just kiddin'

[ron4shua]

Humpty Dumpty was pushed

 

[ron4shua]

Church Bloopers

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

 

[ron4shua]

National Atheist's Day April 1st

 

[ron4shua]

All generalizations are false

 

[ron4shua]

Notes From God

1) Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game - God
2) C'mon Over And Bring The Kids - God
3) What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand? - God
4) We Need To Talk - God
5) Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer! - God
6) Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage - God
7) That "Love Thy Neighbour" Thing, I Meant It. - God
8) I Love You...I Love You...I Love You... - God
9) Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place? - God
10) Follow Me. - God
11) Big Bang Theory? You've Got To Be Kidding. - God
12) My Way Is The Highway. - God
13) Need Directions? - God
14) You Think It's Hot Here? - God
15) Tell The Kids I Love Them. - God
16) Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available. - God
17) Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test! - God

 

[ron4shua]

Work is for people who don't know how to fish

 

[ron4shua]

If you don't like the news, go out and make some

 

[ron4shua]

Church Signs

1) How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?
2) Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives
3) It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin.
4) Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
5) If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
6) Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.
7) This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?
8) Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
9) In the dark? Follow the Son.
10) Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.
11) If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
12) Avoiding the Son can be hazardous to your health.

 

[ron4shua]

I'm out of bed and dressed What more do you want?

 

[ron4shua]

I can handle pain until it hurts

 

[ron4shua]

Church Signs

1) Satan subtracts and divides. God multiplies and multiplies
2) If you do not want to reap the fruits of sin stay out of the devil's orchard
3) May is God's apology for February
4) To belittle is to be little
5) A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
6) No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace.
7) A singing group called The Resurrection was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, The Resurrection is postponed.
8) People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
9) God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.
10) When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.
11) Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily.

 

[ron4shua]

No matter where you go, you're there

 

[ron4shua]

It's been Monday all week

 

[ron4shua]

Gravity always gets me down

 

[ron4shua]

They told me I was gullibleand I believed them

 

[ron4shua]

It's bad luck to be superstitious

 

[ron4shua]

The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary

 

[ron4shua]

Save the whales Collect the whole set

 

[ron4shua]

Church Signs

1) A man's character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash
2) K-Mart isn't the only saving place!
3) Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary
4) Delay is preferable to error
5) Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your bible
6) It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees
7) What part of THOU SHALT NOT don't you understand?
8) A clear conscience makes a soft pillow
9) The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday
10) Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings
11) Forbidden fruit creates many jams
12) Christians, keep the faith... But not from others!

 

[ron4shua]

Church Signs

1) The best vitamin for a Christian is B1
2) Under same management for over 2000 years
3) Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back
4) Soul food served here
5) You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving
6) Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive
7) Reputation is what people think about you. Character is what people know you are
8) Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!
9) Come early for a good Back seat
10) Seven days without prayer makes one weak
11) No Jesus - no peace, Know Jesus - know peace!
12) Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due