Then, Christianity seems utterly ridiculous to you. The values of preserving, of virginity, of chastity and purity are getting lost in this society moved by sin.
Wait just here my friend.
Viewing a fixation upon physical virginity, on believing that the sexual reward of two virgins coming together and being "the first", viewing it as a God given blessing for all the years of hard work warding off temptation, does not come from any consistent message in the Bible.
Is it good to resist temptation? Yes. Is it good to never stumble on this front? Yes. Very, very few are arguing against the values of such things.
The issue is the elevation of virginity above all else, to the point where the prospect of someone you are very compatible with, who now walks a God pleasing life, at some point in their life before Christ (or dare I say it during Christ) stumbled. If I were to elevate other aspects of our faith to the same level as virginity, to use the same terms as others do in regards to those who have stumbled or had lives prior to Christ that were not Christ like, then who would convert? Who would come to the community of Christ if all they see is their past being used to mark them out as different?
To use those values as preferences in selecting a spouse, to make sure you are happy making a life long vow to this person, is not wrong. But the anxiety people feel, and dare I say it the occasional sense of entitlement that people express... is that the Christian way? I know no teachings that dictate a life prior to Christ, a life of mistakes, cannot be undone by one who seeks atonement for the sins they indulged in prior to seeing them as sins. I have seen priests admonish young men (and it does tend to be young men, or select older men, in my experience) for becoming so fixated on the virginity of their hypothetical brides, not because they believe certain values are ridiculous but because the fixation upon them is damaging to their view of fellow sisters (and brothers) in Christ.
Terminology is important. Understanding of the difference between someone who is actively and wilfully sinning and someone who has made mistakes in the past is an important part of Christianity. Embrace, accept, love. Preach the Bible, preach the values God looks upon as important, but it is dangerous ground to start believing the worth of a spouse can be measured in whether or not they are a virgin. It is a personal preference, not a measuring stick by which you can determine how good a partner they will make in life. Which is what some people seem to be inferring.
and no, my view is not based on my own sexual experiences. it is possible for one to not put virginity on a pedestal and have not engaged in sexual activities.
hope this helps
