Men, do you feel comfortable in the role of leader?

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I don't know about the whole submission thing. I feel it can definitely be twisted and misused.

If a man loves his wife like Christ he'd never humiliate or demean her ect.

I think this was a very interesting thread.

 

[Saucy]

Being the king is awesome. I mean, people sort of have to submit. Or I have their heads chopped off.

 

[redblue22]

nothing to tell.

 

[Sketcher]

There have been a lot of posts about women submitting to their husbands. My question is how many single men feel comfortable in the role as leader. This means stepping up when there is conflict and taking an active role in finding a fair solution instead of just avoiding conflict. Do you practice leading in your daily life...at your job (within the scope of your role), your family (as in parental & sibling family), and in your church? What kind of things are you doing to increase your experience leading?

At my job, I try to lead by example. I try to proactively find solutions and herd people into them, whether by making a recommendation to a customer, or by trying to alter the course of a conversation. And when I see a problem that has to be solved above my level, I make it known as fairly and objectively as possible.

I have led Bible studies and discussion groups before.

And as small as this may sound, I'm in a leadership position in a gaming clan. It's my job to pick people for the wars, and smooth out ruffled feathers. Provide some framework, but let them be their best.

 

[Miles]

I'm comfortable leading in a relationship, and when a situation otherwise calls for it. I am not, however, oriented toward highly stratified top-down hierarchies. I value my own independence, and I respect the independence of others.

 

[Senkaku]

I have no problem and prefer it, my family is my responsibility. Honestly, if a woman can't trust the leadership of her husband and be secure in him, than something is wrong. I also think it's partly because our modern culture is not really striving to raise real men, that's causing an issue. The bible's standard for relationships actually works, but we have strayed so far that when we see it in our modern lens, we perceive something outdated, disrespectful and perhaps wrong...a sign of our disconnection to our faith and a potent connection to the world...probably with a really big anchor, lol.

 

[Noxot]

That makes submitting impossible.

And in a team, there are many times on a team that all parties don't agree. Someone has to make the ultimate decision and that could make people mad at him/her. In a marriage, there are plenty of times where both parties don't agree...probably more than most teams.

dual submission is the only way my idea makes sense. master and slave, slave and master.

I know you have had more experiences than me but what ultimate decision? why don't they agree? what are the motives and reasons for each? better they get to the bottom of this and unite than to disagree and not even know why. why is one person automatically right and the other wrong? it makes zero sense.

 

[Noxot]

since women tend to pick a man who is equal to them or greater it makes sense that either equality or submission is preferable over them dominating their man.

people tend to base things on their stronger personality traits. I like to think and I like freedom. that colors things from how I understand God to how my morality is like to who i'm attracted to, though nothing is so simple since humans are complex and dynamic systems.

what is a leader? I prefer to try to be the best me. if I feel inspired by someone then that's nice. I like when someone has actual skill or cares about what they are doing in a work situation. I hate when people fail to make things work decently. if I happen to be good at something then naturally i'm part of the dominance hierarchy of that part of life. I prefer actual competence rather than to think you are something that you are not.

you would have to be dumb to not listen to your wife if she happens to be better than you at X. you are also dumb if you think you get to win the battle due to your crude understanding of what you think a leader is.

 

[Gnarwhal]

Of course I do. I'm a good leader too, I've been told as much by people close to me. But it's hard to lead when someone doesn't want to be lead.

Case in point: my ex-wife undermined me at every juncture. She preferred her parents lead her instead of me. I wasn't demanding, I wasn't overbearing or oppressive. I happily deferred to those wiser than me on issues I knew they had more wisdom, but on things I had experience with or sufficient/expert knowledge, she never listened. It landed us in sticky situations more than a few times, but I never said "I told you so".

 

[MehGuy]

I guess I never really personally answered regarding my own feelings..

No, I do not totally feel comfortable with being a leader. Despite being raised with traditional Christian gender roles, I can remember rejecting them for as long as I can remember. I grew up with a wealth of view points, television and the public schools I attended heavily preached egalitarianism and that outlook always appealed to me more.

Still, I won't go as far as reject biology and pretend human psychological attraction is mostly due to social factors like some progressive do. The BDSM scene is a good example of men and women getting their natural fill of dominance and submission in a more roleplaying, highly communicative, and contained setting. Unlike my Christian upbringing, when the dominance and submissive connection is lost in a relationship it is mutually understandably over. In that setting being a leader is intuitive to me, although I still feel guilty about the desires for a submissive woman.

 

[redblue22]

I don't know if I would ever be comfortable in such a serious position.

 

[blackribbon]

dual submission is the only way my idea makes sense. master and slave, slave and master.

I know you have had more experiences than me but what ultimate decision? why don't they agree? what are the motives and reasons for each? better they get to the bottom of this and unite than to disagree and not even know why. why is one person automatically right and the other wrong? it makes zero sense.

Because most decisions in a marriage don't have a right or wrong answer...like whose house do we spend Christmas when both families want us to come...or do we spend the income tax refund on something fun, or something we need, pay a bill off ,or save it

 

[blackribbon]

dual submission is the only way my idea makes sense. master and slave, slave and master.

I know you have had more experiences than me but what ultimate decision? why don't they agree? what are the motives and reasons for each? better they get to the bottom of this and unite than to disagree and not even know why. why is one person automatically right and the other wrong? it makes zero sense.

Because most decisions in a marriage don't have a right or wrong answer...like whose house do we spend Christmas when both families want us to come...or do we spend the income tax refund on something fun, or something we need, pay a bill off ,or save it

 

[blackribbon]

I think the one sign of a good leader is the people tend to naturally follow you. I would think that dating would be an awesome time to pay attention to this natural interaction between a potential family. Who tends to make the majority of the decisions and why do they make the decisions. And are both people comfortable enough to make this interaction a forever decision

 

[exitstageright]

I think when a Christian woman describes a man as being "too nice", they are really saying that they see them as being someone who avoids conflict at all cost and someone they don't trust to be a leader of their someday family.

Before I was married,I was told that I was "too nice". I did avoid conflict. Because ,I did not want her to see my bad side.In other words,I would rather be "Dr. Jekyl",instead of "Mr. Hyde". I would never raise my voice or show any display of any anger.

 

[exitstageright]

God made me a strong woman and a good leader. I need to know my man is at least as strong as I am and will have the guts to stand up to me if he thinks I am wrong.

After I have been married twice,and divorced twice,I now have the guts so stand up to a woman,if she is wrong.I am not afraid to show my anger.I used to think,that if I showed my anger,that she would think that I have a bad temper and leave me. One woman,whom I dated,did not leave me after I had an argument with her. Now,I am not afraid to stand up for myself. But,I am still alone. So,when it comes to dealing with women, I just cannot do anything right. Everything I say is......wrong! Everything I do is......wrong!

 

[exitstageright]

Because most decisions in a marriage don't have a right or wrong answer...like whose house do we spend Christmas when both families want us to come...or do we spend the income tax refund on something fun, or something we need, pay a bill off ,or save it

When I was married,it was my suggestion that during the odd numbered years,we would visit her family during Christmas Time. And,during the even numbered years,we would visit my family during Christmas Time.That was a logical solution .And,she agreed with me.

 

[blackribbon]

After I have been married twice,and divorced twice,I now have the guts so stand up to a woman,if she is wrong.I am not afraid to show my anger.I used to think,that if I showed my anger,that she would think that I have a bad temper and leave me. One woman,whom I dated,did not leave me after I had an argument with her. Now,I am not afraid to stand up for myself. But,I am still alone. So,when it comes to dealing with women, I just cannot do anything right. Everything I say is......wrong! Everything I do is......wrong!

You do realize that someone can stand up for something without being angry about it...and it is more effective that way.

 

[exitstageright]

You do realize that someone can stand up for something without being angry about it...and it is more effective that way.

Yes,I do realize,that if I yell at someone,that someone will not or may not hear the words that I am saying.All that person will "hear" is me yelling. I learned that lesson while I was at an audition. The Casting Director told me," If you yell,people will not hear the words.They will only hear you yelling."The reason I was yelling was that I thought, by raising my voice,I was displaying more "energy".

 

[exitstageright]

There have been a lot of posts about women submitting to their husbands. My question is how many single men feel comfortable in the role as leader. This means stepping up when there is conflict and taking an active role in finding a fair solution instead of just avoiding conflict. Do you practice leading in your daily life...at your job (within the scope of your role), your family (as in parental & sibling family), and in your church? What kind of things are you doing to increase your experience leading?

Do women see you as a leader who will protect them and their someday children?

What is symbolic and ironic about this thread is,on Wednesdays,Thursdays,and Fridays,since I retired,I go ballroom dancing at the Senior Centers. Today, Friday, the thirteenth of July,one lady told me that she liked the way I was leading the Fox Trot. Another lady,whom I was dancing the Waltz with,told me tht she liked the way I was leading her.
There is a saying in our society that goes like this. "The only place,that a man is in charge,is on the Dance Floor." When I was growing up,in a Southern Baptist Church,some men told me,"When you grow up,and get married,in order to have a happy marriage,you will have to say two words.These two words are "Yes,...….Baby!" I have heard,from therapists,that the wife sets the emotional tone of a marriage.I guess that means,that in order to have a happy marriage,the husband has to say,"Yes,Dear" many times. "A happy wife is a happy life"