Marital disharmony

[wayofthepromise]

I disagree with pretty much everything you said here, and frankly, I’m a bit taken aback by your cavalier attitude toward women and co-corkers in general. You come across as one who doesn’t really care what others think, have no respect for debate or constructive dialogue, and perhaps might benefit from honest self-evaluation.

After further reflection I feel I may have reacted inappropriately here. I’m not sure I understood your meaning and probably interjected the wrong spirit.

 

[akaDaScribe]

I disagree with pretty much everything you said here, and frankly, I’m a bit taken aback by your cavalier attitude toward women and co-corkers in general. You come across as one who doesn’t really care what others think, have no respect for debate or constructive dialogue, and perhaps might benefit from honest self-evaluation.

I think Andrew is trying to say is that there is no point in creating friction in relationships over matters that have nothing to do with the relationship. You will find that most times when people are dug into a position, it's not going to change, and many times if both people feel passionate about their positions, discussions can get hostile.

My wife and I never fight. I could probably count the number of arguments we've had. However, when it comes too politics, our views can vary. We will discuss our views, but when the tension hits a certain point, we let it go.

Another thing you have to realize is that if you advance spiritually at a faster rate than your spouse, you are not going to see things through the same lens.

 

[Andrew77]

I disagree with pretty much everything you said here, and frankly, I’m a bit taken aback by your cavalier attitude toward women and co-corkers in general. You come across as one who doesn’t really care what others think, have no respect for debate or constructive dialogue, and perhaps might benefit from honest self-evaluation.

1st.... So, I'm getting the impression now that you only want to hear the advice you want.... because you are now trying to give me advice, and I'm not here for advice. Supposedly you are. I don't need advice, thanks. If you want to give me advice, you can, and I'll ignore it.

I'm not trying to be insulting. I'm just pointing out, you came here on a forum, to ask for advice. Now you don't like it, and are trying to give advice. That's not how this works friend. We're not looking for your advice, or we would have started our own threads.

2nd... And as for not caring about what my co-workers think.... Jesus didn't care what the people of his day thought. Why should I be different?

Luke 13:32
"Go tell that fox"... referring to King Herod. Obviously he was concerned about what people thought of him.

Matthew 15:12
"Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?"
Jesus replied "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots."

So apparently he didn't care, and the pharisees were not only religious leaders, but leaders in their country.

And especially my pagan co-workers. Christian people who argue with pagans, to me are a little crazy. If you think that you are going to convince someone to follow G-d's moral standard, when they don't even believe in G-d to begin with.... that's a little nuts. Arguing with people, is rather pointless.

3rd.... If you think my advice is bad, and your system is working, go for it. If you think that arguing with your wife until you destroy your marriage is the best plan (which is what you have basically said in some of your other posts), then good luck with that.

Remember, I'm not the one that has to live with your wife. You are.

Look brother, you don't have to take my advice, or anyone's advice. You asked a question on here, and I answered it with the best advice I have of 30 years in the church, and the last 10 years of my own father working as a Christian counselor.

There are topics that my parents don't discuss. He thinks one thing. She thinks another. And they don't argue about it, or talk about it, and they have been married for over 50 years now, and they do absolutely everything together. I mean everything.

If you want that kind of marriage.... then I think you should follow my advice. If you think I'm wrong, then good luck. Hope it works out.

 

[Andrew77]

After further reflection I feel I may have reacted inappropriately here. I’m not sure I understood your meaning and probably interjected the wrong spirit.

It's all good. I'm not trying to create friction on the forum, when my point is to not have friction in your home!

 

[CosmicOsmo]

Haha! You are in good company my brother.

• Job's wife mocked his faith... Job 2:10 "You are talking like a foolish woman"
• Abraham's wife didn't share his faith in God's promise... Genesis 18:15 "Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh." But he said, "Yes, you did laugh.""
• David's wife despised him and God punished her: 2 Samuel 6:16 "when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart."

Here this scripture is true:

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)

hate ≈ "consider worthless in comparison to God"

"for there must be factions among you in order that those who are genuine among you may be recognized." (1 Cor 11:19)

Finally:
If you are wise, you are wise for yourself; if you scoff, you alone will bear it. (Proverbs 9:12)

Stick with it. Ignore her ungodly opinions. God will bless you.

 

[jamesbond007]

I’ve started this thread several times, not sure how to explain my dilemma.

I’ll start with this: I have lately buried myself (so to speak) in the study of the Word. For the past month or so, I have kept my car radio on a Christian station.

Over the weekend my wife and I had some pretty severe disagreements stemming from a shift in our perspectives on moral issues.

I’m beginning to feel a change in me for the better, but I don’t want it to affect my relationship with my wife. She accused me yesterday of becoming “more conservative.”

I’m wondering how this will all pan out. We’ve only been married a couple of years. We didn’t date very long, it when we got together, she was the one professing her faith in Jesus Christ and I was still trying to figure out how to get back to God.

What about your area of agreements? If she's more liberal and you're more conservative, then there must still be areas of common interest.

 

[mama2one]

My wife and I never fight. I could probably count the number of arguments we've had.

agree, my husband is definitely a peacemaker

couple mos ago, I ran car into our garage door and he just got out his tools, trying to fix it and we had to get a whole new door (not cheap)

I said later after apologizing "you didn't even get mad at me?!"
he said "what good would that do"

sometimes, I wonder how he has such patience with me

 

[akaDaScribe]

agree, my husband is definitely a peacemaker

couple mos ago, I ran car into our garage door and he just got out his tools, trying to fix it and we had to get a whole new door (not cheap)

I said later after apologizing "you didn't even get mad at me?!"
he said "what good would that do"

sometimes, I wonder how he has such patience with me

That's sounds like me, only I would say call the garage guy.

 

[wayofthepromise]

1st.... So, I'm getting the impression now that you only want to hear the advice you want.... because you are now trying to give me advice, and I'm not here for advice. Supposedly you are. I don't need advice, thanks. If you want to give me advice, you can, and I'll ignore it.

I'm not trying to be insulting. I'm just pointing out, you came here on a forum, to ask for advice. Now you don't like it, and are trying to give advice. That's not how this works friend. We're not looking for your advice, or we would have started our own threads.

2nd... And as for not caring about what my co-workers think.... Jesus didn't care what the people of his day thought. Why should I be different?

Luke 13:32
"Go tell that fox"... referring to King Herod. Obviously he was concerned about what people thought of him.

Matthew 15:12
"Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?"
Jesus replied "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots."

So apparently he didn't care, and the pharisees were not only religious leaders, but leaders in their country.

And especially my pagan co-workers. Christian people who argue with pagans, to me are a little crazy. If you think that you are going to convince someone to follow G-d's moral standard, when they don't even believe in G-d to begin with.... that's a little nuts. Arguing with people, is rather pointless.

3rd.... If you think my advice is bad, and your system is working, go for it. If you think that arguing with your wife until you destroy your marriage is the best plan (which is what you have basically said in some of your other posts), then good luck with that.

Remember, I'm not the one that has to live with your wife. You are.

Look brother, you don't have to take my advice, or anyone's advice. You asked a question on here, and I answered it with the best advice I have of 30 years in the church, and the last 10 years of my own father working as a Christian counselor.

There are topics that my parents don't discuss. He thinks one thing. She thinks another. And they don't argue about it, or talk about it, and they have been married for over 50 years now, and they do absolutely everything together. I mean everything.

If you want that kind of marriage.... then I think you should follow my advice. If you think I'm wrong, then good luck. Hope it works out.

Okay

 

[wayofthepromise]

What about your area of agreements? If she's more liberal and you're more conservative, then there must still be areas of common interest.

We agree more than we disagree. In the last couple of days I’ve already gotten a sense of peace after getting some of the advice here.

 

[wayofthepromise]

agree, my husband is definitely a peacemaker

couple mos ago, I ran car into our garage door and he just got out his tools, trying to fix it and we had to get a whole new door (not cheap)

I said later after apologizing "you didn't even get mad at me?!"
he said "what good would that do"

sometimes, I wonder how he has such patience with me

I know my limitations. I’d be on the phone with the garage man first thing.

 

[mama2one]

I know my limitations. I’d be on the phone with the garage man first thing.

but he always tries to fix things first and often does but in above case, he did end up hiring the professionals/ordering new door ....eventually
I admitted to hitting door when they were here and one guy said don't feel bad
one house they were at TWICE in 3 mos as the wife wrecked garage door again!

 

[akaDaScribe]

but he always tries to fix things first and often does but in above case, he did end up hiring the professionals/ordering new door ....eventually
I admitted to hitting door when they were here and one guy said don't feel bad
one house they were at TWICE in 3 mos as the wife wrecked garage door again!

rofl

 

[mama2one]

We agree more than we disagree. In the last couple of days I’ve already gotten a sense of peace after getting some of the advice here.

that's good ^
marriage is not easy, even for Christians
we've been married for a long time but then life and problems always test or you're raising child and have virtually no couple time alone, etc

some days, I find it hard being married (and I'm married to a really good guy)

 

[wayofthepromise]

that's good ^
marriage is not easy, even for Christians
we've been married for a long time but then life and problems always test or you're raising child and have virtually no couple time alone, etc

some days, I find it hard being married (and I'm married to a really good guy)

I married someone who teaches me ways to be a better husband. That doesn’t mean it’s not a constant labor of love. Thanks for sharing... it helps to know it’s not just me.

 

[wayofthepromise]

but he always tries to fix things first and often does but in above case, he did end up hiring the professionals/ordering new door ....eventually
I admitted to hitting door when they were here and one guy said don't feel bad
one house they were at TWICE in 3 mos as the wife wrecked garage door again!

Well it’s clear you’re husband is more handy around the house. I can install shelves, TV mounts, and assemble baby cribs... but that’s about all I’m good for lol!

 

[2Timothy2:15]

Are the moral issues about things relating directly to your marriage? Are they either about 1) an authority structure in the marriage, with the husband as leader; or 2) not to pry, but things you do in the bedroom? If so, these might be changes to the relationship that your wife wasn't expecting.

No one is talking about the bedroom...

 

[2Timothy2:15]

I’ve started this thread several times, not sure how to explain my dilemma.

I’ll start with this: I have lately buried myself (so to speak) in the study of the Word. For the past month or so, I have kept my car radio on a Christian station.

Over the weekend my wife and I had some pretty severe disagreements stemming from a shift in our perspectives on moral issues.

I’m beginning to feel a change in me for the better, but I don’t want it to affect my relationship with my wife. She accused me yesterday of becoming “more conservative.”

I’m wondering how this will all pan out. We’ve only been married a couple of years. We didn’t date very long, it when we got together, she was the one professing her faith in Jesus Christ and I was still trying to figure out how to get back to God.

Just keep up your study, be an Godly example of a husband and pray for your wife.

 

[Paidiske]

Well it’s clear you’re husband is more handy around the house. I can install shelves, TV mounts, and assemble baby cribs... but that’s about all I’m good for lol!

Spiders? Being the husband-who-kills-spiders goes a long, long way...

More seriously, I guess the main thing I'd want to say is, if you feel you're changing for the better, and that now means you and your wife disagree on some things, don't therefore assume that you're now better (or more correct) than her. As long as you treat her and her walk with God with respect, that will go a long, long way.

 

[seeking.IAM]

Good relationships tolerate differences. Partners don't need to be carbon copies of each other.