mature single + ? = ( )

[memoriesbymichelle]

You are right. There are days when I tell myself positive things. There are days when I tell myself neagtive things. I guess that it is just my artistic,melancholy temperment that I have. One great example: I read that the late,great,Sammy Davis,Jr,before a show,would look into a mirror. He would tell himself,"You ARE a STAR! You are loved.You will do great!"
My point is that most of us,at one time or another,have our self doubts no matter how good or talented we are. So,the next time that I go to a christian Singles' Dance,and a women does not want to slow dance with me,I will go into the rest room,and look into the mirror. I will tell myself,
"You ARE a STAR! You are wanted by women! You are attractive! You WILL get 3 phone numbers tonight! " I'll let you know how the night turned out.

LOL you made me laugh ha ha. IDK about the 3 phone numbers either, wouldn't you settle for just one if it was THE one? LOL. At any rate, of course all of us are guilty of saying negative things at different times. I have had to tell my kids "I'm broke" "I don't have any money" ALOT lately. It IS the truth, but not the truth I want to live forever in. But the other day I got a seasonal second job, and I have a 17 yr old roommate (my oldest son's friend that needed a place to stay) and his dad is providing money to support him staying there so I won't stay this way forever. But I'm not really talking about just positive thinking or speaking. Not like you tell yourself "I'm going to win the lottery" or whatever. I don't believe in that. I just mean NOT saying the negative. NOT claiming the bad things to stay in your life. There is a story in the bible about a Shunammite woman that had a child that died suddenly and she put the child in the room Elijah stayed in when he visited her area and went to find the prophet not speaking one word about the child being dead and she comes upon Elijah's servant and STILL does not tell him what is wrong she claims all is well until she gets to Elijah and BTW its about a 15 mile journey it's not just across the way. Anyway the point of sharing the story (II kings 4 btw) is that it shows how important it was for her not to speak the negative things. The bible also talks about being accountable for every word we speak. I don't know about you all, but for me, I get it wrong way more than I get it right and the scripture does not encourage me when I read about this, except for the fact that we are ALL sinners saved by grace and I know God forgives all our sins not just some of them if we ask. So anyway, it's not just about trying to speak positive in your life. If you speak the word of God into your life then as time progresses you will become more Christ like and that's always a good thing and you will speak less negatively. Remember words are containers. They have weight and meaning. So use them carefully. JMO.

 

[exitstageright]

3 phone numbers wow, I'd be lucky if I got one. But then getting phone numbers at a dance hasn't been a goal of mine at a dance. Its just been to dance.

I have met many older couples that have told me that they met their future spouses at a dance. One guy I know,his mother met his father at a dance.When his father passed by his mother,she dropped her hankerchief on purpose. His father picked up her hankerchief,gave it to her,and the rest,as they say,was history.
At my small group class on dating,ALL of the women said that they wish single christian men would show some testosterone,pursue them, ASK them for their phone numbers,and CALL them.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I wish we had a small group for singles. Not necessarily for dating purposes, but it sure would increase the possibilities of potential dates. I love being single, but who knows, maybe I'd like being married!

 

[exitstageright]

LOL you made me laugh ha ha. IDK about the 3 phone numbers either, wouldn't you settle for just one if it was THE one? LOL. At any rate, of course all of us are guilty of saying negative things at different times. I have had to tell my kids "I'm broke" "I don't have any money" ALOT lately. It IS the truth, but not the truth I want to live forever in. But the other day I got a seasonal second job, and I have a 17 yr old roommate (my oldest son's friend that needed a place to stay) and his dad is providing money to support him staying there so I won't stay this way forever. But I'm not really talking about just positive thinking or speaking. Not like you tell yourself "I'm going to win the lottery" or whatever. I don't believe in that. I just mean NOT saying the negative. NOT claiming the bad things to stay in your life. There is a story in the bible about a Shunammite woman that had a child that died suddenly and she put the child in the room Elijah stayed in when he visited her area and went to find the prophet not speaking one word about the child being dead and she comes upon Elijah's servant and STILL does not tell him what is wrong she claims all is well until she gets to Elijah and BTW its about a 15 mile journey it's not just across the way. Anyway the point of sharing the story (II kings 4 btw) is that it shows how important it was for her not to speak the negative things. The bible also talks about being accountable for every word we speak. I don't know about you all, but for me, I get it wrong way more than I get it right and the scripture does not encourage me when I read about this, except for the fact that we are ALL sinners saved by grace and I know God forgives all our sins not just some of them if we ask. So anyway, it's not just about trying to speak positive in your life. If you speak the word of God into your life then as time progresses you will become more Christ like and that's always a good thing and you will speak less negatively. Remember words are containers. They have weight and meaning. So use them carefully. JMO.

As far as three phone numbers are concerned,I would like to have a choice.
The odds of one being THE ONE are in my favor. One out of the three may want me. The odds of ALL THREE wanting me would be rare. As far as being accountable for EVERY word that I speak,I sometimes forget about that when I am telling jokes to lift up someone's mood. I tell CLEAN jokes,of course. Proverbs DOES says that laughter is like medicine to our bodies.

 

[dayhiker]

Sad ... I've never had a woman drop a hankerchief when I've walked by.

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

so doc positive has prescribed the magic words, I need to say, "girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

 

[exitstageright]

so doc positive has prescribed the magic words, I need to say, "girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

YES!, You DO need to keep saying that!
I was 11 years old in 1965 when I learned about saying positive things and expecting positive things to happen. Case in point,the LA Dodgers were playing the Minnesota Twins in the 1965 World Series. The Twins were leading the series 2-0. The Series moved to LA. At the begining of the game, "Sweet Lou" Johnson,the Dodger left fielder said this. "AW...we're going to win.....TODAY!" The Dodgers DID win that day! I remember hearing Lou Johnson saying that on television. The Dodgers won that day by a score of 4 to 0. BEFORE Game 7,the final game of the World Series, Lou Johnson told staring pitcher Sandy Koufax,"I will get you the only runs that you will need!" Well, Lou Johnson hit a ball that struck the left field foul pole for a home run.He would later on hit another home run,as the Dodgers won the game 2 to 0. The Dodgers won the World Series 4 games to 3 games. That is what I love about sports! Sports are the one part of my life in which I do not feel cheated. I can appreciate the positive sayings of Dodger Lou Johnson,even though I am a GIANTS fan!!!

 

[GodsHandiwork]

so doc positive has prescribed the magic words, I need to say, "girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

"girls want to marry me and I will get married!"

More than doc positive, positive thinking, laws of attraction, etc., Hope...is your Father in heaven who loves you.

Numbers 23:19, God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
Prov 18:22, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.
Matthew 7:11, If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
Ps 37:4-5, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
Mark 9:23, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."
John 15:7, "If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you."

Question to those that are looking...do you pray for your future wife/husband? Not just that you will find him/her or that they will come to you... but for them? Their journey? The road they're walking right now without you? For their walk, their faith, their joy, their strength, their comfort, their provision, health, safety? Lifting them up in prayer asserts to our Father that you believe and have faith in Him. It asserts and brings hope to your spirit that they are out there, being moved toward you. And it prepares your heart to love and in love for them before they arrive.

Keep believing, Hope.

 

[OGM]

Well Hope…DNP heard you call!

No, you are not a freak of nature…Nowadays there are many people that have never married for one reason or another. Besides, many of the greats in the Bible were never married. I would not call them freaks of nature. Mother Teresa was not married either

When my church had a singles' group, it seemed as if there was an unwrittened policy forbidding divorced men from talking to never married women. Every time I would talk to a lady who was never married,my Singles Pastor would join in the conversation. When I talked to a lady who was divorced,my Pastor did not come over.

He needed to be confronted about that! His behavior was in very bad form.

yes there's a simple reason why Im not married yet, no girl wants me! But hey I got a bonding disorder so please dont blame me the other thing is someone who has already been married doesnt have the why have you been single for so long prob and the difficulty is that the longer one is single the more difficult it becomes to get bonding. We have more ways to try and find a mate these days but more single people still cant find their mate. Yes all things are possible with God but He doesnt do all possible things. As Ive said girls dont want me, now someone will say why dont they want me, well we would need them to answer that question and no God wont force someone to like us or want to marry us.

How do you know that there is no woman that wants you? Maybe a woman likes you but is too shy to speak about it. Yes, we have more ways to find mates today. However, our society has changed a great deal in the last few decades. We have less of a sense of community. Also we are trained to distrust and fear each other. People are working much longer hours…yet asking a person out and/or dating is discouraged…if not forbidden. So relationships that would have formed at work often are starting.

When I was on the singles group leadrship,our pastor told us that he wanted all women,who came there for the first time,to feel safe. He did not want 5 men coming up to her to ask her for her phone number. The ironic thing was. Later on that week,I heard one woman complain.She said,"These guys here are too shy! Not once have anybody ask me for my phone number! They could at least ask me out for a cup of coffee!"

That is typical! Many men are told “don’t” at work upteen times throughout their careers. Then they are told “don’t” at church. So they “don’t.” In workshops they are often told to only treat a woman as you would a Sister. Which they do. So the results of all of this are more and more men that don’t ask women out. Yet the same people that told them to behave this way criticize them for “not manning up” and living in a so-called “extended adolescence.” This is sooooo messed up!

That's true. I know a Christian woman who didn't get asked out by a Christian man in over 10 years. It was really bothering her. It communicated to her that men felt that being too close to a woman would defile them. Or that women were so holy that they didn't want their sin to show. But of course we all are sinners and by not loving each other we disobey the 2nd commandment.

Sadly, this is not unusual. Often these men only have heard very negative things about how easily one can slip if they are alone with a woman. Think about it…Suppose I told you, “Dayhiker, meet brother Smith. He is a great Christian but I would not recommend you be around him unless others are present.” Would you have second thoughts about hanging around him in the first place? I sure would! It would be easier just to avoid him altogether.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, being a guy, I don't think I'd be told to not hang around him. But I can sure understand thought that if I was a woman. A few years ago I read Every man's Battle. I remember getting thru all the advice about how to avoid temptation by bouncing ones eyes etc. Then they said that when your wife has a friend over, say hi to her to be polite and leave. You might develop feelings for her! So the circle was complete. Don't look at any woman cause you will be tempted. If somehow you still get married then don't even talk to your wives friends as that will lead to adultery. At that point I knew I couldn't go where they were going. These church leaders were asking me to be monks without the support of a monastery.

How much more healthy to see a woman for who she is. A child of God who is human just like I am. To thank God for her beauty and as I get to know her to thank God for her character as well. To know we are created sexual beings and we are to use that sexuality in a loving way. That to be seems to be more what the Bible is saying that half of what I hear people say.

When I got divorced it was amazing how many divorced people I ran into. Very few of them were at church. That clued me in that the churches way wasn't working. I was so blind while I was married that I didn't see it. So most divorced people aren't comfortable going to church because they aren't going to get needs meet and will actually feel more guilty when they leave and then when their sexual desires start up again, they will be told they need to start avoiding the opposite sex because of all the temptation and sin they will find themselves in.

Sounds like the self righteousness Jesus was talking about to me.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

not alot of places for widows or widowers either unless you are old and even though I am in my 50's I do not consider myself old or "too" old.

 

[mjmcmillan]

not alot of places for widows or widowers either unless you are old and even though I am in my 50's I do not consider myself old or "too" old.

One big difference though, you're scripturally free to remarry, nobody will look down on you if you do. Divorced people--- even those who divorced because the spouse was unfaithful-- have to run the gauntlet of folk who assume we're committing adultery even looking at people of the opposite sex. Some congregations barely want to let divorced folk into the church, and if such folk remarry--- well, if they want to continue to worship on Sunday, please do so somewhere else is the vibes you might get.

Truth, though, most congregations don't have a lot of place for singles regardless of whether never-married, divorced, widowed/widowers after about your thirty-fifth birthday. The church in its modern mode is a great "Family" institution, but if you don't fit the father/mother/two children/and a dog mold, you're not likely to find much place in today's church. We're all "Lepers" in one way or another, and frankly I get a bit tired of having to wear that big "D" on my chest and calling out "Unclean, unclean" before I'm allowed to be in company with some of my fellow believers.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, Michelle, I'm sure your in the same boat as the rest of us ... you ended up being a widow way earlier then most, but as the years past many will be joining you. I don't have a clue how my later years will end up. I saw my grand parents live into their late 90's. They were lucky to have their health till the last 2 yrs. But all their freinds had passed on. They did have a lot of people who visited them, but they were all a generation or 2 younger than they were. Now its starting to happen with my parents in their 80's. So I suspect it will happen to me as well.

But praise the Lord, his is good and will work it out.

 

[dayhiker]

mj,
I've thought about starting a divorced group. But I'd not be teaching that eternal adultery doctrine. I suspect there would be many iof any churches that would like the way I'd teach Christianity. So I've not tried it. It would be interesting to see the reactions I'd get tho. I'd really like to see a church that loved divorce people. With half the divorces in America be Christian people their has got to be millions that love Jesus and don't feel connected to the Body of Christ.

 

[OGM]

A few years ago I read Every man's Battle. I remember getting thru all the advice about how to avoid temptation by bouncing ones eyes etc. Then they said that when your wife has a friend over, say hi to her to be polite and leave. You might develop feelings for her! So the circle was complete. Don't look at any woman cause you will be tempted. If somehow you still get married then don't even talk to your wives friends as that will lead to adultery. At that point I knew I couldn't go where they were going. These church leaders were asking me to be monks without the support of a monastery.

That has to be the single worse book I have ever read! I like how it is titled EVERY Man’s Battle. Yet it is the AUTHOR, not every man, that was addicted and messed up... Unfortunately many of these male ministries still try to push this every man is a sex addict philosophy on any post-pubescent male they can. The bouncing eye technique is crazy. What woman is going to trust a man that refuses to look her in the eye?! Avoiding a wife’s female friends just because of their gender is very, very rude and just plan sexiest. All of this reminds me of present day Saudi Arabian sexual segregation. What’s next…10 lashes for a woman caught driving a car?!

How much more healthy to see a woman for who she is. A child of God who is human just like I am. To thank God for her beauty and as I get to know her to thank God for her character as well. To know we are created sexual beings and we are to use that sexuality in a loving way. That to be seems to be more what the Bible is saying that half of what I hear people say.

It was God that said be fruitful and multiply…
[quote When I got divorced it was amazing how many divorced people I ran into. Very few of them were at church. That clued me in that the churches way wasn't working. I was so blind while I was married that I didn't see it. So most divorced people aren't comfortable going to church because they aren't going to get needs meet and will actually feel more guilty when they leave and then when their sexual desires start up again, they will be told they need to start avoiding the opposite sex because of all the temptation and sin they will find themselves in.[/quote]
Yes, I have seen a lot of that. Divorcees are being stigmatized and alienated by the very institutions that should be embracing them. The mistreatment does not effect them…the whole family unit is hurt by this!

One big difference though, you're scripturally free to remarry, nobody will look down on you if you do. Divorced people--- even those who divorced because the spouse was unfaithful-- have to run the gauntlet of folk who assume we're committing adultery even looking at people of the opposite sex. Some congregations barely want to let divorced folk into the church, and if such folk remarry--- well, if they want to continue to worship on Sunday, please do so somewhere else is the vibes you might get.

The good thing is that most congregations do not hate divorces. It is usually easy to tell the one’s that hate and the one’s that are welcoming.

Truth, though, most congregations don't have a lot of place for singles regardless of whether never-married, divorced, widowed/widowers after about your thirty-fifth birthday. The church in its modern mode is a great "Family" institution, but if you don't fit the father/mother/two children/and a dog mold, you're not likely to find much place in today's church. We're all "Lepers" in one way or another, and frankly I get a bit tired of having to wear that big "D" on my chest and calling out "Unclean, unclean" before I'm allowed to be in company with some of my fellow believers.

[FONT=&quot]It is time to just walk away from these types of congregations.

[/FONT]

 

[dayhiker]

good to see another person that sees things the way I do.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yeah my church doesn't discard anyone or say that you can't remarry if you are divorced. It's a doctrine that I have not been subject to in any congregation I have ever been in, probably because I wouldn't stay if that were the belief. My husband had been divorced twice before marrying me, does that make me more in your boat? Both wives were unfaithful, but it wasn't a consideration for me whether he was divorced or not. I was more concerned about if he would go back for the children's sake. Once he stated he would NEVER go back, children or not, I felt comfortable pursuing the relationship, but other than that I never considered divorce a factor at all.

 

[OGM]

I have the feeling most congregations don't have a problem with divorced people. At least that is what I have noticed around North America, Europe and Australia.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I know there are churches that churches that teach a divorces person is committing adultery if they remarry. I see people posting that on this site quite often. But I've not seen it taught in the churches I've gone to.

Yet I still ran into a whole lot of divorced people when I got divorced that I wasn't meeting at church. Of course there are some divorced people at church. So I still have the feeling that the church hasn't welcomed most divorced people.

Maybe its because the only ones I usually see comfortable talking about the reasons for their divorce are the ones who were clearly not at fault. Of those who are at fault or share in the fault of the divorce most of their issues weren't defined in the Bible so they tend to feel I think that the Bible didn't get them a reason to get a divorced. But they still got a divorced. So where are they now? Most church leaders aren't willing to say, "OK, ya the Bible doesn't address your situation." Or "Ya you were the one that committed adultery, but God has forgiven and you can go on with your life, or you can still be a minister in our church."

 

[OGM]

You are right on all counts. Another factor is that some, not most, but some, religious never-marrieds...try not to associate much with divorces.