Living At Home

[eves_adam]

I'm really starting to go batty. My firm folded and I'm back home. I'm working, paying rent, but it's not the same as being on one's own. When my firm began to struggle, I began to attend church at the request of my parents. I liked it. Now that I've moved back home, I'm not liking very many of the many churches I've visited.

Quite frankly, I'd rather just stay away and do something else. However, if my parents realize this they either 1. throw a huge hissy fit. Or 2. go into silent passive aggressive withdrawal. The goal is to make me as miserable as possible and punish me emotionally. Even though churches around here suck, I still go. I feel like a neutered boy child enunuch. I don't want to get on their bad side, since my financial independence has temporarily disappeared, but I'm also on the verge of insanity.

If I don't go, I feel "dirty" and "depressed." But when I go, I am appalled by the hypocrisy and blind spots and extreme conservatism of worshipers. I feel trapped and increasingly lonely and depressed.

I don't have health insurance, so I can't get therapy. Obviously, I feel uncomfortable turning to any of the local pastors. They're pretty wacky in their own right. What to do?

 

[Paulos23]

I hated when I had to move back in with my folks as well. No matter how well meaning and cool they are about it, it is a pain.

As for what your folks are doing, that is emotional blackmail. I would just call them on it and say I am old enough now to decide how, when, and where I worship. And then do that. Talk a walk in a field, sit by a river, read the bible. Do what ever you feel you need to do.

 

[eves_adam]

Yes, I've already tried both. If I try to leave the house, I am bombarded with questions: "where are you going?" "what time will you be back?" "who are you seeing?" "what are you doing?"

When I get back, same thing: "where did you go?" "who were you with?" "why did you take so long?" The tone is accusatory, and the goal is, who knows what.

---

I have already tried the "I'll worship where I want, when I want, and how I want." The response: "you don't trust me?" "you don't trust us?" "are you saying we're misleading you/lying to you?" "Are you lazy?" Total mindscrew.

---

I am trying to be obedient, since I live under their roof, even though I pay rent. But every request leads to another to another to another, followed by a denial that they are trying to control me if I ever question their demands.

 

[eves_adam]

Also, my room does not have a lock. My parents come in without invitation. When they knock the door opens automatically. They've occasionally come in when I'm using the bathroom. My privacy level is stinkin' zero. I am losing it for sure. I am afraid to bring guests over.

I cannot go out on weekends, especially weekend nights without a barrage of questions and accusations the next morning. My parents go to sleep at 8 PM, so I cannot really move about after that time in the evening.

 

[Paulos23]

Dude, somethings got to change. I really don't know what to tell you though. Other then at some point the child has to stand up to the parent. That is part of growing up.

 

[IndomitableAmy]

By what you've said, we could be in the same town. Doubtful, as it's not all that big, but still.. Military town, you said.. PM me if it's Air Force, hm?

I'm living at home, too.. that because of disability. And my parents are nuts and I need to get out of here ASAP. Does sound like I'm afforded more privacy than you, though. And this area is.. crazily conservative. (I'm pretty sure this one time, I heard a guy advocating Iraqi genocide.) The paper regularly runs pieces which blame liberals for all society's ills. I think I can identify with you there.

What to do, what to do..

Of course, get out of there as soon as possible.. but I realize it may not be possible as soon as you'd like.

Maybe get locks? Either offer to get them or just presume.. by which I mean, get some and then say, "I got these and I'm going to install them this weekend if that's ok with you." Heck, you could even go the route of not-really-secure-but-it's-something doorknob locks. Just find something wrong with a doorknob and suggest replacing all (or some) of them at your own cost if your means allow. I figure if you get some and they decline, you could take them back. Trying may have consequences, but it may be better to try than not.

Otherwise.. what I'd do would be to mentally make fun of things at church I don't agree with.. and do some unrelated bible-reading while the pastor goes on. And vent to my friends (online and otherwise) about that and other stuff that got to me or that I thought was funny/silly/ridiculous.

Seriously, PM me with the name of the base if it's an Air Force town. That'd be sweet and I might could actually help out if we happened to be in the same area. Probably not.. but it is possible.

 

[cantata]

Are there any sane internet churches?

 

[eves_adam]

Well, no, it's not an air force town. Yes, there are probably just tons of little dinky military towns spread all over the states, I just really had not considered where they were. I bet TX has quite a few, CO, I'm sure many many others.

The thing is, my financial situation is such that I'm not just living at home, but borrowing some money from the folks also, which makes me feel guilty when I do take a stand on my own.

And plus, my folks are older, and I hate to see them get upset, for any reason, whether it's legitimate or not.

AND, I feel guilty for being such a brat growing up, lol. They play that guilt card with me ALL THE TIME, as do my siblings.

 

[billwald]

Get a small RV. Sleep in your company's parking lot.

 

[eves_adam]

Nope, don't have the funds for an RV.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Is it really so hard for you to go to church with them for 1 hour a week and act like it doesn't kill you inside while you live with them and take their charity? If they were strangers helping you out this much I bet you'd go to their church 1 morning a week to make them happy. Put a cheap chain lock on the door. If they question you tell them you get embarrassed when you are in the bathroom and the door opens on its own. Unless they sacrifice virgins give them a break about the church thing. You should be bending over backwards to make them happy. They really are doing you a favor by providing for you when they could be turning you away.

 

[eves_adam]

10,000 posts? Normally, I would like to hear some constructive criticism but someone who spends as much time online as yourself probably is better off examining why you yourself aren't taking care of your other priorities. Some people hit hard financial times but there are certain accommodations that each party is willing to make but not to the point of sacrificing our sanity.

Again examine what's led you to ignore your real world life if you have 10,000+ posts.

Is it really so hard for you to go to church with them for 1 hour a week and act like it doesn't kill you inside while you live with them and take their charity? If they were strangers helping you out this much I bet you'd go to their church 1 morning a week to make them happy. Put a cheap chain lock on the door. If they question you tell them you get embarrassed when you are in the bathroom and the door opens on its own. Unless they sacrifice virgins give them a break about the church thing. You should be bending over backwards to make them happy. They really are doing you a favor by providing for you when they could be turning you away.

 

[eves_adam]

Actually I'm providing for them by paying rent and food and helping out with endless favors, chores, assistance of endless kinds. Stop making assumptions. And please, stop posting and re-enter the real world

Is it really so hard for you to go to church with them for 1 hour a week and act like it doesn't kill you inside while you live with them and take their charity? If they were strangers helping you out this much I bet you'd go to their church 1 morning a week to make them happy. Put a cheap chain lock on the door. If they question you tell them you get embarrassed when you are in the bathroom and the door opens on its own. Unless they sacrifice virgins give them a break about the church thing. You should be bending over backwards to make them happy. They really are doing you a favor by providing for you when they could be turning you away.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Actually I'm providing for them by paying rent and food and helping out with endless favors, chores, assistance of endless kinds. Stop making assumptions. And please, stop posting and re-enter the real world

Touched a nerve did I?

 

[Autumnleaf]

10,000 posts? Normally, I would like to hear some constructive criticism but someone who spends as much time online as yourself probably is better off examining why you yourself aren't taking care of your other priorities. Some people hit hard financial times but there are certain accommodations that each party is willing to make but not to the point of sacrificing our sanity.

Again examine what's led you to ignore your real world life if you have 10,000+ posts.

My priorities are taken care of. Hence, I'm not asking advice about how to make my parents happy since I'm living at their house. Face it. You might be the smartest man in the world but you are at the mercy of their charity. There is no shame in that but its a fact of your life right now. If you want to keep acting like your parents have to do what you want them to instead of the other way around you're just fooling yourself and stressing your parents out. Give them a break. As much as they love you I doubt that you dropping back into their life by moving in has them at ease. As your parents they probably know you better than you know yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't take my word for it. Take theirs.

 

[B'alaam]

Are there any sane internet churches?

This one seems to be failry sane, although not Christian
Recommended to me by the guy who plays the "if I were gay" game with me at the bar (who, I just found out last night, is also a member of this forum)

 

[eves_adam]

My guess is you are having your bills taken care of by hubby and you are posting an infinite number of times on his dime.

PS: your entire city block wouldn't cover cost a single home in my area.

My priorities are taken care of. Hence, I'm not asking advice about how to make my parents happy since I'm living at their house. Face it. You might be the smartest man in the world but you are at the mercy of their charity. There is no shame in that but its a fact of your life right now. If you want to keep acting like your parents have to do what you want them to instead of the other way around you're just fooling yourself and stressing your parents out. Give them a break. As much as they love you I doubt that you dropping back into their life by moving in has them at ease. As your parents they probably know you better than you know yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't take my word for it. Take theirs.

 

[B'alaam]

Is it really so hard for you to go to church with them for 1 hour a week and act like it doesn't kill you inside while you live with them and take their charity?

Charity?
O cmon, he's paying rent, paying for his food, doing chores, etc
That is not charity on their part
They are nothing more than apartment managers that he feels an emotional connection to

If they were strangers helping you out this much I bet you'd go to their church 1 morning a week to make them happy.

You mean if they were apartment landlords that he paid rent to and helped them out with (say) lawn maitenance, he'd go to church with them out of some false sense of obligation?
I dont think so.
And I dont think you would either

Put a cheap chain lock on the door. If they question you tell them you get embarrassed when you are in the bathroom and the door opens on its own.

That's actually a pretty fair compromise

Unless they sacrifice virgins give them a break about the church thing.

I would actually say "Unless they pretend to drink blood and eat flesh", but that's just me

You should be bending over backwards to make them happy.

Why?
Because he's paying rent to a landlord and paying for his own food and helping them out around the rest of the house?
I dont get your reasoning

They really are doing you a favor by providing for you when they could be turning you away.

Doesnt sound to me like they are "providing for him"
They agreed to let him move in, they agreed to the rent conditions.
They are nothing more than landlords, and he has every right that every other renter has.
Been there
Done that
Fortunately, my parents didnt try to emotionally blackmail me (which is what his parents sound like they are doing), into going to church.

You're just pointlessly tossing out misleading and false statements loaded with emotional impact.
Is Argument by "Emotional impact" even valid?


EDITED TO ADD- emotional blackmail is far and away not "charity" in any sense of the word, and is definitely NOT "agape"

 

[eves_adam]

You're a health care professional?!? I would be extremely worried about anyone who was in your "care" if you're taking "time out" to post 10X every day, every year. If you're posting that often, you're likely reading at least 50 posts a day to respond to, editing your posts, checking back on them, etc. Let's face it, you're an internet junkie. It is likely you are doing the same on several other forums as well.

Health care professional my tuckus! If it means changing a diaper, I would believe it. Get real.

My priorities are taken care of. Hence, I'm not asking advice about how to make my parents happy since I'm living at their house. Face it. You might be the smartest man in the world but you are at the mercy of their charity. There is no shame in that but its a fact of your life right now. If you want to keep acting like your parents have to do what you want them to instead of the other way around you're just fooling yourself and stressing your parents out. Give them a break. As much as they love you I doubt that you dropping back into their life by moving in has them at ease. As your parents they probably know you better than you know yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't take my word for it. Take theirs.

 

[eves_adam]

DNFTT.

My priorities are taken care of. Hence, I'm not asking advice about how to make my parents happy since I'm living at their house. Face it. You might be the smartest man in the world but you are at the mercy of their charity. There is no shame in that but its a fact of your life right now. If you want to keep acting like your parents have to do what you want them to instead of the other way around you're just fooling yourself and stressing your parents out. Give them a break. As much as they love you I doubt that you dropping back into their life by moving in has them at ease. As your parents they probably know you better than you know yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't take my word for it. Take theirs.