How can I get my parents to see that workaholism is a real problem that can potentially destroy a family? Both of my parents believe that it is selfish for a wife to be unhappy if she believes that the man is overworking - they are of the mindset that diligence and hard work are positive traits and if a woman complains then she is hindering her husband's potential at work or receiving promotions. I've told them in some conversations that I would rather remain unmarried and single than enter into a marriage knowing that my potential husband had workaholic problems, but refused to call it a problem or deal with before marriage. I don't believe in changing a man (and I'm not suppose to) but my parents continue to call me self-centred for wanting a husband to focus on me rather than his work or accomplishments (I don't see why these two cannot co-exist as I'm trying to say that there needs to be a balance). It has been this way for generations in my family (absent husband and father) but I want to break the cycle.
1. I agree that diligence and hard work are important traits but what I was trying to say is that there must be a balance of priorities (be diligent and hardworking at work when it is work time then the same outside of work too). When work interferes and damages relationship with family, God, and your health then it needs to be reassessed. I believe that work promotions are good but I admire husbands who have turned down work promotions because they know it will pull them even further away from their families. My parents apparently don't consider so. They consider it purely selfish on the wife's part to influence her husband to turn down a work promotion for the family's sake. A man who prioritises God first though would not neglect his wife and children for his work. I'm determined to pray this over my future husband (if there is one).
2. Even though my mum use to get so upset at my father for never being around when the kids were growing up, which was the cause of their fractured relationship, she seems to take the same side about this. This has left me very confused. My father is very much less involved in our matters and it was always mum who did the discipline stuff etc I don't want a husband who has so little time that it is up to the wife to go to all the concerts, events, meetings. When I talked about my dad as a kid, it was always associated with his work and I still have trouble separating the two even today. He use to just burst out in anger because he was so tired and I avoided in-depth discussion or confrontations because I knew he was not in the mood to have a conversation.
3. I believe that marriage is a very high calling and it requires intentional effort and time. People can say "quality time" matters but how can you have "quality" time when you don't bother to put in the "quantity"? When a husband returns home late every night and has no mood or energy left for talking, intimacy, date nights - then throw in kids, in-laws, ministry.
I grew up believing that marriage is the place where romance dies until God changed my heart on this issue.
1. I agree that diligence and hard work are important traits but what I was trying to say is that there must be a balance of priorities (be diligent and hardworking at work when it is work time then the same outside of work too). When work interferes and damages relationship with family, God, and your health then it needs to be reassessed. I believe that work promotions are good but I admire husbands who have turned down work promotions because they know it will pull them even further away from their families. My parents apparently don't consider so. They consider it purely selfish on the wife's part to influence her husband to turn down a work promotion for the family's sake. A man who prioritises God first though would not neglect his wife and children for his work. I'm determined to pray this over my future husband (if there is one).
2. Even though my mum use to get so upset at my father for never being around when the kids were growing up, which was the cause of their fractured relationship, she seems to take the same side about this. This has left me very confused. My father is very much less involved in our matters and it was always mum who did the discipline stuff etc I don't want a husband who has so little time that it is up to the wife to go to all the concerts, events, meetings. When I talked about my dad as a kid, it was always associated with his work and I still have trouble separating the two even today. He use to just burst out in anger because he was so tired and I avoided in-depth discussion or confrontations because I knew he was not in the mood to have a conversation.
3. I believe that marriage is a very high calling and it requires intentional effort and time. People can say "quality time" matters but how can you have "quality" time when you don't bother to put in the "quantity"? When a husband returns home late every night and has no mood or energy left for talking, intimacy, date nights - then throw in kids, in-laws, ministry.
I grew up believing that marriage is the place where romance dies until God changed my heart on this issue.
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