Long Engagement???

[vibrant]

impatience to make it official.

12 months would be romantic.

you propose to her, then one year later, on that very same spot, take her hands in yours and remind her that it was here exactly one year ago - down to the very day, hour, minute, you asked her to be your bride. and now she is.

of course, that'd take some planning ahead, but that'd be nice.

 

[tractrack-online]

yes, you could call it impatience. But at the same time you have to admit I'm being quite patient with the relationship in general. Don't get me wrong, she's worth the wait, but just curious why you would say shorter, other than the romantic aspect...

 

[vibrant]

well, i didn't pick just any shorter period of time.

18 is fine, but i just picked 12 since it's come with a term attached to it "one year". just like 64 seconds is fine, but 60 means "one minute", 60 minutes mean "one hour".

if you have the luxury of knowing when your wedding date is, and of picking how long you want your engagement to be, then have some fun with it. or rather, infuse it with some meaning... other than the obvious.

 

[tractrack-online]

I don't know. I am getting impatient and she will expect it next summer. She's away at school so we only see each other during Christmas and summer. One of the other reasons I went so early is to completely surprise her to make it special that way.

Still looking for someone to change my mind

 

[vibrant]

i'm still voting for 12 months, so the anniversary of your engagement can fall on your wedding day.

or perhaps another significant date, like the day you met, first date, stuff like that. if it doesn't fall within the limited time you meet, then you could really surprize her by flying down to where she is and do something special...

anyway... *dragging myself back down from from lala land" there's nothing wrong in long engagements. whether you have one or not comes down to a personal preference.

 

[tractrack-online]

such a romntic! I'm not set on special dates, just making dates special

 

[vibrant]

me, romantic?

i'm more "creative, with a romantic idea".

at any rate, you're impatient to get engaged but once you're engaged people will grow impatient to see you two married. if long engagements cause tensions, it may just be from others as they see you dragging it out indefinately. at least, with shorter engagements, there's a visible end in mind that others can turn to.

 

[tractrack-online]

well people are already asking if she has a ring yet, so I've already got pressure. We aren't gonna do anything until we;re out of school so we'll just have to see, thanks for your input

Keep posting everyone!

 

[YouthPastor]

well people are already asking if she has a ring yet, so I've already got pressure. We aren't gonna do anything until we;re out of school so we'll just have to see, thanks for your input

Keep posting everyone!

I know people are only trying to be nice - but this annoys the snot out of me. Why does it give a rip to others when she gets a ring.

I always felt like telling people to shut up. When she gets a ring - you will see it on her finger, until then it is between us.

My wife and I had the problem where people would ask us, "when are you going to have a child" or "when are you going to get one (meaning a child).

I finally started saying, do you know where I can pick one up at? At wal-mart?

They don't ask anymore

I know they are trying to be nice but by being nice they are creating more tension.

18 months is fine - but then instead of do you haev a ring yet it will be wher's the wedding? have you picked this out yet have you...? Are you.....? when.....?

 

[tractrack-online]

LOL YouthPastor!!!

I agree that it can be annoying, but at times (coming from certain people) it is encouraging (of course those people tend to ask differently . I'm glad that others think we make a good match and I'm encouraged when they compliment us or my girlfriend.

I'm sure the questions will change, but at least we'll have a definite answer for when the wedding will be. Right now my girlfriend has no clue what to answer when she's asked except to give the approximate time of the wedding It'll be nice for her to have a clue about the questions she's getting asked

People love a romance and will always want to take part in one (for example this thread ) but to be honest, I'm so excited about it that I don't mind all that much!

Right now I'm still leaning towards this Christmas break...
Any more input???

 

[vibrant]

well, weddings bring out the communal aspect of your immediate community

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I don't understand what is bad about a long engagement. Engagement is the step before marriage, yes, but there are still the same desires in both. My boyfriend and I are in the stage right before engagement. The soonest we can get married is in 2006. I think we both feel as though we're already engaged because we're really serious about each other. I just don't see how desires would effect it.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Lizzie, the bad thign about a long engagement is that the sexual temptation is VERY difficult.

If I had a two year engagement I know I would be having sex by then, I am better off getting married than burning with desire.

Talk to a couple who had an engagement for two years and did NOT have sex (of any kind), and find out how difficult it was. It is difficult enough for me now and I am not even engaged! I feel so close to her that I am VERY ready to have sex. I think I would have to have like a six WEEK engagement... lol

Short engagements are to avoid sexual immorality, and they are very wise.

 

[tractrack-online]

But what does being engaged change, except that you are now more committed to marriage? It shouldn't give you any different license than if you are to the point in dating where you know that you are going to marry eventually.

 

[YouthPastor]

Dave,

Normally I would agree with you.

However, tractrak and his girlfriend already know they WILL NOT get married for some time - I think it was like two years from now.

So the temptation is still there. The question is will they continue as boyfriend/girlfriend until 18 months before they get married and then become enganged, do they wait until one year before they get married and then get enganged or what.

regardless of when they get enganged the wedding date is like in two years.

SO wether they are engaged for 18 months, 12 months or 6 - the wedding date will not change

Since they know when they are going to get married and it will nto be sooner than that - then how long do they continue as boyfriend/girlfriend before they get enganged.

The relationship continues either as boyfriend/girlfriend or as fiances'

 

[tractrack-online]

Well worded, youthpastor. That's what I've been trying to say but it never came across right

 

[DaveKerwin]

But what does being engaged change, except that you are now more committed to marriage? It shouldn't give you any different license than if you are to the point in dating where you know that you are going to marry eventually.

When you are engaged, you know for sure that you will be married, the proof is on her finger. KNOWING you will be together DOES increase desire because there are no more uncertainties, and you KNOW that you will be together (in every way, including physically).

Temptation increases for most pople after engagement. I can't imagine it being any more difficult for me if I get engaged, but I will go with friends of mine who have repeatedly told me it is true, since they lived through it.

 

[YouthPastor]

I think the way the thread was started people have just missed the post where you have said that you will be getting married regardless [of when you get engaged] in about two years.


But based on the fact that your date - is pretty much set - I would try to make the "engagement" official by doing it on a "special" day Chrsitmas, New years, 18 months to the day from your planned wedding day, 12 months to the day from your planned wedding day.

Normally I would reccomend 6 months to 1 year of engagement. But you are ina different situation, where you both have basically committed yourselves to each other - have known each other for a long time - but both have decided until after school is finished - A different situation than most people that would be askign when to get engaged. and based on that - it really does not matter when - because the wedding date does not change. It is a personal choice of when you want to make it "official"

You said she will be expecting it next summer - so in my opinion - do it before next summer -supreise her.

 

[tractrack-online]

Out of curiousity dave, why were your friends engaged for a long time?

 

[DaveKerwin]

Dave,

Normally I would agree with you.

However, tractrak and his girlfriend already know they WILL NOT get married for some time - I think it was like two years from now.

So the temptation is still there. The question is will they continue as boyfriend/girlfriend until 18 months before they get married and then become enganged, do they wait until one year before they get married and then get enganged or what.

regardless of when they get enganged the wedding date is like in two years.

SO wether they are engaged for 18 months, 12 months or 6 - the wedding date will not change

Since they know when they are going to get married and it will nto be sooner than that - then how long do they continue as boyfriend/girlfriend before they get enganged.

The relationship continues either as boyfriend/girlfriend or as fiances'

I understand what you saying. But prologning marriage is unwise considering the immorality that can so easily entagle us. If they are burning with desire for each other, then the weddign should be bumped early even if it is in the middle of a semester, or whatever. So what I am saying still stands.