Hi all,
So, my OCD takes so many different forms; there always seems to be something new to stress over.
Lately, one of my latest obsessions is clothing, namely jeans. I have jeans that I have felt fine to wear and then I read things on Christian sites saying that jeans show the outline of a woman's body...basically saying it can cause men to think of a woman without clothes on.
I tried mine on, spending hours or so staring at them and scrutinizing them to see if they were lust-inducing. I was having a hard time finding anything wrong with most of them, but I still was unsure, so kept spending so much time checking to see if there really was something. I had this other voice of doubt in my head saying maybe my jeans were bad, maybe my curves were too visible, etc., etc.
Now, I do not go out of my way to buy rear enhancing jeans and my goal in dressing is not to cause men to look at me. However, I prefer to wear flattering styles that yes, show my curves - I'm not trying to show off my curves, but I don't exactly hide them. I have a rather petite frame and my legs are not super curvy, so even wearing really tight jeans doesn't show much and wearing loose jeans just doesn't look very nice on me and makes me feel sloppy. I am pretty reserved in how I dress, not wearing things that will make a guy think "Look at that body" or a woman think "How inappropriate" and I don't think my jeans scream, "Look at me". Yet...
From reading certain websites, some Christians would call my choice of jeans immodest, a stumbling block to men, or revealing nakedness since the shape of the body can be seen.
As those who understand OCD know, one can get very obsessive over just about anything, harping on small details others wouldn't even think about - which is what I feel like I am doing now: trying really hard to find and see something immodest, obsessing over if I will be causing lust or revealing nakedness.
Does this seem like my OCD flaring up or is God convicting me? That is the difficult thing about OCD! Many of of us feel our consciences at work for so many different things, so its hard to know if its typical OCD doubt/guilt or the Holy Spirit convicting. A big reason why I'm wondering if it's the Holy Spirit is because in one night I saw people saying the same things online on two different websites:
This one girl has a modesty blog and posted pictures of herself wearing jeans that she thought was modest. It was actually disheartening for me because the pictures she showed, in my opinion, were so unflattering and shapeless...like trying to mask the God-given body. It was beyond just trying to stay modest...it was excessive. In the one picture she wore lose boyish-looking jeans, and in another, I think they were fairly loose but it was hard to see because she wore layers of tent-like tops and a very bulky grandmotherly cardigan over them to above knee length (think tops a woman might wear when she wants to conceal being overweight or just had a baby). She said, "It’s tempting to show your hard work off to the world. After all, your legs are covered. This was a misconception I had. An ignorance really." While I was reading her post that did stick out to me because recently I was wondering about that...if you can be covered, but still show your shape, and if that's wrong.
A commenter wrote:
"I love this post! I was very convicted reading this. Thank you for writing what the Lord put on your heart to say. I am a young woman and I am trying to dress modestly and purposefully in a way that honors God. I could totally relate to what you said, “It’s tempting to show your hard work off to the world. After all, your legs are covered.” "
It stuck out to the commenter too, saying that she was convicted. I then wondered if God was trying to convict me because of these coincidences. Later I was reading a lust article and a woman commenter wrote:
"One thing that I notice women saying is, “well I’m covered!”. But what some don’t realize, is that their clothes are so tight (even though everything is “covered”), it’s like the jeans are painted on. It leaves nothing to the imagination."
I saw this theme in more than one place around the same time, so I'm wondering if God is trying to convict me by telling me that covering my legs isn't enough and that I need to wear them looser or if it's OCD again... I really don't want to be hardhearted and choose to go my own way and ignore God, but I also don't believe I have immodest intentions, that my jeans are drawing attention specifically to certain areas, or that my clothes are really noticed much...I think I'm thinking about this way more than any random guy would be thinking about me at the supermarket. I also may be overthinking it...which is what I do about SO many things, thanks to OCD. But yeah, the coincidences are leaving me wondering if God is telling me that.
If anyone has struggled with this same thing or has insight, let me know!
So, my OCD takes so many different forms; there always seems to be something new to stress over.
Lately, one of my latest obsessions is clothing, namely jeans. I have jeans that I have felt fine to wear and then I read things on Christian sites saying that jeans show the outline of a woman's body...basically saying it can cause men to think of a woman without clothes on.
I tried mine on, spending hours or so staring at them and scrutinizing them to see if they were lust-inducing. I was having a hard time finding anything wrong with most of them, but I still was unsure, so kept spending so much time checking to see if there really was something. I had this other voice of doubt in my head saying maybe my jeans were bad, maybe my curves were too visible, etc., etc.
Now, I do not go out of my way to buy rear enhancing jeans and my goal in dressing is not to cause men to look at me. However, I prefer to wear flattering styles that yes, show my curves - I'm not trying to show off my curves, but I don't exactly hide them. I have a rather petite frame and my legs are not super curvy, so even wearing really tight jeans doesn't show much and wearing loose jeans just doesn't look very nice on me and makes me feel sloppy. I am pretty reserved in how I dress, not wearing things that will make a guy think "Look at that body" or a woman think "How inappropriate" and I don't think my jeans scream, "Look at me". Yet...
From reading certain websites, some Christians would call my choice of jeans immodest, a stumbling block to men, or revealing nakedness since the shape of the body can be seen.
As those who understand OCD know, one can get very obsessive over just about anything, harping on small details others wouldn't even think about - which is what I feel like I am doing now: trying really hard to find and see something immodest, obsessing over if I will be causing lust or revealing nakedness.
Does this seem like my OCD flaring up or is God convicting me? That is the difficult thing about OCD! Many of of us feel our consciences at work for so many different things, so its hard to know if its typical OCD doubt/guilt or the Holy Spirit convicting. A big reason why I'm wondering if it's the Holy Spirit is because in one night I saw people saying the same things online on two different websites:
This one girl has a modesty blog and posted pictures of herself wearing jeans that she thought was modest. It was actually disheartening for me because the pictures she showed, in my opinion, were so unflattering and shapeless...like trying to mask the God-given body. It was beyond just trying to stay modest...it was excessive. In the one picture she wore lose boyish-looking jeans, and in another, I think they were fairly loose but it was hard to see because she wore layers of tent-like tops and a very bulky grandmotherly cardigan over them to above knee length (think tops a woman might wear when she wants to conceal being overweight or just had a baby). She said, "It’s tempting to show your hard work off to the world. After all, your legs are covered. This was a misconception I had. An ignorance really." While I was reading her post that did stick out to me because recently I was wondering about that...if you can be covered, but still show your shape, and if that's wrong.
A commenter wrote:
"I love this post! I was very convicted reading this. Thank you for writing what the Lord put on your heart to say. I am a young woman and I am trying to dress modestly and purposefully in a way that honors God. I could totally relate to what you said, “It’s tempting to show your hard work off to the world. After all, your legs are covered.” "
It stuck out to the commenter too, saying that she was convicted. I then wondered if God was trying to convict me because of these coincidences. Later I was reading a lust article and a woman commenter wrote:
"One thing that I notice women saying is, “well I’m covered!”. But what some don’t realize, is that their clothes are so tight (even though everything is “covered”), it’s like the jeans are painted on. It leaves nothing to the imagination."
I saw this theme in more than one place around the same time, so I'm wondering if God is trying to convict me by telling me that covering my legs isn't enough and that I need to wear them looser or if it's OCD again... I really don't want to be hardhearted and choose to go my own way and ignore God, but I also don't believe I have immodest intentions, that my jeans are drawing attention specifically to certain areas, or that my clothes are really noticed much...I think I'm thinking about this way more than any random guy would be thinking about me at the supermarket. I also may be overthinking it...which is what I do about SO many things, thanks to OCD. But yeah, the coincidences are leaving me wondering if God is telling me that.
If anyone has struggled with this same thing or has insight, let me know!