just kiddin'

Hoshiyya · Oct 28, 2016

A Catholic priest, a Protestant preacher and a Rabbi walk into a bar....mitzvah, and the first two realize they took a wrong turn somewhere.

Alithis · Oct 30, 2016

Hoshiyya said:
So... Trump wants Israel to invade and colonize Iran ?

Suggesting a Trump presidency would lead to Israeli colonization of Iran sounds like slander one would make up to disparage Trump, if anything. It's not even part of the land promised to Abraham.

joke
dʒəʊk/
noun

1.
a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.

Hoshiyya · Nov 2, 2016

Alithis said:
joke
dʒəʊk/
noun

1.
a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.

Exactly. It wasn't amusing or funny, nor grounded in truth. Maybe they will attack Iran, but would never colonize it. Maybe it is amusing to someone who knows so little about the world that they genuinely thinks Israel wants to do this?

The idea that Israel desires to colonize Iran sounds like the propaganda you might hear.... in Iran. But not even they genuinely believe it.

Alithis · Nov 2, 2016

Hoshiyya said:
Exactly. It wasn't amusing or funny, nor grounded in truth. Maybe they will attack Iran, but would never colonize it. Maybe it is amusing to someone who knows so little about the world that they genuinely thinks Israel wants to do this?

The idea that Israel desires to colonize Iran sounds like the propaganda you might hear.... in Iran. But not even they genuinely believe it.

i found it funny ..i laughed . i did not read in the definition of "a joke" where it must be grounded . its a joke .

Hoshiyya · Nov 2, 2016

Alithis said:
i found it funny ..i laughed . i did not read in the definition of "a joke" where it must be grounded . its a joke .

Why so defensive ?

If you need a dictionary to tell you what I joke is.. then i don't know what to say.

Incidentally, I think most comedians would tell you that a joke *should* be based in the truth. All the good ones are, at least.

visionary · Nov 3, 2016

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.

The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, his sermon is only ten minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only eighteen minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours. The congregation had to ask him to get down from the pulpit and that's when they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 10 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 18 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he had awoken late & being in a hurry, put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he simply couldn't stop himself...

Heber Book List · Nov 7, 2016

Old lady sitting in Church, where the vicar has started a period of silent prayer. After a short while she scrawls a hurried note on a piece of paper and thrusts it into the hand of the man sitting next to her in the pew. The note read: "Oh dear, sorry, I've just done a very big, silent fart. What should I do?"

The man gets out his pen, writes on the back of the note and gives it to the old lady: "Buy a new battery for your hearing aid?".

Heber Book List · Dec 9, 2016

Do you use shampoo? Why not use the real stuff?

(Clue: M*A*S*H)

danny ski · Dec 9, 2016

What do you call an uncircumcised Jew?

Heber Book List · Dec 9, 2016

danny ski said:
What do you call an uncircumcised Jew?

Miss / Mrs?

danny ski · Dec 9, 2016

Heber Book List said:
Mrs?

That's right, a girl.

Yusuphhai · Dec 9, 2016

An Atheist

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not an atheist."

Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a Christian."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.

"What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."

visionary · Dec 20, 2016

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed.

“Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.”

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balance the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dogs.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor; ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched -TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”

YESLORDIWILL · Dec 21, 2016

What did the monkey say when his tail got cut off?
.
.
.

¡¡ʍou buoן ǝq ʇ,uoʍ ʇı

visionary · Jan 4, 2017

A devout Muslim got into a taxi in London. She curtly asked the 'taxi driver' to turn off the radio because her religious doctrine forbade her from listening to music. The taxi driver politely asked why. His passenger replied that in the time of Mahomet there was no music, especially Western music, which is the music of the infidel. The taxi driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the taxi and opened the door for his passenger to disembark. The Muslim was surprised and asked him: "What are you doing???" The taxi driver answered: "In the time of the your prophet, there were no taxis, no bombs, no plane hijacks, no West-invented loudspeakers in mosques that woke up the newborn, the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE' everywhere. So shut up, get out and wait for a camel.

Heber Book List · Jan 5, 2017

A man walks into a bar...

OUCH!

visionary · Jan 13, 2017

This policeman gave an unsuspecting lawyer a dose of his own medicine. When the defense attorney brought the officer’s integrity into question during a cross examination for a felony trial, the officer had the best comeback EVER:

Q: “Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?”
A: “No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

Q: “Officer — who provided this description?”
A: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

Q: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”
A: “Yes, sir. With my life.”

Q: “With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”
A: “Yes sir, we do!”

Q: “And do you have a locker in the room?”
A: “Yes sir, I do.”

Q: “And do you have a lock on your locker?”
A: “Yes sir.”

Q: “Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”
A: “You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

Yusuphhai · Jan 16, 2017

i wish i were an ant, and an ant wish it were me. so i dare not kill an ant.

Yusuphhai · Jan 19, 2017

A: I am ∞
B：I am 8
C：1/∞
Z: I am 0.a little bit
A: I am 1
B: I am 8
C: I am ∞
Z: I am 1/∞
A: I am 0
B: I am ∞
C: I am .
z: 0
A: you win

Yusuphhai · Jan 19, 2017

In Mandarin Chinese the pronounciation of "Jew" is similar like 豬[zhu1](pig). I am so sorry.

just kiddin'

Spenglerian

Disciple of Jesus .

Spenglerian

Disciple of Jesus .

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Have you not read? 1Sa 20-22, Ps 52

Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I.

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