I want some real non biased truthful opinions here. I really want to get to the truth of what is healthy and what is not.
My husband and I were both raised in Christian homes, though still very differently. He was brought up extremely fundamentalist. No movies, no dancing, no alcohol. I was raised with a little more freedom. When we married, he did not want me to drink alcohol, so even though I had been brought up around it and it wasn’t a big deal to have a glass of wine now and then, I respected that. Fast forward to years later... he is still fundamental and dare I say “legalistic” with some things but over the past 10 years, things have relaxed a bit, especially in the area of alcohol. My parents will visit, and myself and them will share a bottle of wine at dinner. NBD. When my husband and I go on dates, I usually indulge in my favorite drink (red wine) and when I get together with my girlfriends, it is OK by my husband if I have a drink. The only thing he has asked is that we do not keep it on hand in the home. I do honestly respect this, and do not keep it in the home... but several times over the past 10 years, when I have an evening to myself where my kids and husband are gone and I have the house to myself, I have indulged in a couple of glasses to unwind. AND, over the past 10 years, he has on a few occasions caught me and been very very hurt by it. This most recent time I have done this, he told me I was choosing alcohol over marriage. I admit, I shouldn’t have lied about it. That was wrong of me.... but I also feel somewhat like it should be my choice to enjoy a glass of wine by myself and I should not have to ask permission. I fully admit to lying, but if we could back up to before the lie, do you all think it is controlling for him to not let me have freedom on this issue? I honestly feel like with all I have to deal with in the home, I deserve to just relax a little. I never drink excessively either. We are talking a couple of glasses every couple of weeks. I definitely should not have been hiding it, but I feel like I should not have been restricted either. I feel like it makes sense if I’ve shown that I have a problem with alcohol but really I have never been intoxicated in my life (except this one awful time in high school ). Now my husband and I have our first counseling appointment coming up. He thinks because I have been secretive about it, that I need to go to AA. What do you all think of this? Help me see what’s going on because the religious aspect, and the fact that it’s alcohol makes this a complicated issue in my mind. All I know is I would never tell him he couldn’t eat or drink something unless I saw problems. He would obviously say “well the problem is the lie” and I think he’s partially right but something still doesn’t feel right about this. I have discussed this with a closer personal friend of mine who is a Christian counselor and she thinks he is trying to control me. Please weigh in and help me see things clearly. Thanks!!