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Featured Marriage for a companionship and no kids??

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by gospels, Jun 22, 2019.

  1. blessedintrovert

    blessedintrovert New Member

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    I am a loner too.
     
  2. gospels

    gospels Active Member Supporter

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    Yes, as long as it’s God’s design for each of us. But it’s a different thing if someone strongly dislikes having people around them because that’s more kind of growing towards hating people. Some have antisocial personality disorder/sociopathy. It might be an uncomfortable feeling but if people happen to encounter by chance and stay close, then we must choose to love them regardless. To love is a commandment and to recluse willingly forever for no good reason is trying to escape and being selfish. Those people will also tend to disobey if God asks them to meet someone, help someone or brings someone to them because they cannot stand anyone or live among/with others. They want a separate palace where only they can enjoy and have everything to themselves irrespective of what’s going around just like the three people who ignored to care the injured person in Luke 10 until the good Samaratin came along. My dad wanted to be solitude and left his family with no care provided. He has no right to choose his solitude when family needs him. He must instead learn to love and deal with us. Nevertheless, by God’s grace I will endure.
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2019
  3. High Fidelity

    High Fidelity Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I know what you mean. I don't want kids. I am 31 this year, my career is doing great and I am starting a business. I feel like I am past the point where kids would fit in my life and plans now and I am totally fine with that.

    It's hard to find someone that's a) compatible and b) doesn't want kids.
     
  4. gospels

    gospels Active Member Supporter

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    I’d rather choose adopting some orphans if I can than having my own. They are already born and in desperate need of love and grace and everything.
     
  5. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

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    United States
    Christian
    Married
    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2019
  6. genez

    genez Contributor Supporter

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    Well.. we have that in common, too! ^_^
     
  7. Crowned Princess

    Crowned Princess Sunflower Jewel

    +2,202
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    That's a very noble act to be doing. I am sure of that if God puts this in your heart to be doing this, then He will also help and provide for you everything you need to know when taking care of this child/these children.
     
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  8. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❣️ His little lady ❣️ Supporter

    +3,918
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    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    I’m a little older than you but I share your sentiments. While I’m open to marrying at some point, I have no desire for children or adopting. I have an adult child and feel that season has passed.

    More importantly, I’m happiest living out my purpose even if it requires me to walk alone or do so for a time. The joy and peace I have today have no comparison. And it is honestly my first love. I haven’t been called to singleness but I’m content nonetheless.
     
  9. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    I don't think it will be as hard as you think ;)
     
  10. Tom Farebrother

    Tom Farebrother Optimistic sceptic Supporter

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    Not that I disagree with you, but Tolkein's take on the idea of marrying 'the wrong person' is interesting:

    “When the glamour wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. . . And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgment concerning whom, amongst the total chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the 'real soul-mate' is the one you are actually married to.”
     
  11. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    Eh..... I dunno, there is marrying the wrong person, and then there is marrying TOTALLY THE WRONG PERSON! I see people who should just never have been married to each other.
     
  12. Tom Farebrother

    Tom Farebrother Optimistic sceptic Supporter

    +7,601
    Romania
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    Maybe so, but the challenges faced in marriage are one of the biggest (and most intense/difficult) catalysts for change. I think a lot of the time it's not about compatibility but rather people digging their heels in and refusing to accept that.
     
  13. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    +15,435
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    A lot of people seem to have the idea that there is a "perfect person" for them, and think that with this person, marriage will be happy and smooth and easy. Maybe some influence from fairy tales, romance novels, and/or Hollywood?

    The truth is, marriage is always hard and at some points especially hard, and requires work and commitment. The partner's willingness to work with you has a lot to do with how it will be experienced. But such intimate relationships always have difficult places.

    Not that it isn't/can't be rewarding as well - hopefully very much so. But people shouldn't expect a perfect bed of roses.

    I guess my point was to agree ... it's not "the perfect person" so much as it is a mature view of marriage and the willingness of both persons to love the other (in word and deed, putting the other's good above their own - not a sentimental feeling) - that has much more to do with how well a marriage goes.
     
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  14. genez

    genez Contributor Supporter

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    If you want to find the right one? You must first become the right one for the other. Grow in grace and knowledge.... Seek ye first his righteousness.... And, it will be added onto you. You will find the right one. That is, if God wants you to marry.

    Many more than we realize may have married their "right one." But, because they failed to desire to mature in Christ first, by submitting to growing in grace and sound doctrine? God allowed them to reap what they sowed.

    When you mature in Christ in sound doctrine having abundance? You then begin to reap what God has sown. Otherwise, we will only reap what we sow.

    God is not flexible with reality. Its either His righteousness He sees in us being animated. Or, its us being left to our own thinking to make mistakes as to inflict upon ourselves self induced misery.

    We reap what we sow. Those who learn to mature in Christ, reap what God sows. Blessings.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
  15. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    Trust me, compatibility / chemistry is a thing. Try doing all that you said with the WRONG ABSOLUTE WRONG person. It's foolish to think otherwise, otherwise why not just go marry anyone? Lets have random arranged marriages, draw straws and see who your future spouse is.
     
  16. ~Anastasia~

    ~Anastasia~ † Servant of God † Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    +15,435
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    Yes, chemistry is a thing, but it figures more in initial stages of attraction.

    A good marriage over many decades requires commitment and unselfish love in action.

    Fireworks, chemistry, and all of that can come and go - especially when someone gets sick, when tragedy strikes, during lean years, and so on.
     
  17. J Daniel

    J Daniel Active Member

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    You might feel different if you have a great spiritual connection with that man.

    But if kids are not on your field of vision then fine - cos many people don't bother with children!

     
  18. MynameisSam

    MynameisSam New Member

    13
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    Hey, that kind of sounds like me. I'm 32, and still do not want to have children. Get married to the right person? Perhaps. Have kids? No. So much so that I may never get married, because, as you say, most committed Christians want to have children. I think most people do in general. So trying to find a single Christian that is my age, and one that doesn't want to have kids is difficult. And that's before we start talking about chemistry and compatability.

    But lots of "unlikely" things happen when God is involved. And if God isn't involved, I don't want any part of it anyway.
     
  19. Strong in Him

    Strong in Him I can do all things through Christ Supporter

    +4,520
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    To Adam and Eve when they were the only two people alive; yes.
    Not to every believer on an already overpopulated world.

    If it WAS a command to everyone, then Jesus failed to obey it; therefore he failed to do God's will and sinned. I'm certain you're not suggesting that.
     
  20. Strong in Him

    Strong in Him I can do all things through Christ Supporter

    +4,520
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    I'm not in the same situation, since I'm married; but I have no kids. It is possible for 2 Christians to marry and not have children.
    May God bless you in your life choices and your desire to serve him. If he has someone for you and later desires that you marry; he'll show you.
     
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