Is there anyone out there for me?

[twoin1]

It seems all my life one of the biggest cliches in the Christian community is "There's someone out there for you, just wait"

Who is to say if there is or isn't? They don't know.

Does anyone out there feel this way.

 

[holo]

Yeah, that's a romantic lie bought into by believers and non-believers alike. Like we were created in pairs and then placed in different corners of the world and are supposed to find The One. Bah.
But someone somewhere said something about how, rather then trying to find the right one, we should try to *be* the right one.
The answer to your question is probaly that there are lots of people out there for you, even if you haven't found any of them yet. Or maybe you did, but lost them.

 

[KeilCoppes]

The scripture that casts light on the subject is this:

Matthew 19:12
For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

This isn't the literal surgical variety only. It's just very simply that there are those who won't have mates for various reasons. It doesn't say in detail whether it's you or I or anyone in particular. We simply don't know what God has in store, though. As someone about your age who is still single, I will say that it became much easier when I changed my goal from being married to a godly wife to serving God as a single person with the option of later serving God as a married person if He so willed. (That's not to say it was easy, but it took the load off of my heart.) I still search and take all the opportunities that are there to find someone, but if I don't find someone, my life is still peace and satisfaction in serving God - no longer incomplete or unfulfilled. Keep seeking, keep looking, but as in the case of Paul, know that it is God who gives the harvest and rest your comfort on Him rather than something that you don't control.

 

[LifeInYou]

http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=1895466#post1895466

 

[Tenorvoice]

one way to check if you are Blessed with the gift of being single for your enitre life is to ask this question...Do I feel the need that I ever need to get married? If so then God has that preson out there for you and if you stay in the center of his will then He will send then to you and there will be no doubt in your mind @ all that this will be the one that you can not live without.

Peace be with you

in Christ Jesus

Tenor

 

[twoin1]

Thanks tenorvoice.

I do not understand why I am at the stage of my life and not married now. I have lots of ideas but I have such limited view of things going on. I just have to trust God no matter how hard it seems. As many know that does not end the pain or heartach though. As many know it hurts and then it hurts more.

Thanks.

 

[Tenorvoice]

hey twoin1,

If you are going to be looking for a future mate to spend the rest of your life here on earth with then you need to make sure that she lives up to the requirements of a Godly Woman in light of waht the Scriptures say about them.

First 1 Timothy 2:9-15......Modest dress, the proper clothing @ the proper time and place (ladies if there is any doubt then ask your father if it is ok to wear). It can be flatering but not cause a distraction to others or it very well could cause a brother to sin in lust.
................Godly works (v.10) When a man thinks of a woman the FIRST thing that needs to come to his mind about you is that you are a Godly woman, not about the jewlery that you wear the beauty of you figure or the amount of skin that you are showing.
......"Submission" (v.11) does not mean surrendering one's mind and conscience or abandoning one's private judgment. It does mean, however, that a woman must be submissive to her husband --though it may well have the wider application of submission to the officials and regulations of the church.
......(v.12) she is not to have athourity over a man, she is not to teach a man but IS allowed and encouraged to teach other women and childeren.(where would we be if our mothers had not taught us @ home)?

You can also check out 1 Peter 3:1-6 for further instruction on this matter and 1 Corinthians 14:33-35

Peace be with you brother I will pray for you

 

[twoin1]

Thanks tenor voice I apprecaite all the advice.

also thanks to everyone else who has replied to this thread.

I will continue to seek His will in this matter as I do in most things.

 

[ZiSunka]

It may well be that it is not God's will for you to ever get married. Millions of Christians throughout the ages did not get everything they hoped for, including marriage. God might have other plans for you, better plans, plans that are awesome and have as meaningful an impact on eternity as marriage would have. It may be that God is intentionally keeping you single so you will be available to go into a mission field that would not accomodate a married couple. It may well that God wants you to grow and mature and prepare yourself for your life's ministry while you have time and engery for it, time and energy that you wouldn't have if you were married.

So really search God's heart and figure out what His best will is for your life and pursue that with the same vigor that you would pursue a girlfriend!

 

[Sketcher]

one way to check if you are Blessed with the gift of being single for your enitre life is to ask this question...Do I feel the need that I ever need to get married? If so then God has that preson out there for you and if you stay in the center of his will then He will send then to you and there will be no doubt in your mind @ all that this will be the one that you can not live without.

Really? I don't believe that feeling the need to get married means you necessarily will. I have family members who wanted to marry but never did.
Or who's to say that it will be a good relationship if and when marraige does happen. I keep hearing that if you're lonely and miserable when you're single, you'll be lonely and miserable when you're married.

But yes, we are to stay in the center of His will. He must be the center of our lives and He must be the one to fill our hearts up. Then, we won't be miserable waiting for a mate, and if we get one, we won't make them miserable being married to us.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

It seems all my life one of the biggest cliches in the Christian community is "There's someone out there for you, just wait"

Who is to say if there is or isn't? They don't know.

Does anyone out there feel this way.

Yes. As if Christians know the mind of God

DIANE

 

[Moluku]

It all depends on the person. It's cliche to say when trying to comfort a person and bring perspective. I think as a whole there is someone out there for each of us. It all depends on spiritual walk and whether a person is feeling called to singleness in their life as well. Only God could tell us whether or not there was someone special out there for us or not. But God will usually not tell us those things, but have us learn to wait patiently.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I think we all ask this question one time or another-- But I do think by putting yourself out there.. enjoying life- and living a God centred life you are doing all you can do to make it happen the rest is up to God..

There is no right answer to this..

I say Pray until something Happens

 

[.Mikha'el.]

It seems all my life one of the biggest cliches in the Christian community is "There's someone out there for you, just wait"

Do not believe the lie. Paul writes the following in 1 Corinthians 7:

1 Corinthians 7:7

"But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that."

Some people are called to be married, others are not.

 

[unameduser]

Do not believe the lie. Paul writes the following in 1 Corinthians 7:

1 Corinthians 7:7

"But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that."

Some people are called to be married, others are not.

yea but what about dating? Someone should have the right to casually date instead of marraige. God may not think its safe for John Doe to marry, but think its safe to date. Dating doesnt de-rail anyones life as a whole. If someone goes to prom, is that corrupt? Nope. They're just short episodes in the life stages. Marraige can do damage if someone isnt carefull. And this is why god says some will marry, some will not.

 

[strengthinweakness]

I definitely do not sense a specific "call" from God to remain single. I have a very strong desire-- a deep longing-- to love, and share my life with, a Godly woman in the covenant of marriage. However, I am not God, and I do not have His all-knowing, all-seeing, all-understanding view of things. The fact that I long for a wife does not mean that God necessarily has one for me. At this point, I really do not wish to be single for the rest of my life, but God knows what is best for me infinitely more than I do. I do pray that if He calls me to life-long singleness though, He will give me a peace and joy about it that I do not currently have.

 

[unameduser]

I definitely do not sense a specific "call" from God to remain single. I have a very strong desire-- a deep longing-- to love, and share my life with, a Godly woman in the covenant of marriage. However, I am not God, and I do not have His all-knowing, all-seeing, all-understanding view of things. The fact that I long for a wife does not mean that God necessarily has one for me. At this point, I really do not wish to be single for the rest of my life, but God knows what is best for me infinitely more than I do. I do pray that if He calls me to life-long singleness though, He will give me a peace and joy about it that I do not currently have.

good luck on that

 

[Godslass]

QUOTE=KeilCoppes]The scripture that casts light on the subject is this:

Matthew 19:12
For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

This isn't the literal surgical variety only. It's just very simply that there are those who won't have mates for various reasons. It doesn't say in detail whether it's you or I or anyone in particular. We simply don't know what God has in store, though. As someone about your age who is still single, I will say that it became much easier when I changed my goal from being married to a godly wife to serving God as a single person with the option of later serving God as a married person if He so willed. (That's not to say it was easy, but it took the load off of my heart.) I still search and take all the opportunities that are there to find someone, but if I don't find someone, my life is still peace and satisfaction in serving God - no longer incomplete or unfulfilled. Keep seeking, keep looking, but as in the case of Paul, know that it is God who gives the harvest and rest your comfort on Him rather than something that you don't control.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for this very wise and helpful post

I spent quite a few years where my thoughts were very taken up with the whole issue of whether I'd find that 'special' person, and where and how we'd meet etc etc - until it all began to prove quite tiring and draining and really quite a burden, to say the least

To cut a long story short, I finally came to the point where God enabled me to pray to be released from the overbearing weight of my desire to find a mate!

This is probably the hardest (and most painful) prayer I've ever prayed, but I can honestly say that the 'results' of this relinquishment of my desire to marry - have been nothing short of ..... amazing I now have so much more peace than I had before, and a real 'freedom to be'! Another life-changing benefit from this prayer is that I'm now much more relaxed in the company of guys.

God knows me infinitely better than I know myself, and I am very relieved indeed that I can leave the complicated process of choosing the right mate up to Him (phew!) I believe, because of His in-depth knowledge of every person He created - no one could be better 'qualified' to match up two people - with all their various strengths and weaknesses and foibles etc etc

I've heard and read so many times, that as God brought Eve to Adam, if we will wait for Him and let Him be our 'matchmaker'; He will work for us in this very same way today. If we make our needs known to Him, we can just rest in our walk with Him and enjoy our 'journey' of loving and serving Him, without needing to strive to find someone

If we spend our time 'delight (ing) in Him, He WILL (surely) give us the desires of our heart' as He promises to do! Ps 37:4

Hi Holo I agree that marriage is not about finding the right person, it's about becoming the right person!

'You must get to a place where you are happy with your life apart from a dating relationship in order to be happy with one.' J Townsend and H Cloud

BE SATISFIED WITH ME

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me
alone.

Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.

You will never be united to another
Until you are united with me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any other desires or
longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best.

Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that's all.

Don't be anxious, don't worry
Don't look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don't look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is
ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me
And the life I've prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your
relationship
with me.
And this is perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union
Of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
For I am God. Believe it and be satisfied.

~ St. Anthony of Padua

 

[Godslass]

I've found an extract from a book which I've got to share with y'all ...

Sorry about the length, but maybe you can divide it up into manageable sections or something

Sorry for giving y'all such hard work, but if you can bear with me - I'm sure you'll find the text quite a revelation, I did!! If you can - enjoy

"The paradox of love" by John Powell (part I)

All of us experience at some time or another a feeling of loneliness and isolation, a very painful void inside of ourselves that becomes an unbearable prison. We have all felt at some time alienated from others, separated from the group, alone and lonely. By its very nature this loneliness, like all of our toothaches, centres the focus of attention on ourselves. We seek to fill this void, to satisfy this hunger ... we go out to find others who will love us.

We may do obvious things for them in an obvious attempt to gain their love. We may come to them with hand stretched out like pan-scales. On the one hand is our donation to them, the other hand being extended to receive their donation to us. We may even be deceived into thinking that this is loving.

We know that our loneliness can be filled only by the love of others. We know that we must feel loved. The paradox is this: if we seek to fill the void of our own loneliness in seeking love from others, we will inevitably find no consolation but only a deeper desolation. It is true that "You're nobody 'til somebody loves you." Only the person who has experienced love is capable of growing. It is a frightening but true reality of human life tha, by loving me or refusing to love me, others hold the potential of my maturity in their hands. Most of us, driven by our own aching needs and voids, address life and other people in the stance of seekers. We become what C. S. Lewis, in his book, The Four Loves, calls " ... those pathetic people who simply want friends and can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends." Most of us know our need to be loved and try to seek the love that we need from others. But the paradox remains uncompromised; if we seek the love which we need, we will never find it. We are lost.

Love can effect the solution of our problems, but we must face the fact that to be loved, we must become loveable. When a person orients his life towards the satisfaction of his own needs, when he goes out to seek the love which he needs, no matter how we try to soften our judgements of him, he is self-centred. He is not loveable, even if he does deserve our compassion. He is concentrating on himself, and as long as he continues to concentrate on himself, his ability to love will always remain stunted and he will himself remain a perennial infant.

If, however, a person seeks not to receive love, but rather to give it, he will become loveable and he will most certainly be loved in the end. This is the immutable law under which we live: concern for ourself and convergence upon self can only isolate self and induce an even deeper and more torturous loneliness. It is a vicious and terrible cycle that closes in on us when loneliness, seeking to be relieved thru the love of others, only increases.

The only way we can break this cycle formed by our lusting egos is to stop being concerned with ourselves and to begin to be concerned with others. This, of course, is not easy. To relocate the focus of one's mind from self to others can, in fact, mean a lifetime of effort and work. It is made more difficult because we must put others in the forefront, in place of ourselves. We must learn to respond to the needs of others without seeking the satisfaction of our own needs.

In his book, Religion and Personality, psychologist-priest Adrian van Kaam insists that if anyone seeks his own happiness and fulfillment, he will never find them; but adds that, if one does find his own happiness and fulfillment, it will be because he has forgotten himself to seek the happiness and fulfillment of those around him. The problem is that we are all clutching to our own life-rafts. We are tempted to fascination with our own self-fulfillment and everything we do is somehow designed to achieve our own safety and happiness. We can be selfish in very refined and subtle ways. Such preoccupation with self is an absolute obstacle to human happiness and fulfillment, because human happiness and fulfillment can only be attained thru genuine love. Each of us must make a basic decision about how we intend to spend our lives. If we decide to spend our lives in the pursuit of our own happiness and fulfillment, we are destined to failure and desolation. If we decide to spend our lives seeking the fulfillment and happiness of others, and this is what is implied in love, we shall certainly attain our own happiness and fulfillment.

The person who wants only his own fulfillment, or who decides to love in order that he be fulfilled, will find that his love is in vain because the focus remains on himself. A person can grow only as much as his horizon allows, and the person who decides to love in order to be fulfilled and happy will be disappointed and will not grow because the horizon is still himself, Consequently, we cannot conceive of love in any way as a means of self-fulfillment, because if we do we will still be within the treacherous vicious circle, travelling always from our own needs thru others and back into ourselves. We cannot ever use others as means. They must always be the end object of love. We will attain maturity only in proportion to the shifting of the focus of our minds away from ourselves and our own needs and away from the self-centred desire to satisfy those needs.

Loving others can be truly accomplished only when the focus of our minds and the object of our desires is another, when all of our activity results from concern for another and not from concern for ourselves. We have said that if a person truly loves in this way, he will be loved and he should accept the love of others. However the delusion to be avoided at all costs is to love in order to receive this love in return. I must, as Christ suggests, lose my life before I can gain it. I must find out that the only real receiving is in giving. I have to lose my life and I cannot lose it if I always have it clearly before my own mind.

 

[Godslass]

II

In other words, love means a concern for, acceptance of, and an interest in the others around me whom I am trying to love. It is a self-donation which may prove to be an altar of sacrifice. I can love others only to the extent they are truly the focus of my mind, heart, and life; and I can find myself only by forgetting myself. Love is indeed costly and demanding. Because of the inward pains that all of us bear, the scar tissues that are part of our human inheritance, because of the competition and example of a self-grasping world, it will be difficult for us to make the sacrifice of ourselves that is involved in loving. Loving always means at least this sacrifice, the orientation of my thoughts and desires towards others and the abandonment of my own self and self-interest. Needless to say, such abandonment always involves a high cost to self.

But if a life of love is difficult, it is not a bleak or unrewarding life. In fact, it is the only truly human and happy life for it is filled with concerns that are as deep as life, as wide as the whole world, and as far reaching as eternity. It is only when we have consented to love, and have agreed to forget ourselves, that we can find our fulfillment. It will come unperceived and mysterious like the Grace of God, but we will recognize it and it will be recognized in us. We will have made the Copernican revolution that relocates the focus of our minds and hearts on the good and fulfillment of others; and although this conversion has sought nothing for itself, it has received everything. The loveable person is, in the last analysis, the one who has made the consent to love.

So often we demand that others love us without being willing to make the sacrifice and abandonment of self that is necessary to become loveable. However, if anyone has mastered the delicate and profound paradox that love involves, and has been willing to dedicate himself without reservation or demand for return to the needs and fulfillment of others, he will certainly be loved and fulfilled within himself.

But how can we love if we have never been loved? Between black and white there is always an area of grey. All of us have some capacity to love, some ability to move the focus of our minds out from ourselves to the needs, happiness, and fulfillment of others. To the extent that we do this, to the extent that we actualize this potential that is latent within us, we will be loved. Even if at the beginning we can love only a little, we shall be loved a little; and the love that we receive will empower us to grow more and more out of ourselves in the direction that love leads. This, then, is the challenge that lies before each of us: we must utilize whatever capacity, be it small or great, we have for love. To the extent that we are willing to make the effort and dedication that is involved, we will be nourished and strengthened by the love that we shall receive in return; but we must remember that, in making this self-donation, the focus of our minds must always be away from self and this precludes thinking of or asking for a return. When we ask that question, "What have you done for me?" we have ceased to love.

Christ and Love

Christ our Lord left no doubt about the credential of the Christian. He said, "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, that you love one another.... love one another as I have loved you ... this is all I command you that you love one another." Saint John reminds us in his First Epistle that it is impossible to love God whom we do not see and not love those around us who we do see.

All of these things we have read, and perhaps we pay them more lip service than life service. We know that Christ takes as done to Himself what we do to others; He accepts as given to Himself our concern and kindness for others. In the daily battle, however, when our own needs are so throbbing and painful, we forget.

The only attitude worthy of the Christian is that of Christ, who thought of others always, who gave Himself until He had not another drop of blood to give. In His own words, "Greater love than this no man has than that he lay down his life for his friend." This is, of course, what love asks of us, that we lay down our lives for others. Only when we have consented to do this will we find ourselves, our own happiness and fulfillment, and only then will we be true Christians. ...for better or for worse, we are Christ to the world.

To love, one must have enormous motivation. In a grasping world, in a world which is gouging and clawing for the riches of this world, the Christian by his love must stand forth as a breathtaking exception. The true Christian must seek only the good, the fulfillment and the destiny of his fellow man. Love will always be his most eloquent argument and effective means. It is difficult. And yet the Lord Christ of the Gospels stands with us, and it becomes our Christian imperative, "By this shall men know that you are my disciples, that you love one another."

Any thoughts on this - once you've recovered from eye strain and brain overload!