Issue with 12 year old son

[Stacymom2son]

ran into a situation with my 12 year old son last night and yes I'm new as to why I joined to seek advice or feedback from other moms. I recently noticed my son taking really long showers over the past month. Last night we were heading for dinner and my son wasn't getting out of the shower. I called his name, no answer. I knocked on the door and still no answer so I walked in to make sure he was ok. I then saw him getting out of the shower and said " you didn't hear me calling your name or knocking on the door" This is when I noticed him having an erection and it all made sense that he is doing it in the shower. We only have 1 bathroom that we share and I'm a bit annoyed and upset that my son is doing this in the shower. I don't know how to explain this to him without embarrassing him . Any advice

 

[singpraise]

I am the mother of a son who is now an adult. He is a wonderful Christian young man.

You have no business knocking on the door when a 12-year old boy is taking a shower. He's normal, leave him alone. He is not doing anything wrong. Please don't mention anything to him about this or you will scar him for life. It is not your business. He deserves privacy when taking a shower, show him some respect.

 

[quatona]

Where´s the proper place for doing it, in your opinion and within your family tradition?
Maybe you could share that information with him?

 

[Darkhorse]

If you want only "moms" to respond, please ignore my advice. However, I'm the dad of 2 boys (now in their 20s) and was a teenage boy myself, so...I have a little experience to draw on.

Calmly smile and nicely tell your son to not spend so long in the shower, to the extent that he inconveniences the entire family and wastes hot water. You can set a reasonable time limit and keep an eye on the clock when he showers. If he stays in too long, knocking, opening the door, and reminding him should help.

If your real issue is about masturbation rather than time management, then you need some private time with him to explain your views about why you consider this activity inappropriate, and the mindset necessary to help him live more consistently with your Christian values. If you and he are not used to talking about sex, this is difficult, but be loving and supportive.

Personally, I never tried to stop my boys from masturbating; I certainly did my share of it as a teenager, and I've never found any ill effects from it. It's a very safe and practical way for teen males to control their sex drives.

 

[SnowyMacie]

If you want only "moms" to respond, please ignore my advice. However, I'm the dad of 2 boys (now in their 20s) and was a teenage boy myself, so...I have a little experience to draw on.

Calmly smile and nicely tell your son to not spend so long in the shower, to the extent that he inconveniences the entire family and wastes hot water. You can set a reasonable time limit and keep an eye on the clock when he showers. If he stays in too long, knocking, opening the door, and reminding him should help.

If your real issue is about masturbation rather than time management, then you need some private time with him to explain your views about why you consider this activity inappropriate, and the mindset necessary to help him live more consistently with your Christian values. If you and he are not used to talking about sex, this is difficult, but be loving and supportive.

Personally, I never tried to stop my boys from masturbating; I certainly did my share of it as a teenager, and I've never found any ill effects from it. It's a very safe and practical way for teen males to control their sex drives.

As a former 12 year-old boy myself, I second this.

 

[Stacymom2son]

Why wouldn't you want to knock on the door to make sure he was ok . I was checking on him to make sure .

 

[SnowyMacie]

Why wouldn't you want to knock on the door to make sure he was ok . I was checking on him to make sure .

It's pretty normal for kids of that age to take long showers if they don't have good time management skills yet.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

so the issue is that he is pleasuring himself with lustful thoughts of woman in the wrong place?

 

[Stacymom2son]

I'm assuming he is masturbating but I wouldn't think it's about lust. it's more about him masturbating at 12 and he is masturbating in the shower that we both share which grosses me out

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

ran into a situation with my 12 year old son last night and yes I'm new as to why I joined to seek advice or feedback from other moms. I recently noticed my son taking really long showers over the past month. Last night we were heading for dinner and my son wasn't getting out of the shower. I called his name, no answer. I knocked on the door and still no answer so I walked in to make sure he was ok. I then saw him getting out of the shower and said " you didn't hear me calling your name or knocking on the door" This is when I noticed him having an erection and it all made sense that he is doing it in the shower. We only have 1 bathroom that we share and I'm a bit annoyed and upset that my son is doing this in the shower. I don't know how to explain this to him without embarrassing him . Any advice

Lol poor kid, hope he doesn't know you are on this forum telling thousands of people his sins! Let him get on with it. Next time let him have his privacy. It's his body and he does not want to grow up thinking he is doing something wrong that most men in the world have done!

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

yeah...you can't actually achieve the objective of masturbation without lustful thoughts. your son is taking sexual possession of someone in his mind and using them for his own sexual gratification.

with that said, if you see no problem with this, just tell him he needs to take care of his business somewhere else.

 

[singpraise]

He's being a normal boy. Good grief, everyone has masturbated, it's a natural thing. You can't say anything about it or you will give the poor little guy a complex for life.

In fact, probably just by your having banged on the door already he'll never do it again; you've probably already freaked the poor kid out, lol.

I understand being creeped out, as a Mom of a boy. We change their sheets, too. But you just have to stay out of this, dear, trust me. Any man here will probably tell you the same thing; you don't want to psychologically harm your son by interfering in any way in his future sexual life, right? I'll repeat, please stay out of his business in this way.

Can his father talk to him about this? That would go over a little better, probably.

 

[quatona]

it's more about him masturbating at 12

So what is the correct age to start masturbating?

and he is masturbating in the shower that we both share which grosses me out

So where´s his exclusive private place where you think he should touch?

 

[Stacymom2son]

I don't see masturbating as a son. I'm a single mom and we all have needs . The question is how do I tell me son to not do this in the shower as I know , well he is beginning puberty so I don't want to come across his mess one day .

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

He's being a normal boy. Good grief, everyone has masturbated, it's a natural thing.

same with having sex with hookers and....jumping off cliffs. if everyone else is doing it, no problem.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I don't think I was ever 12 so I can't answer. lol

Well my response is gonna be TMI/blunt, but its the only way to talk about it...

When I was that young my dad had the talk with me about 10 I think. Well more so waking up with "stuff going on". And honestly at that age you aren't lusting or thinking of anything, your literally get excited for no real reason and just do what seems natural.

Now doing it in the shower, I'll just say if hes doing it at the end of the shower, theres a chance as the water drains the floor will be.... sticky. Which yes, is gross and dangerous because its slippery.

Maybe just talk with him (unless the dad can, not sure since your profile says your single) but don't tell him you caught him MB. Just tell him you want to have a talk with him that may be akward but it needs to be done.

Just tell him hes at an age where may do "things" with his body that are natural. Tell him if he wants to do them, to do it privately, like in his room. And, again being blunt put kleenex around his "you know". Keeps it clean and simple. Tell him (again don't act like you know where he did it) there are other places he may want to do it, like a bathroom, but not to do it there because other people use it and its not sanitary.

And PLEASE remind him to NOT eventually do it while thinking of things he shouldn't. The urge eventually may show up. After a year or two I started doing it to national geographic magazines. Then eventually I needed inappropriate content to look at. :/ Aside from being super sinful when lusting, it will screw up your mind for later when you marry. Because you won't be able to "get happy" because your so used to the wrong type of stimulus. Sorry if thats alot to take in, I just wish my parents had talked to me more about the subject before I rotted my mind.

Thankfully I'm done with that stuff now and happily married. Side note, I hope he never uses shampoo. If your a guy you will know why. >.>

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

same with having sex with hookers and....jumping off cliffs. if everyone else is doing it, no problem.

That is ridiculous, have you ever thought that his actions are a way of resolving sexual conflicts within his mind?

 

[Dave-W]

First off, what are your own attitudes on masturbation? Have you had "that talk" to discuss the big M? I will assume that answer is "no."

Is there is a man (dad, uncle, grandfather) in his life that YOU can talk to and have them talk to him on this? IMO (as a guy) it would come a lot easier from another guy than from mom.

 

[singpraise]

same with having sex with hookers and....jumping off cliffs. if everyone else is doing it, no problem.

No, that's ridiculous. Far from everyone has sex with hookers or jumps off cliffs.

 

[quatona]

I don't see masturbating as a son. I'm a single mom and we all have needs . The question is how do I tell me son to not do this in the shower as I know , well he is beginning puberty so I don't want to come across his mess one day .

As a parent, you have come across his feces and his urine, his vomit and all sorts of body fluids.
On another note, I think you can be sure he´s never been so thorough in leaving things clean as when he has masturbated.