Is it wrong to continue dating someone once you know you are not going to marry them?

[chris.j.b]

Trying to squeeze real life situations into some dodgy interpretation of scripture, Christianity or whatever is destined to fail. Go back to the golden rule, that's all end of story.

 

[outsidethecamp]

Trying to squeeze real life situations into some dodgy interpretation of scripture, Christianity or whatever is destined to fail. Go back to the golden rule, that's all end of story.

The Golden Rule will certainly do it. And if you are indwelt by the Spirit of God, then you already know the answer to the OP's question.

Even people devoid of the Spirit, have the common sense to know the answer.

 

[chandraclaws]

Dating is adultery. One cannot twist it in any other way.

Dating might have been a prelude to marriage for a brief period of time .

Are you kidding? Or trolling?

 

[Tina W]

What would be the purpose of dating them if you already knew you were not going to marry them? Isn't that what dating is for, to find the person you want to marry? If you still want to date them then maybe you are not as sure as you think you are? What would you be hoping to gain from dating them if you know you don't want to marry them? Because of my previous lifestyle I don't have much experience with dating so I don't get what the purpose would be of dating them if you've already made up your mind you don't want to marry them.

 

[Tina W]

Dating is adultery. One cannot twist it in any other way.

Dating might have been a prelude to marriage for a brief period of time .

ROFL I hope you are joking. Do you even know what the definition of adultery is?? Adultery is a married person having sex with someone who's not their spouse. You can only commit adultery if you're married. If you are not joking then you are very confused. LOL

 

[Rationalt]

ROFL I hope you are joking. Do you even know what the definition of adultery is?? Adultery is a married person having sex with someone who's not their spouse. You can only commit adultery if you're married. If you are not joking then you are very confused. LOL

May be matthew can answer that .My posts are about what biblical text says about it and not my personal opinion or dictionary opinion.

I thought I unsubscripted this thread .

 

[Dionne005]

? ? ? ? ? How can you date somene and not have a relationship?

If you know someone and spend any amout of time interacting with them, then you have a relationship.
It may not be a ROMANTIC relationship; but it still is a relationship.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/relationship

Relationship noun
1 : the state of being related or interrelated <studied the relationship between the variables>
2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as
a: kinship
b: a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings <had a good relationship with his family>
b: a romantic or passionate attachment

Maybe the better word is courting? I don't know. But I think when people use the word relationship we usually mean the word committed. With your definition and thought I could say I'm in a relationship with my female friend. Which is something a female Christian would never say cause it sounds gay. Anyways I'm not committed and we are only dating and is not in a relationship especially since I don't mind seeing other guys.

 

[Tina W]

I usually don't post but this topic is interesting. Can we define the definition of dating? I think there is a big difference between dating and being in a relationship. Right now im dating someone but we are not in a relationship. I don't know if I want him for marriage yet. It's too soon to tell. I have a very slow and steady personality and I need to know things before jumping the gun. I also believe in making out before a relationship too. When I say making out I mean kissing etc but nothing that deals with being naked, just to be clear. I also believe I have the right to talk to other men because I don't want to put my eggs in one basket since I'm not in a relationship. I am very comfortable with the idea of no strings attached until we really get to know each other. I just think people that jump into relationships are crazy. I prefer to marry a man that's my friend first and then turned out to be my boy friend. And please don't ask me questions like would I kiss my friend because I think by my passage you can tell that I most def would. Anyways I highly agree that we need to take our time of singleness to be one with God but I also believe we need to practice on social skills with the opposite sex too. BTW I am a woman that's 26 and attempting to wait for marriage.

Yeah we should definitely define dating because to me, dating someone on a regular basis is being in a relationship. It doesn't have to involve sex, but if you agree to see each other regularly and go out regularly then to me that's a relationship. To me dating on a regular basis is the same as being in a relationship.

 

[Dionne005]

DiJ

With all due respect, while you nifty relgious advice sounds fun - it is NOT Biblical. I am 57y - long past the One - there are tens of thousands of single women who have and will never marry usually for the obvious reasons - not very attractive or some other issue. Glad your daughter found a nice man though.

I agree. I see waaaay to many good single Christian women who expect mister perfect. I'm not saying settle but some women's standards are unrealistic. And sadly some of men's standards are non existent. But the happy medium guys are out there. Honestly with the way the world is going these days with it being the end times and all, I wouldn't be surprised if part of the Devils goal is to mess up our society to a point where if he gets to the boys somehow they will not grow up to be good men which means they will not be suitable for leading a house in a Christian manner. Think about it! We have more gay men than gay women. More men in jail than women, and then there is the rest such as lack of men in church or atheist. No matter how many times a mother goes to church with her children, it won't make a difference. But if the father goes, it changes everything. Children look up to their fathers.

 

[dgiharris]

Bible Schmible! You don't need God, man, religious revelation or edict to tell you that leading someone on if you have no intentions of marrying them is just plain wrong! Call it what you will, if that name calling makes you feel better. The fact is, if you engage in that activity you are a user and a Schmuck. A Schmuck is a Schmuck in any religion, or not.
I hesitate to give undue attribution to something that we all know to be self evident and of the common sense. That's my take on it.

Hammer => nail => head

It all depends on what you mean by "dating" but with absolutely *no* intention of marrying the person. Does the other person know that you have no intention to marry them? If not, stop right there. You need to let them know.

I do think we need a little bit of a qualifier time wise. In the beginning we might not know and be in that "deciding" phase.

But I do agree, once you 100% know, then you have a responsibility to be honest.

I've seen both sexes abuse this. One of the worst abuses of this I've seen was a female friend who was a single mother.

She liked the "bad boys" and eventually got knocked up at 20 yrs old with some loser guy who bailed on her when she was 5 months pregnant. So, now she is a single mom living at home. Fast forward 2 years, she meets a nice nerdy guy who had a good job making six figures a year. She "pretends" to like him, they date, and then a year later he asks her to marry him and she says yes.

He pays for daycare and pays for her to go to college, meanwhile at college she is "dating" other guys. She graduates and uses his connections to get into Real Estate. Takes a couple of years until she gets her Real Estate License and set up at a nice Real Estate firm. Once she starts making good money (within one year) she files for divorce.

The guy was absolutely crushed. What made it so bad was from his perspective everything was fine, life was good. She did a good job pretending that she loved him all the while using him. He came to care for the daughter as his own. And then literally out of the blue-- BOOM "I want a divorce". Just like that.

Truth is, I think there are a lot of people, men and women, who defraud the other person all the time in relationship matters. Some people are just really selfish and don't care about right or wrong.

 

[Dionne005]

Hi Desk trauma,
...because in dating, as opposed to friendship, you are giving away a piece of your heart, or taking a piece of someone's heart , so that they will not have their full heart to give to their future spouse. Friendship first, and evaluating if this person could be a future spouse before you go about engaging their heart to take a part of it.
Rather than waiting on God and His timing, to show you the person meant for you, dating is pursuing a thing not sanctioned by God merely to suit our own wills... our own desires outside of His will. That is being unfaithful to the person you will one day marry. They will always know that a part of you belongs to someone else.

I was with you till you said that your heart is with someone else mess. That's so not true. And if you feel that way I suggest for you to learn how to let go of the past. I respect a man that previously loved a woman. It shows me something about them and their compassion.

 

[dgiharris]

I agree. I see waaaay to many good single Christian women who expect mister perfect. I'm not saying settle but some women's standards are unrealistic. And sadly some of men's standards are non existent. But the happy medium guys are out there. Honestly with the way the world is going these days with it being the end times and all, I wouldn't be surprised if part of the Devils goal is to mess up our society to a point where if he gets to the boys somehow they will not grow up to be good men which means they will not be suitable for leading a house in a Christian manner. Think about it! We have more gay men than gay women. More men in jail than women, and then there is the rest such as lack of men in church or atheist. No matter how many times a mother goes to church with her children, it won't make a difference. But if the father goes, it changes everything. Children look up to their fathers.

Gays make up less than 4% of the population and I believe it is possible to be Christian and gay but I guess that could be its own thread.

As for the rise in atheists and agnostics. A part of me believes the rise in numbers is due to Christianity being out of sync with social evolution. When Christians try to use the bible to disprove evolution or prove the Universe is 10,000 years old, that isn't going to go well in this Scientific Age of Reason we find ourselves in. When Christians try to use the bible to justify discrimination against gays, that isn't going to go well in nations that believe in Equality Under the Law and Liberty...

My point is that I don't think it's the Devil's fault for the diminishing numbers of Christians. We are doing a good job all on our own of discouraging others from coming to our religion...

 

[Dionne005]

Yeah we should definitely define dating because to me, dating someone on a regular basis is being in a relationship. It doesn't have to involve sex, but if you agree to see each other regularly and go out regularly then to me that's a relationship. To me dating on a regular basis is the same as being in a relationship.

Well what if you are talking to other men still. Is it called cheating? Maybe it's just called commitment issues I've been told. ..hmmm

 

[Dionne005]

Gays make up less than 4% of the population and I believe it is possible to be Christian and gay but I guess that could be its own thread.

As for the rise in atheists and agnostics. A part of me believes the rise in numbers is due to Christianity being out of sync with social evolution. When Christians try to use the bible to disprove evolution or prove the Universe is 10,000 years old, that isn't going to go well in this Scientific Age of Reason we find ourselves in. When Christians try to use the bible to justify discrimination against gays, that isn't going to go well in nations that believe in Equality Under the Law and Liberty...

My point is that I don't think it's the Devil's fault for the diminishing numbers of Christians. We are doing a good job all on our own of discouraging others from coming to our religion...

You just proved my point. I could never marry a person with your thought process. We are not supposed to be in sync with the world. This stuff is exactly what I'm saying the devil is doing. Messing up the house holds with all this wrong thinking. Not sorry if I'm coming off harsh but it's the end times and it is what it is.

 

[dgiharris]

You just proved my point. I could never marry a person with your thought process. We are not supposed to be in sync with the world. This stuff is exactly what I'm saying the devil is doing. Messing up the house holds with all this wrong thinking. Not sorry if I'm coming off harsh but it's the end times and it is what it is.

I wonder if Christians aren't purposefully creating an environment of the "end times". If you read history, Christians have been predicting the "end times" for hundreds of years.

My thought process is pretty basic. I distinguish between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. In biblical matters, it is my belief that Christianity is about love and peace and forgiveness and loving thy enemy and turning the other cheek and things of that sort. However, I'm not a big fan of "interpretation" as every age is full of Christians who believe that they are unique in "interpreting" the bible to mean exactly what they say. In the 1800s there were Christians who used the bible to justify slavery. In the 1920s there were Christians who used the bible to justify prohibition. In the 50s and 60s there were Christians who used the bible to justify discrimination and Jim Crow laws and banning interracial marriage. And on and on and on it goes...

Now, the latest trend in Christianity is to elevate homosexuality as some "super sin" and then to treat homosexuals as satanic sinners whom's mere presence will negate our Christianity to the point where being civil to them means we are damning ourselves to hell... And I just can't buy that as a Christian. My thoughts are that I do not have the ability to judge them and so I will be nice to them, love them as I love thy enemy, and let God sort it all out come judgement day.

My "thought process" is that of love and forgiveness and tolerance and patience and in the end, God will deal with all the stuff. However, I feel that too many Christians are anxious to skip over the God part and pass judgement themselves by cherry picking verses out of the bible... *shrug*

 

[Dionne005]

I wonder if Christians aren't purposefully creating an environment of the "end times". If you read history, Christians have been predicting the "end times" for hundreds of years.

My thought process is pretty basic. I distinguish between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. In biblical matters, it is my belief that Christianity is about love and peace and forgiveness and loving thy enemy and turning the other cheek and things of that sort. However, I'm not a big fan of "interpretation" as every age is full of Christians who believe that they are unique in "interpreting" the bible to mean exactly what they say. In the 1800s there were Christians who used the bible to justify slavery. In the 1920s there were Christians who used the bible to justify prohibition. In the 50s and 60s there were Christians who used the bible to justify discrimination and Jim Crow laws and banning interracial marriage. And on and on and on it goes...

Now, the latest trend in Christianity is to elevate homosexuality as some "super sin" and then to treat homosexuals as satanic sinners whom's mere presence will negate our Christianity to the point where being civil to them means we are damning ourselves to hell... And I just can't buy that as a Christian. My thoughts are that I do not have the ability to judge them and so I will be nice to them, love them as I love thy enemy, and let God sort it all out come judgement day.

My "thought process" is that of love and forgiveness and tolerance and patience and in the end, God will deal with all the stuff. However, I feel that too many Christians are anxious to skip over the God part and pass judgement themselves by cherry picking verses out of the bible... *shrug*

I'm 100% sure I mentioned other things that's wrong with men besides being gay. Stop making my subjects about only gays when I made it about what's happening to men in general and how the devil wants to corrupt the house hold by destroying the man.

 

[Dave-W]

Maybe the better word is courting? I don't know. But I think when people use the word relationship we usually mean the word committed. With your definition and thought I could say I'm in a relationship with my female friend. Which is something a female Christian would never say cause it sounds gay. Anyways I'm not committed and we are only dating and is not in a relationship especially since I don't mind seeing other guys.

Grrrr. I hate it when people in general (not you specifically) start redefining words with no regard for the etymology and dictionary definitions of usage.

Yes, you are in a relationship with all your female friends. It is a friendship relationship. You are in a relationship with your parents, your siblings, your other relatives, your co-workers, etc. You are even in a relationship with your most disliked enemies. The ONLY people you are not in a relationship with are those you do not know, have never met.

While you may not be in an exclusive romantic relationship with your date, the fact is you ARE in a relationship. The question becomes WHAT KIND of relationship is it.

 

[Desk trauma]

Rather than waiting on God and His timing, to show you the person meant for you, dating is pursuing a thing not sanctioned by God merely to suit our own wills... our own desires outside of His will.

How are you supposed to see the person you should marry when you're remaining emotionally distant so as to not give away a part of your heart?

 

[Dionne005]

Grrrr. I hate it when people in general (not you specifically) start redefining words with no regard for the etymology and dictionary definitions of usage.

Yes, you are in a relationship with all your female friends. It is a friendship relationship. You are in a relationship with your parents, your siblings, your other relatives, your co-workers, etc. You are even in a relationship with your most disliked enemies. The ONLY people you are not in a relationship with are those you do not know, have never met.

While you may not be in an exclusive romantic relationship with your date, the fact is you ARE in a relationship. The question becomes WHAT KIND of relationship is it.

Well people within my age group don't use words like that because to us as a whole that means we are an item. Yes we understand what that means in Websters but we can't afford to use it like. If anything we say we are just talking, so it won't mess our game up in case we run into someone else.

 

[Dave-W]

but we can't afford to use it like

Why not?