Maybe, more than 1.9 year ago, I was having compulsions to recheck my door if it is locked or if I had my boiler heater turned on before leaving the house
I was so tired and still carefree, because they were days of my ocd before mixing my normal ocd compulsions with God.
My ocd thought that it would be a good idea to make a promise to God to stop doing the compulsions and stop rechecking the heater or my oven or my door.
I could use the promise as an excuse to my ocd in order to stop bugging me for not doing the compulsions.
So, it seems that I told God about it and after that, I stopped rechecking cause I was scared. when I told God about it, I was not under pressure or anxious. I was healthy and carefree and just wanted to get rid of some ocd compulsions.
Yesterday, I thought I left my laptop speakers turned on and I was thinking that maybe a pop up message will pop up and make loud noise as while I am away. I remember my eye catching the speaker as I was preparing and I think I saw it turned off. after some minutes, I was not 100% sure.
I told myself that I want to be normal and just normal check for the first time, if it is turned on or not. so I checked and it was turned off.
ocd: you knew it was turned off. you just wanted to be sure. maybe that counts not as "checking for the first time of the day" but as "rechecking" cause you randomly, checked for a second, accidentally as you were preparing. so, now it counts as rechecking. and you told God in the past, that you would stop rechecking. and you asked for a punishment if you do it.
I do not remember having compulsions in the past about the sound of my laptop, but I think I remember making sure to be turned off before leaving the house. when I told that to God, I do not remember, if I was speaking only about the boiler heater which was my main compulsion, or if I was speaking in general for all things in my house not to be rechecked compulsively.
Is the promise valid, since it was maybe asked while I was normal and healthy? Does checking normally to see if the speaker is on or off counts as checking for the first time or does it count as rechecking? I was not 100% sure if it was turned off because I actually, did not check. my eye just noticed in a second that my speaker is turned off but I was not sure. I did not check 100% with my full motive to see if it is turned on or off. I did that later, because I was thinking that it will count as checking only once for the first time but I realized that my motive was due to ocd. would it be bad if it was turned on? my ocd forced me to check.
ocd: since ocd made you to check and you obeyed it, maybe it counted as if you were checking due to ocd. and if you already, accidentally checked once for a second, maybe that counted as the first check. so, now that you thought you were doing the first check, maybe it was actually, the second check, since you knew it was probably, turned off. and since, the motive was the ocd, maybe it counted as if you rechecked due to ocd. and that was a part of your promise not to redo it.
I am anxious because of this.
I was so tired and still carefree, because they were days of my ocd before mixing my normal ocd compulsions with God.
My ocd thought that it would be a good idea to make a promise to God to stop doing the compulsions and stop rechecking the heater or my oven or my door.
I could use the promise as an excuse to my ocd in order to stop bugging me for not doing the compulsions.
So, it seems that I told God about it and after that, I stopped rechecking cause I was scared. when I told God about it, I was not under pressure or anxious. I was healthy and carefree and just wanted to get rid of some ocd compulsions.
Yesterday, I thought I left my laptop speakers turned on and I was thinking that maybe a pop up message will pop up and make loud noise as while I am away. I remember my eye catching the speaker as I was preparing and I think I saw it turned off. after some minutes, I was not 100% sure.
I told myself that I want to be normal and just normal check for the first time, if it is turned on or not. so I checked and it was turned off.
ocd: you knew it was turned off. you just wanted to be sure. maybe that counts not as "checking for the first time of the day" but as "rechecking" cause you randomly, checked for a second, accidentally as you were preparing. so, now it counts as rechecking. and you told God in the past, that you would stop rechecking. and you asked for a punishment if you do it.
I do not remember having compulsions in the past about the sound of my laptop, but I think I remember making sure to be turned off before leaving the house. when I told that to God, I do not remember, if I was speaking only about the boiler heater which was my main compulsion, or if I was speaking in general for all things in my house not to be rechecked compulsively.
Is the promise valid, since it was maybe asked while I was normal and healthy? Does checking normally to see if the speaker is on or off counts as checking for the first time or does it count as rechecking? I was not 100% sure if it was turned off because I actually, did not check. my eye just noticed in a second that my speaker is turned off but I was not sure. I did not check 100% with my full motive to see if it is turned on or off. I did that later, because I was thinking that it will count as checking only once for the first time but I realized that my motive was due to ocd. would it be bad if it was turned on? my ocd forced me to check.
ocd: since ocd made you to check and you obeyed it, maybe it counted as if you were checking due to ocd. and if you already, accidentally checked once for a second, maybe that counted as the first check. so, now that you thought you were doing the first check, maybe it was actually, the second check, since you knew it was probably, turned off. and since, the motive was the ocd, maybe it counted as if you rechecked due to ocd. and that was a part of your promise not to redo it.
I am anxious because of this.
