Men Step Up

[mkgal1]

Yes its wrong. But its NOT widely taught. Its weird TBH

Ive never heard of that writer. I didnt spend time to dig into her, but i will, is she advocating this, or kooks posting on her forum?


Uh, I read the thread an it in NO WAY advocates these things....men and women rushed in to condemn them. You are, as i suspected, seeing things based on the mere MENTION of it. Read the posts that clarify the meaning intended by the authors words in her book, not someone (maybe the poster is YOU?) reading INTO it.

Id need to see the actual book text, and Im sure its not as you think

Shaunti Feldman's book IS widely taught....For Women Only and her husband, Jeff Feldman wrote For Men Only. Both of these are used very commonly for studies....I would say they are read as much as Love/Respect and the Five Love Languages.

Maybe that is the problem? We are using more and more books besides the Bible...and allowing them to trump what the Bible says.

 

[chaz345]

Shaunti Feldman's book IS widely taught....For Women Only and her husband, Jeff Feldman wrote For Men Only. Both of these are used very commonly for studies....I would say they are read as much as Love/Respect and the Five Love Languages.

Maybe that is the problem? We are using more and more books besides the Bible...and allowing them to trump what the Bible says.

That may be true, but we still also don't have any in context direct quotes from the book that show us that it actually does say that the man's "mental rolodex" is ok.

 

[Lyndie]

I was told there was no need for me to bow out of the thread, but I did come across this today, it is actual pages from her book. The worst part is the men she surveyed are mostly christian.

http://www.josephknable.com/articles/VisualRolodex.pdf

 

[chaz345]

Exactly as I suspected. She talks about the mental rolodex, but NEVER says that it's a good thing and in many places talks about how men need to resist the urges.

 

[Conservativation]

Shaunti Feldman's book IS widely taught....For Women Only and her husband, Jeff Feldman wrote For Men Only. Both of these are used very commonly for studies....I would say they are read as much as Love/Respect and the Five Love Languages.

Maybe that is the problem? We are using more and more books besides the Bible...and allowing them to trump what the Bible says.

Again...here you go

I didnt SAY her BOOK is not widely taught.

The books arent the problem, its that folks like you see things that arent there

Nevermind MK, whatever, you are correct, whatever you say

 

[Conservativation]

Exactly as I suspected. She talks about the mental rolodex, but NEVER says that it's a good thing and in many places talks about how men need to resist the urges.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can these women not stop inventing things to be against.....honestly.

 

[Lyndie]

Really?

Finally, realize that God doesn’t make mistakes. One of
my closest friends relates that when she was a new bride at
twenty-three years old, she was very shaken up when she
discovered that her sweet husband had this thought-life
issue. She cried out to God, “Why did You create him like
this?” And then she realized: God did create him like this,
and He said His creation was good. We may be fallible, but
we are created the way we are for a purpose.
••God did create him like this. And He said His
creation was good.
And God has something good in mind for you—and for
the man you love.
Keeper of the Visual Rolodex | 135

 

[chaz345]

Really?

Yes really.

How many places in the pages that you posted does she say that men should fight the urges?

The tendency to notice an attractive woman is absolutely positively NOT a sin. The tendency for such noticing to get put into the rolodex is also absolutely positively not a sin. But show me exactly where she says that it's all well and good for him to intentionally call up those images, or to dwell on them when the pop up by themselves.

 

[Lyndie]

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can these women not stop inventing things to be against.....honestly.

We don't invent things to get tired of. We get tired of going to our pastor/churches and being told 'be more submissive, show more respect etc." while men a get a pass because 'that's just how they are.'

 

[chaz345]

We don't invent things to get tired of. We get tired of going to our pastor/churches and being told 'be more submissive, show more respect etc." while men a get a pass because 'that's just how they are.'

What you are inventing is the idea that Feldman says that it's all well and good for men to call up and dwell on the images in their heads. She never comes close to saying any such thing. She says it's natural for men to notice, and it's natural for images to be stored. It can't be a sin because it's not an intentional choice. The sin comes in what he does after noticing, or when a stored image pops up. But if you think men "get a pass" on visual lusting, you're delusional.

 

[Conservativation]

Really?

Why does this bother you so much? This is what I just dont get. it ISNT saying what you seem to (and seemingly lots of women seem to) think.

The analogy would be if I were to say something like "I cannot believe God created my wife with (fill in ANY weakness here.....Literally ANY weakness)!!!!! I cry out to Him WHYYYYYY did you create her with a tendency to sin in that way?

There is NOTHING excusing a sin in that whole concept. I just cannot get my mind around what it is that so drives women apoplectic about this as if its ANY different than ANY sin that ANYONE ....CAN.....commit. You seem insistent on seeing it saying we have a BUILT IN SIN, and that THAT is OK because its a CREATED thing...this sin. Thats just flat not what it is saying.

This is exactly why women want to feel morally superior to men, because you see something in this that is not there, we are no worse off than a woman, and no better off than a woman. There is NO justification for anything in this. But, because it happens to be something of a sexual nature that is presented as a weakness, you cannot see it as its intended. the THING that is created, is created FOR GOOD, and DOES good.

This is just an issue that women are going to have to deal with...im sorry to say...and i dont mean you have to accept something about men.....something bad.....you have to STOP SEEING THAT in this topic, or you are creating a problem that will NOT go away, and if you are not careful it will poison your relationship, meanwhile your husband has done NOTHING sinful whatsoever...and i am NOT taking something sinful and calling it UNsinful. This is NOT describing something that ANYONE would see as sinful....you are just missing what is being described.

Again, THIS is the teaching....not hers....but your reading of it...that sets up the tip of the spiral that ends with men being less in Gods eyes.

Im weary of it

 

[Conservativation]

We don't invent things to get tired of. We get tired of going to our pastor/churches and being told 'be more submissive, show more respect etc." while men a get a pass because 'that's just how they are.'

You ARE inventing things...and based on how badly you are misunderstanding the book and comment, I dont think you are being told "submit blah blah blah" either.

This problem is not going to be solved by men....in fact it will never be solved until you understand whats being said.....logically.....clinically.....unemotionally....and stop letting sensitivity to sexual things cloud so badly how you read these things. Im sorry if you had somebad experience, but its badly jading your comprehension of whats being said, your mild anger at it or whatever is truly making you INFER things that are simply NOT THERE......I strongly suspect same on the submission thing. Mere usage of the WORD submission implants the notion women are being TOLD in a commanding way to submit, to shut up and obey, etc......Im just not thinkin thats being said

 

[JanniGirl]

Lyndie,

I like you get the "that's just how men are" thing from the guys on this forum and then they complain about the expectations their wives have that they actually talk to them about emotions (be more submissivie and respectful; don't bother him with your petty "emotional" needs) as if women weren't kind of MADE THAT WAY.

They want to keep their mental roldex' to pull out and salivate over whenever their having sex with their wife and then complain about *gasp* her desire to feel emotionally close with her husband. We get advice like "just give him sex to feel close. No need to talk about the relationship. Do something fun that he wants to do" --- that's their answer to emotional connectivity (once again, be submissive and only meet his needs).

Its no wonder to me that the majority of divorces are instigated by women who are fed up with the immature and selfishness of their mates. Oh, but that's how men are "made".

 

[JanniGirl]

Just because men CHOOSE to look and CHOOSE to store the image for later recollection . . . . . . . doesn't mean that they were MADE to do it.

They choose their actions. Sin.

 

[chaz345]

Lyndie,

I like you get the "that's just how men are" thing from the guys on this forum and then they complain about the expectations their wives have that they actually talk to them about emotions (be more submissivie and respectful; don't bother him with your petty "emotional" needs) as if women weren't kind of MADE THAT WAY.

They want to keep their mental roldex' to pull out and salivate over whenever their having sex with their wife and then complain about *gasp* her desire to feel emotionally close with her husband. We get advice like "just give him sex to feel close. No need to talk about the relationship. Do something fun that he wants to do" --- that's their answer to emotional connectivity (once again, be submissive and only meet his needs).

Its no wonder to me that the majority of divorces are instigated by women who are fed up with the immature and selfishness of their mates. Oh, but that's how men are "made".

Complete fiction.

Been asked a thousand times and you still haven't provided anywhere that anyone here has said that it's all well and good and fine for men to intentionally call up images to lust over. I'm not surprised that you haven't provided and example though because none exist. Of course you won't let facts get in the way of making your point thoguh.

 

[chaz345]

Just because men CHOOSE to look and CHOOSE to store the image for later recollection . . . . . . . doesn't mean that they were MADE to do it.

They choose their actions. Sin.

You misunderstanding of both what's being said and of men in general is staggering.

Men notice without choosing to. Period. What they do after the initial notice is where the choice comes in. In some cases the initial notice does go to permanent storage with no choice. But in your world, its to your advantage to paint the God given tendency to notice as being where the sin takes place. I truly feel sorry for your husband. For all the wrong he has comitted, nothing he does in terms of healing or stopping is ever going to be good enough for you, is it.

I'd ask you to seriously pray about it. Ask God about how he designed men. I would ask but I know that you are so sure that you are right, so set on portraying men as negatively as possible that God could physically appear to you, tell you how it is and you still wouldn't let go of you are so wrongly saying.

 

[JanniGirl]

"intentionally" really ... does it also depend on what the meaning of "is" is? -- "Oh it just popped into my head . . . . because I stood and stared at the woman for 5 seconds, memorizing her every curve and followed her down the aisle of the store so I could get a second look." -- then the image "unintentionally" pops into your head later? Really.

 

[Lyndie]

Once an image intrudes in a man’s head, he can
either linger on it and possibly even start a mental parade, or
tear it down immediately and “take every thought captive,”
as the Bible puts it.

This is the only thing I could find where she states its wrong. One sentence out of 28 pages.

 

[JanniGirl]

Just because you WANT to look and relook doesn't mean YOU HAVE TO. It's a choice. Sure God instilled within us the ability to WANT to sin . . . . . His grace allows us not to, if we choose. This is what the Bible tells us all, man or woman.

 

[Lyndie]

You misunderstanding of both what's being said and of men in general is staggering.

I'd ask you to seriously pray about it. Ask God about how he designed men. I would ask but I know that you are so sure that you are right, so set on portraying men as negatively as possible that God could physically appear to you, tell you how it is and you still wouldn't let go of you are so wrongly saying.

This is exactly the point we are trying to make. We women are supposed to just 'understand that men are made this way.' But when it comes to women and emotions and talking about relationships its a whole different story: why can't men accept that's the way we are and help us out in that area!!