It is better to be single

[Im_A]

...said the apostle Paul. And I don't think anyone believe that he told lies.

Look at the dry facts:
- "Feeling in love" lasts only a couple of years maximum.
- The sex might be tempting, but did you ever consider that Viagra is a top selling drug? People actually need medicine to be able to have sex after some years. The truth is that sex gets boring with the same person.

that's why there is a love shared between a man and a woman that is beyond feelings, and beyond sex. just because you've never experienced it, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. i haven't even experienced it either, but my hopes are getting higher everyday i'm alive.

The sad truth is that there is a lot of empty and unsatisfying relationships out there. And there is no difference for Christians.
- Christians divorce more often then secular couples.
- Getting children is not just fun.

the failure rate of people's marriage should be no factor to your future of love. all the failure rate shows that many people, Christian and non-Christian, either at one time lost the ability to sustain love for a lifetime, maybe the one side was hurt for no reason at all, or maybe they have never reached the ability to sustain love for a lifetime. guide your future based on the failures of others, and you'll be just that, a failure.

admittingly, i don't want kids right now. its a matter of priorities for me. find a good woman to bear my child, then my desire for a child will come. but i hope i have a child someday even tho, it is not a must. i think i'd be a good dad, and it'd be great to bring a life into this world and to help shape one life that hopefully will shape somehow, someway, if even a small minut way, to bring more goodness to this world.

So why bother trying to find a partner? Why all the posts in here that is about dating and getting a girl/boy-friend etc.

Why work so hard trying to get something worse then what you already have?

i don't know about anyone else here, but i'm holding you to this post. if you make a post one time complaining about one little aspect of relationships, being single, alone, i hope me and others will call you out on it.

 

[Bellicus]

that's why there is a love shared between a man and a woman that is beyond feelings, and beyond sex. just because you've never experienced it, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. i haven't even experienced it either, but my hopes are getting higher everyday i'm alive.

I've experienced to feel in love. And I have said to many girls that I love them, and heard the same from them. But was it love, since it is no more? I don't know.

the failure rate of people's marriage should be no factor to your future of love. all the failure rate shows that many people, Christian and non-Christian, either at one time lost the ability to sustain love for a lifetime, maybe the one side was hurt for no reason at all, or maybe they have never reached the ability to sustain love for a lifetime. guide your future based on the failures of others, and you'll be just that, a failure.

I'm not guiding my future based on others failures. But statistically there is a pretty high chance that something will go wrong, that is what I am saying. So sometimes I am thinking that it is just luck (A blessing from God) if two people manage to find this thing that is called love.

At least it is probably hard to tell if a relationship is going to work or not, since we can't look ahead in time, but just get presented by a limited amount of information at the time we meet someone and fall in love.

i don't know about anyone else here, but i'm holding you to this post. if you make a post one time complaining about one little aspect of relationships, being single, alone, i hope me and others will call you out on it.

What does it mean to "holding you to this post"? My English is not always the best.

 

[latteda]

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD."
Prov. 18:22

 

[mina]

If you are convicted to stay single and that's it's the better way to live life then you should do it. But marriage is not a sin and it's a good thing instituted by God and it's not wrong to want to get married. yay life choices that God lets us have!

 

[Tamara224]

I'm not guiding my future based on others failures. But statistically there is a pretty high chance that something will go wrong, that is what I am saying. So sometimes I am thinking that it is just luck (A blessing from God) if two people manage to find this thing that is called love.

The problem with your thinking on this subject is that it's completely passive. You speak of statistics as if our lives are a roulette game. Statistically speaking, will we "find" love, will "something" go wrong?

As if our lives were a series of random events in which we cannot or do not participate.

The kind of love that is sustained is not a feeling. It is a choice. Actually, it is a series of choices - daily choices.

"Things" don't go wrong in relationships... people make wrong choices. They choose to be selfish, they choose to cheat, they choose to hold grudges, they choose to hide things from their spouses, they choose to drift apart rather than doing things together. They then suffer the consequences of their own actions.

Failure in relationships doesn't just happen. It is not the relationship that failed, it is the people the failed the relationship.

We are not statistics and we are not controlled by probabilities. We make choices in our lives - sometimes those choices may seem insignificant but the cumulative effect of many choices can lead to long and happy marriages or to failed relationships.

At least it is probably hard to tell if a relationship is going to work or not, since we can't look ahead in time, but just get presented by a limited amount of information at the time we meet someone and fall in love.

Again, you speak as if the future is out of our hands. The Bible tells us repeatedly that we reap what we sow. You don't plant corn and then say to yourself, "well, I hope we can harvest corn in the fall, but I don't know because I can't see into the future. For all I know, I may be harvesting wheat this fall. Or, it could be that the crop doesn't get any water, (the sprinklers might not turn on) and nothing grows at all."

Only an insane farmer would say anything like that to himself. A sane man knows that if you want corn to grow, you plant corn and you water it. Neither does a farmer sit and look at good land and say "this is good soil, I think if I buy it it will produce good crops" but then not plant anything. He knows that if he wants something to grow, he has to plant seeds.

It's the same with relationships - it's the same with everything in our lives. If we want to harvest something, we have to plant the right seeds and tend them.

If you want to have a successful relationship, you sow love EVERY DAY. You water it, you tend it, you pull out the weeds of selfishness and pride. You put the needs and desires of your spouse above your own.

You don't float along doing whatever the heck you feeling like doing at any given moment and hope that everything will magically turn out all right.

Life is not a casino, we don't throw the dice and hope that probabilities will work out for us. Life is a farm, we reap what we sow.

 

[Bellicus]

Tamara: The way you are talking here, you are labeling really a lot of people as some kind of failures, that they make bad choices, and putting yourself above all these. It is not that simple. I am sure there is no one that want to end up in some crappy relationship, but still really lots of people do, and much of it can have many explanations of why it happened. Many things that are beyond our control can happen. Many things that we don't understand can happen. It is not a world where everyone will find happiness, just by choosing the right things, but it is a kind of world where people meet failures even if they have done everything right, or they meet big blessings, even if they have done a lot of wrong things. Just vanity, like it is written in Ecclesiastes.

 

[Inkachu]

OK, let us see in Genesis 2:

18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam [g] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs [h] and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib [i] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman, [j] '
for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Again a specific situation, like you mention the letter to the Corinthians is. But what is closer to the situation we are in? The situation of the Corinthians or the situation of Adam?

It is not a question of authority here, since God have never commanded anyone to marry. A man don't sin if he marry, and he don't sin if he don't marry.

Did God ever say that it is better to be married, then to be single?

And do you honestly think that Paul would write something GOD would disagree with?

Omgosh, are you kidding me? The "specific situation" of Adam and Eve was the beginning of ALL MANKIND. You don't think that first couple was the precedent for the rest of human history??

God DID give a command to Adam and Eve: be fruitful and multiply. In other words, have sex and have children. Gotta be married to do that.

YES, God said it's better to be married than to be single - "IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE."

 

[Inkachu]

"Things" don't go wrong in relationships... people make wrong choices. They choose to be selfish, they choose to cheat, they choose to hold grudges, they choose to hide things from their spouses, they choose to drift apart rather than doing things together. They then suffer the consequences of their own actions.

Failure in relationships doesn't just happen. It is not the relationship that failed, it is the people the failed the relationship.

 

[welshman]

Here are some reasons why I am content and have a peace being "single" at this time:

1.) I can totally focus and concentrate on watching the football on the tv and go to as many games as I like (especially as the "South Wales derby" is coming up...C'mon Cardiff!!!)
2.) I can put everything I have into my studies
3.) I can get more involved with church as I have more free time
4.) No more "shopping" or having to watch rubbish movies/DVD's such as "Pride and Predjudice" or reality tv shows
5.) Did I mention football?!













































































Epilogue: I was teasing with #4 I know how much of a backlash I would have with that So.....for the record...I'm just teasing all you girls

 

[Tamara224]

Tamara: The way you are talking here, you are labeling really a lot of people as some kind of failures, that they make bad choices, and putting yourself above all these.

I'm not putting myself above anyone. I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I recognize that I am just as prone to making wrong choices as anyone else is. I simply choose to recognize that there is such a thing as personal responsibility. I know it is the way of the world to blame everyone and everything else for the circumstances of our lives. But it is not what Scripture teaches us. We are told repeatedly that we will reap what we sow. In fact, we are told "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked, whatsoever a man sows that shall he also reap."

Don't be deceived, Bellicus. Cause and effect, action reaction, you reap what you sow. It is the way the world works.

Relationships are not entities of their own that are subject to random chance. They are built by people who make choices to do or not do certain things.

It is not that simple.

Yes, it is that simple. Moreover, it is what Scripture teaches us. Don't ignore the Word of God when you find that it contradicts your personal opinion, Bellicus.

I am sure there is no one that want to end up in some crappy relationship, but still really lots of people do, and much of it can have many explanations of why it happened.

99.9% of marriages that fail do so because both parties choose to be selfish at some point. Often they went into the relationship thinking that it would solve all their problems and the other person would be everything they need, or they thought that the relationship would be self-sustaining and satisfy their every need. Or they thought that it was okay for them to be selfish daily and the other person just should not be upset by it. Etc, etc, etc. Relationships fail because people are failures.

We all are failures, Bellicus. That's why we need Jesus so desperately. We're wretched, miserable failures. No matter how hard we try to be good, we are unable to.

That's where God's grace comes in - Thank God!!!!

Many things that are beyond our control can happen. Many things that we don't understand can happen.

That's life, Bellicus. Things that happen to us are usually out of our control. But we can control how we react to those things. And that is where marriages fail... people react to financial trouble by getting angry at their spouse and fighting about it instead of choosing to love and support one another; people react to an argument by holding a grudge instead of forgiving; people react to daily stress by taking it out on each other instead of making love; the list goes on and on.

It is not a world where everyone will find happiness, just by choosing the right things, but it is a kind of world where people meet failures even if they have done everything right, or they meet big blessings, even if they have done a lot of wrong things. Just vanity, like it is written in Ecclesiastes.

Ecclesiastes was written by a miserable old man who did not have God's grace in his life and had lived life in pride and "self".

Life can be very difficult and unfair. But happiness is not about what we have or don't have. A person "blessed" with material wealth can be the most miserable on the planet. A person living in poverty can be the happiest and most content. (If you've never read the book, I suggest "A Christmas Carol" for an illustration of this truth).

The secret to being happy has nothing to do with the circumstances we find ourselves in. It has to do with being content in all things and putting our trust in God.

If you think that a spouse will give you everlasting happiness, you will be disappointed and miserable. Only God can supply our every need. A spouse helps us in this life by sharing the load of life's difficulties - by loving us and giving us someone to love, by encouraging and helping. A spouse does not provide some magical mystical well of eternal happiness potion that cures every bad day.

Everyone can find happiness - God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son!!! His grace is available to everyone, His help is available to us all. Most people choose, unfortunately, to continue to rely on their own strength instead of leaning on God. That is where they find misery and failure.

 

[Thunder Peel]

4.) No more "shopping" or having to watch rubbish movies/DVD's such as "Pride and Predjudice" or reality tv shows

Not having to watch Pride and Prejudice is enough to make any man want to stay single.

 

[Bellicus]

I recognize that I am just as prone to making wrong choices as anyone else is. I simply choose to recognize that there is such a thing as personal responsibility.

Most people choose, unfortunately, to continue to rely on their own strength instead of leaning on God. That is where they find misery and failure.

You contradict yourself here. First you say it is what people do, that decides where people get in life. Then you talk about God, like that is where success is to be found.

Misery and failure happens randomly, that is just a fact. Some people die when they are children screaming for food that they don't get, some people grow old and fat and get everything they need.

 

[Tamara224]

You contradict yourself here. First you say it is what people do, that decides where people get in life. Then you talk about God, like that is where success is to be found.

No, I didn't contradict myself, Bellicus. Try reading the whole post. If you're only going to take sound bites and look for contradictions, you're going to miss my point.

On our own power we are failures. With God we can succeed. But if we choose to rely on ourselves, we will fail. If we choose to rely on God we won't. Even if we aren't wealthy and without trouble in our lives, we can still be happy.

Jesus said store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. He also said that we shouldn't worry about food and clothing and all those things because God knows we need them... Seek first the kingdom of God and all those things will be added to us.

What I see you doing is worrying about "statistics" and random chance and refusing to seek God's kingdom first. Seek God and quit worrying about the future.

Misery and failure happens randomly, that is just a fact. Some people die when they are children screaming for food that they don't get, some people grow old and fat and get everything they need.

Why are you looking for excuses to be miserable?

I've said all I can say and you obviously don't like it. All I can say is: Seek God on this. Leaning on your own understanding of what is and isn't "fact" will get you nowhere.

 

[Bellicus]

No, I didn't contradict myself, Bellicus. Try reading the whole post. If you're only going to take sound bites and look for contradictions, you're going to miss my point.

On our own power we are failures. With God we can succeed. But if we choose to rely on ourselves, we will fail. If we choose to rely on God we won't. Even if we aren't wealthy and without trouble in our lives, we can still be happy.

Jesus said store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. He also said that we shouldn't worry about food and clothing and all those things because God knows we need them... Seek first the kingdom of God and all those things will be added to us.

What I see you doing is worrying about "statistics" and random chance and refusing to seek God's kingdom first. Seek God and quit worrying about the future.



Why are you looking for excuses to be miserable?

I've said all I can say and you obviously don't like it. All I can say is: Seek God on this. Leaning on your own understanding of what is and isn't "fact" will get you nowhere.

Sorry if I seem bitter. Maybe you would feel the same if people told you that "lean on God and everything will be OK" and at the same time you had to take Valium to go to church to hear about the peace that is in the gospel. And people describing the joy, while you consider killing yourself because life feels so bad. Maybe you would even feel angry if people told you that the misery you have had the whole life is about "bad choices".

The way you describe things is simply not the way things are. Just look around on the forum, open your eyes. See all the people that suffer terribly with all kinds of things. Christians that are sick both physically and mentally, Christians that see no hope in life. It is not about choices. It is about that this is just the way life is. The world is without meaning, and the only good things about it is that it is fading away and one day will be destroyed.

And I seek God, what else can I do? There is nothing in this life worth seeking. And I am not leaning on my own understanding but if something is the truth I just don't trow it away because I want to create a fantasy-world of my own or because I want to feel better. I rather want to see the truth and feel pain from it, then to close my eyes and live in a illusion. A stone is a stone, and the world is the way the world is, with all the pointless things that happen in it.

 

[Tamara224]

Sorry if I seem bitter. Maybe you would feel the same if people told you that "lean on God and everything will be OK" and at the same time you had to take Valium to go to church to hear about the peace that is in the gospel. And people describing the joy, while you consider killing yourself because life feels so bad. Maybe you would even feel angry if people told you that the misery you have had the whole life is about "bad choices".

The way you describe things is simply not the way things are. Just look around on the forum, open your eyes. See all the people that suffer terribly with all kinds of things. Christians that are sick both physically and mentally, Christians that see no hope in life. It is not about choices. It is about that this is just the way life is. The world is without meaning, and the only good things about it is that it is fading away and one day will be destroyed.

And I seek God, what else can I do? There is nothing in this life worth seeking. And I am not leaning on my own understanding but if something is the truth I just don't trow it away because I want to create a fantasy-world of my own or because I want to feel better. I rather want to see the truth and feel pain from it, then to close my eyes and live in a illusion. A stone is a stone, and the world is the way the world is, with all the pointless things that happen in it.

Are you sure that's really the way the world is, Bellicus, and you're not just seeing it through some pretty dark lenses? We all see what we're looking for, what we want to see. Maybe I see an idealized version of the world... but, well, I'm happy. You see the opposite, you can only see the bad in the world and apparently are unable to see the good. So the question is.... Does that bring you happiness? So, really, which is better? My rose colored lenses or your dung-colored ones?

All I know is that the Bible tells us the truth. We reap what we sow. You can continue to argue with me about that if you want to... but I see evidence of it everywhere. If you don't, I think it's probably because you close your eyes to it. God has already provided us with the answer - it's in the Bible. You have to die to self and take up that Cross, sow to the spirit.

I don't know why you are so miserable, but if I had to guess, then I would say much of it is because of your own choices. If that offends you, well, I can't help that. I think it is probably the truth whether you like it or not.

I think that you're so used to wallowing in misery that you kind of like it there.

 

[Bellicus]

Are you sure that's really the way the world is, Bellicus, and you're not just seeing it through some pretty dark lenses? We all see what we're looking for, what we want to see. Maybe I see an idealized version of the world... but, well, I'm happy. You see the opposite, you can only see the bad in the world and apparently are unable to see the good. So the question is.... Does that bring you happiness? So, really, which is better? My rose colored lenses or your dung-colored ones?

All I know is that the Bible tells us the truth. We reap what we sow. You can continue to argue with me about that if you want to... but I see evidence of it everywhere. If you don't, I think it's probably because you close your eyes to it. God has already provided us with the answer - it's in the Bible. You have to die to self and take up that Cross, sow to the spirit.

I don't know why you are so miserable, but if I had to guess, then I would say much of it is because of your own choices. If that offends you, well, I can't help that. I think it is probably the truth whether you like it or not.

I think that you're so used to wallowing in misery that you kind of like it there.

It is not a matter of lenses, it is a matter to see what the world really is. If you love the world, you are going to be disappointed. And it is better to be sad and hate the world then to have empty dreams.

Ecc 7,3 Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.

I am doing what I can to sow in the Spirit, but I see a lot of suffering ahead of me, and I dread walking into it. The green grass is disappearing behind me, and a endless desert in front, where only God knows where water is to be found.

But this is going pretty off-topic. I meant to bring up some grim truths about love and marriage to get it all into perspective, so that everyone reading it would feel more satisfied where they are at.

 

[Neve]

It is not a matter of lenses, it is a matter to see what the world really is. If you love the world, you are going to be disappointed. And it is better to be sad and hate the world then to have empty dreams.

Ecc 7,3 Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.

I am doing what I can to sow in the Spirit, but I see a lot of suffering ahead of me, and I dread walking into it. The green grass is disappearing behind me, and a endless desert in front, where only God knows where water is to be found.

But this is going pretty off-topic. I meant to bring up some grim truths about love and marriage to get it all into perspective, so that everyone reading it would feel more satisfied where they are at.

No love or friendship will be perfect (we are only human), but aren't the moments of sadness worth the happiness that they can bring us? Love and hate are two sides of the same coin - you can't always choose which one you get, but be glad when you get love.

As for dreams, where would people be without them?

I'm not at all familiar with the bible quotes you are giving, but maybe a "sad face" is good for the heart because it makes us appreciate the happy moments more.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

An ED drug like Viagra or Cialis is not reccomended for men who don't have the desire or low libido, but men who have the desire to have sex, but have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection.

Men using Viagra for recreational purposes, won't actually get much out of the experience. At best, it'll be all psychological and the man may think he has more prowess, but it will just be a placebo effect.

The popularity of Viagra and Cialis suggests maybe that we have a lot of obese men [which does affect the plumbing], men who smoke or have smoked long-term, or men with diabetes, in addition to a bunch of factors than can cause ED. It is not really proof that people's sex lives have become boring or that married couples don't enjoy sex. Not to mention, that there could just be a lot of companies out there who profit from doctors pushing ED drugs.

Wasn't viagra originally a medication for treating heart conditions before it was found to treat the problem it is known for now?

 

[WileyCoyote]

Wow. Sorrow is better than laughter, viagra and dung colored glasses. The recipe that makes a grade "A" thread.

 

[Bellicus]

Wow. Sorrow is better than laughter, viagra and dung colored glasses. The recipe that makes a grade "A" thread.

Hope you feel great by mocking me. Must make you feel really clever and cool.