Is this a silly question?

[hugnluvable]

Hi there, something else on my mind about relationship things... it might be a silly question but still - I feel I should ask it!

My boyfriend isnt a Christian, and obviously I find it REALLY hard! I would love it for him to know God... for himself, and also for our relationship!

Thing is, I really want a Christian boyfriend! And I feel really wrong about going out with my boyfriend and wanting him to believe in something that he might not never follow... is it though? I sometimes think about other Christian men and wonder what it'd be like going out with them... is this normal?

Its frustrating me like mad at the moment!

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[SirKenin]

I wonder that myself. My girlfriend is not a Christian either. Paul mentions that we should avoid marrying non-Christians, but if we are married to them, stick to them because we don't know if we will be the ones to save them.

I trust that the proper doors will be opened or closed.

 

[John the Engineer]

1) Is it normal? Yes. Especially when challenge is faced you start to wonder if there aren't just other options out there.

2) My parents came to God one at a time. The Lord will bring your boyfriend to the church if he means for your relationship to succeed. Trust in him and pray. Ask your boyfriend to pray, maybe he'd be willing to have faith that the Lord would work in him t make your relationship stronger.

3) As you know of my relationship, neither of us were "Godly" and now I've completely given over to him while she had just about given up on him. Now the Lord has worked through me to give her hope, and bring her back to his Kingdom. It's of course up to her to pursue God and make him her own. But God will restore what is broken if he intends our lives to follow that path.

Remember that God hardened the hearts of Kings, and though we have free will he can move. He'll do a mighty work if you have faith in him to move in your life, and in your boyfriend's. Not saying that the mighty work will bring you together, but it will bring about his will for both of you. That's where I'm at. My girlfriend and I are both praying about what is to happen. If the Lord says we are to be together then it is likely to change both our lives quite dramatically, but I have faith that the Lord will make a way.

I'll give you what I know in my situation. I got here not by following the Lord but by moving on my own. Now that I've completely given myself over to the Lord I trust that he will show me if I'm supposed to leave this situation or let him work through me in this situation. This is what I have felt about my situation.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

The Bible says not to become unequally yoked, so I would say that dating a non-Christian is not the best idea. I dated a non-Christian and married one. Thankfully, God opened his eyes, and he is now a Christian, but I know women who told me to never marry a non-Christian, because they were in relationships where their husbands were not Christians. That was really good advice, because you have no guarantee that they will ever become a Christian, and they will be the head of the house and raise your children. If you date a guy who is not right with God, then I feel it would be pretty hard not to give your heart to him. I would suggest waiting til he knows Jesus before pursuing the relationship. I am glad you are concerned about this area of your life. May God bless you!

 

[John the Engineer]

Along with what she said, I agree

However I would not say you need to abandon the relationship all together, but as long as he loves you and understands that you are commited to God, and don't pressure him into being Christian, but if it's his own desire to be Christian then that's God's way of moving.

For getting married though, I would highly recommend against it.

Remember the Husband is the covering for his household. His is called to lead the home and be the covering to his wife and children. Do you want a non Christian to be your covering and to be your children's covering? I would hope the answer is no. There are some stories where the husband or wife has come to know Christ after the relationship is constituted, but that's not always the case and for as many great stories as there are there are also a lot of bad ones.

Be careful in this time, pray and keep the Lord first. Let him lead your life and you will follow him into right order. Let him deal with your boyfriend's heart, it is not your place to change him and make him a Christian, but don't be afraid to walk with him if he desires to learn and become Christian.

 

[desi]

These posts alway make me wonder why so many Christians become intimate, at various levels, with nonChristians. It seems like an easy choice for any Christian to make yet many choose the nonChristian and later lament how torn they feel about it.

 

[John the Engineer]

It goes to show how strong God made our emotional attachments. It's both unfortunate and a blessing. But it should give cause to those who are looking at getting involved in a relationship to stop and think about what they're doing.

 

[SirKenin]

Along with what she said, I agree

However I would not say you need to abandon the relationship all together, but as long as he loves you and understands that you are commited to God, and don't pressure him into being Christian, but if it's his own desire to be Christian then that's God's way of moving.

For getting married though, I would highly recommend against it.

This doesn't make much sense to me..

If you recommend against getting married, what's the point of pursuing the relationship? Why can't the same conditions apply to a marriage as you are stipulating for any other relationship with him?

 

[SirKenin]

These posts alway make me wonder why so many Christians become intimate, at various levels, with nonChristians. It seems like an easy choice for any Christian to make yet many choose the nonChristian and later lament how torn they feel about it.

I don't at all. I love my girlfriend. Well, I guess she's my fiance, but whatever. She is not a Christian, but I don't care. I don't know the future, maybe she will become one. Who am I to say or know? We don't know if God is bringing these people into our lives for a reason. We can never pretend to know God's will.

She's still a good woman and has a lot of good qualities. I love her for who she is, faults and all. Not being a Christian doesn't make her any less of a person.

 

[Rols]

I think, you really need to think about where this relationship heading if you are in it for marriage, then you really need to step back and seek God's face on the issue. The more you get involved the harder it will become, because you have no guarantee that he will eventually become a Christian, adn your emotions would have already been involved, and emotions can blind us to see the real truth. When you then get deeper into the relationship, you might then start to look for ways of justifying your 'unequal yoking' with him. i.e 'But he is a nice guy', 'he still lives by some Christian principles', 'After all he treats me nice'....etc. and so on and so forth

Obedience is better than sacrifice!!!!!!

But the fact of the matter is, he is not a Christian. God has a reason for asking us not to become unequally yoked. An I think obedience to God's word is a key to receiving our blessings from Him.

The best advice I can give, is, based on my very frank opinion, stop the relationship, stop any romantic involvement, and start praying that God will really change him and he might come to know Christ. But don't build all your hopes and dreams around him, because if you decide to obey God's leading, HE (God) may have someone or some relationship in store for you, beyond what you could ever have imagined. You can not pray for him with a clear heart and mind whilst you are still involved with him, as your emotions may cloud your judgement.

You still however need to be his friend in some way, and be genuinely seeking to lead him to the Lord, not just so that you can be with him, but so that he can really become a Christian freely, by his own choice , not just because you both want to be in this relationship.

Sorry to be so frank about this, but too many people have ended up marrying non-believers and things have gone from bad to worse, or even those partners/spouses that did eventually become Christians did not stay long in the faith soon after marriage, because their initial coming to faith wasn't really genuine and was as a result of pressure from their partner.

I'll be praying that God leads you in the right way, and remember God will not lead you to do anything that contradicts His word!!! He is not a God of confusion. Sometimes the answer is not rocket science.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Erica, it is very obvious that your heart desire is to be with a man who loves Jesus Christ. I got news for you, the guy you are with is bound for hell right now, and if you want to unite yourself with darkness, then you have the freedom to do so, but let me warn you, lightness and darkness have nothing in common. Bound for failure in my opinion.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I trust that the proper doors will be opened or closed.

Do not test the Lord your God.

 

[SirKenin]

Do not test the Lord your God.

There's really going to have to come a time in your life when you understand the context of the scriptures you are spitting at people. You do more harm than good. Not to mention it doesn't bode well for you. Just my friendly two cents.

Anyways, I'm not testing anybody. A woman has come into my life. God works in mysterious ways, I've seen it with my own eyes. God brought a non-Christian woman into my Dad's life, she became a Christian because of the life he lived and the example he set. They have had a wonderful marriage relationship for over 30 years.

There is a good chance the Lord is bringing this person into my life for a reason. If not, if I brought this person into my life and it ISN'T the Lord's will, the Lord will slam the doors shut. That's the way he operates. He's done it already many times in my life, while opening others and creating new opportunities.

Every person that has come into my life so far has come in it for a reason. I can track those reasons and the effect that it's had on my life. So, I have experience on my side. What do you have on your side to make such a bold statement? Don't tell me I'm testing anybody. It's called faith that because I am God's child, God knows what he is doing and will show me the proper way. That He will talk to me and show me what I am supposed to do. I aim to follow God's direction and not pretend by skewing some verse out of context that I can know the will of God.

 

[hugnluvable]

Erica, it is very obvious that your heart desire is to be with a man who loves Jesus Christ. I got news for you, the guy you are with is bound for hell right now, and if you want to unite yourself with darkness, then you have the freedom to do so, but let me warn you, lightness and darkness have nothing in common. Bound for failure in my opinion.

Yep, you're right.... bound for hell right now! But what about the future. Like Dr Feel Good here I trust that the right paths and doors will be open or closed for me. I'm not testing God. In fact far from it. I'm waiting on what His will is for me.

It is my heart's desire to be with a guy who loves Jesus! And yet at the moment I dont have that. But if it's God's will then thats what I'll get - I'm praying like crazy! I'm preparing myself for the worst like crazy! And I have hope that my boyfriend will come to know Christ either with me or without me!

I dont want to unite myself with darkness... but when theres light with darkness the light ALWAYS overcomes and shines out... even if its a tiny glimmer - you know its still there!

Bound for failure... if it's God's opinion and I'm going against what he wants Dave!

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[SirKenin]

Yep, you're right.... bound for hell right now! But what about the future. Like Dr Feel Good here I trust that the right paths and doors will be open or closed for me. I'm not testing God. In fact far from it. I'm waiting on what His will is for me.

It is my heart's desire to be with a guy who loves Jesus! And yet at the moment I dont have that. But if it's God's will then thats what I'll get - I'm praying like crazy! I'm preparing myself for the worst like crazy! And I have hope that my boyfriend will come to know Christ either with me or without me!

I dont want to unite myself with darkness... but when theres light with darkness the light ALWAYS overcomes and shines out... even if its a tiny glimmer - you know its still there!

Bound for failure... if it's God's opinion and I'm going against what he wants Dave!

Love, hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx

I believe that's the way God works, Erica, if you have faith in Him. This is based on my personal experiences. God will open and close doors, bringing new opportunities. Guiding and directing you. Just pray to Him and have faith in Him. He knows what He's doing. You don't always know what's best. You know what you want. He knows what's best for you, and His will for your life, should you choose to follow it, will be better than anything you could have ever imagined.

Stay with this fellow, and ask God to guide and direct. Have faith and don't pretend to know His will for you. Don't speak for Him, let Him speak to you. From experience I know God will work for the best. If it's not with this young man, it will be something even better for you.

 

[katelyn]

There is a good chance the Lord is bringing this person into my life for a reason. If not, if I brought this person into my life and it ISN'T the Lord's will, the Lord will slam the doors shut. That's the way he operates. He's done it already many times in my life, while opening others and creating new opportunities.

Maybe they are brought into your life for a reason, but how do you know what reason? How do you know that God means for you to be romantically involved with that person? I don't really know what you mean when you say that if it isn't the Lord's will, he will slam the doors shut. We do have free will, so if we follow what we want to do, God will let us do so, even if it's wrong - even though we may "feel" we're doing what God wants us to.

People make too many mistakes following their own desires for me to think that it's a good idea to just assume that if you're wrong, God will let you know. I mean, he'll let you know eventually, sure - but maybe not before you're in a huge mess. We need to take what the Bible says into serious consideration before we act on our desires. That's why we should be very careful when considering a romantic relationship with a non-believer. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's not something to take lightly.

 

[John the Engineer]

Wow, where to begin?

I think that God does open and close doors for us. And he will open and close doors in our hearts as well. God will not let us walk into temptation if we are walking with him! It's one thing to be doing something and saying "God, if I'm not supposed to do this then let the heavens open and prevent me from going with a wall of fire", THAT is testing the Lord. However asking God to speak to you and tell you what his will is, to guide you and close the door if it's not meant to be, that's trusting in him. He's not going to sit up there and tell you that your heart wasn't open, unless you're just speaking the words and not believing them.

Surrendering your heart and your feelings to the Lord doesn't mean you start walking around here on earth like a zombie without them. It also doesn't mean you run away from them. Too many people use it as an excuse that "God wasn't in our relationship at the beginning so I am not sure I was supposed to marry her at all, so we got divorced..." Sure we walk into situations where we sin, or where we are simply not where the Lord intended us to be, but he also loves us and honors us where we are. He moves in our lives to bring about great things!

Remember that Joseph's brothers tried to kill him, and he used their sin to bring about the saving of his family. Sin can lead to great things if we allow the Lord to move and allow his life to flow through us. Had Joseph tried to break free and run back to his family because "God didn't intend for him to be there, he was there because of his brother's sins" then his family would have died in the famine. Many stories in the Bible involve sin that is redeemed and made whole BECAUSE of where the sin put people. So too are we to turn away from sin, and wait on the Lord to guide us.

I was in a very similar relationship where sin abounded and the girl and I had walked away from the Lord. Now we are both praying together, and she is finding her faith and hope again as she and I both pray. She believed that she had sinned so much that the Lord would not bless her anymore, at least not where she wanted to be blessed. But that's not the heart of the father, that's the heart of someone who feels hurt as we do. The Lord is a great redeemer, and he loves us. He wants to bless us in what we desire. He can work for the greatest things.

You can't break off the relationship, still be "friends" with him after having sex and being so heavily involved. That's just honesty of how it works. If you are around him at all you will still feel that emotional attachment. You need to pray that the Lord would bring you forgiveness and bless both of you. If he wants to pursue Christ be there for him, but don't make it a condition of the relationship or it's likely he'll accept it for you, not for who Jesus is. Remember that Jesus is a true and kind God, he's the "easiest sale" any of us will ever have to sell. We're not selling ice to eskimos, we're selling ice cream to a child when we spread the good news.

So basically I believe it comes down to this. Ask him if you two can pray together. Prayer is an amazing and powerful start. Tell him you love him, and you want to seek the Lord in your relationship. Make it your part to be Christian, don't demand it of him. Make it in your heart that you want him to come to Christ, don't make it in your words. It's scary to think that he might not come to the Lord, that your relationship might not be whole because of it, but trust in the Lord and have faith! Give him the opportunity to work.

Believe, and don't be afraid to hope, because hope is of the Lord! Ask him to move in BOTH your hearts, and be ready for his answer to come. Remember that if you feel you walked into this relationship without the Lord, don't run away from it unless you hear him calling you. It's just as wrong to run again without hearing his voice. Just don't compromise yourself and fall back into sin and you'll be ok.

 

[John the Engineer]

This doesn't make much sense to me..

If you recommend against getting married, what's the point of pursuing the relationship? Why can't the same conditions apply to a marriage as you are stipulating for any other relationship with him?

Marriage is a completely different thing.

Being involved with someone does not involve a life long commitment (and unfortunately these days neither does marriage ) but to be in the relationship and knowing that the limit is that you will not get married to a non Christian is important.

I know a woman who was of a VERY strong Christian family. In fact her Dad might have been a Pastor come to think of it, I forget (very large church, many Pastors) In any case they were very strong believers, and she dated someone who was not a Christian, or at least not really. He was an "Easter Christian" as some like to put it. Spent some time in the Church, but didn't really know the Lord. In any case as they were dating he saw that God was real, saw the light in the family and in her life.

As some people I heard put it, though she took his last name, he really became part of her family. And God can work in that situation. Now it doesn't always happen so I don't recommend people move into a relationship expecting that, but you don't have to move out of a relationship because it can't happen either. Basically, hope and believe if you're there, and if not I'd caution those away from it.

 

[hugnluvable]

Thanks John, I'm a bit frazzled to say much at the moment... but I will do soon!

Love, hugs and prayers
ERICA
XXX

 

[KLLM82]

Very Very Very well said John the Engineer . I pray that your words will be a blessing to her.

~Katia~