Marrying young

[CrystalBrooke]

my thoughts are these.

Dont marry before 21 regardless. Either sex.
Dont marry someone you havent known for at least 3 years (known well, not simply just knowing about them. I mean as good friends or dating)
Dont marry without a lot of premarital counciling. This will prepare you both for whats about to happen, this huge change in your life.

i know these are your opinions only and there's no fact to them...but why? why 21? i married 10 days before my 18th birthday, is my marriage doomed or something? I dont think any woman in my family married over the age of 19 and they all have wonderful marriages. 3 years, that's rediculous, not everyone has to know each other that long before they're ready to get married. im sure premarital counseling would help, but that's just not for everyone...if you dont already know at least some of the things marriage consists of then you don't need to get married in the first place IMHO...

that being said i married very young and wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[dews]

I guess our marriage would be doomed too. My husband was 20 when we got married, I was 21. We knew eachother for 4 months before we got married. We now have been married for almost 11 years (in October). It depends on many factors including how much effort you want to "put into" the marriage. Certainly those other factors could be true for some people. Maybe Hunting Man is speaking from experience.

 

[Jennie726]

i know these are your opinions only and there's no fact to them...but why? why 21? i married 10 days before my 18th birthday, is my marriage doomed or something? I dont think any woman in my family married over the age of 19 and they all have wonderful marriages. 3 years, that's rediculous, not everyone has to know each other that long before they're ready to get married. im sure premarital counseling would help, but that's just not for everyone...if you dont already know at least some of the things marriage consists of then you don't need to get married in the first place IMHO...

that being said i married very young and wouldn't change it for the world.

I totally agree with you. If both are ready to get married, are fully prepared of the decision they're about to make, why does age matter? Like I said, I do wish I was more mature once we got married, but I DO NOT regret getting married at all. Our marriage has been great. It was truly a God send. And plus, my husband and I only dated for 5 months before being married! We both knew it was from God and that was the only reason we were married. And we have been fine. Our marriage is better now than ever! I know you make think we're crazy for that, but I don't care. We were ready to get married.

 

[livin4christ9203]

I totally agree with you. If both are ready to get married, are fully prepared of the decision they're about to make, why does age matter? Like I said, I do wish I was more mature once we got married, but I DO NOT regret getting married at all. Our marriage has been great. It was truly a God send. And plus, my husband and I only dated for 5 months before being married! We both knew it was from God and that was the only reason we were married. And we have been fine. Our marriage is better now than ever! I know you make think we're crazy for that, but I don't care. We were ready to get married.

exactly what I was trying to say! Age isn't what determines it. It's different for everyone.

 

[littlemrs]

I really don't think that anyone can say "no one should marry before they are 21 or their marriage is doomed," bc that's just not true at all. I do not think that age is a factor in how long a marriage will last... it's about maturity, responsibility, and realizing that not everything will be happy go lucky, rainbows, and sunshine. It's about choosing the battles that are worth fighting and not just picking fights over small, insignificant things and not letting pride get in the way of apologizing when you do something wrong. It's about forgiveness, and loving your spouse unconditionally for who they are, who they have been, and who they will be. Most of all, it's about keeping Christ at the center of the marriage.

 

[rainbowpromise]

Many of you are too young to even begin to experience the ramifications of marrying young.
I mentioned before that I married at 17. I can just about divide my experiences into 5 year slots.

• 20-25 unhappy, lonely but too busy with kids
• 25-30 miserable, seeking a way out
• 30-35 depressed, ready for divorce court
• 35-40 resigned, zombie like living

I am 46 now and that last five years have been more like real marriage should be. Tough, but liveable. Why? Because now God comes first.

We are still married, but the hurt I have put him through is more than any sane man should have put up with.
The only thing I am thankful for is that dh is older than I am. If he had been as immature as I was, we would not have had a chance.

BTW, I had no idea of just how immature I was until I was over 40. Only then did I see the stupidity of my own ways. Even now my doctor has informed me that I should act my age. He says I am not 29 anymore.

 

[livin4christ9203]

Many of you are too young to even begin to experience the ramifications of marrying young.
I mentioned before that I married at 17. I can just about divide my experiences into 5 year slots.

• 20-25 unhappy, lonely but too busy with kids
• 25-30 miserable, seeking a way out
• 30-35 depressed, ready for divorce court
• 35-40 resigned, zombie like living

I am 46 now and that last five years have been more like real marriage should be. Tough, but liveable. Why? Because now God comes first.

We are still married, but the hurt I have put him through is more than any sane man should have put up with.
The only thing I am thankful for is that dh is older than I am. If he had been as immature as I was, we would not have had a chance.

BTW, I had no idea of just how immature I was until I was over 40. Only then did I see the stupidity of my own ways. Even now my doctor has informed me that I should act my age. He says I am not 29 anymore.

this may be true for some, but not all. I was married at 19 almost 20 and I'm almost 24.. we've been married 4 years and I am happy and we may not have experienced it all yet, but we are in that 20 to 25 group now.. been through 4 years of it. I've watched many couples who have had the best marriages 50+ years and extremely happy and they were married young.. that's the way it use to be a lot of the time and still is that way for some. I believe some people just still have that traditional view about marriage and life.. where the woman stays home and the man goes to work, they marry young, the woman stays home, cooks cleans takes care of the children.. that is the way it is fo rme and I love it.. That may not be ideal for everyone but it's great for others.

 

[rainbowpromise]

this may be true for some, but not all. I was married at 19 almost 20 and I'm almost 24.. we've been married 4 years and I am happy and we may not have experienced it all yet, but we are in that 20 to 25 group now.. been through 4 years of it. I've watched many couples who have had the best marriages 50+ years and extremely happy and they were married young.. that's the way it use to be a lot of the time and still is that way for some. I believe some people just still have that traditional view about marriage and life.. where the woman stays home and the man goes to work, they marry young, the woman stays home, cooks cleans takes care of the children.. that is the way it is fo rme and I love it.. That may not be ideal for everyone but it's great for others.

If I had been asked this question back when I was in my 20's, I would have said that marrying young was not a problem. My grandmother married at 21 and she thought nothing of it. Conversations with her when she was in her 80's tell a much different story.

This particular question is not even answerable until you are ten, twenty, thirty or more years past youth.
It would be curious to see all the same people answer the same question in another ten years. We may all be surprised. (including me)

 

[Linda44]

I was married at 21, and we started our family at around 22.

 

[livin4christ9203]

If I had been asked this question back when I was in my 20's, I would have said that marrying young was not a problem. My grandmother married at 21 and she thought nothing of it. Conversations with her when she was in her 80's tell a much different story.

This particular question is not even answerable until you are ten, twenty, thirty or more years past youth.
It would be curious to see all the same people answer the same question in another ten years. We may all be surprised. (including me)

i'm not saying i've had the experience, i'm saying I"ve talked to other couples.. who have been together 25, 30 and 50 years who got married between 17 and 19 and of these couples they all have said it only got better, it didn't get worse. It just goes to show that not all people who married young are going to experience what you did..and there's no way you can say that it will.

 

[Meliza]

Hi, i'm new here and in fact this is my first reply and post. I was just browsing thru and came up to this topic. By the way, it is nice to have a forum like this and meet decent people to exchange views and experiences in life. Anyway, I’m not as young as 20's but my husband is. I'm 30 and he is 21...But age doesn't matter right? And what could be more worst than young age when marrying?...I'm a Seventh Day Adventist and he is a Muslim.. But we get along very well. We love each other and respect each others belief. We both know what we are into and we knew that there are lots of trials and problem along the way that we will encounter, but we are into this together and we will try our best to set an example... that whatever our differences are… it maybe... age, religion...beliefs....etc...when you do things with LOVE and believe in GOD’s LOVE...everything is possible...just be responsible in everything you do...and always believe and trust each other... Problems are always there waiting for us to lose control and snap... just know how to deal with it with understanding, open mind and be responsible in everyway...i guess in that way marriage will be a great thing to cherish with the one you love and the one you wanna spend the rest of your life... GOD is GREAT!...Have a great day to all and GOD BLESS!!!

 

[firestar]

I got married young- I was 22, and almost nine years later I honestly can't say that we've had any problems because of our age. We were both serious about wanting to commit ourselves to each other and it's been fabulous. We've had periods where there have been struggles, just like any other couple, but they haven't been due to our young ages.

 

[livin4christ9203]

yeah, it's not age.. it's maturity.. so me people mature a lot younger than others.

 

[Leanna]

Is this still going on???

First, I don't see what the big crime is marrying when you still have some immaturity. So what? We all mature and grow at every age. We are more mature at 35 than at 25, and more mature at 25 than at 15. Is there some certain testable level of maturity one needs to be before they are allowed to marry? What is wrong with two slightly immature, but still ready to take responsibility, people marrying and loving each other and growing together?

And I don't buy this "some people mature a lot younger than others." Well, a tiny extent, but not really. Sure, some people act like children, and other take responsibility. But the idea that some people are just sooo grown up sooo much younger than everyone else is just ludacris to me. Just wait a few more years and you'll look back at your own immaturity at making such a statement. I can see I was more immature at 19 than I am now, but mature enough and that's what matters. I can see that in 10 years I will be more mature than I am now. Come on, you guys are killing me with the "I am just so much more mature than everyone else my age" statements.

 

[firestar]

Is this still going on???

First, I don't see what the big crime is marrying when you still have some immaturity. So what? We all mature and grow at every age. We are more mature at 35 than at 25, and more mature at 25 than at 15. Is there some certain testable level of maturity one needs to be before they are allowed to marry? What is wrong with two slightly immature, but still ready to take responsibility, people marrying and loving each other and growing together?

And I don't buy this "some people mature a lot younger than others." Well, a tiny extent, but not really. Sure, some people act like children, and other take responsibility. But the idea that some people are just sooo grown up sooo much younger than everyone else is just ludacris to me. Just wait a few more years and you'll look back at your own immaturity at making such a statement. I can see I was more immature at 19 than I am now, but mature enough and that's what matters. I can see that in 10 years I will be more mature than I am now. Come on, you guys are killing me with the "I am just so much more mature than everyone else my age" statements.

I agree with this Sure, at age 22 there were tons of things I didn't know about the world yet, but I've grown. I just happened to have a partner along the way with me growing along side me- which for me has made the whole growth experience that much richer! The part that I bolded for emphasis is the most important and what I said in a previous post- the people regardless of if they are 20 or 90 need to be serious about the commitment they are making. Me and my husband were very serious about what we were doing, and we have a better marriage than some people who got married much older.

 

[livin4christ9203]

Is this still going on???

First, I don't see what the big crime is marrying when you still have some immaturity. So what? We all mature and grow at every age. We are more mature at 35 than at 25, and more mature at 25 than at 15. Is there some certain testable level of maturity one needs to be before they are allowed to marry? What is wrong with two slightly immature, but still ready to take responsibility, people marrying and loving each other and growing together?

And I don't buy this "some people mature a lot younger than others." Well, a tiny extent, but not really. Sure, some people act like children, and other take responsibility. But the idea that some people are just sooo grown up sooo much younger than everyone else is just ludacris to me. Just wait a few more years and you'll look back at your own immaturity at making such a statement. I can see I was more immature at 19 than I am now, but mature enough and that's what matters. I can see that in 10 years I will be more mature than I am now. Come on, you guys are killing me with the "I am just so much more mature than everyone else my age" statements.

I agree with you, I was just stating that age isn't always the factor in why marriages are not good. I think maturity and being ready is a problem, but you can have that problem at 30. I was just trying to make the point that getting married at 18 or 19 isn't always bad.. I got married at 19.. so I know. Please don't take that the wrong way. You are right, we all have a level of immaturity our whole lives.. we will always be growing.

 

[seebs]

Wasn't that long ago that 16 was pretty old to be getting married, and 14 was more typical.

 

[SarcasmDispenser]

Wasn't that long ago that 16 was pretty old to be getting married, and 14 was more typical.

How young were you?

 

[seebs]

How young were you?

I don't know. I am still trying to understand the theology of marriage, and until I get that, I won't know exactly when we became married.

It's been a long, long, time. And a good one, all in all.

 

[sjdennis]

I don't know. I am still trying to understand the theology of marriage, and until I get that, I won't know exactly when we became married.

It's been a long, long, time. And a good one, all in all.

Very interesting post. Have you had a legal marriage ceremony now or do you just consider yourselves married in the eyes of God?

There are three basic ways of saying when you were married, in my opinion:

1) When you signed the documents that told all the world you would be sleeping together (married by the law).

2) When you vowed to stay together for all your lives before God (married formally in the eyes of God). The wedding ceremony. This can stand alone without (1) if there is no legal system in that country to record marriage.

3) When you first had sex (married informally in God's eyes). This is the old, ultra-traditional method of marriage, before governments got involved and had to have everyone recorded in a registrar, and back when people lived in small family groups and everyone knew everyone else. I certainly aren't justifying it as ok now - if you are Christian you should be willing to make your vows in front of God.

Does this help you answer the question at all?