Like it or Hate It?

[Dr. Holly]

I have to agree that there are pros and cons of being a "PK." My feelings were and still to this day as an adult are mixed about what I went through. (I'm sure many of you can relate)

My father really was never around when I needed him. Either he was so caught up emotionally in the church's problems or someone else's personal needs that he forgot he had a daughter at home that needed him too. So even when he was home, he immersed himself in the TV to "get away" from all of the day's events. Another big problem was that the UMC conference realized my father had a knack for rebuilding distressed churches; whether it was financial or emotional problems. So we always wound up in churches that could not afford to pay us hardly anything and hence grew up somewhat poor and unable to afford many of the basic needs. It was beyond at times living paycheck to paycheck.

However, a positive came out of that. I began to work FT (and go to school) when I was 15. I was able to provide food, a car for myself when I turned 16, clothing for school and basic needs that my parents couldn't really always afford. I was fortunate enough that this was my last move with them, as we also were forced to move every 2-5 years with the United Methodist church. I moved to Minnesota from Virginia on my own when I was 17 just to get away from all of the negativity that was surrounding life as a PK. The move before my last with them was the hardest as I was uprooted from some great friends in middle school right before starting H.S. that following year. I nearly committed suicide to be honest because I was fed up. Praise be to the Lord for sustaining me and giving me the strength I needed to work through those negative feelings!

I think being a PK and living in a glass house does make for stressful times. No matter what is going wrong in your personal life (especially in your teens), you are forced to put on a happy face and pretend that the world is great or suffer the consequences of having all sorts of rumors, etc. started about your character and how "bad" of a person you are. It seems that PK's were not allowed to be "normal kids" and the pressures that were placed upon our lives were too high of expectations that we could never possibly meet. On a positive note however; this tends to make a PK grow up much faster and mature beyond the years of the average teenager or adolescent. We are forced to be independent (healthy or not) and learn to depend on ourselves because for those of us who had to move all the time realized no one would be around for too long...and our parents weren't really able to be there either. At least not when it was extremely important that they were.

It wasn't until the last year or so that I started to understand there are many good aspects of being raised in a pastor's home. One is that whether you choose to run away from what you were taught or not growing up; it's still there inside of you and some day you'll come back to realize just how important Christ is in your life. I rebelled for a long time because of what I saw "behind the scenes" in the church and I was repulsed by the hypocrisy that existed. However, I had the privilege that not many kids do growing up in today's society; to have a solid foundation built upon the Word of God. I think we also realize our gifts and talents sooner than the rest of the world because we grow up in the environment that feeds our souls. This happens whether we actively realize it or not.

I'll stop for now because I'm sure there is a lot of discussion that will happen in this thread, and I'm glad it was started! It's a great place for PK's to talk about their experiences and get the support that is very much needed in day to day life. God bless all of you!

 

[Dr. Holly]

Does anyone else go to a church that your dad doesnt pastor?

I live quite a ways away from my dad now, so I can't go to his church presently. However, I don't see anything wrong with going to a church that your dad doesn't pastor. I think sometimes it's hard to receive a word from your own father because you are able to see things that the church can not. However, there are times when the PK feels led to go to your dad's church and I think that's fine too!

When I was living with my parents, I either went to my dad's church or I didn't go at all. It wasn't acceptable for me to go anywhere else by the standards of the church members. I did visit a church a couple of times that wasn't my dad's, and I'd probably still attend it if I lived in that area.

 

[Antje]

I consider myself a bit of a halfbreed PK. My dad was really big on church leadership my whole life, but only became a full-time pastor when I was 17. I stayed at the church that I had just become a member of instead of joining my mom and dad at the new church. This was tough, because it would have been nice to be a one-church family, but it was for the best because I was really involved and connected at my church and the new church didn't have anyone my age.

My dad is a really reasonable guy and I don't think he would have wanted us to be anything that a church might impose on us. He liked it when we had questions, and I knew that I was loved no matter what I did or what I wore or what kind of music I listened to. Both my church and my dad's church were great places too, I don't think anyone but the oldest little ladies might have thought that my brothers and I had to be any more angelic than the other kids at church.

 

[Ivy]

I nearly committed suicide to be honest because I was fed up. Praise be to the Lord for sustaining me and giving me the strength I needed to work through those negative feelings!

for those of us who had to move all the time realized no one would be around for too long...and our parents weren't really able to be there either. At least not when it was extremely important that they were.

Man! I just totally totally relate to what you are saying here; I could be reading a description of my own life. I felt like I had no one; I felt just like that guy in Castaway (whew, that movie hit a little too close to home in some ways).

My junior year in h.s. was the worst of my entire life; I almost had a nervous breakdown, but that summer, the Lord intervened in my life at summer camp. He really showed me that He deeply loved me; I really fell in love with the Lord.

It's still painful to reflect on the ghastly loneliness I lived in for years, and I still exhibit "frozen loner" behaviors quite a bit, to be honest, it's like an unconscious habit--but I really know that God understands and that He's healing me, bit by bit.

I love the Scripture that says "I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." I felt like I was in the land of the dead, but I know God passionately desires me to live and to see good days

 

[Ivy]

You're blessed, Antje!

I think it's a really healthy idea for kids to go to a different church than their dad's if they want that; in fact, it'd be good if the mother/wife could do that, too, if she wanted.

There isn't any other career, other than pastoring, that I know of, where the whole family comes into the picture like a package deal. At least they should have the option of attending elsewhere, if that's what they would desire, without it being frowned upon.

It seems like denominational authorities should encourage this, & encourage the pastor's flock to possibly expect it, too.

 

[Utopia7777]

when i was young, my dad was always treated out to dinner because he always helped my fellow church members with things they needed help with. so they always had to take me then.

the thing i hate is the stereotypes. people think PKs are perfect. PK doesnt stand for Perfect Kid but pastors kids. no ones perfect except God and we do tend to make mistakes once in a while

 

[RajunCajun86]

there are so many pros and cons i don't even know where to start
in the end i don't think there are more pros or cons
i would say it's a dead even love/hate relationship

 

[swingnscream]

there are so many pros and cons i don't even know where to start
in the end i don't think there are more pros or cons
i would say it's a dead even love/hate relationship

that's pretty sweet. I'd say it depends on the day.

 

[seeking.IAM]

hey now, if you can identify it, you can eat it. It's those other things that you don't really know what it is that you have to be scared of.

Isn't that the truth! I've eaten several things in my life that were unrelated to any recognizable food form on the planet.

When I was a kid at a potluck (or "covered dish dinner," if you prefer) I'd always go to certain ladies of the church and ask them what they brought. They all seemed flattered. What they didn't know was that some I was asking because I wanted to eat their food, while others I was asking to figure out the dishes to avoid. Now, there's some PK survival oriented adaptive behavior!

 

[Nienor]

I doesn't help that I'm already a picky eater....I hate potlucks...

 

[Dr. Holly]

I doesn't help that I'm already a picky eater....I hate potlucks...

I can understand this. I have always been a picky eater all of my life, and whenever we had "covered dish dinners" at church, I was the same way as you. You're not alone! There were ladies in my father's church that were highly offended by my not eating their dish, but they just never understood how I was. I hope this isn't the case for you too.

 

[Nienor]

RIght now our church is really great and isn't deeply offended by me not eating everything. When I was little, it was a different story...

 

[seeking.IAM]

There were ladies in my father's church that were highly offended by my not eating their dish, but they just never understood how I was.

There were ladies in my Father's church who never understood that cooking was not one of their finer gifts.

 

[WhereHeLeadsMe]

There were ladies in my Father's church who never understood that cooking was not one of their finer gifts.

hahaha! isnt that the truth!!

 

[swingnscream]

Isn't that the truth! I've eaten several things in my life that were unrelated to any recognizable food form on the planet.

When I was a kid at a potluck (or "covered dish dinner," if you prefer) I'd always go to certain ladies of the church and ask them what they brought. They all seemed flattered. What they didn't know was that some I was asking because I wanted to eat their food, while others I was asking to figure out the dishes to avoid. Now, there's some PK survival oriented adaptive behavior!

Now that's a good way to go! I was taught to eat what's on my plate so as a kid at potlucks everybody just thought that I never ate much, truth was I'd rather wait to go home and eat. But I learn to survive well by learing to cook, although the mention of church dinners still does something unpleasent for me.

Right now our church is really great and isn't deeply offended by me not eating everything. When I was little, it was a different story...

I've got a story for you:
I was visiting my older brother and I cooked dinner for him and his family one evening and it was a ziti but his girls hadn't had ziti before so they were very unsure about eating. His oldest girl did try some, but his youngest was trying every measure of begging and pleading and waiting that she could to get around eating it, but she was told she had to try it...one bit at least. Finally she get ready to take her first bite and looks at her mom and says "will you hold my hand?"
I thought I was going to bust out laughing, it was so funny. It was good supper but I don't think I'll ever have a more rememberable reaction to my cooking [which isn't bad cooking at all, btw].

 

[1savedMe]

Hey! I'm a pk and love it! My dad is actually a children's pastor. Even though there's some rough spots here there for a pastor's kid... it's all good in the end!

 

[swingnscream]

Hey! I'm a pk and love it! My dad is actually a children's pastor. Even though there's some rough spots here there for a pastor's kid... it's all good in the end!

no compliants? that's cool. Hope things continue to go well for you and your family.

 

[xygtfalcon]

I love being a PK

 

[Dr. Holly]

Hey! I'm a pk and love it! My dad is actually a children's pastor. Even though there's some rough spots here there for a pastor's kid... it's all good in the end!

That's wonderful to hear that your experiences as a PK have been so great. Praise God!! I also pray that you and your family continue to be blessed and make a great impact for the kingdom of God!

 

[CavFan]

At times I don't like it, but for the most part I guess I do. It's been my life for 7 yrs so I've gotten used to it. I don't like having to know everything about everybody though. I tend to be judgmental. It's also hard when you see the same people committing the same sins years later and you just don't understand why they don't get it.