Marriage Readiness

[bèlla]

Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else?

How did you know its time?

 

[Lost4words]

I knew because we were put into the same cage together!

 

[bèlla]

I knew because we were put into the same cage together!

I love your humor! I hope she was cute. ;-)

 

[Rescued One]

I hope she's still committed to your godly union.

 

[Sabertooth]

For us, it was a natural progression similar to that of a same-sex friendship (but continuing past that). A strong pheromonal attraction added to that drive, as well, but would not have been enough had there been fundamental objections.

 

[bèlla]

For us, it was a natural progression similar to that of a same-sex friendship (but continuing past that). A strong pheromonal attraction added to that drive, as well, but would not have been enough had there been fundamental objections.

Whoa Sabertooth! I don’t hear “pheromonal” often. Sheesh. Give a girl a little warning. ;-)

Your response resonated with me. An organic connection that grew with mutual attraction. That’s a beautiful thing.

 

[Sabertooth]

I don’t hear “pheromonal” often. Sheesh. Give a girl a little warning. ;-)

That component is still pretty important. If you married somebody without it, you would be extra vulnerable to temptation where it was present. (I see that as a down side to on-line dating.)

As it is, it is still a pretty strong temptation, but my wife and I recognize it for what it is and avoid close associations with such people. Neither of us faults the other for such attractions.* In both of our experiences, we weren't looking for [trouble] and the other person wasn't even coming on to us.

*We still openly recognize other people as pretty or handsome (to each other).

 

[bèlla]

That component is still pretty important. If you married somebody without it, you would be extra vulnerable to temptation where it was present. (I see that as a down side to on-line dating.)

I can’t do it. We must connect beyond faith and intellect. To forsake a physical connection would leave me fragmented. It is a must.

As it is, it is still a pretty strong temptation, but my wife and I recognize it for what it is and avoid close associations with such people.

I am wholly monogamous. When my heart is engaged attention from the opposite sex offends my senses. It always has.

I can recognize beauty and handsomeness as you’ve noted. But interlopers are another matter.

Online dating has its nuances and I confess with all the men I’ve met over the years only one reached my inner sanctum. And that took a long time and many years of acquaintance to broach.

I appreciate your honesty. This was my greatest concern when I came to faith. It is fitting you’d raise it on this thread.

 

[Sabertooth]

But interlopers are another matter.

By all accounts, the people that I am referring to made no deliberate appeal to us. They were likely even oblivious. When [we] didn't know what it was, we found the attraction to be quite disturbing. Once we identified it, it was just a matter of keeping a respectable distance. If we had to be around such a person, keep our interactions public.

An example: My wife (who has impaired eyesight) was once at a garage sale when a male customer walked by. She suddenly felt a strong urge to kiss him, when she hadn't even gotten a good look at him, yet...! (She didn't.) She was shocked at her own reaction and left. I have had similar encounters. Neither of us experience that on a regular basis.

It transcends physical appearance.

 

[bèlla]

By all accounts, the people that I am referring to made no deliberate appeal to us.

I understood what you meant and it isn’t lust.

What I’m saying is this. I don’t have the innate ability to be desirous of two men simultaneously. I can appreciate aesthetic beauty but more than that is impossible if I’m engaged unless there’s a breach in the connection.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else?

How did you know its time?

Based on my own experience, if you desire it then you are ready for it assuming you are willing to read and attempt to follow all the usual advice that is true for both your Faith tradition and various secular pundits. But even armed with that stuff there is still going to be stuff that can happen later on in your marriage as unforeseen things happen and people also change over time and what they want later in life may be quite different than what they wanted before the marriage.

 

[redleghunter]

Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else?

How did you know its time?

I was dating my future wife in High School, went to Army Basic training came back she met me, we passionately kissed and three days later I proposed.

I first went to her father being old fashioned.

 

[Nicholina]

I believe God will present me with my mate when He is done preparing me for marriage.

 

[bèlla]

Based on my own experience, if you desire it then you are ready for it assuming you are willing to read and attempt to follow all the usual advice that is true for both your Faith tradition and various secular pundits.

The Lord has been preparing me for a long while. I am happy with my life as it is and content. But I sense Him pricking my spirit more frequently. I didn’t reach a point where I knew I was ready. I just kept plodding along.

 

[Tolworth John]

I'd been courting her for over a year and knew we got on well, could handle differences etc but primarily I wanted to live my life with her.

My advice would be to follow the traditional route, date, move into courting, when sure propose, having asked her Father for permission, but do leave several months between these two. It really sortrs out whether she is right for you or not.

Enrol in a your churches marriage preparation class and talk and listen.
take a look at wintery knights many articles on marriage.
You don't have to follow all of them, you do benefit from reading and talking them through.

 

[bèlla]

I was dating my future wife in High School, went to Army Basic training came back she met me, we passionately kissed and three days later I proposed.

I first went to her father being old fashioned.

What a wonderful homecoming!

 

[bèlla]

I'd been courting her for over a year and knew we got on well, could handle differences etc but primarily I wanted to live my life with her.

This really stood out for me. Especially the second half.

My advice would be to follow the traditional route, date, move into courting, when sure propose, having asked her Father for permission, but do leave several months between these two. It really sortrs out whether she is right for you or not.

I’m old fashioned and agree a traditional approach is best unless the Lord says otherwise. I will seek His input on courting.

Enroll in a your churches marriage preparation class and take a look at wintery knights many articles on marriage.
You don't have to follow all of them, you do benefit from reading and talking them through.

I used to attend two groups for couples at church. It felt weird at first but the Holy Spirit told me to go. It was interesting to see their interactions and how they navigated different topics in our discussions. I learned a lot.

Thank you for the suggestion. That’s an interesting site.

 

[bèlla]

I believe God will present me with my mate when He is done preparing me for marriage.

I believe the same and hope you find the one you seek in His timing.

 

[Nicholina]

I'd been courting her for over a year and knew we got on well, could handle differences etc but primarily I wanted to live my life with her.

What exactly did that look like for you both?

 

[Nicholina]

I believe the same and hope you find the one you seek in His timing.

I hope the same for you, sister