Like it or Hate It?

[Ivy]

Tell if you love(d) or hate(d) being a pastor's kid, and tell why, if you feel like it.

 

[Joshua777]

hi what is a PK im new here could yah explain ty

 

[svl3p]

PK is pastor's kid

 

[swingnscream]

wow. I can't even imagine give a single word answer to a question like that. Although I can most definitely say I hate being called "the pastor's kid" becuz it says nothing of who I am, and yet too much of what's expected of me then. But the actual "job" or "postion" of being a PK isn't nearly as horrible ...after you get the hang of it and don't let the title intimdate you too much.

I would have to say, I couldn't imagine doing what my parents do by choice. So maybe I'm closer to hating it?...I don't know, but it's got it's perks every once and again as well. ...and of course it comes with a billion of stories, yearly!

 

[CaliforniaJosiah]

MY perspective...

IMHO, being a PK mostly doesn't matter - I don't consider it a great blessing or curse.


PLUS:

1. My Dad had a very flexible schedule. Therefore, he could be there for my Little League games, my swim meets, etc. A lot of my friend's Dads could not, they had to be at work.

2. My Dad had special training that made him an excellent teacher (I was homeschooled forever). He has a doctorate in theology. And since I'm a theology junkie, discussions with him (and my grandfather - another pastor) were great fun and very helpful. Anyone can ask their pastor, of course, but I had especially easy access.

3. My Dad LOVED what he did. I think it was reflected in his attitude and that rubbed off on all the family. That's not a perk especially of ministry of course (many ministers are actually very stressed) but it was a plus in my case.


MINUS:

1. The "glass house" thing bothered me for awhile, like when I was 13-16 or so. I had LOTS of questions and I've always been pretty opinionated (anyone here been reading my posts in GT???). But, without being told, I KNEW whatever I said or did reflected on my father. I knew to keep my big mouth shut - at least if what would come out might be at varience with my Father. As a result, I sought other Christian communities and became active in my friend's Catholic youth group instead of my own. That soon proved difficult, too, since it became known that I was a PK and suddenly I became the "Protestant spokesperson" there - but I still had more freedom that I would have at my own church.


2. Not a big deal, but I did sometimes get tired of ALWAYS having to do everything at church. It's a small church and Dad's pretty involved in lots of stuff and even if he had absolutely no role at all, he still felt he should attend to give his support. The whole fam always got dragged along. I love church, but sometimes I just wanted to stay home or do something else - it rarely was an option. I kinda got to feel like I LIVED at that church.


I wouldn't change my past for ANYTHING.


MY perspective...


- Josiah


.

 

[HMSongbird2]

Josiah, I think I agree with everything you just wrote. 'Cept, I'm 15, so I'm still in that phase. Lol.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes I dislike it. I like attention, but I hate it, too. Weird, I know. I don't like being introduced as "the pastor's daughter"... which is seriously how I'm always introduced. But since I'm an extrovert, I enjoy the opportunities to get to know everyone all the time. =] God has bless me with awesome parents. Sometimes it's difficult to deal with pressure, though.

 

[Ivy]

But the actual "job" or "postion" of being a PK isn't nearly as horrible ...after you get the hang of it and don't let the title intimdate you too much.

I would have to say, I couldn't imagine doing what my parents do by choice. So maybe I'm closer to hating it?...I don't know, but it's got it's perks every once and again as well. ...and of course it comes with a billion of stories, yearly!

Yes, it would be hard to answer that in one word, come to think of it. To be honest, I thought of it with nothing but anger until a few years ago......I felt it robbed me of having parents practically, of being a real family--but then a friend said to me, kind of in passing, "You know, you are such a versatile person." I didn't even know I was versatile 'til she said that And I'm sure the versatility came from having to adjust to so many different situations.

Amazingly.......and this is really QUITE a miracle, given my prior total negativity....I've actually started to see some good things about it.

One great perk I got was a key to the church!......that's because I was the summer organist/pianist whilst only a teen. I have to tell you I stank at playing the pipe organ, though! I had those poor suckers trapped listening to my dissonant notes --"Praise God from whom all blessings floooww!"....I couldn't work the foot pedals for anything

 

[Ivy]

But one thing that still really burns me up is people who say, "Pastor's kids? They're the worst!" That's stereotyping. I feel like saying,"Oh, that's a thing you know? What pastor's kids are like?" Give me a break.

 

[swingnscream]

But one thing that still really burns me up is people who say, "Pastor's kids? They're the worst!" That's stereotyping. I feel like saying,"Oh, that's a thing you know? What pastor's kids are like?" Give me a break.

I haven't heard that one. I have heard of ppl who think things like that, and yeah it makes ya come up with all kinds of evil plans. But there's always going to be ppl who over-generalize anything, and you have to look at them really really stupidly and laugh.

The dumbest thing I've ever personally heard [and it was about me] is: "you can't date her...she's the pastor's daughter!" It's always good to find out you have some kind of "terminal illness" like that from over-hearing ridiculious ppl talk. I'm still not really sure what that was suppose to mean, but it was really funny!

One great perk I got was a key to the church!

So true! Having keys to get in is really helpful. I also enjoyed the part where I don't get in trouble for being the office area or using a machine. Most ppl just assume I'm doing something for the church or that I'm simply allowed to use, whereas my friends or any else around my age would get in trouble or yelled at for even being in the office area.

 

[prettybaby661]

Pros
growing up with church in the hme gave me a foundation on which I've built my own pricnipals and relationship with God. I always had someone to go to who I knew had my best interest at heart, and would sit a listen debate, and truly have converstaions regarding the bible. Many things you miss from just listening to sermons.

Cons
having my father as my pastor made it very difficult for me to seperat someone who was not always the best father, and the man who would preach about eternal dammantion. It took a very long time to seperate his words from his actions. I hated always feeling like I had to hold my tongue at church and people judging you to be up to no good Simply because of being a Pk (when in actuality It's simply because I was a teenager hello that 's what those years are for to mess up and learn so that you can become a responsible person)

 

[HMSongbird2]

I haven't heard that one. I have heard of ppl who think things like that, and yeah it makes ya come up with all kinds of evil plans. But there's always going to be ppl who over-generalize anything, and you have to look at them really really stupidly and laugh.

The dumbest thing I've ever personally heard [and it was about me] is: "you can't date her...she's the pastor's daughter!" It's always good to find out you have some kind of "terminal illness" like that from over-hearing ridiculious ppl talk.

I've heard something like that about me except it was, "You can't get in an argument with her! She's the pastor's daughter!! Go make up with her." I thought that was funny.


Yeah, a lot of PKs get a bad reputation and that's really frustrating. I hate being labeled as anything. I've come to realize that some label me as a PK as a positive thing, and some label me a PK negatively. One way or another, it's still a label, and it's madening. For goodness' sake, I was born with a label: "Hannah". I just want to be "Hannah".

 

[Ivy]

Pros
growing up with church in the hme gave me a foundation on which I've built my own pricnipals and relationship with God. I always had someone to go to who I knew had my best interest at heart, and would sit a listen debate, and truly have converstaions regarding the bible. Many things you miss from just listening to sermons.

Cons
having my father as my pastor made it very difficult for me to seperat someone who was not always the best father, and the man who would preach about eternal dammantion. It took a very long time to seperate his words from his actions. I hated always feeling like I had to hold my tongue at church and people judging you to be up to no good Simply because of being a Pk (when in actuality It's simply because I was a teenager hello that 's what those years are for to mess up and learn so that you can become a responsible person)

I can really relate to what you say here, a lot. On one hand, it was such a privilege to grow up in such close proximity to the things of God; I know I came to love the Lord so much because of that. But on the other hand, it was confusing to grow up in proximity to my parents' faults at the same time.

Yes, all kids grow up seeing their parents' faults; and most parents have one face at home and another at church. But sometimes people in the church would have such an idealistic view of my dad; I lived with a human, not some romantic ideal that his parishioners had.

Sometimes he was a long way from what they thought he was. In a way, I didn't want to have that kind of wisdom, I wanted the innocent illusions they had.

But you know, I was always proud of my dad in that he was so intelligent; he knew the Bible like the back of his hand; he was very educated.

 

[Ivy]

That's right! You better make up with her because she has extra brownie points with God! And a REAL BIG BIBLE!

I've heard something like that about me except it was, "You can't get in an argument with her! She's the pastor's daughter!! Go make up with her." I thought that was funny.


Yeah, a lot of PKs get a bad reputation and that's really frustrating. I hate being labeled as anything. I've come to realize that some label me as a PK as a positive thing, and some label me a PK negatively. One way or another, it's still a label, and it's madening. For goodness' sake, I was born with a label: "Hannah". I just want to be "Hannah".

It just bugged me--and still does--that bad rep thing, because honestly, I was breaking my head trying to be angelic. I was really conscious of my dad's and our family's image.

I should have gotten to be a kid; I was trying to be an angel instead, and these Wretched Ingrates didn't even appreciate it! (tongue in cheek )

 

[Nienor]

I think I have had mixed feelings about my dad's profession throughout my lifetime, and most the time I've felt negatively. I don't like being the center of attention and I don't like people thinking that they can use me in any way they wish. I don't like feeling as though I should keep my opinions to myself so that I don't offend someone and give them the wrong impression of my dad's church. I don't like people thinking that I'm friends with the sinners because Jesus hung out with the sinners - that's not the reason, I'm just more comfortable with them. I don't like people to expect me to be involved with everything because, frankly, I'm not interested in everything. Most of all I don't like the feeling that I need to be perfect because I already have problems with my self esteem and feeling like I'm failing at something else is not helping me out. And I'm not someone who is happy all the time - apparently another major failing. I could go on - I have reasons much more selfish then these ones (and I do realize how selfish I am) but you probably get the idea

But there are upsides. I ask my dad my theological questions all the time. And at the moment I can't think of anything else I really enjoy about it. I got an extra scholarship for being a PK...

 

[seeking.IAM]

When I was a kid at home the UMC tended to move pastors about every 3 to 4 years. I didn't like being uprooted from friends just when it seemed that I had finally made them.

I didn't like always being judged through the PK filter. If I made good decisions, made a Christian decision, or did a noble deed, it wasn't if I did it and was given credit for it as an individual -- it was as if, "well, of course, he's the PK." Similarly if I had a transgression, I didn't like the fact that it was deemed worse for me to do the same thing being done by parishoner's kids. I hated it when parents of kids running amok enjoyed gossip of my minor transgressions, as if my PK status made mine worse than what their kids were doing.

I hated knowing that how I was judged reflected in some parishoner's eyes on my Father, and could affect his job.

I came to dislike having my father as MY PASTOR, and began to look to others for spirititual guidance.

I hated going to every pot-luck the church ever had.

For everything that I didn't like, there were plenty of positives. I learned to adapt and be flexible to a variety of people and a variety of situations. I met and still stay in touch with some really great people from the different churches where my Father served. I learned that there are many other situations in life besided the parsonage where the appearance of impropriety is just as important as actual impropriety. It's helped me have a professional persona on my job (like what I let the parishoners see) that is different than how I may be in my own house on the weekend (like who I really was growing up in the parsonage when no parishoners were looking.) I had a good upbringing, and I have aquired and retained a faith that is important to me.

A lasting side-effect: when I retired from active-duty as a PK (i.e., grew up), I vowed to never go to covered-dish dinners. So, I hope ya'll understand when I don't show up to eat your greenbean casserole.

seeking.IAM
<><

 

[WhereHeLeadsMe]

I dont know if I love the fact that my dad is a pastor or if I just love what a great spiritual mentor he has been. Probably the latter... The one thing I dont like is that I feel obligated to act a certain way or do this or that or dont do this or that. I try and let it roll off my back but, sometimes its easier said than done.
OK, heres a question for everyone. I didnt give my life to the Lord till I was 19, almost 20. I hadnt been to church in a really long time and went to my dads church at first but after awhile I didnt feel led to go there anymore. Does anyone else go to a church that your dad doesnt pastor?

 

[Ivy]

When I was a kid at home the UMC tended to move pastors about every 3 to 4 years. I didn't like being uprooted from friends just when it seemed that I had finally made them.

I learned that there are many other situations in life besided the parsonage where the appearance of impropriety is just as important as actual impropriety. It's help me have a professional persona on my job seeking.IAM
<><

That's a very good point. I think when I was younger, I didn't realize that it was OK to have different roles in different situations. I thought being honest meant acting the same way in every situation, but it ain't so, is it?


A Rant:
You know, sometimes I feel some anger at the policymakers in the denominations that require all the moving. Don't these dolts in their ivory towers realize that the kids of the clergy matter, too???? That they have just as much need for stability and belongingness as other kids?

They're concerned about "reaching lost souls" and they're making lost souls out of the kids of the clergy! This is a fact. Statistics show that 95% of p.k.'s do not embrace their parents' faith. You can't believe how much invective & bitterness I read on atheist and x-christian sites from PK's. I have four siblings, and they all renounced Christianity but me.

Seriously, I want to know why the denominational higher-ups care so little about the kids of the clergy. I guess their souls don't matter?

And I'll bet there is not one course in any seminary that instructs parents how to integrate the demands of parenting & pastoring, how to help kids deal with image pressures etc. etc. etc. Not one.

I hate to sound so steamed, but I really felt like I did not matter at all in the whole scheme of things, just a piece of (hopefully polished) furniture.

Well, sorry.....I won't always sound so negative I guess I have some stuff built up in my system and have been waiting like years for someone to say it to who would understand.

 

[Ivy]

So, I hope ya'll understand when I don't show up to eat your greenbean casserole.

seeking.IAM
<><

All right, 'fess up! You're talking about the kind that's made with mushroom soup and bacon and bread crumbs......aren'tcha?

 

[Nienor]

That's a very good point. I think when I was younger, I didn't realize that it was OK to have different roles in different situations. I thought being honest meant acting the same way in every situation, but it ain't so, is it?


A Rant:
You know, sometimes I feel some anger at the policymakers in the denominations that require all the moving. Don't these dolts in their ivory towers realize that the kids of the clergy matter, too???? That they have just as much need for stability and belongingness as other kids?

They're concerned about "reaching lost souls" and they're making lost souls out of the kids of the clergy! This is a fact. Statistics show that 95% of p.k.'s do not embrace their parents' faith. You can't believe how much invective & bitterness I read on atheist and x-christian sites from PK's. I have four siblings, and they all renounced Christianity but me.

Seriously, I want to know why the denominational higher-ups care so little about the kids of the clergy. I guess their souls don't matter?

And I'll bet there is not one course in any seminary that instructs parents how to integrate the demands of parenting & pastoring, how to help kids deal with image pressures etc. etc. etc. Not one.

I hate to sound so steamed, but I really felt like I did not matter at all in the whole scheme of things, just a piece of (hopefully polished) furniture.

Well, sorry.....I won't always sound so negative I guess I have some stuff built up in my system and have been waiting like years for someone to say it to who would understand.

Well, I go back and forth on accepting Christianity sometimes. I can't figure out if I just believe what I believe because its so ingrained into me and I'd be a failure if I didn't or if it is something that is true. I'm happy to be moving out and living on my own so I can have more space and less expectations to be figuring that out

 

[swingnscream]

Yeah, a lot of PKs get a bad reputation and that's really frustrating. I hate being labeled as anything. I've come to realize that some label me as a PK as a positive thing, and some label me a PK negatively. One way or another, it's still a label, and it's madening. For goodness' sake, I was born with a label: "Hannah". I just want to be "Hannah".

Oh yeah, I hear yeah there! I completely agree with that!
I use to have a Sunday School teacher where I absolutely dreaded having a new person in our class because she would introduce everybody, and everybody had a name but me. ...I was the pastor's daughter, and apparently that's all you needed to know about me.

A lasting side-effect: when I retired from active-duty as a PK (i.e., grew up), I vowed to never go to covered-dish dinners. So, I hope ya'll understand when I don't show up to eat your greenbean casserole.

hey now, if you can identify it, you can eat it. It's those other things that you don't really know what it is that you have to be scared of.

When I was a kid at home the UMC tended to move pastors about every 3 to 4 years.

Wow, that's crazy. I'm so sorry to hear that. The denomnation my dad's always been with actually tries to help out the pastor and not having them moving all the time becuz honestly that's not good for anyone including the church. I mean I knew MKs had to deal with those kinds of things, but I didn't know there where denomnations who'd do that kind of thing on purpose. ...I can't imagine.

Does anyone else go to a church that your dad doesnt pastor?

Yeah, for a short while I had the privilige of going somewhere, where I wasn't the PK, and on top of that it was such a wonderful church. My mom has always taught my siblings and I to be good the pastor [like getting him a small Christmas gift, being encouraging...simple things], even though for most of our lives it's been our dad, it's been a great example set. I definitely say that's one good thing about being a PK, is knowing what it's like being on the inside, and if you take that and turn into respect or just use it for good then you can be an absolute priceless gem to whatever church your at. Because my mom's influence, teaching to use what I've experience for the good of other pastors, I made friends with the pastor at the church I attended even though it was only for a shortwhile. I'm now back at my dad's church but my brother still attends that wonderful church, so I go back to visit when I can.