Is it selfish

[GolfingMom]

I'll bite.
DH and I discussed it and since he makes 5X what I would make (sometimes more -depending on the year) that he would work and I would stay home.
He works FOR the family and considers all the money he makes OURS. I don't ASK him for money to spend...but I am cautious of what I do spend since we are on one income.

 

[Green Orchid]

Btw, I don't have to ask hubby for money, it's OUR money. I actually make the budget. And he's very happy to provide for all of us, he considers it his pride as a man.

 

[Manna]

You are very blessed that you are able to stay home as a single mom. Again I don't think it is wrong to stay at home if you can really afford it.

I had an interesting experience like that to, God told me he would honor that I was raising Taylor and gave her life, that I would always be blessed. My income is almost five times what was now than it was the year she was born.

Our income is pretty low and incredibly sporatic. This is nothing I would ever suggest a person take on by themselves just on a whim. There have been plenty of months where I've had no idea how we were going to make ends meet, but we have yet to be in the hole, and credit can ONLY be given to God, because I am NOT slick enough to pull this off on my own with no assistance! =P

 

[jgonz]

DH & I decided that it was more practical for him to work (since he actually has payable skills as a computer programmer/designer/IT person) than for me to work (because I possess no degree). I worked part-time for a short while when my first two kids were 2 & 1... and it was a Nightmare. It was Really obvious that daycare did Not work for them OR DH & I. I was also a mess... G-d made it Very clear that I was to be home for my children.

 

[Laurie919]

Our income is pretty low and incredibly sporatic. This is nothing I would ever suggest a person take on by themselves just on a whim. There have been plenty of months where I've had no idea how we were going to make ends meet, but we have yet to be in the hole, and credit can ONLY be given to God, because I am NOT slick enough to pull this off on my own with no assistance! =P

That would be really nice to see God move like that. It never lets you doubt God.

 

[Caffeinated]

He works FOR the family and considers all the money he makes OURS. I don't ASK him for money to spend...but I am cautious of what I do spend since we are on one income.

Ditto that.
It was natural for me to be the stay-at-home parent because DH is in the career he has been working towards since he was a teenager. I had no similar career goals, and though I have had some job offers come my way, I've always ended up deciding my staying home is the best choice for the time being. And I can say with certainty that DH does not have the temperament to stay home. He's a happy workaholic.

 

[heart of peace]

Faith that can stand the test of prayers answered with No by God is true faith, imho.

It was difficult for me to move past my 'doubting Thomas' stage. I can understand where you are in your walk.

Manna, I admire your convictions!

 

[CrystalBrooke]

If I ever remarry and he makes enough money I would love to be a SAHM. I was a SAHM for a while when Emily was younger and I loved it..but as gas prices went up I started working part time again and I never got a chance to go back to staying at home. Now I have no choice but to work, but I'm ok with that..I'll do whatever needs to be done for Emily...tho my ideal job would definately be a SAHM.

BTW Ben had no problem with me staying at home with Emily...he actually liked that I was always home with her and when I did go back to work it was because it was my choice...it didn't matter to him either way.

 

[Manna]

Faith that can stand the test of prayers answered with No by God is true faith, imho.

It was difficult for me to move past my 'doubting Thomas' stage. I can understand where you are in your walk.

Manna, I admire your convictions!

absolutely. It's easy to believe and have faith when you're hearing "yes" all the time. It's when it goes against our flesh or opinions that it stretches our comfort bubbles! True faith is NOT an easy road...hope to get there one day!!

 

[heart of peace]

For the record, my doubting Thomas comment was directed towards Laurie. I don't think I made that very clear.

 

[Manna]

For the record, my doubting Thomas comment was directed towards Laurie. I don't think I made that very clear.

I gotcha...was just agreeing! =)

 

[heart of peace]

Excellent

 

[AJ29]

We made the decision based on who had the boobs (we are an extended breastfeeding family, so if my husband stayed home, it would make things quite difficult!!).

My husband earns more than I would be able to earn, but I also enjoy the benefit of some of my previously paid taxes, in the form of parenting benefits. It makes things very managable for me to stay home with my kids.

 

[progressivegal]

My husband and I talked about this a little bit, and when we have kids if one of us is able to stay home it will be him. Because he wants to and I don't. I couldn't imagine not working, he's rather do things around the house. He's also just way more nurturing than I am. When I'm sick he brings me tea and vitamins. I wish I thought to do things like that, but nope.

 

[jessesgirl]

I stay home and Jesse works. We made it that way for many a reason. I stayed home while he worked even BEFORE Justin. Jesse's belief was that the wife should be home and he should provide so that's what we agreed upon. Even if I were to work and he were to stay home, even with the experience I have working, I would still make about 40K less annually than he does. We are very fortunate in that he has an EXCELLENT job that allows me to stay home and we have plenty at the end of the month. LOL I don't think he could stay home even if he wanted to....I don't know that he could hang taking care of Justin

 

[sparassidae]

We made the decision based on who had the boobs (we are an extended breastfeeding family, so if my husband stayed home, it would make things quite difficult!!).

Yeah that describes our state of affairs as well.

Plus I want to, but it would drive him nuts.

 

[Jilly123]

We made the decision based on who had the boobs

ROFL, that sounds so funny.


I think if the truth be told most husbands wouldn't want to stay at home with the kids. Most of them just don't have the patience, and nurturing spirit mothers do.

My husband is exhausted after just spending a Saturday morning with our 2 year old - he could never cope spending all day every day with her.

Plus most husbands earn more than the wives.

Of course there are exceptions (like Progressivegal's hubby) but most of the men I know are like this.

 

[~Nikki~]

We made the decision based on what we felt God wanted of us.

Add to that I can breastfeed and dh can't, he gags and nearly throws up with every poopy nappy he's changed (and it's only a handful). It's not 'selfish' for me to stay at home, as he wouldn't want to, because he reckons looking after the kids is a lot harder than the work he does. He has about fifty times more earning potential than me - he does I.T and is also an IFA as well as a 'wheeler dealer' (erm, sorry, 'entrepreneur'), lol. He feels fulfilled in his responsibility of providing for us and would go mad if he stayed home with the babies all the time. I would hate to leave my babies and go to work when I feel it's necessary for me to be at home nurturing them, teaching them, etc etc...

So yes, aside from the fact that the woman carries the baby for 9 months, then has the boobs to feed them (and I understand not everyone is able to do this for whatever reason), the woman is *generally* the nurturing one...and I believe is more emotional than the man for a reason...apart from the natural stuff like that (which leads one to the conclusion that *God* designed the woman to do all this for the baby, and therefore it seems like he also meant for the woman to SAH and care for the baby she's carried and fed etc), hubby would go crazy stuck at home, and I'd go crazy stuck in the rut of having to get up and leave my kids every day.

Plus I work as hard as he does, and he says that even though he physically earns the money, I earn at least half if not more because of how hard I work, and my staying at home and keeping things running smoothly here means that he's free to concentrate on providing without having to worry about how things are going at home.

It is NOT selfish...we are a team - and it works very nicely!

 

[fuzzymel]

My husband and I talked about this a little bit, and when we have kids if one of us is able to stay home it will be him. Because he wants to and I don't. I couldn't imagine not working, he's rather do things around the house. He's also just way more nurturing than I am. When I'm sick he brings me tea and vitamins. I wish I thought to do things like that, but nope.

Yeah my dh would be the one staying at home. I earn more money and we could live off my wage but not off his.

It would probably be easier to put a child in daycare and let someone who knows what they are doing raise the child - me and dh have no clue. Breast feeding doesn't matter because I had a child go for my breasts when I held it and there is no way on earth another child is going anywhere near. I felt voilated.

Anyway I believe men and do just as good a job (if not better) at raising children then women.

 

[Leanna]

I don't know how we decided exactly but we decided when we were dating that after my husband finished college I would be a stay at home mom. I worked for almost the first five years of our marriage and then have been home for the last 3 1/2. I guess I always felt called to be a stay at home mom so it was never a question. I too do the finances (bills, taxes, budget).