I am what many call a "Cradle Catholic." I was baptized as an infant, went through CCD, my first communion, RCIC, confirmation, etc...
My entire life, I have known God. I've always known that He exists, and yet I didn't embrace him fully until a few years ago.
I moved away from my hometown (Anchorage, Alaska) during the summer of 2000. I had lived on my own since I was 18, but my parents were always within 15 minutes of where I lived.
Moving away was a huge step for me. I left behind all my family and my friends to pursue a career in the aviation industry.
Before I moved here to the midwest, I had huge dreams and aspirations of what life could be like. I had just ended an engagement to my fiance. We had been together for over three years.
When I got settled in here, it hit me all at once that I didn't have anyone that I could lean on. No family, no friends, no fiance. I felt like I was completely alone. My bills consumed me. This was the first time that I'd ever had to pay rent all by myself, and had no one to split all the bills with. In some ways this liberated me, knowing that I didn't have to depend on anyone but myself, and yet on the other hand, this made me feel more alone.
Growing up, I always had an abundance of friends, but being removed from my environment, it just made it more obvious to me that I had no one here. My new coworkers did not embrace me. They held a grudge against women, so I felt like an outcast. I would go to work, put in my nine hours, and then go home, order dinner, and lay on the couch watching t.v. until it was time to go to bed.
My dad begged me to find a local church and start going on a regular basis. I hopped from church to church, not feeling welcome at any of them. I finally settled on one, because it felt the most like the one that I went to growing up. I didn't even feel welcome at this church. The congregation was so huge, and I felt like I was just one out of a million people.
I got sent to Oklahoma City for training for work. I spent a month there. I was consumed by depression. My weight had skyrocketed. I didn't have any friends. I was struggling with money. Things just kept piling up.
In the mean time, while I was in OKC, one of the people that was supposed to help me in training was stalking me. He tried to follow me to my apartment one day after work. When I realized he was tailing me, I just kept driving and driving until he got sick of it, and he drove off.
The next time that I saw him, he blew up. His face got very red, he started shaking, and he was swearing at me left and right. No one was around to witness this. During his outburst, I said absolutely nothing. He said his peace, and then he walked away. After he left, I broke down.
I reluctantly reported him to his supervisor, and he was suspended for the duration of my time there. I refused to press charges against him. I couldn't bring myself to mar this kid's record. He was only 18.
That night I went to my apartment, and I felt like I had hit rock bottom. All my struggles came to mind. Being alone. Homesick. Broke. Weight. Violated.
I crawled into bed at 5 in the evening, and just started crying. I can't remember how long I cried for. It seemed like hours. After I cried for quite awhile, it hit me. I needed to pray. I prayed a sinner's prayer, and asked God for forgiveness in turning my back on Him. I asked him to welcome me back into His loving arms. I asked Him for strength in dealing with my struggles. Give me the power to lose weight. Help me get my finances under control. Come to terms with being away from my family. Embrace being single. Forgive the guy that violated me.
Sometime during all the crying and praying, I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning to go to work, I looked in the mirror on the way out the door. I expected that my eyes would be very puffy from all the crying, but they weren't. My eyes were shining like they've never shined before. A sparkle was there that I'd never seen.
At that moment, I felt an incredible warmth spread through out my body. It felt like Jesus had his arms around me. I knew then that everything would be okay, and that I needed to trust in Him, and that He would help me work everything out.
Since that day, I've gotten very active in my church, and have felt called to help in certain ministries. Predominantly youth ministry. I believe that God will work through me to help teenagers that face the problems that I have faced.
My entire life, I have known God. I've always known that He exists, and yet I didn't embrace him fully until a few years ago.
I moved away from my hometown (Anchorage, Alaska) during the summer of 2000. I had lived on my own since I was 18, but my parents were always within 15 minutes of where I lived.
Moving away was a huge step for me. I left behind all my family and my friends to pursue a career in the aviation industry.
Before I moved here to the midwest, I had huge dreams and aspirations of what life could be like. I had just ended an engagement to my fiance. We had been together for over three years.
When I got settled in here, it hit me all at once that I didn't have anyone that I could lean on. No family, no friends, no fiance. I felt like I was completely alone. My bills consumed me. This was the first time that I'd ever had to pay rent all by myself, and had no one to split all the bills with. In some ways this liberated me, knowing that I didn't have to depend on anyone but myself, and yet on the other hand, this made me feel more alone.
Growing up, I always had an abundance of friends, but being removed from my environment, it just made it more obvious to me that I had no one here. My new coworkers did not embrace me. They held a grudge against women, so I felt like an outcast. I would go to work, put in my nine hours, and then go home, order dinner, and lay on the couch watching t.v. until it was time to go to bed.
My dad begged me to find a local church and start going on a regular basis. I hopped from church to church, not feeling welcome at any of them. I finally settled on one, because it felt the most like the one that I went to growing up. I didn't even feel welcome at this church. The congregation was so huge, and I felt like I was just one out of a million people.
I got sent to Oklahoma City for training for work. I spent a month there. I was consumed by depression. My weight had skyrocketed. I didn't have any friends. I was struggling with money. Things just kept piling up.
In the mean time, while I was in OKC, one of the people that was supposed to help me in training was stalking me. He tried to follow me to my apartment one day after work. When I realized he was tailing me, I just kept driving and driving until he got sick of it, and he drove off.
The next time that I saw him, he blew up. His face got very red, he started shaking, and he was swearing at me left and right. No one was around to witness this. During his outburst, I said absolutely nothing. He said his peace, and then he walked away. After he left, I broke down.
I reluctantly reported him to his supervisor, and he was suspended for the duration of my time there. I refused to press charges against him. I couldn't bring myself to mar this kid's record. He was only 18.
That night I went to my apartment, and I felt like I had hit rock bottom. All my struggles came to mind. Being alone. Homesick. Broke. Weight. Violated.
I crawled into bed at 5 in the evening, and just started crying. I can't remember how long I cried for. It seemed like hours. After I cried for quite awhile, it hit me. I needed to pray. I prayed a sinner's prayer, and asked God for forgiveness in turning my back on Him. I asked him to welcome me back into His loving arms. I asked Him for strength in dealing with my struggles. Give me the power to lose weight. Help me get my finances under control. Come to terms with being away from my family. Embrace being single. Forgive the guy that violated me.
Sometime during all the crying and praying, I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning to go to work, I looked in the mirror on the way out the door. I expected that my eyes would be very puffy from all the crying, but they weren't. My eyes were shining like they've never shined before. A sparkle was there that I'd never seen.
At that moment, I felt an incredible warmth spread through out my body. It felt like Jesus had his arms around me. I knew then that everything would be okay, and that I needed to trust in Him, and that He would help me work everything out.
Since that day, I've gotten very active in my church, and have felt called to help in certain ministries. Predominantly youth ministry. I believe that God will work through me to help teenagers that face the problems that I have faced.