LOVE and Beauty

BenDare

Active Member
Oct 4, 2003
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Florida
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WHERE IS THE LOVE?
God's great commands are given in
such strict simplicity
they may appear far too severe,
without much sympathy
for human weakness. Penalties
seem harsh, unfair to us
who cannot fully comprehend
the quantum consequence
of unchecked sin. But look again.
for after He had spoken
clearly, written each requirement
so that all would know,
God placed an exclamation mark
on Calvery and nailed
on it that all may clearly read
the statement of His love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

BEAUTY

A candle stood upon a table
in a dim, unlighted room.
It noticed that some candles there
were cold and lovely ornaments,
while others radiated fire.

The taper tried its best to shine
and thus obey an inner urge
it felt was right, but all was cold.
And then a gleam tore through the darkness.
Someone bearing fire came and said,

"If I touch you, you'll never be the same.
Your pretty parafin will melt,
and what is left will droop until
the beauty you now have is gone.
But in the process you'll become
what you were meant to be, a light."
The candle only answered, "Let me burn."

The wick first flickered, but began
to lift a growing tongue of flame.
The gloom soon faded as the light
reached out into the room. The candle felt
a melting warmness, but the people who
had been there in the darkness saw
a glow that spread all over from
one candle burning bright. And each
observed in silent awe, "How very
Beautiful!"
 

yakkmeister

Active Member
Oct 21, 2003
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Australia
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Protestant
BenDare said:
WHERE IS THE LOVE?
God's great commands are given in
such strict simplicity
they may appear far too severe,
without much sympathy
for human weakness. Penalties
seem harsh, unfair to us
who cannot fully comprehend
the quantum consequence
of unchecked sin. But look again.
for after He had spoken
clearly, written each requirement
so that all would know,
God placed an exclamation mark
on Calvery and nailed
on it that all may clearly read
the statement of His love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

BEAUTY

A candle stood upon a table
in a dim, unlighted room.
It noticed that some candles there
were cold and lovely ornaments,
while others radiated fire.

The taper tried its best to shine
and thus obey an inner urge
it felt was right, but all was cold.
And then a gleam tore through the darkness.
Someone bearing fire came and said,

"If I touch you, you'll never be the same.
Your pretty parafin will melt,
and what is left will droop until
the beauty you now have is gone.
But in the process you'll become
what you were meant to be, a light."
The candle only answered, "Let me burn."

The wick first flickered, but began
to lift a growing tongue of flame.
The gloom soon faded as the light
reached out into the room. The candle felt
a melting warmness, but the people who
had been there in the darkness saw
a glow that spread all over from
one candle burning bright. And each
observed in silent awe, "How very
Beautiful!"
Both of these are full of inspired goodness.
The first has a heathy dose of rythm, but I feel it lacks in that it is an entirely prosey work.
However: there is enough poetic device that it is clearly poetry and not prose ... I hope I still make sense at this juncture.

The message is clear and simple; well done, but perhaps you may want to turn your inspiration to style as you have content comming out your ears!

Beauty:
This has possibly the best metaphor I have read in any of your poetry; including the deadbolt one.
This is simply a stunning commentary.
However, it is let down by rythm and a poorly executed structure (hance the rythm problem).

This structure problem seems uncharacteristic of your poetry; is this an experiment?

Again; two poems with great content.
I strongly urge you to develop more style; you do 'punchy' very well, as evidenced by the deadbolt poem; perhaps you should look at that as your signature style?
But style, aesthetic, is possibly the only really consistant lack that I can see in your heretofore posted poetry.

It's very very hard to develop this; experements are the only possible way that I have ever found; expanding the vocabulary you use helps too, if you have not already done so.
Could I convince you to try some sonnets?
I'd love to read your interpretation of 'beauty' as a sonnet; some of an early persuasion like these: http://www.sonnets.org/surrey.htm#102
 
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