[Moved from Singles]A questions specificly for the women in this forum

anewman1993

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Its kinda weird posting this here but I want to know.Would you ever have a relationship with someone who has a problem with inappropriate content? What if you found out your current SO had a problem with it?


I'm a 21 year old guy, Ive struggled with inappropriate content addiction all my life, honestly I never expect to be "free" of it, I hope that one day I will have managed to live a life without it, but realistically temptation is always going to be there and I will fail, because I am human. Hopefully through the power of god one day I will be able to go long periods of time without looking at it, but I fear the draw is always going to be there. That doesn't mean I want to have sex before I'm married, I'm dead set on waiting no mater what, or that I don't love god, because I do, or that I would every consider cheating on someone at all.


I guess I have this fear that I'll be in a relationship with someone, they find out (I'm not going to lie about it, if you can't share your struggles with someone you probably shouldn't marry them and thats the point of dating for me, find someone to marry, though obviously you would be pretty far into a relationship to share that kind of stuff), that when they find out they will act disgusted or break up with me right there. I wouldn't really blame them, I don't know if I would want to date someone who had a problem with alcohol or drugs or lying or whatever. Or even more worrysome is that I would be in a relationship with someone who saw nothing wrong with it at all, or didn't think it was a big deal.


I just am curious, I'm always going to struggle with this, so I wondered if that completely ruled me out of many christan womens minds.


Please gentle, but honest with me.
 
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KitKatMatt

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While I know that inappropriate content addiction is a real thing, I also know that many people believe moderate or even rare use of inappropriate content is an addiction, even though that does not meet the criteria of an addiction (horrible compulsions, constant indulgence, unable to socialize or maintain relationships with friends/family properly because of always wanting to watch more inappropriate content, etc).

I would date someone who watched inappropriate content, but I would probably stay away from dating someone who saw it as an addiction (or had an actual addiction with it).

Those who view it as an addiction when it doesn't meet the specifications of an actual addiction, would feel very negative to me because of my interests.

Those who had an actual inappropriate content addiction, I would not want to make their lives hard because of those interests of mine, so I would have to say no as well.

If it was someone who watched inappropriate content in a healthy way and didn't view it as a negative thing, that'd be perfectly fine with me.
 
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Shattered-Reflections

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Newman, thank you for being open and honest :)

I would not be shocked nor disgusted to find out someone I'm dating had/has an issue with inappropriate content. I know it's prolific in this day and age; sadly I expect it. I've had male christian friends who have struggled with it and were humbly open about it. I've put a lot of time and thought into this subject over the decade. My heart goes out to them, not disdain.

My personal stance is if I'm dating someone and they struggle with inappropriate content I would ask that they no longer view any explicit materials if we are to go further in the relationship. MB and sexual urges are acceptable but I would require the images be cut out of his life.

The problem with inappropriate content is if it's there before marriage it will likely be there in the marriage. I know this from married men I have spoken with. inappropriate content effects the way people view sex, themselves, and others. Cutting out inappropriate content allows for better influences to take its place. Moreover it is stifling spiritually, for his own sake I want to refocus himself on "what is true, admirable, and lovely". I have no delusionals how immense the struggle against inappropriate content is -- but I know there is healing and freedom from sin and addictions can be broken. It's not an easy road. It's a road that only grace can pull you through and drawing close to God.

I know there are others here will disagree with me. That's okay, you don't have to agree with me. This is just my personal view and where I'm at in my life.

Newman, there may be women who will turn you away because of your sins or weaknesses... but I want you to know God will never leave you because of your struggles. You are His child whom He loves. A relationship with a woman can fall apart for many reasons including your own inadequacies -- But He will stick with you by your side because of His love.
 
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Waddler

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Newman, thank you for being open and honest :)

I would not be shocked nor disgusted to find out someone I'm dating had/has an issue with inappropriate content. I know it's prolific in this day and age; sadly I expect it. I've had male christian friends who have struggled with it and were humbly open about it. I've put a lot of time and thought into this subject over the decade. My heart goes out to them, not disdain.

My personal stance is if I'm dating someone and they struggle with inappropriate content I would ask that they no longer view any explicit materials if we are to go further in the relationship. MB and sexual urges are acceptable but I would require the images be cut out of his life.

The problem with inappropriate content is if it's there before marriage it will likely be there in the marriage. I know this from married men I have spoken with. inappropriate content effects the way people view sex, themselves, and others. Cutting out inappropriate content allows for better influences to take its place. Moreover it is stifling spiritually, for his own sake I want to refocus himself on "what is true, admirable, and lovely". I have no delusionals how immense the struggle against inappropriate content is -- but I know there is healing and freedom from sin and addictions can be broken. It's not an easy road. It's a road that only grace can pull you through and drawing close to God.

I know there are others here will disagree with me. That's okay, you don't have to agree with me. This is just my personal view and where I'm at in my life.

Newman, there may be women who will turn you away because of your sins or weaknesses... but I want you to know God will never leave you because of your struggles. You are His child whom He loves. A relationship with a woman can fall apart for many reasons including your own inadequacies -- But He will stick with you by your side because of His love.

92b9987afe23fa2794a9b0ef6660a67b3e729808


I highly recommend that anyone struggling with a disruptive desire for lust, inappropriate content, masturbation, and/or sex seek out counseling. Speak to your minister in private about whom he (or she) might recommend. Your church may sponsor a confidential "_____ Anonymous" group that will maintain your confidence while helping you through your problems.

*Toddles off as he does not have the gender requested for this thread*
 
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Neve

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I would not be shocked nor disgusted to find out someone I'm dating had/has an issue with inappropriate content. I know it's prolific in this day and age; sadly I expect it....
The problem with inappropriate content is if it's there before marriage it will likely be there in the marriage...inappropriate content effects the way people view sex, themselves, and others. ...Moreover it is stifling spiritually, for his own sake I want to refocus himself on "what is true, admirable, and lovely". I have no delusionals how immense the struggle against inappropriate content is -- but I know there is healing and freedom from sin and addictions can be broken. It's not an easy road. It's a road that only grace can pull you through and drawing close to God.
This (I selectively cut out some statements that I didn't completely agree with).

It's no surprise to women that men view inappropriate content. It is expected. I've heard that saying that the men who claim that they've never viewed inappropriate content are lying about it.

Would I ask a man to completely give it up? I don't know. I would prefer it, but it would depend on different factors (how it impacts our relationship, the frequency of viewing inappropriate content, etc.) I also ask myself, "Will I be trading one addiction for another?" In my book, inappropriate content is a lesser evil than other worse addictions, like drugs, alcohol, and gambling.

[Of course, my answer may vary based on the type of inappropriate content he views (regular inappropriate content versus fetish/hardcore inappropriate content) since it would color his views on sex. I assume the OP was asking about regular adult inappropriate contentography and nothing weird.]
 
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Waddler

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*Toddles back in to offer $0.02*

As a recovered inappropriate contentaholic, I cannot tolerate any inappropriate contentography in my life, and would not tolerate it in the life of my significant other, though I would certainly not be one to cast stones. I would be heartbroken, not angry or judgmental, at my significant other's involvement with inappropriate contentography.

I have nearly been killed by inappropriate contentography, and I know people who have died as a result of it. I have seen the destructive nature of inappropriate content. I went from looking at softcore inappropriate content (women in underwear) to hardcore fetishes within the first week of my addiction.

I would treat inappropriate contentography with the same extreme prejudice I would treat a home invader: shoot to kill. If my loved ones are involved in inappropriate contentography and I have any say in the matter, I will put every device in the house able to view inappropriate contentography through a trash compactor before I let inappropriate contentography touch my loved ones again.

As for how I would react to my significant other being involved with inappropriate contentography, I would beg them to seek treatment, but they would know very clearly that if they give up the fight against it, they are trading my heart for their addiction. I would gladly welcome them back should they change their mind, but I cannot be with someone who welcomes inappropriate contentography with open arms. As long as she fought--understanding that not every battle is won--I would fight at her side. I just can't fight her battle for her.
 
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MehGuy

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How have you been nearly killed by inappropriate contentography?

Well sadly I was born with hardcore fetishes.. looking at inappropriate content actually tamed me down..
 
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Ada Lovelace

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I would be very hesitant to be in a relationship with someone who had an addiction and was not resolved to taking meaningful action towards treating and managing it. An addiction can become quicksand that pulls in the person and those in their lives. It corrodes stability. Others can pull the person out of the quicksand, but he'll slip back into it if he hasn't established methods for avoiding the traps and the resolve to pull himself out every time he slips back in.

A couple of years ago a minister at XXXChurch which ministers to those who work in the inappropriate content industry and those with inappropriate content addictions spoke at my church. I learned through that sermon that many people struggle with inappropriate content addictions but are too ashamed to seek out help with overcoming it. The church sponsors single-gender brunch events at churches around the country called "inappropriate content and Pancakes" where people candidly discuss inappropriate content. I'm a teenage girl with zero interest in inappropriate content so I obviously never attended it, but the catchy name stayed with me. This is the site: inappropriate content Addiction Recovery: Essential Tips for Awareness, Prevention and Recovery If you scroll down you'll see information about inappropriate content addiction. Reach out to people who have experienced inappropriate content addictions and worked their way through it.

You're 21. Where I live (Los Angeles) most people marry between the ages of their late 20s to early 40s. I've never known anyone under age 25 who married here. You have to work towards reclaiming your life from this addiction and becoming a viable man for serious relationships, a marriage, and a family if you choose. You have the time but you have to use it well. Don't lose hope in yourself. You are the one who controls your mind and your actions. Do not give over your power to any addiction.
 
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Waddler

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How have you been nearly killed by inappropriate contentography?

Seven bladder infections, four pressure sores from twelve separate binges in excess of 48 hours, sleep deprivation, one nearly suicidal experience, and three panic attacks to the point I vomited. All of this took place within the same year.
 
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MehGuy

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Hmmm... well I don't think that's normal..

I never experienced anything close to that from inappropriate contentography..

You sound like you suffer from a severe case of inappropriate content addiction, probably mixed with religious fervor.
 
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Waddler

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Hmmm... well I don't think that's normal..

I never experienced anything close to that from inappropriate contentography..

You sound like you suffer from a severe case of inappropriate content addiction, probably mixed with religious fervor.

I am a recovered inappropriate contentaholic, in the same way an alcoholic is said to be "recovered." I do have a disability, and I concede it makes me prone to certain problems. As far as where you get the idea that "religious fervor" contributes to any of the aforementioned problems, you'll have to explain that one.
 
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MehGuy

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Well I guess I wonder where the suicidal tendencies come from. I'd think it would stem from religious guilt. Perhaps I'm wrong..

I just have to say that you're case with inappropriate contentography is highly unusual.
 
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Waddler

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Well I guess I wonder where the suicidal tendencies come from. I'd think it would stem from religious guilt. Perhaps I'm wrong..

I just have to say that you're case with inappropriate contentography is highly unusual.

Ah, I can see where you would mistake the suicidal situation for religious guilt. I have had that, as well, but no, the suicidal situation I was referring to was different, but it's not up for discussion here (and by "here" I mean "CF in its totality").

As far as my case being unusual, I will concede that the specifics are unique to me, but I have talked with and read about many, many, many others who have been utterly destroyed by inappropriate contentography.
 
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Most of the damage I've seen as the result of inappropriate content useage has been social fallout, which is a serious threat, and family and friends are much more important than sexual thrills. Bottom line is, people are and always have been sexual creatures, and in this subject Christianity at large is still using training wheels. If anyone has inappropriate content issues, I wouldn't even recommend seeking help from a church. Go to professional counseling, or something. There's just no way to have an honest, open conversation on the subject when apparently experienced 16 year old girls are showing up in a conversation meant for those of legal age, almost as if strategically planned.
 
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anewman1993

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Newman, thank you for being open and honest :)

My personal stance is if I'm dating someone and they struggle with inappropriate content I would ask that they no longer view any explicit materials if we are to go further in the relationship. MB and sexual urges are acceptable but I would require the images be cut out of his life.

haha Its easy to be open and honest online, where no on knows me.

So, Ive got a questions, or scenario for you. Take me for example, you say you would ask them not to view inappropriate content anymore if you want to continue the relationship, but in an position like mine that isn't going to change how I behave at all, I'm already fighting the temptation as much as I can, I literally "struggle" with it. How would you feel in that senario, because as much as I want to say "ill never look at inappropriate content again", heck, as much as I WANT it to be true, the chances of it actually being true are pretty slim, and from the outside looking it, it could very well look like I'm not trying at all.
 
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Waddler

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haha Its easy to be open and honest online, where no on knows me.

So, Ive got a questions, or scenario for you. Take me for example, you say you would ask them not to view inappropriate content anymore if you want to continue the relationship, but in an position like mine that isn't going to change how I behave at all, I'm already fighting the temptation as much as I can, I literally "struggle" with it. How would you feel in that senario, because as much as I want to say "ill never look at inappropriate content again", heck, as much as I WANT it to be true, the chances of it actually being true are pretty slim, and from the outside looking it, it could very well look like I'm not trying at all.

This is going to sound harsh, but I assure you, it's just friendly advice that has helped me:

1. Move your computer into an area where it will be more public, if you live with others. If that means you have to take the door off your bedroom, do that. If you live by yourself, find a Brother in Christ you can be accountable to, and look into accountability software that will keep your Brother apprised of your Internet activity. Programs like that are free and available at XXXChurch.com.

2. If you need to and can do so, get rid of your Internet access. Forget social media, forums, and the like; just cancel the service and get rid of it. Most inappropriate content goes through the Internet.

3. Don't fall into the trap of trying to keep track of the days since you looked at inappropriate content. That will make you think more about inappropriate content, and you are more liable to crack.

4. Be wary and vigilant if joining a men's group for support. They can be a great resource, but almost every group I've joined (especially online) has at least one guy for whom the groups are a fetish. In other words, if someone approaches you in an accountability group and seems overly interested in your specifics (types of inappropriate content, frequency you look at it, whether or not you touch, etc.), tell him (as politely as possible) that you don't discuss such things with anyone except your therapist. The same goes for if he tries to tell you his specifics, even if he seems to be "pouring out his soul." Tell him you don't want to hear it, because it will be a stumbling block to you. Feel free to interrupt him, again as politely as possible. Whatever you do, don't give in to his questions, and--after the group meeting or whenever it's easiest--alert the group leader in private about the member. Do not accuse him of being a fetishist, but state what he did and why you found it suspicious. Let the leader take it from there.

5. Find a therapist or counselor, preferably one recommended by your pastor. Attend meetings with the person. Do not miss meetings for inexcusable reasons (sleeping in, not feeling like going, etc.). Essentially, unless a shark jumped out of your toilet and bit your legs off, you don't have a reason not to go.

Your significant other would be hard-pressed to accuse you of not trying if you have done these things.
 
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