This is a long story. But to put it shortly, for over 2 years, no matter how much studying of the scriptures I do, I have not been able to convince myself that it isn't God's will for me to be a homeless minister. When I first started reading the gospels, the things that spoke very strongly to me were all the messages about forsaking all to follow the Lord. I absolutely could never get it out of my head that for me that meant being homeless and my job would be sharing the gospel with people I meet.
Im not going to say I enjoy this, and I would so much rather go get a full time job and get my own place and I have the skills and work ethic to do it. It wouldn't have taken me 2 years to finally do this if it was what I was into. Every day I pray and hope that I'm just crazy and God will reveal to me that I'm wrong by convincing me through His word that the truth is otherwise, but He has not done so yet.
So I stay at the shelter, and go downtown with a cardboard sign that has a bible verse on it. I don't accept money, and I wasn't going to accept food either until I offended someone by turning down their gift of a nutrition bar. I don't think she read the sign and she didn't really let me explain what I was doing before she walked off in an offended way.
I know that panhandlers will turn down food because they just want money for booze or drugs and it's possible she though this is what I was doing. What I'm doing out here is just so different from what people are used to that they just don't believe me, but I feel like I'll be condemned for not doing it and that's what I fear more than anything so I keep doing it.
It's not possible to understand the Gospels without the correct understanding of the Ancient Hebrew/Old Testament. With continued sincere study, Jehovah/Yahweh reveals his Mind and that is the Mind of Christ/Messiah.
Your zeal is an inspiration!
Romans 10:1-2 Young's Literal Translation (YLT)
10 Brethren, the pleasure indeed of my heart, and my supplication that [is] to God for Israel, is -- for salvation;
2 for I bear them testimony that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge,
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