I saw at least two or three other places where she talks of men wanting to resist the urge. In any case, the DOES say that it's wrong, you your original assertion that she says that it's all well and good is false.
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I saw at least two or three other places where she talks of men wanting to resist the urge. In any case, the DOES say that it's wrong, you your original assertion that she says that it's all well and good is false.
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Lyndie
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Did you read the last page? It clearly gives the excuse "God made him that way so it must be good." Wanting to and doing are two different things.
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Where do you see men told not to try to understand how their wives are?
And to the first point, you're supposed to understand that men are made WHAT way? That's a serious question since what you've said indicates a complete missing of the point being made. You take the men are naturally inclined to notice statement and turn it into a justification for intentionally calling up images to dwell on.
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Again, made him WHAT way? To initially NOTICE yes, that is the natural God given and altogether good urge. Without that urge, you wouldn't be married. No one would be.
But you're still going to need to show me where anyone is saying that dwelling on after the initial notice or the intentionally calling up of stored images is good.
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nevermind...
Nevermind what? You seem to be equating two very different things, the God given and very natural tendency to notice and everything that MAY come after that.
It's a distinction that is very often missed, sometimes honestly, most of the time intentionally.
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I take it that the way the author is saying men ARE created is to "notice" the way the group of men all did. I realize you see my view as "flawed"....but, her book semed to be focusing on the fact that many of her "trusted" male friends would have had the same thoughts when watching the female presenter...thoughts like:
"I wonder what she has on under that suit"
"Look at her face...her face...look at her face"
"I am finding it difficult to concentrate on what she is saying...."
"I wonder what she is like in bed."
THAT is what she seems to be saying is how men are created.
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Maybe you misunderstood what he said? No that can't possibly be, you're never wrong when it comes to what someone else said.
But for the record it seemed obvious to me that what he was saying was not widely taught is the idea that it's normal and good for men to store and call up for later use images of women. And it's not only not widely taught, it's not even what Feldman is teaching.
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Let me ask this. Have you ever woken up in a just plain crabby mood? Nothing has happened yet to put you in that mood you are just in a bad mood? Did you choose that mood or did it just happen? Now, you can certainly choose what you do next. You can choose to hold on to the mood and snap and snarl at everyone you run into for the day. Or you can try to get yourself into a better mood and failing that you can try to control your reactions throughout the day. Now is the initial bad mood a sin? Nope.
Not an identical situation but pretty similar.
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Stop what?
I honestly believe that the distinction between the initial, harlmess. God given, NORMAL, initial notice and dwweling,lusting, whatever is intentionally blurred a lot of the time.
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You aren't letting up on Lyndie...you are hounding her for answers.
I agree....and who do you feel benefits most from that blurring? Wouldn't the ones that benefit from the blur....create the blur?
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Lyndie
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Lets change the topic a bit-
Women don't forget things. We remember what you said, how you said it, where you were when you said it. Especially if it was something we didn't like. For us, its 'normal' or the way we are made. What we need is for you men to take ownership of what you said and how it made us feel. But how many times are we told to 'forgive, let it go, don't hold bitterness etc.' Men aren't told to accept the way we are and to help us through it.
Can you see the difference?
Women don't forget things. We remember what you said, how you said it, where you were when you said it. Especially if it was something we didn't like. For us, its 'normal' or the way we are made. What we need is for you men to take ownership of what you said and how it made us feel. But how many times are we told to 'forgive, let it go, don't hold bitterness etc.' Men aren't told to accept the way we are and to help us through it.
Can you see the difference?
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A reaction to a dream is different than something that occurs when lucid and awake.
What was written in that book is more than just "noticing" to me....do you agree it is "noticing"?
Our minds will be transformed......based on what we dwell on...read...watch..listen to....people we spend time with.....basically feed our mind.
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Cons...maybe you as a man don't hear it, simply because of the fact that you are a man, and it isn't directed towards you. It IS widely taught...I can promise you. Women aren't having the same delusion all across America...they ARE hearing it.
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Where did I say the bad mood was the result of a dream? In any case, the initial noticing is an involuntary automatic thing. That some women can't understand that and insist on portraying even the initial notice as lust and a sin is a HUGE problem.
And yes what's described in the book is more than noticing, but the more than noticing part is also shown to be something that men should work to resist, not something that is good and normal.
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