there is an old saying, "when it rains it pours". Some of you have been following this drama, and some have kindly taken this warrior before God, interceding where I no longer had words. Today, I want to give you a brief description of how and why we are the wounded, and how gracious and amazing our Lord and King.
I began fighting before I can remember, however, my earliest memories of fighting, go back to the age of 6 or 7, when I gave my life to the Lord, so in love with him that I could not image all that awaiting. It was soon after I first fell in love with God that I began to realize that God was calling me a be a warrior. You see, my first series of battles was against demons that visited regularly. For years, I fought these demons that wanted control back, control that I would not relinquish. Soon, I also would be asked to fight family and peers, and so life was about fighting. By college, the demon visits stopped but not the rest of my fights. In order to go to college, I needed to work full time, sometimes with overtime and that meant that most days, I slept 3-4 hours. Some days even less. But I made it through school and was told that I was the most talented teacher to come through the doors, this is something I also knew in my heart, but never wanted to admit. I was gifted by God to teach and nothing life could throw at me would stop me from that calling. Only problem is, that the world would throw me another curve ball, and deny me the right to teach. So now, the world became a war zone as well. When I married, we found that the fight with the world would continue, but we would also be faced with a church who fought us over the idea of loving one another. That fight was one of the hardest, and was carried out repeatedly over the years, in churches far and near. And the sad thing is, the only message that we took, was love. Even this very day, we are in a situation in a church that dissolved over lack of love and we are the only ones willing to insist on reconciliation. Ah well, this is an outline, and not about the specifics On the heels of this battle, came poverty. For nigh on 20 years we have lived well below poverty, a fight that I was surprised to study in the word, the urgency surrounding it. And so, by the time I came here to you all, I am wounded, tired, and had no strength left to fight.
A typical week in the Razz household goes something like Christmas week and the week after. And if you seek to understand, keep in mind how tired and weak from fighting we enter the week with.
We are starting out the week excited that Christmas will be ours, you see, for years, we worked 365 days a year. But this year, we get Christmas day off and so we enter the season with grace and love and joy. The day before, the [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] goes all the way out, we have been for most of a year fighting mice getting in and eating what food we can get, but this day, we are blessed that it is cold because we can use the porch as a [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]. Our house is cold and makes it hard to focus and so Christmas week brings additional relief from school Our school system is so bad that teachers in the system move so that their kids can go to other schools. And since I am a teacher at heart, I home school, but studying when it is cold is hard and a battle in and of itself to keep kids focused and so Christmas vacation brings mixes of blessings and stress. Christmas day is wondrous and though we miss our eldest, and though we still pain from family get together, we put aside all of this to enjoy our family and God. We leave immediately to Ill. to see our son, the cost of which we were assured was covered, when we left, we had no clean laundry, for most of 2 years we have been doing laundry in the tub by hand, and hanging it outside. But the city just wrote us a citation for hanging all our laundry and so anything that gets washed is hung over the tub, so we get about 1/2 load a laundry done each day, for 6 people yet we are blessed that our son is now gone, because only a few short weeks ago, we had 7 peoples laundry to try to keep done. But as we are leaving the house, the tub drain leaks and we can do no laundry. And so we leave and push aside all the emotions that threaten our joy. When we return home, we have $5 to our name because the money promised wasn't enough, and we need drain parts, gas, and food because now the state is denying us expenses for our business, and so, we have nothing for food. As we are coming home with our parts for the drain, the car dies and yet, we are blessed abundantly that the car ran fine all the way home. AS the week wears on, the temp. rises and we need ice to keep food from going bad. And so we turn the heat down to 50 degrees to save even more money. We can't find our sons bilfold, that had a couple of hundred dollars in it, and we don't know how to have gas to get to and from work. In addition, my parents and aunt want the kids to help though they have had them for days while we were gone, and accusations go flying again. But we find that when the kids get home, they don't want to do anything because while they were gone, they did nothing and still found thier bellies full of rich food at decent restaurants. We board up another window, where the cardboard has come out and we have no money for glass in the window, and so, we are blessed, and excited that God is the same God as always. We are tired and worn and have no words left to say, and yet somehow, we still feel loved and though, we long to go to church again, we know that God is right there, as always, loving us.
And so, comes this week. Our God is so amazing that words cannot express to you the grace and love He bestows upon us. Now we have been told several times, that our battle is because of sin and though this is something we have agonized in prayer over, there is no evidence to support it, but sin or not, God's grace is unbelievable and so we rest in His arms, knowing that whether this is His judgment of us, or just the battles He has called us to, He bestows upon us bounty beyond our imaginations, and reserves for us the wealth of kings. You see, this week, God has blessed us with a washer and dryer. The washer was damaged on moving it, a cost of about $40 to fix, and yet God provided a gift of more than enough to cover the repair. We were given a refrigerator as well, large and newer, and though we are trading some work for it, the work need not be done for some time. It is the first time in my life that I have a [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] large enough for our family and new enough to not worry for a season. We were gifted some money which though it does not cover what we spent to get to Ill. it is sufficient to fix the washer and buy some gas, maybe even glass for one of the windows. The car repairs are being covered and the grace of God in that is a story all in itself. We went to a church in which we might be able to stay for a season, and, a man from my parents church, is willing to try to get my husband on at a factory not far from here, at a job which though we don't know how much it pays, we have been told it is good pay. We have a hearing about our food, and there is little chance that it won't be reinstated, that meeting is tomorrow. And so, even though the saying usually applies to things going wrong, I testify to you, that often times, with God, it is the blessings that pour not just rain down upon us. If God is judging us, then His grace is mightier than anything we could have done wrong, a mighty message the church needs to take to the world.
As I sit here before you this day, I marvel as God's love and grace for such as us. We are not worthy of Love and yet we are loved. We are not worthy of grace and yet grace rains down. We bow down before His Majesty, knowing that we can never be enough. We can move on, knowing that there is nothing that can seperate us from His love or grace. I sit here before you this day feeling guilty for the gifts he has bestowed upon us, because I know in my heart we are the honored ones to have such finery. That we are like kings while others suffer and it is a suffering that we can not eliminate. We lift our voices in praise and grieve that when we struggle we cannot remove ourselves enough from the physical world to truly enjoy the uninhibited joys and treasures that God gives us even in the midst of trials. And so, I leave you this day, with this blessing.
May our Lord and Savior, grant to you, the joy that this life cannot contain and the grace that knows no bounds. May you know His touch in every situation you find yourself in, and may you always have the strength and courage to fight every battle He gives you in this life.
Those of you who have taken us before the Lord in prayer, have risked your own life, your own safety to assist us, a gift far greater than washers and dryers or [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]'s. A gift that words cannot express, a gift that shows your Love for our Lord, a gift that swells my heart and gives hope when hope was all but gone. My most grateful thanks to you all. And as you think of me, I would that you would ask our Lord to bestow upon me the grace to endure to the end, the strength to perserver, even when I need to have a break, a time of rest. And the mercy to show to others the same love and grace and kindness shown to me. And may you thank Him for His endless love and grace.
