Is Paul right about singles.

I am single because God has chosen for me to be single. No opportunities in my life to be anything but single now. I seem to have been given the responsibilities of being married without the benefits of being married. (Two kids who needed to be supported and are left with only me). I think I am better suited for marriage but guess God must have other plans for me.

I think the longer I am single, the less I am suited for marriage though. And getting used to being the head of my family.

blackribbon said:

I am single because God has chosen for me to be single. No opportunities in my life to be anything but single now. I seem to have been given the responsibilities of being married without the benefits of being married. (Two kids who needed to be supported and are left with only me). I think I am better suited for marriage but guess God must have other plans for me.

I think the longer I am single, the less I am suited for marriage though. And getting used to being the head of my family.

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I want to become like David Banner aka Bill Bixby

I think Paul was right, but I don't connect with his reasons. My choice to remain single comes from a troubled past and the inability to have anything more than superficial relationships with other people. I would think though, that if a well-adjusted person is called to be single, it is a gift and that person can draw nearer to God than others might who have the distraction of a relationship and family to care for.

I was married for 15 years, and have been single for 31.

Of course Paul was right. Singleness allows you to focus your time, resources, and passion on the Lord. But Paul never meant that marriage was wrong.

In my case, neither of us were Christians when we were married, but we both became born again after we divorced and went our separate ways. Ironic. He remarried and it was a good, solid marriage. I'm happy for him. She gave him what I could never have. But I digress.

I believe the key is contentment. And let's face it, it's good not to have another (earthly) voice driving your life!

Paul was right, for me. I can do all things...single.

HisGraceAbounds said:

...a well-adjusted person ...

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Where are these magical creatures? I think I see them, then reality kicks in.

Single Life said:

In the Bible, Paul writes that it is better to be single? In your opinion was he right?

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It was an opinion of Paul's.

Kaon said:

To put it bluntly:

If you are too horny all the time, you need to marry a woman and be faithful to her. Othwewise, some people are called to be single because of service to the Most High God.

The Most High God said it is not right for man, in general, to be alone. .

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Yeah, I never understood this contradiction. First, the OP, and then this.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Yeah, I never understood this contradiction. First, the OP, and then this.

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What do you find contradictory?

Single Life said:

In the Bible, Paul writes that it is better to be single? In your opinion was he right?

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No.
I am single now, for the first time in my life as such, after spending the last 24 years in steady relationship and married (although only spent about 12 of those years in company, the other half was at sea).
I am finding that singleness is doing nothing for me, whatsoever. It's a bit like being at sea but with very little to look forward to.

Kaon said:

What do you find contradictory?

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People take the book of Corinthians out of context quite a lot these days. Paul was a man, not God. Also, Paul said he "wished" that men were like him, not that men "should" stay single. If you have the gift (which we assume Paul did) of celibacy, then stay single for ministry but most don't have it so......

There is contradiction in the way some preach it or understand it. God says man should not be alone and makes a helper fit for him then Paul throws in it's better to be single (when it is in fact, against God's wishes and design). Paul only stated this because of the situation of the town of Corinth. It wasn't meant to be taken as written in stone IMO. There was chaos at that time and he was instructing people rightly so.

JAM2b said:

The thing about opinions is that they are neither right nor wrong. They are not facts or untrue. It's just what someone thinks.

I take that verse as a suggestion or advice that can be taken or left. Neither singleness or marriage is condemned in the Bible.

What is true is that if you are single, you don't have the extra responsibilities that come with marriage, freeing you up to commit to other roles, but you also don't get the love and support of someone who is devoted to you and your household.

Both choices have their benefits and downside. Life on earth is not going to be perfect, whether you are single or married.

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Good points.

ewq1938 said:

He says more than that:

1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1Co 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1Co 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1Co 7:6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
1Co 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
1Co 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1Co 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

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Why does Paul have to be so complicated though?

Lybrah said:

Why is celibacy a gift?

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Not wanting to marry is a gift. It's a gift that allows you to do other things. Most people don't have that gift (1 Corinthians 7:7).

Ronit said:

Why does Paul have to be so complicated though?

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There are clearer translations. This is the CSB:

1 Cor 7:1: Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Radagast said:

There are clearer translations. This is the CSB:

1 Cor 7:1: Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

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Thanks

Radagast said:

Not wanting to marry is a gift. It's a gift that allows you to do other things. Most people don't have that gift (1 Corinthians 7:7).

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It's not much of a gift for those who really wish to marry.

Lybrah said:

It's not much of a gift for those who really wish to marry.

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You did not read what I said.

I said that not wanting to marry is a gift. If you really wish to marry, then you don't have that gift. Most people don't.

What I find interesting about this, is that you don't see too many single pastors or elders. That could be simply because most people marry but I get the vibe that in most churches they would not want a single pastor. First, they say a single pastor could not relate to all the married couples and families. Second, they say the potential for single women in the church wanting to date the pastor could lead to problems.

However, if we believe Paul then a single pastor should not be an issue. If he feels called to remain single to have more time for the ministry, what's wrong with that? Even if he's not married, he still knows what the Bible says about marriage and can lean on married elders to help out when he needs to deal with a marriage related issue. As for the single pastor dating, it depends on whether he wants to or not. If he feels called to remain single, then it's not an issue. If he doesn't then he will just have to handle it in a mature way.

In my church I've noticed the college and career group is always led by a young couple. I suppose the elders think a young couple can model marriage for these young adults but were single not that long ago that they forgot what it's like. They probably also worry about a single leader dating from within the group. No matter how you look at it though, I see a bias against singles ministering unless it's to children or maybe high school. In many of our churches I suspect Paul would not have been hired to be the pastor!

Something seems off there...

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Cor. 7:8-9)

One thought on that passage. I've run into pastors who feel you are either called to remain single or called to marriage. One or the other. Binary. Therefore, if you "cannot exercise self-control" then clearly you are called to marriage. As an aside, is that it is never a good idea to marry just for sex. If that's the primary reason then such a marriage might not last.

I have often thought there is a third possibility. We live in a fallen world. Sin has scarred many things. Let's say you grew up like I did in a highly dysfunctional family that left you feeling like a loner and not having the ability to form deep emotional bonds. I do best single but does that mean I was called to remain single? Maybe I was called to be married but sin prevented me from developing along those lines and I remain single (actually I was married and divorced) because of sin.

Sometimes I get the impression that we expect those who remain single to spend their lives in some time consuming ministry that only a single person could handle. If you're not called to marriage then you must be meant to be a missionary in some jungle or working with the poor in some third world country. What if you are just a regular Christian with a job, some hobbies, and you do ministry but not to some extreme degree. In some circles you would be considered selfish for either not sharing your life with another or not being in an all-consuming ministry. I know churches where being single post-30 is going to be rare and suspect.

I don't think it's that binary at least not in our fallen world. Whether you get married or remain single is not the point. It's serving God with your life as best you can that counts. In some Christian circles, marriage has been put up on a pedestal and the family is all that matters. Singles in such churches can often feel left out or they won't really be accepted until they marry. Our men's groups focus on being a godly husband and father. Our women's groups focus on being a godly wife and mother. We have young couples groups and marriage groups. Where's a single man supposed to fit in or a single woman? Some churches do have singles ministries. Mine does not. I don't know if they're afraid to promote singleness or feel it will just turn into a dating group. I'd offer to form one but I'm not very social so I don't really want such a group but I'm sure there are others that do.