Is it okay from a biblical standpoint

[razzelflabben]

Something has become clear to me today. I have for some time now, struggled with my purpose, my ministry. I have for as long as I can remember, longed to be a missionary, mothering the orphans and teaching them both to read and love the Lord. But that is not where God placed me and so I struggle with my purpose. Year after year I pray for a ministry, year after year I seek the place where who God created me to be meshes with sharing God with the world. And year after year, I go through life feeling like a fish out of water.

Then, this year God pierced my heart with a book about His love. And so I began to write. It has taken on a life of it's own, and I live and breath and sleep God's love. As I write and study and pray, I learn more about God and His love than I ever could have imagined. It consumes me in ways that words defy and still I try to write them.

But today, as I began to read about someone elses struggle to find their purpose, it struck me that our purpose is as much about our growth, our transformation as it is about the Love we show to others, and the transformation we hope to see in them.

Todays lesson about Love that I am writing about is how Loves goal is to transform us. It's goal is to finish the good work that was begun. It moves us from knowing who God is, to being able to See Him. It moves us beyond the cross and into the presences of the Christ of that cross. And so any ministry that I enter, any conversation I have about our Lord and Savior, is at it's heart, as much about transforming me as it is about transforming those who I meet or talk to, those who I love and share all that I have with. As our love for others changes their situations and lives, it must also be transforming us. How awesome is that!

 

[razzelflabben]

I do not like secrets! I think secrets are meant to be shared, if they are hiding good things, you need someone who can rejoice with you and if they are hiding bad things, you need someone to cry with you and pray for you. Today, I find myself with two secrets, one good and one bad and so for lack of someone to share with, I come here. Whether anyone here reads these secrets or not, at least they are out and if you read them, you can rejoice with me in the one and at least pray with me on the other.

Our son, who is in the Navy was trying to come home, he will have 4 days leave, not much time to get from SC to OH for a visit. We were worried about finding the money to pick him up if he did get to come home. Long story short, he will be coming home and be able to take the bus right into our small city. The station isn't far so he will (by his choice) walk home from the station. I am the only person who knows he is coming. He wants to surprise everyone even his father. And so the honesty that I have pledged to my husband must even be covered, at least for the season with this deception so that he can enjoy surprising everyone. It will be a long week (smile) of secrets. He won't be here long, but he is missed and we will all be glad to have him home, if only for a day or two. I pray I can keep this secret, I am dieing to tell someone.

But I have a not so nice secret as well. My parents recently moved from the farm to town, the farm house has been empty for over a year now and we have wanted to move in and rent the house till it sold. The move would mean that we could save between $500 and $700 a month which would give us food money as well as money for repairs we currently can't afford. Well, long story short we were told no. Now, a stranger is asking to rent the house and not only are they renting the house to them for less than we were willing to pay, but they are "borrowing" the kids to clean out the garage for the new tenants. This after I was reprimanded for not letting the kids go and do work for them during school. I find myself tired of being used, put down, .....I won't even say everything I am thinking right now, it wouldn't be appropriate.

Now God has been teaching me this week about contentment and submission and I know that once the initial pain subsides, I will learn once again to be content and to submit to God's authority on this issue. He is in control even of this. But for the moment, I want to be angry and hurt and I want for the moment to know that it is okay to be hurt and angry. I want to at least for the moment to know that I am worth more than this type of behavior. If only for the moment that I am worth more than this. That though they profess Christ, it isn't Christ that is telling me that I am of no use or worth. In my heart I know this, but for the moment my mind allows me to feel as though I would be of more use if I never existed, if I am not even worth enough to feed my family. And so for a brief time, I sit here in a quiet house and give myself the right to cry. But soon, the house will be full again, and I will by force or choice, stop feeling and focus on repairing relationships between my parents and my children and my parents and my husband. I will focus once again on showing Love and teaching my children to Love and reminding my husband to Love even these whose inflict this pain upon us. And somehow, though it remains a mystery I know that I will find this love and I will forgive and move on, content that even in this God and I are enough. But for a brief moment in time, I just want to be human and hurt. I am so terribly selfish to want this! I am ashamed to even post this. Ah well, this to is a secret that I should not hold within. Soon our son will be home and we will rejoice in that day and hold him in our heart till the next time we get to spend with him.

A thought for all of you brave people who have followed this drama from the beginning. God has called us to Love, not just those that are lovable. He loves us, even when we are not lovable. It is indeed a big order, one that can only be fulfilled by His power and might. When I am asked where the power is today, I can honestly say, the power is in our ability to love the unlovable, to have joy in the face of sorrow, peace when there should be none. The power is in our ability to forgive and offer another chance when our experiences say run. The power is in our ability to be gentle, kind, meek, and continue in the faith when others would collapse and fall. The power is in the ability to have brothers and sisters to share secrets with and know that it is okay to cry, okay to complain, if only for a season. The power in in knowing that we can be human but at the same time, we can live in the Spirit, with all it's wonders and mysteries beyond compare.

May you each find this day peace, and comfort the likes of which you cannot imagine.

 

[JPPT1974]

Secrets are only meant to
Be shared by those that
Are closes to us and that
They are to be kept between
Us as those secrets aren't
Meant to be shared by everyone
In the world. That to me is
Kind of like gossiping!

 

[razzelflabben]

Secrets are only meant to
Be shared by those that
Are closes to us and that
They are to be kept between
Us as those secrets aren't
Meant to be shared by everyone
In the world. That to me is
Kind of like gossiping!

My apologize for offending you. I just needed to speak what was on my heart, I guess that I should have kept them hidden. I do apologize.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

I think its gossip when its about someone else, not sharing what is happening to you.
I see subliminal suggestions flying around that take the form of scripture that is used for gossip far more than the personal events God has placed in people's lives.

 

[razzelflabben]

When I first started this thread, I was seeking permission to feel hurt and/or angry. What I found was support, prayer and brotherly love. I also found strength in saying the words I am angry and hurt. Just saying it was helpful in learning to forgive. But now I find that my words are offensive to another. The strength and love I found here was for naught because they hurt another and created an environment where I might heal but another, whom I know by forum only is not finding strength, but disappointment and evil. To that end, I know of no other thing to do but to once again hide these things in my heart and mind, pretending what is not, and finding strength somewhere else. To all who listened without offense, I will be eternally grateful and strengthened by your loving patience as I learned to forgive yet once again. To those who found offense in my words, I pray that God would give you peace, and I pray that God might spare you from the pains that life brings, so that you might never become an offense to others.

BTW, if any of you ever need to talk, to feel, to hurt, PM me, I can be a good listener at times. I never find the sharing of the things of God an offense. If I might ever be of service to any of you, let me know.

May you know God's peace and comfort, may He grant to you a glimpse of His wonders beyond compare.

 

[razzelflabben]

duplicate sorry

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

An offended brother/sister may have their own reasons for being hurt.
Jesus said "No matter what the other person is doing, you follow Me"
Paul said it this way, :keep your blinders on so that you don't see where they are in the race, so that you may finish your own race"
iow, if you are for God, looking after the things of God, then leave your things to God so that He will deal with them, and continue to be bridled only by Him.

God bless!

 

[razzelflabben]

I know that I declared that I would be quiet to as not to offend, but what I found is that I can't be quiet about the things of God. He is amazing and shows us wonders to great to comprehend.

Many many years ago, I entered His presence and was amazed at the honor He bestowed upon me by calling me friend. What an honor to be the friend of the King. And yet it took a boldness and courage to enter that presence the likes of which I didn't not know was within me. If I have that much boldness, to enter the courts of the King, I certainly have the boldness to speak the things of God without shame or fear. I do worry for those who find offense in my words. They are not ment to offend. But I cannot tell of all our Lord has done if I cannot share the circumstances surrounding the amazing Love as well.

Our son did not get to come home this weekend. It was a hard blow that sent me into a day of self pity, tired of always being told no. And then I remembered all the yeses.

You see, I have been fighting sever allergies, where my face will swell to distortion type swelling. We were about a day short of allergy medicine and had already had to borrow money to pay for our sons meds for a kidney infection that left us in the emergency room Sat. night. Pay day is a huge event around this house because we get all the things that we have been suffering without, or at least some of them. This week it was meds. Well, to make a long story short, we borrowed the money for our sons meds, but still didn't have enough for my meds. So we prayed and went to bed. The next morning we found a partial bottle of antihistamine. It was to the exact dosage enough till payday. And so we remembered that the might of God is sometimes in the big things and sometimes in the little but always in His might and Love.

And so I took my eyes off the no's and onto the yeses and marveled at our need to trust God not only with what is best but also with the exact dosages that we need whether it is grace, or love or meds, or even a visit from our son, it is God's to give and ours to trust that it will always be the exact dosage that we need.

May you learn to trust our Lord and see His yeses more than His no's

 

[JPPT1974]

I think its gossip when its about someone else, not sharing what is happening to you.
I see subliminal suggestions flying around that take the form of scripture that is used for gossip far more than the personal events God has placed in people's lives.

Amen in agreement!

 

[JPPT1974]

My apologize for offending you. I just needed to speak what was on my heart, I guess that I should have kept them hidden. I do apologize.

No harm nor foul as
You don't need to apologize
We all need to learn that lesson.
Everybody should but it is hard
For others to hear it because they
Don't want to hear it unfortunately!

 

[razzelflabben]

I have been meditating on the whole issue of gossiping. I couldn't figure out why gossiping would be brought up on this thread. Of all the sins I have, gossip is not one of them. I detest gossip, I have felt the sting of it, and I do not tolerate gossip. And yet it was brought up here. I still can't figure that out, I still am not sure why it was brought up here. However, I do think I have learned some about it.

I have come to the conclusion that gossip isn't about secrets at all. Secrets are things like presents that are held for a time, whose purpose is to reveal the thing at a different time. Confidence however is a different thing. Confidence is something that is not meant to be kept for a season only. It is something that is meant for only certain people. It would be a sad sad world if we saw everything as gossip. If we were so paranoid of gossiping that we never spoke the things of God, the lessons of life. If everything that God shows us is held as a secret so as not to gossip, the kingdom of God will not grow.

And so where I do not understand why this came to this thread, I do think that we can learn what gossip is, it is rumors, it is breaking confidences, it can never be sharing the Love of God with the world.

 

[razzelflabben]

It has been a very difficult few weeks. I have not spoken to anyone about most of the things going on. My husband knows most of it, but he suffers along with me. It is so hard to deal with all this stuff and not be able to talk it out or express how we feel. There is healing in being about to simply say, this thing or that thing hurt me. How very much strength I drew from you all when you allowed me to speak the truth, and not try to hide who God made us to be. He made us to have feelings, to hurt when something hurts and rejoice when we are blessed. Many in the church however, would have us only rejoice and never hurt.

so very much I have learned about hurting and healing. And so very much there is left to learn. God is moving and working in ways we cannot imagine and I love and appreciate all of you who allowed me to hurt. My God also allows me to hurt, then He picks me up, kisses my wounds, brushes off the dirt and sends me out once again. How wonderfully blessed we are to have a Father who doesn't tell us not to cry, but instead, allows the tears to cleanse us and bring healing when we are down. He allows us to cry so that He knows how much we need Him. And so we know how loving and powerful He really is.

May you each know the healing that comes from tears, and the comfort and soothing balm that comes from His kiss.

 

[JPPT1974]

We do hurt but God
Lifts us up and picks
Us up when we are wounded
Kisses us all over
And lets us be on our way!

 

[razzelflabben]

Since I last posted here, there has been much happening. Some of it is very painful and others not so much. God is moving and has given us a place to rest from some of the struggles, and more battles to fight on other fronts. What I have found time and time again is strength and healing in being able to say this thing or that thing has hurt me. These words, though I don't quite understand it, are healing.

The bible is full of commands for us to remember. But what we are to remember is not the evil in the world but the wonders of God. How is it possible to remember the wonders if we don't also remember the evils?

I was talking to a young woman his week at church, she recently has been disowned by her father, something that I also have remembered in my life and still remember it and all the pain of it. In allowing the pain of that, in allowing myself to feel, and remember, I have found that I can forgive and encourage others to do the same, because of the wonders of God in this and everything, I could encourage her to seek what God has for her, rather than stopping at the pain. Pain is a warning for us, but Healing is the miracle of God. Not so very many years ago, I had many open wounds that were very painful and could at times hurt those innocent ones around me. Today they are only scars, they hurt occasionally but for the most part, they are reminders of what a gracious God we serve.

Many years ago, I was sewing, my sister came in the room and laid on my back, I asked her to move, she refused, I told her to move, she refused, I took her arms and set her back off of me. My sister, true to sibling behavior, went crying to my father that I had scratched her and showed my father an old scratch that was healing. My father went bolistic and began beating me with his belt. Now as an onlooker, you would have sworn that I was getting the beating of my life, but I can tell you in all truth and wonder that that belt never once struck me. I felt no sting, it left no marks, that day, God literally and figuratively stood in my place. The point of the story is this. That day changed my life and the way I understood God. I could not ever ask anyone to go through what I did that day, nor would I ever want to go through it again, but I wouldn't trade that day and that experience for all the things this world could offer. It is a wonder of God that I cannot live if I forget all the pain that came with it.

I have heard many people say that you have to forget in order to forgive, but that isn't what the bible says at all. It says that we can hurt, and that we should cry together, it also says to remember. I have for the most part been crying alone since I last posted here, I cannot put into words how very tired I am and how much I long to have a season without battles to fight, without war raging all around me, never giving me rest. But I also know the strength that comes from memories and I encourage you this day, to remember. Remember all that God has brought you through, all that He has done for you and given you. Remember the wonders that first caught your eye and imagination, the wonders that first drew you to our Lord. Remember all that He has done for you in the midst of your tears, He was there, listening and crying right along with you. He was groaning with you, sharing the pain, not erasing it away as if it didn't exist.

May you know that strength of memories and the comfort of someone who cries with you and shares your tears.

 

[razzelflabben]

My heart is so heavy today. So many things to say, and yet saying them would take too much and be too long.

I have seen our children physically assaulted and verbally abused for our speaking the wonders of God. That was hard enough to break any mothers heart, but now, they went to my parents for VBS and to do some work to help out. Our youngest, was in tears because he was so afraid of his grandparents.

I can't say anymore at the moment, a flood of tears and anger and frustration and sorrow are looming just below the surface, any more words will bring them all to the surface I fear. We have some awesome kids who endure, knowing that God is worth it all, and yet to watch them suffer and not know how to help them, is currently more than I can know. Please, if you read this, pray for my children, and pray that we will have wisdom to know what to do. It would also help if we could move, but we don't have the resources to do so. Being further away, putting distance would help greatly, we just need God to provide so we can.

Enough!!! I am done, some here don't like my sharing anyway.

 

[razzelflabben]

Just wanted to take a moment and update you all. Our eldest is due home this week, Wed. he is planning on being home about a week then he is being shipped out to Iraq in Aug. We are so excited to have him home. Just had to share the good along with the bad.

We are also finding some amazing love at a church we recently began attending, I don't think I have ever been so completely loved in my life unless of course it would be from God and my husband. What a testimony to God's wonders to have a church that loves rather than just selfishly fights for their evil desires.

Thanks for all your prayers and love.

 

[razzelflabben]

I have been studying some recently about suffering and how suffering is an opportunity for God to show His power and His way.

At first, I though that my emotions and feeling were clouding God's show of Love and power in my life, but no I think that it is more a show of how weak I am and how strong He is. Any thoughts for me?

 

[suzybeezy]

First - big hugs for you! I can relate to what you're saying. I'm one who believes that God uses struggles in our lives to mature us and its a way that he shows he cares. Its odd to think hardships equal love - but once you're through them and look back, its very clear. I can't imagine where I'd be if God didn't take me through some pretty trying struggles. And honestly, we're all weak compared to his strength. Reminds me of the song we all learn as children, Jesus Loves Me, the line that says "Little ones to Him belong, They are weak but He is strong". We're all God children and we must rely on His strength for ever aspect of our lives.

I will be praying for your son. My cousin just got back from Iraq and I am just so in awe of these soldiers and the amazing honor they demonstrate in serving their country. May the Lord bless your son and keep him safe.

 

[razzelflabben]

First - big hugs for you! I can relate to what you're saying. I'm one who believes that God uses struggles in our lives to mature us and its a way that he shows he cares. Its odd to think hardships equal love - but once you're through them and look back, its very clear. I can't imagine where I'd be if God didn't take me through some pretty trying struggles. And honestly, we're all weak compared to his strength. Reminds me of the song we all learn as children, Jesus Loves Me, the line that says "Little ones to Him belong, They are weak but He is strong". We're all God children and we must rely on His strength for ever aspect of our lives.

I will be praying for your son. My cousin just got back from Iraq and I am just so in awe of these soldiers and the amazing honor they demonstrate in serving their country. May the Lord bless your son and keep him safe.

Thanks, I would love to share a bit of history with you all, about the kind of men and women who go into the military.

My son is a corpsman. for those who don't know, that is a Navy medic who serves as a Marine. Since the Marines have no medics, anyone wanting to be a medic for the Marines must become an Navy medic then go on to train as a Marine Corpsman. The history goes like this, the Corpsmen were getting shot at, they were like targets, with no weapons and large red crosses, they stood out. So to protect them, the Marines put guns in the hands of their Corpsmen. This removed a lot of the target from them because they now could shoot back. But the Corpsmen weren't about shooting people, they were about helping people, so the Corpsmen hollowed out their guns and filled them with drugs needed on the field so that they could help more people yet. They are the most declarated group in the military, and great care is taken to protect these men and woman because without them, there would be many more casualties.

We go to a "peace church" and most have no problem with the military but when I run into people who are anti everything about this war, and our military, my heart weeps, for those who do not understand that not everyone in the military is about spreading the borders of the US so to speak. Many are there to end suffering, many are there to help those who are helpless, that goes for medics, corpsmen, and soldiers in general.

Well that was a bit of a soap box, sorry.