Losing Hope...

[Mayflower1]

I feel like such a hypocrite. I accomplished my three day goal of no cutting and then I turn around and cut myself today... I am so stupid, so useless and worthless. I hate my own guts. I know God gives everyone a purpose but how can I grasp that if I keep letting my old nature win... The more it is fed, the more weaker my new nature becomes. The nature I got as a christian, starves so much... I hate myself. I can't seem to do anything right... I feel so trapped by my stupid, worthless thoughts... I don't know what to do... I feel as if this can never go away... Please pray that I find a way... I just don't know... I hate myself so much. This guilt is such sacrilege... Please... God help me... someone... Lily00

 

[IKTCA]

God help me!

God has already answered to your cry. His answer is, "Listen to my Son," as recorded in the Bible.

Without Jesus,
a person is worthless, without purpose, foolish, lost, hypocrite, and enslaved to impulses and unhealthy thoughts.

But within Jesus,
a person is worthy of God's glory, clear purpose of life, full of wisdom, in the lighted path, empowered to do the right, and free to SI and unhealthy thoughts.

Open the Bible and read the words of Jesus. That is God's answer to your cry. I started to pray for you.

Rupert

 

[goldenviolet]

lily sweetie, build upon the promises you know are for you and how God sees you. you aren't a hypocrite. you are still learning. practice starting over again. three days is good. God bless you for trying! God bless your practicing to be healthier! now, do not say any more hurtful discouraging things to yourself. practice encouraging yourself too. God calls you His daughter... His lamb... His bride... YOU are valuable and special. God is saying these things to you. we build upon His word, we build upon our exsperiances, and God is over seeing it all. sometimes we will struggle with ourselves. sometimes we will recieve healling. through it all, we are being shaped. God promises us that these things do not change His love for us. and nothing can seprate us from His loving mercy. so, practice everyday. if you slip, then practice how well you get back up. everything is a learning exsperiance. and ALL things (not just good things) work to good for those who love the Lord.

love dee

 

[Mayflower1]

Thank you. I feel better today because I counted my blessings last night and realized that God is still there for me... no matter what I do... Thank you for responding. I didn't know anybody did. I am starting another three day goal today... With God I know I will not fail... I just need to keep trying...Thanks. Lily00

God has already answered to your cry. His answer is, "Listen to my Son," as recorded in the Bible.

Without Jesus,
a person is worthless, without purpose, foolish, lost, hypocrite, and enslaved to impulses and unhealthy thoughts.

But within Jesus,
a person is worthy of God's glory, clear purpose of life, full of wisdom, in the lighted path, empowered to do the right, and free to SI and unhealthy thoughts.

Open the Bible and read the words of Jesus. That is God's answer to your cry. I started to pray for you.

Rupert

 

[Mayflower1]

I am feeling much better today. That was an attack on me... I am really embarressed when I have them... Please know that Jesus is my Saviour, my Father, and Friend. If He wasn't... I don't think I would be alive right now. I try so hard... feeling these things seems much like hypocritical thoughts... but I am trying hard. Today starts another of my three day goals to start cutting. I passed the last time, but it really discouraged me yesterday that right after, I fall down weak... My voice lesson teacher told me that satan picks on the most joyful and "anointed."(I really trust her, and by my surprise she had actually had it too before and she was a minister!) She said he is trying to bring me down and I know that she is right. I fall on the Lord though. Controlling my thoughts and actions are a constant struggle... it seems so much like a character flaw at times... but it is the flaw of man, for we all sin. I have purpose through Christ... I just want to remember that all of the time. Perhaps with more therapy, I will realize that my Mom's cancer, my past abuse... it was just satan's way of picking on me and it doesn't make me worthless or a bad christian... Yes, I am a sinner, everyone has there thing... some worst then others(in the eyes of man). As Phillippians 4:13 says though, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Thank you for your prayers and for listening. It really does help. Lily00

God has already answered to your cry. His answer is, "Listen to my Son," as recorded in the Bible.

Without Jesus,
a person is worthless, without purpose, foolish, lost, hypocrite, and enslaved to impulses and unhealthy thoughts.

But within Jesus,
a person is worthy of God's glory, clear purpose of life, full of wisdom, in the lighted path, empowered to do the right, and free to SI and unhealthy thoughts.

Open the Bible and read the words of Jesus. That is God's answer to your cry. I started to pray for you.

Rupert

 

[IKTCA]

It's good to hear that you are doing better in the Lord already. More adversity is heaped up on you, but same obedience is required of you. Without SI, your faith would be able to keep you from falling. But because of SI, you are to have a greater faith not to fall. It is unfair.

The Lord trusts you. He trusts you will prevail with his strength and in his words. And you will indeed please him. Please him with Psalms and hymns. I remember you in my prayers.

Take Sister GV's wise counsel. Build upon the promises that you know already, such as Philippians 4:13. Let me hear from you again soon.

Rupert

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You're giving self-injury way too much credit.
It doesn't make you hopeless or worthless in any way.
*hug*

 

[Mayflower1]

lily sweetie, build upon the promises you know are for you and how God sees you. you aren't a hypocrite. you are still learning. practice starting over again. three days is good. God bless you for trying! God bless your practicing to be healthier! now, do not say any more hurtful discouraging things to yourself. practice encouraging yourself too. God calls you His daughter... His lamb... His bride... YOU are valuable and special. God is saying these things to you. we build upon His word, we build upon our exsperiances, and God is over seeing it all. sometimes we will struggle with ourselves. sometimes we will recieve healling. through it all, we are being shaped. God promises us that these things do not change His love for us. and nothing can seprate us from His loving mercy. so, practice everyday. if you slip, then practice how well you get back up. everything is a learning exsperiance. and ALL things (not just good things) work to good for those who love the Lord.

love dee

Thanks a lot Violet. I did get up again by the grace of God and I am on my second day of no cutting. When I get into that attack like that time, I just get in the quiet and thank God for anything that comes to mind. I reccomend it to anyone who has gone through this... It really helps and I thank my friend Bedlump for that advice. I just have to remember to take it one step at a time... I get those urges...I get those evil thoughts and those feelings of no worth... I know that as a child of God though, I am not, and I am really thankful because of that. I just have to keep remembering that! I am praying for everybody here. Best of Wishes. Lily00

 

[Mayflower1]

It's good to hear that you are doing better in the Lord already. More adversity is heaped up on you, but same obedience is required of you. Without SI, your faith would be able to keep you from falling. But because of SI, you are to have a greater faith not to fall. It is unfair.

The Lord trusts you. He trusts you will prevail with his strength and in his words. And you will indeed please him. Please him with Psalms and hymns. I remember you in my prayers.

Take Sister GV's wise counsel. Build upon the promises that you know already, such as Philippians 4:13. Let me hear from you again soon.

Rupert

Dear Rupert,
Thank you for your advice and encouraging words! I am just taking it one step at a time through Christ. It is hard but I won't give up. Phillippians 4:13 is my favorite verse because it just gives me so much strength! I need to keep my faith strong. Thanks so much. Lily00

 

[Mayflower1]

You're giving self-injury way too much credit.
It doesn't make you hopeless or worthless in any way.
*hug*

Thanks. I have to absolutely try and remeber that, and that I am not a failure to God in any way!

 

[jesuschickseven]

To the girl who started the thread:

I know what your talking about. I began cutting after I became a christian (which is kind of wierd I know), but I was having a hard time in my life and with all my stress I was trying to stop all my bad habits to be a good christian, and needless to say I just kept failing.
I felt so worthless and dirty. I hated everything about myself and literally wanted to crawl out of my skin. I began cutting when it those feelings got really strong. I struggled with that for almost two years before I finally prayed in a different prayer. Instead of praying that I could or would stop cutting myself and feeling bad instead I prayed that I could forgive myself and see myself the way God sees me. Essiently I just prayed over and over that Jesus would help me to love myself even a tenth of the way he loves me.
Like a bolt of lightning I just felt a wave of peace wash over me and I broke down and cried. In that moment every fiber of my being felt charged and I knew the holy spirit was in me. I felt a strong love for God and a new appreciation for myself. For the first time ever I was overjoyed to just be alive.
It has been a long journey and I still have twists and pits, but I really am better now and I know with God's help I can overcome anything.

 

[Mayflower1]

To the girl who started the thread:

I know what your talking about. I began cutting after I became a christian (which is kind of wierd I know), but I was having a hard time in my life and with all my stress I was trying to stop all my bad habits to be a good christian, and needless to say I just kept failing.
I felt so worthless and dirty. I hated everything about myself and literally wanted to crawl out of my skin. I began cutting when it those feelings got really strong. I struggled with that for almost two years before I finally prayed in a different prayer. Instead of praying that I could or would stop cutting myself and feeling bad instead I prayed that I could forgive myself and see myself the way God sees me. Essiently I just prayed over and over that Jesus would help me to love myself even a tenth of the way he loves me.
Like a bolt of lightning I just felt a wave of peace wash over me and I broke down and cried. In that moment every fiber of my being felt charged and I knew the holy spirit was in me. I felt a strong love for God and a new appreciation for myself. For the first time ever I was overjoyed to just be alive.
It has been a long journey and I still have twists and pits, but I really am better now and I know with God's help I can overcome anything.

Thank you for your testimony. I am doing better now because I did the same thing that you did, and I am finally beginning to forgive myself for what I did. I don't like sinning against God and I was so mad at myself, mad at my dad for what he did... it just seems it would be easier for Christ's child to forgive! I am getting better. Sometimes, I still get into one of those fits and write what I started off with over and over again... but it is just satan trying to take hold of me and he can't because I am trying to rely on the whole armor of God and a shield of faith to protect me. I am taking it one step at a time and one day I will finally, completely find peace within my heart as well... last Saturday, more bad memories have been coming back to me, one's I didn't know were there before. The only good part about it, is since I already forgave my dad, it didn't hurt as much as it did when I remembered the first... I have a great fear of something big I don't remember... I wrote it over and over like I obsessively wrote that I was a worthless hypocrite... I don't pray just for forgiveness anymore but when panic attacks occur... I just thank God for anything that comes to mind... that helps a lot too. If you ever want to talk I am here for I think we have a lot in common... we are healing and as christians we can go to God, and we can support each other. I will pray for us both! Best Wishes. Lily00