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just kiddin'
- Thread starter visionary
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ron4shua
" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
- Aug 3, 2014
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No Excuse Sunday
To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!
To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!
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ron4shua
" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
- Aug 3, 2014
- 2,599
- 486
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
Church Bloopers
1) The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet": in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
2) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
3) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
4) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
5) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
6) The associate minister unveiled the church's new giving campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
7) The cost for attending the Prayer and Fasting conference includes meals.
8) The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
9) Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
10) Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
11) Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
12) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
1) The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet": in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
2) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
3) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
4) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
5) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
6) The associate minister unveiled the church's new giving campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
7) The cost for attending the Prayer and Fasting conference includes meals.
8) The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
9) Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
10) Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
11) Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
12) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Upvote
0
ron4shua
" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
- Aug 3, 2014
- 2,599
- 486
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
Church Bloopers
1) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.
2) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
3) Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
4) The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
5) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
6) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
7) The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
8) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
9) The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
10) Today... Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
11) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
12) The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
13) The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
1) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.
2) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
3) Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
4) The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
5) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
6) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
7) The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
8) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
9) The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
10) Today... Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
11) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
12) The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
13) The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
Upvote
0
ron4shua
" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
- Aug 3, 2014
- 2,599
- 486
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
Church Bloopers
1) Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
2) Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5) Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
6) Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's use the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
7) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
8) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
9) Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
10) Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
11) Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All ladies wishing to become "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
12) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
13) The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
1) Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
2) Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5) Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
6) Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's use the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
7) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
8) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
9) Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
10) Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
11) Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All ladies wishing to become "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
12) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
13) The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Upvote
0
ron4shua
" ... each in our own order " , Hallelu-YAH .
- Aug 3, 2014
- 2,599
- 486
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
Church Bloopers
1) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
2) The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
5) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
6) 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
7) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
8) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
9) On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
10) Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
11) Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
12) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
13) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
1) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
2) The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
5) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
6) 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
7) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
8) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
9) On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
10) Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
11) Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
12) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
13) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
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