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It's my first date

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Ukrainia, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. Ukrainia

    Ukrainia Guest

    +0
    So I have a first date coming up - I would consider it my first date ever. It should be fun - we're doing the dinner and a movie thing. While I've hung out with a lot of girls before, usually I've known them for awhile beforehand, and I wouldn't really classify them as dates. This is a bit different as we met on a dating site and are obviously therefore both looking for a relationship.

    So let's say I really like the girl and want to show that. What do you think is an appropriate show of attraction? Would most girls kiss on the first date if it went well? If so, would a girl be expecting a lot on a first kiss? Admittedly I've never kissed a girl before, so I might not be terribly good at it, or (the horror) downright awful. Also at the movie, would most girls be fine with having the guy put their arm around her during a first date? I'm also assuming that paying for the meal is a must, right? Or am I off on that. Anyway, I'm a novice at this stuff so help a guy out. Thanks.
     
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  2. Daughter of Ararat

    Daughter of Ararat Yeshua's Rose of Hayastan

    +72
    Oriental Orthodox
    Kissing: Expect a lot, no. Kiss on first date, depends on how well I know the guy. If I just met the guy a week ago, no. If I met the guy a while ago and I really liked him, sure. Degree of liking him also relates to the need to know him before kissing him. If I knew a guy for a long while and only sort of liked him, I would be less likely to kiss him than if I knew him a shorter period of time and really liked him. You kind of need to see how the goes and if it feels like the moment is right. One thing that I read about kissing is that if she wants to kiss you, she is more likely to look at your lips, so when you are saying good night, if her eyes fall to your lips for a moment, you are probably more welcome. Whatever happens, don't sweat it. It's just a date to get to know each other to investigate courtship potential. As for how to kiss, don't drool all over her face, don't nibble her lips or jump into french kissing unless you know the relationship is one where such is more welcome. Also don't order strong garlic or onion, maybe bring a toothbrush for the men's room after dinner or mints/gum (you could even offer this to her when you get some for yourself and see if she accepts), and use chapstick if you get flaky lips but not a lot of it. I have had several dates were I got a hug at the end. You could try putting your arm around her, sit close, sort of snuggle up next to each other, if you like. You just sort of need to read the situation and respond, go with your intuition.

    Some guys pay for a meal, actually a lot that I have dated, which really isn't that many. How traditional are you and the girl? I like to offer to help pay unless the guy says no. Some people go by who did the asking out.
     
  3. Rhye

    Rhye Legend

    +4,109
    Oriental Orthodox
    Single
    I don't think you should try to kiss her on the first date. I don't mean you don't need to at all, if there is very strong chemistry and you both feel it, then its fine, but to kiss on the first date, eh, too much pressure I say.

    If its cold put your jacket on her, and yes its nice to put your arms around her (again if you feel the chemistry going well). Do not count on movies to help you out cause some girls might not like it so forward so fast. If you know her pretty well and know where she stands in these kind of things then approach it that way.

    I also think it would be great to pay for the meal. You should insist first I think, but I am sure she will state she would like to pay for half and if she does, then still state you want to pay for all of it. :)

    Good luck and enjoy yourself. Get to know her, maker he laugh, and just have fun!

    Did I mention...just be yourself? Be yourself. :)
     
  4. Im_A

    Im_A Legend

    +1,359
    Humanist
    In Relationship
    My first thought is:
    Pay for her dinner or what event you two are choosing to do if you can afford it that is. That starts the ball rolling. Don't tell her that you are though. Just take the initiative and assume in your mind that you are going to do that. If she stops you from doing that, be cordial and bow out, with much gratitude, with either dutch or if she wants to pay for it. That way she sees your ability to give in to something she wants, but she also sees you take the initiative to want to treat her special without force.

    Make her laugh.

    Compliment her. Be it her hair, her shoes, her mannerisms, the way she looks in her outfit. Don't over do it though. You want to be able to compliment her many other days and not just all in one evening.

    Then go at it with natural improvisation.

    If you have the chance to be at a place that you can put some money in a jukebox or something, try to talk about music and then remember a favorite band of hers, or something she mentions that she really really likes. Sneak up and play it, and come back and don't say anything when the song comes in. Act as if nothing happens. Let her either one miss what you just did, or silently get you a second date.

    The kissing part, I would honestly just let that happen on its own. If you would like to kiss her though, you could always start out by offering a hug, or a kiss on the hand first. See how she responds and if you two have that, 'Hallmark Moment' then you could use that moment just to give her a good night kiss.

    Don't over complicate it. Women are not so complex that one needs to be a rocket scientist to figure out. Women are just different men, just as men are different than women and every individual is different from other individual so just be relaxed and hope you have a good time.

    :)
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2011
  5. TakeOverMe

    TakeOverMe Newbie

    11
    +1
    Baptist
    Private
    You're over thinking this whole thing. Just go out and have a good time. The key to attraction is to be likeable. Laugh, have fun. Enjoy eachother's company. Do what the others are saying too. Compliment her. Not too much.

    If you force things, you'll just come off desperate and desperation is always a turn-off. Yes, you do want to show her that you're attracted so you don't end up in the friend zone. Be subtle about it. You don't have to throw yourself at her to get her to realize you like her. For all you know, she may be thinking of kissing you on the date anyways. You have to read her. When you both get lost in eachothers eyes, it is the right time to kiss. Lean in for it and let her meet you there part of the way. It's as simple as that. Kissing doesn't have to be on the first date. Girls like holding hands too, like on your way into the movie or dinner.

    Have a good time and don't make more of it than it is. It's just a date.
     
  6. white dove

    white dove (she's a) maniac

    +1,963
    Other Religion
    Private
    Have a wonderful time. :)
     
  7. Ukrainia

    Ukrainia Guest

    +0
    One thing that I've seen on her profile is that "touch is my main love language." So I think she would definitely be fine with touching during the date and probably a kiss at the end if I am, in fact, really attracted to her (I don't know yet). Since I'm a novice at these things it does add a bit of pressure. After all, to follow through with her analogy, I don't want to be deficient at her main language.
     
  8. Blueforest

    Blueforest Created well and commanded to be sick

    888
    +22
    Other Religion
    Private
    Remember the good, ol' fashioned Christian "side hug". ;) She'll thank you for it later.
     
  9. Amber.ly

    Amber.ly Predictably eccentric and honestly hypocritical

    +1,484
    Christian
    Single
    You are only going to get each individual's preference in dating, there are no hard-and-fast rules for dating as its a personal experience that changes styles for each couple.

    Myself? I would expect you to offer to pay, a hug would be fine, no kissing and any cheesy arm-stretch-to-side-hug manuvering would get a giggle but not be especially appreciated.

    If I was a guy, I would give the girl flowers when I went to pick her up. Old fashioned touches like that are swoon worthy ;)
     
  10. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +6,052
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    I am just as inexperienced as you when it comes to touching, but my opinion is that just because her main love language is touch, it doesn't mean you should rush a kiss - if she's a touch, she'll also like the hand-holding, or whatever she considers appropriate for the situation.
     
  11. MacFall

    MacFall Agorist

    +995
    Christian
    Single
    US-Others
    I've never been on a date either, so take my advice as speculative. But I would not advise trying to touch her at all on the first date. Look for signs that she would be receptive to such contact, and save it until you're sure.

    Ask someone else what those signs would be, because I sure don't know.
     
  12. Oddish

    Oddish May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.

    +1,399
    Christian
    Single
    Maybe hold her hand?
     
  13. MacFall

    MacFall Agorist

    +995
    Christian
    Single
    US-Others
    I dunno... every single girl I've talked to, and every guy who has had success with women, has advised against trying to hold hands or touch her shoulders or hug or kiss or anything like that on the first date. I figure they'd know.
     
  14. Oddish

    Oddish May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.

    +1,399
    Christian
    Single
    Hmm but apparently you can end up in the friendzone if you don't initiate touch. :)
     
  15. trentlogain2

    trentlogain2 Guest

    +0
    remember that time you came on here and said you had too much to drink, messed up, and french kissed some dude?

    did he end up being a loser?
     
  16. MacFall

    MacFall Agorist

    +995
    Christian
    Single
    US-Others
    I would hope that a woman in whom I am interested does not require me to initiate physical contact with her in order to consider me as being possibly something other than a friend. Especially given what has happened to me every single time I have ever done so.
     
  17. Oddish

    Oddish May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.

    +1,399
    Christian
    Single
    Ha, you make me laugh..It is funny and shocking how direct you are ^_^.

    Yeah he actually did turn out to be a loser.
     
  18. Oddish

    Oddish May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.

    +1,399
    Christian
    Single
    I wasn't stating my personal opinion by the way, it is just that I have heard a few people say it, not sure if it is true or not! Personally, I am not comfortable with physical touch straightaway, I need to know the person properly first (unless I am drunk as trent pointed out....:p).

    What did happen to you? :)
     
  19. K9_Trainer

    K9_Trainer Unusually unusual, absolutely unpredictable

    +854
    Pantheist
    In Relationship
    US-Others
    Well there are sort of body language indicators that can give you insight into whether somebody wants to touch or not. For example with holding hands, when you're walking you can walk close and lightly brush your arm intentionally against hers and see what the reaction is, or sitting down sorta sit so you're just barely touching at the shoulder and sort of leisurely put your hand by your leg like its just comfortable to have it there.

    It's enough to make the point and chances are, it will not go unnoticed. Partner will either make an obvious indication that they aren't interested like moving slightly away, leaning away, or folding their arms, or they'll reciprocate, get flirty or even grab your hand on their own. If you have your hand down by your leg in the movie theater and she puts hers in the same place next to yours, she might as well be screaming "HOLD MY HAND PLZ".
     
  20. Oddish

    Oddish May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD.

    +1,399
    Christian
    Single
    What K9 said is all true :)
     
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