can be quite a scourge on men.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

I know that as a single person inappropriate content can be quite alluring. However as a Christian God has given you the power to beat it. It is up to you to make the choice to not use it. The bible says:

1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

From that scripture we see that "you are not under a special type of temptation, it happens to all", and God has said "You will not be tempted above what you are able to resist".

The habit you have fallen into is not God's will for you. You must beat it, rather than submit to it.

I know that my wife would hate it if she even thought I was looking at another woman. God has given you power to be free, you have to stand on His word, not the culture of this day. God wants us to be free from sin.

 

[FireDragon76]

Though I try my hardest not to. I don't have many friends, and when I'm stuck bored... I'm extremely frustrated, and feel horrible about the sin in my life. Ive not had a girlfriend ever, which is probably feeding into the loneliness. Bottom line, I'm frustrated and don't know what to do.

Seek therapy in RL. Preferably from a secular counsellor. A good counsellor will respect your religious beliefs without necessarily sharing them. You have underlying problems you need to work out. Rather than focus just on eliminating a behavior you don't like, you need to focus on developing yourself in general.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Seek therapy in RL. Preferably from a secular counsellor. A good counsellor will respect your religious beliefs without necessarily sharing them. You have underlying problems you need to work out. Rather than focus just on eliminating a behavior you don't like, you need to focus on developing yourself in general.

I think this is an excellent point. You need to find a counselor that either shares your religious belief or respect them. Story time: I had depression in high school and went to a clinic through my mom's medical school (she's a physician, but didn't have any connections with a pediatric psychiatrist other that) that basically oversaw psychiatrists' doing a pediatric fellowship, there was an actual psychiatrist who oversaw everything and did actually come in at the end of sessions. Anyway, I was talking to my fellow (that's the technical term) about my inappropriate contentography addiction, and he refused to acknowledge that it was a problem. He basically tried to argue with me that it wasn't a problem, and refused to acknowledged my convictions and beliefs. If it wasn't a month before I moved to college, I would have changed people, but I did report what happened to the attending after I left the room at the end of the session.
As a psychology student, I want you to understand the difference between counseling and advice. A psychology or counselor performs counseling/therapy that helps you get better at whatever psychological problem you are currently having through various methods and techniques depending on their theoretical orientation (I won't go into that), not to give you advice. People who are trained in counseling are not trained to give advice, we're not experts on advice, we're experts on behavior and cognition. Giving advice, saying what the Bible says, etc. is not counseling.

 

[anewman1993]

I think this is an excellent point. You need to find a counselor that either shares your religious belief or respect them. Story time: I had depression in high school and went to a clinic through my mom's medical school (she's a physician, but didn't have any connections with a pediatric psychiatrist other that) that basically oversaw psychiatrists' doing a pediatric fellowship, there was an actual psychiatrist who oversaw everything and did actually come in at the end of sessions. Anyway, I was talking to my fellow (that's the technical term) about my inappropriate contentography addiction, and he refused to acknowledge that it was a problem. He basically tried to argue with me that it wasn't a problem, and refused to acknowledged my convictions and beliefs. If it wasn't a month before I moved to college, I would have changed people, but I did report what happened to the attending after I left the room at the end of the session.
As a psychology student, I want you to understand the difference between counseling and advice. A psychology or counselor performs counseling/therapy that helps you get better at whatever psychological problem you are currently having through various methods and techniques depending on their theoretical orientation (I won't go into that), not to give you advice. People who are trained in counseling are not trained to give advice, we're not experts on advice, we're experts on behavior and cognition. Giving advice, saying what the Bible says, etc. is not counseling.

I went to counseling for a little bit. I went because I was feeling kinda depressed, actually told my mom about it. However I told her it was due to my medical problems, which isn't completely a lie, but most of it was from being so lonely. Anyway, I went for around 4 months to the counselor on campus, my mom went to him when she was younger and also knew him from when she was majoring in counseling. Anyway, I went for a while and it really didn't help, I didn't like going, sure it was nice to talk to someone, but after the first few weeks that just wasn't enough reason to keep going. I never told him about the inappropriate content but did mention that I have very few friends and how it frustrated me. He didn't really help me at all honestly, it felt pointless. I don't have the money to go somewhere else and my parents can't know about the inappropriate content (my dad knows because I had to confide in someone however my mom would disown me, or make my life a living hell even more than she already does. She throws a fit if I pick up my cloths an hour after she ask instead of right then, how much more is she going to about something that actually matters?)

I'm stuck, and it sucks.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I went to counseling for a little bit. I went because I was feeling kinda depressed, actually told my mom about it. However I told her it was due to my medical problems, which isn't completely a lie, but most of it was from being so lonely. Anyway, I went for around 4 months to the counselor on campus, my mom went to him when she was younger and also knew him from when she was majoring in counseling. Anyway, I went for a while and it really didn't help, I didn't like going, sure it was nice to talk to someone, but after the first few weeks that just wasn't enough reason to keep going. I never told him about the inappropriate content but did mention that I have very few friends and how it frustrated me. He didn't really help me at all honestly, it felt pointless. I don't have the money to go somewhere else and my parents can't know about the inappropriate content (my dad knows because I had to confide in someone however my mom would disown me, or make my life a living hell even more than she already does. She throws a fit if I pick up my cloths an hour after she ask instead of right then, how much more is she going to about something that actually matters?)

I'm stuck, and it sucks.

Honestly...I don't mean to sound snippy or anything by saying this...But how do you expect counseling to help you overcome your inappropriate content addiction if you don't actually TELL your counselor about it? You CAN overcome this....You're stuck in a rut and you CAN get out. But it's going to require work and effort.

Is there another counselor you can see? What about a pastor or an more mature gentleman at church you could trust? You need somebody who can help to hold you accountable, and give you alternative behaviors so you change your habits. There are also things you can do yourself to help if you use a little self discipline. Like only use the laptop in public where there are people.

Could you maybe ask your dad to install some kind of filter or something on your computer?

 

[Cute Tink]

Honestly...I don't mean to sound snippy or anything by saying this...But how do you expect counseling to help you overcome your inappropriate content addiction if you don't actually TELL your counselor about it?

This. Very much this.

The point of counseling is to address your problems and then the counselor can help you to learn to control your behavior or to deal with your issues. They can't help if you don't tell them what the problem is.