ViaCrucis
Confessional Lutheran
- Oct 2, 2011
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Hi folks.
I am keen to pick you brains on a quandary I have.
I have had a vital walk with Jesus for the last 45 years.
I have attended a wide range of churches but recently been focussed on home based fellowship.
However, all of a sudden, I was woken from sleep a 2am with a surge of His presence through me accompanied by a deep conviction to expect a return to 'normal' church life and that there was an opportunity for ministry there. This came with a deep healing of rejection so profound that it took about three days for my mind to catch up with the change in my heart.
The last church I attended was disastrous and our whole family had to leave.
So my wife and I began to explore possibilities for fellowship.
Our first port of call was the Anglican church.
I appreciate how carefully the tradition has preserved the fundamental foundations of the faith and presents these in a liturgical format quite beautifully.
However attending a liturgical service was like visiting Mars. All the pomp and ceremony seemed to be devoid of the precious life in Jesus I have walked in for years.
Gentlemen assuming a priestly role that I have comfortably enjoyed for decades.
Knowing that these same men would dismiss for example precious and fruitful times I have has breaking bread with friends - given that in their eyes I am not 'ordained'.
On the positive side I get the impression that they are pretty embracing of whatever christian service one might assume to bring among them as long as their exclusive right to be elite is not challenged.
Now don't misunderstand me - I am open to what ever He wants and know that there is a Carl shaped space for me wherever He leads. There is some lovely and warm folks there and with my background in inner city ministry the fit may be made in heaven.
So the question is - are their folks out there that have been required to make this transition and what helpful advice would you give???
My first ~20 years of life were spent in non-liturgical churches.
My first time in anything liturgical was the one time I visited my friend's Methodist church with his family when I was maybe like 10 years old. At the time I had developed a resentment of anything formal or "old timey" based on certain experiences that I associated with all churches which sang hymns rather than contemporary praise music. Trying to explain that association is kind of complicated because I was a child and everything was pretty muddled in my mind; basically I associated the use of hymns and even the remote use of any kind of formality with my childhood church which kicked my family out on made up charges, and the extremely strict Baptist private school I attended from K to 6th grade. So in my mind Baptists, Methodists, Catholics, Lutherans, Episcopalians,etc were all the same thing.
Now, as I got older my understanding of things changed as I gained new information, and sorted out my past experiences, and the feelings associated with those experiences.
I began studying ancient Church history around the age of 17, something sparked by a conversation I had with one of the volunteer youth leaders that came along on one of the summer youth mission trips. Talking with him got me interested in Church history, the fathers, as well as studying the Bible more deeply, such as using concordances and lexicons.
That was one of the major sparks that got me motivated to learn more, which consequently eventually led me to finding religious discussion forums. My early involvement in such discussion forums meant interacting with Christians from a very wide array of backgrounds, far more diverse than anything I had experienced in my own small city bubble. Those early interactions prompted me to learn more.
To provide context for where I was at that time very specifically: I was doing a bit of "religious experimentation" for lack of a better term. At this very early time I had started digesting a lot of Messianic material, a lot of really diverse--even quite heretical--material, and at the same time I had accidentally stumbled upon some Oneness Pentecostal stuff, and because I really just didn't know any better became temporarily a proponent of the so-called "Oneness" doctrine. I also, at the same time, had just discovered the so-called "lost books of the Bible", and without having the proper understanding of these ancient diverse apocryphal and pseudepigraphical texts became susceptible to websites which argued that some of these should be taken as scripture. So, confused is a good way to describe myself.
Fortunately I had the youth leader I mentioned who was able to do some very helpful course correction, answering questions and encouraging me to study harder and to think more critically. This coupled with many helpful and knowledgeable people on the forums I was visiting was also very instrumental.
But part of this also meant that there were times when I had certain ideas, beliefs, and presuppositions challenged. Things I took for granted that it had never even occurred to me to ask questions about, I was suddenly finding myself having questions asked of me, and wanting answers to those questions--initially just to try and defend my positions in debates online, but ultimately to actually educate myself more.
That's when certain cracks became exposed, and the beginning of an emerging, and ultimately lengthy period of not really knowing what I believed on a number of issues, and becoming more interested in the Christian beliefs and practices of the past. What was apostolic Christianity? What did the apostles believe? What did the apostles teach? How I read Scripture, it began to dawn on me, should be in regard to what the early Christians themselves actually believed and how they lived and practiced their faith. So it also seemed very natural to me that aiding in this endeavor would involve asking questions like, "What is the oldest, and most consistent views on this or that belief or practice?" Not as a kind of popularity contest, but on the rationale that if we see X in the historic record, going back all the way to the earliest days of Christianity, and this is certainly what Scripture itself seems to be saying, and so seeing this harmony in the language and practice of the ancient Church and what we see in the Bible seemed like very good evidence that, if nothing else, X is the historic, unanimous or nearly unanimous throughout two thousand years. That seemed far more substantial to me than simply someone telling me what they felt or thought the Bible meant--even if it had never been something anyone ever at anytime believed or even suggested.
It was this that really got me back on track in regard to the Trinity, and then I actually learned what the doctrine of the Trinity is. I learned basic Christian doctrines that, in hindsight, I really should have already known. But I didn't.
I began to look at the traditional hymns of the Church not as repressive and cold, but as filled with vitality and substance. So I increasingly found myself less enamored with more contemporary praise music, and found far more meaning and depth in traditional Christian hymnody. I began to learn bit by bit more about the various bits and pieces of traditional Christian liturgy. The history and reason behind things like vestments (not robes), paraments, liturgical colors, the lectionary, the days of the Church year. And more and more the building blocks of the liturgy made more and more sense, and I began finding in them rich spiritual depth that expressed beautiful biblical Christian truth.
But it wasn't until I really actually started to regularly attend a liturgical church that the discrete parts of the liturgy are far more than just what can be gained by reading and understanding their purpose. The liturgy is alive, it is saturated with Christian and with Christian teaching and confession. The liturgy cannot be appreciated just by reading about it, or studying it, or appreciating it merely "academically", the liturgy has to be experienced, it has to be lived. The liturgy isn't style, or form, it's not just some sum of its parts. The liturgy is a rich, breathing, living atmosphere where God and His people breathe together. It is a rhythm, a pumping heart beat, a back and forth of God in action and the Faithful in reception and in response. Here in the liturgy God's word comes alive, and it penetrates everything.
That's my story.
-CryptoLutheran
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