ace of hearts
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- Nov 15, 2018
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Sounds like to me you're in an abusive religious church that promotes holy legalism, maybe from both the bully pulpit and the congregation. I've been in such churches. Very debilitating indeed. I've been told I couldn't even have a well paying job. Religious legalism is very, no extremely depressing.Hi, I just want to know if there is something wrong with me spiritually and what I should do, or if this is a normal thing. I've been a Christian for two years now, but I have noticed the last year or so, I've forgotten what the feeling of happiness feels like and I've just been very depressed. When I first found Jesus, I was very happy and I've never been happier in my life... That was in 2017 when I first got saved, everything went well. But then in 2018 I started getting depressed and unhappy when I started to take my walk with God more serious. I feel like I'm not enjoying life as much as I once did. For example, I used to enjoy making music but it was secular music and it was a way to release my creative energy. But then I realized after I was saved I should use my musical talents for the Lord, and what makes me sad is I'm not able to and I have a hard time making gospel music. It depresses me I can't make secular music anymore as that's what I'm good at (about life, love, relationships, and other secular topics). I would love to write gospel songs that glorify Jesus but I am bad at it and have not ideas so now I can't even make music which I really love.
Next, I can't really do fun things anymore that I used to like. God has convicted me to stay away from certain things and people so no more going to the club and all that. I can't be interested in things that aren't of God like I liked watching different YouTube videos, movies, TV Shows, and I can't do that anymore either. Life just feels... boring and not as fulfilling. You can yell at me all you want for saying this but I'm speaking straight from the heart in how I feel and I'm honest with you. God should be enough, he is the most high, but why don't I feel that way? Why do I feel like something is missing and this constant emptiness and consistent feeling of depression and unhappiness?
Is this normal and healthy? Like the bible says to forsake your flesh and pick up your cross, so maybe you won't be as happy as you once was when you were of the world? Maybe this is the price we have to pay and a normal thing in order to get eternal life? Don't get me wrong, I would never want my old life back because God was absent and that's the worst. I just wish I had the old happiness back. I know scripture says we should have joy in God alone, and not focus on our feelings. But is this normal and common what I'm feeling or is something wrong? I should also note another struggle I face is anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, and I am on the autism spectrum. I deal with a lot, but I always thought having God in my life would make it easier to deal with but it just feels even more hard now for these things... It just feels like ever since I became a Christian life got tougher, my struggles got more difficult to deal with, and I've become a lot less happy. Is this normal or is something wrong and if so what do I do, where do I go from here to get that happiness I had when I first got saved, the feeling of "the first love" back? I was praying hard and I was obeying God as best I could but I still have that burden, I don't know if it's a healthy burden of picking up and carrying the cross or not.
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