Malapropisms

[Rescued One]

I love malapropisms so I hope you'll post a bunch.

mal·a·prop
ˈmaləˌpräp/
noun
plural noun: malapropisms

1. the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect, as in, for example, “dance a flamingo ” (instead of flamenco ).

Another example:

• A friend claimed her boyfriend “took her for granite.”

 

[Pilgrim]

Do you drink decapitated coffee?

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

That is a lovely pitcher.

 

[Pilgrim]

Watch out for wolves in cheap clothing.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

Don't axe my neighbor.

 

[Pilgrim]

Don't axe my neighbor.

Did they have to use a fire distinguisher?

 

[~Anastasia~]

The flood was so bad they had to evaporate the city.

 

[~Anastasia~]

They made him an escape goat.

 

[Pilgrim]

The flood was so bad they had to evaporate the city.

Flying saucers or just an optical conclusion?

 

[~Anastasia~]

The poor children were little ragged muffins.

 

[~Anastasia~]

It's a doggie-dog world.

 

[Pilgrim]

It's a doggie-dog world.

My dog is always barking at the wrong tree...

 

[rebornfree]

Curiosity skilled the cat.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

Be pacific when ordering.

 

[Rescued One]

Thanks, everyone!

• A rolling stone gathers no moths.

 

[Rescued One]

Do you drink decapitated coffee?

NOT ON PORPOISE!

 

[Pilgrim]

Be pacific when ordering.

I'd like to order chocolate peripherals for dessert.

 

[faithinlife]

"I remember because I have photogenic memory." (photographic)

 

[Pilgrim]

"I remember because I have photogenic memory." (photographic)

Oh! Were you a pigment of your imagination?

 

[Rescued One]

That place is going to hell in a hen basket.