The first thing you need to realize is that what you are experiencing is extremely common - so relax and take a deep breath, lots of people face this issue where sex drives are out of sync. (Repeat: "This is very common")
There can be many reasons that sex drives between couples can be different, it can stem from many things from hormonal deficiencies, stress, work load, psychological reasons, past experiences and personal feelings about oneself.
Obviously this is a big issue in your life you want to go away, however I encourage you to feel some empathy here for your wife. No doubt it is just as frustrating for her, to not be as interested in something that is so important to you her husband. This very type of thing will cause her to feel inadequate, unworthy, and question her own sexuality and places her in a position to feel vulnerable emotionally and makes her defensive.
So don't let this place either of you in a classic vicious cycle that only becomes more and more destructive! When a woman feels vulnerable, as she does right now, she will want you to spend time with her, talk to her, connect at an emotional level not a physical one. But instead us men will start a vicious cycle of because she rejected our sexual advance, we withdraw emotionally and act cold towards her. The more she withholds sex, the more you withhold the emotional connect she is craving.
The colder we get, the more withdrawn she becomes - and the cycle gets even more vicious as time goes on.
Make it a point to stop this now - I have no doubt from your very short post you are here experiencing this. Forget sex for the next week are two, she needs you her husband to hold her, take her out, spend time in, read together, watch a movie or two together - You be the hero here and give her the emotional connection and reassurance she is needing right now. Sorry to break the news - but right now you need to take the high road her and put her needs before your own. At this very moment accept that its not about you right now.
Now what do you do after this? It will then be the time to rethink your approach.. knowing us men, up until now you have pursued her for sex, and when she declined, you pursued harder until it became a heated issue, and the more you pursued the more pressured and angry she became. So we both know what you have been doing does not work; so we need to find something... try something different.
Plan a day to set down and talk together. Let her know you have been seeking advice, and you want to understand her, understand her needs and meet her needs, reassure her of your devotion, commitment and love.
Think back to the times where "things worked", or moments when you did connect and she was amorous about you. Identify those things that worked; was it after a time of you giving her special attention, after a romantic date? If something worked before, it will most likely work again!
And then also think about a "build up" to a romantic night together, leave notes for her through the house that she will "discover", in a pocket, note in a shoe, note in a pan, or favorite coffee mug, not one note but many, flowers one day without rhyme or reason, and then make it a point to touch her (not in a sexual way period) hold her, pat her, caress her cheek, don't turn every contact (like a hug) into an opportunity to let your hands wander. Then after a week of that go out and spend time together, go park instead of going home or go to an overlook somewhere remote, you may be surprised how things turn out!
Now on the wandering part, you married your wife and to her alone you are to be faithful. Never let her feel that sex is a threat to be held over her. These feelings of wandering are very destructive to every aspect of your life. I have never counseled with an individual that wandered that felt ANY positive emotion over it. They struggled with feelings of self-disgust, self-condemnation, self-loathing and the list goes on.. Stay far away from this temptation by never placing yourself in a vulnerable position to be alone with a woman in a work environment, or otherwise - period.
Your loyalty is to your wife, you CAN make this work. God Bless.
